“Why not fucking tell me who you were? You sat there, in that room with me, you could have told me then. We spent hours together, Emily. Hell, we fucking shared a hotel room for three days! You could have fucking told me so many times!”
“You’re right, I could have and I should have told you who I was.”
“But you didn’t; you lied to me instead.”
“I didn’t—”
“You fucking did!” he shouts and slams his bottle on the corner table. “You fucking lied to me! You sat next to me and never once said, by the way remember the worst time in your life? I was there. Those nightmares that still keep you up at night, all these years later? Yeah, those are my nightmares too. Hell, we even talked about how we both hate enclosed spaces so fucking much! You don’t think any of those times would have been good to clue me in on who the fuck you were?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I admit so quietly that I don’t even know if he can hear me. “I wanted to see if…maybe you could see me for me, instead of the girl who was shared the worst memory of your life with you.”
“And then what? Some-ay you would pull the mask off and reveal yourself? Would that have been before or after I fell in love with you all over again?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think—”
“That’s the fucking problem! No one ever fucking thinks! I’m just some pawn to you all, someone to play games with—”
“I didn’t mean to. That wasn’t my intention, Luke.”
“What the fuck was your intention?”
“I don’t know!” I scream back at him. “All I knew was I felt like, finally fate was intervening in my life. That maybe, just maybe, this was my one shot at something for me. I know it was fucking selfish, okay? I know I was only thinking of myself, but I needed to see you. I didn’t plan anything after the interview with you. I think I convinced myself I wasn’t going to get the job so there was no reason to plan how to tell you who I really was.”
“You had so many fucking chances after that to tell me who you were!”
“You’re right, Luke, I did. I should have told you. I wanted to tell you so many times.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you?”
“Because of this! Because I knew this is how you would react and I couldn’t stomach the idea of you hating me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I’m pissed as all hell at you, but I could never hate you, Emily. Not after… everything.”
“I’ll send Alec my resignation,” I announce after a few minutes of silence. Ultimately this is exactly what I knew would happen today, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I pick up my now empty wine glass and head into the kitchen to put it in the sink.
“You’re quitting?” he finds me only moments later. I’m staring out the window at the forest behind the house, remembering the night we spent in a similar area.
“It seems it would be best,” I explain. “I’ll go and you can just forget this happened, go back to your life. I never wanted to hurt you—”
“You’re not quitting,” he says through gritted teeth. “You’re the best damn computer security expert we’ve ever had, and before you say anything, Alec feels the same way. We need you with us.”
“I won’t stay if seeing me reminds you of what happened.”
“I’m fucking reminded every damn day of what happened.” Before I can realize what’s happening, his hands are on my hips, turning me around so we’re facing each other. “Every time I close my eyes at night, every time I open them, every time I get dressed, every time I fucking do anything, I’m reminded of what happened. Tell me it’s not the same for you.”
“I—”
“You can’t. I’ve seen the way you search a room the moment you enter it, how you won’t sit with your back to a door, how you’re constantly looking over your shoulder. You’re reminded just as much as I am, every fucking day, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Did coming here change that?”
“No.”
I look up at him and for that brief moment we’re back there. It wasn’t often that we were able to see each other, but his brown eyes and long hair are forever burned in my memory. I’ll never forget the way he looked at me that final day from across the weight room. The way he mouthed I love you for the first time just before we both knew that things would forever be changed. That day could have ended very differently…
“Go,” he steps back. “I’ll see you Monday morning.”
“Luke—”
“Go…” he pauses. “I need…time to figure all of this out. You being here…fuck, I’ve wanted to see you for so fucking long, Emily, you have no idea. I’ve thought about what it would be like to see you again, to hold you again, to just fucking listen to you chatter about nothing for hours because you couldn’t stand the silence again. But, in all the times I pictured those moments, I never thought it would come with you deceiving your way to get to me.”
“For what it’s worth, Luke, I really am sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you; I really thought this was for the best.”
“I know you did.”
“I’ll see myself out.”
I manage to make it to the end of his driveway before allowing the tears to fall—a mile down the road, I pull over and just let them fall. Even though I’ve worked with Luke for the last few months, it still seems so hard to believe that the man I see day in and day out is the one who held me every night all those years ago. The memories of our time together come rushing back, hitting me like a freight train. It’s not the memories you think: not the darkness, the silence, the damp smell, the beatings, the…touching. No, it’s all the other memories: the first night he held me after a nightmare, the way he would kiss me before leaving for a fight, the way he tried to protect me from him, and most of all…the way he loved me for all those months.
When I’ve finally cried everything out, though still not sure exactly why I was crying to begin with, I head back to the hotel. I don’t know why Luke insisted I not quit when it’s obvious he struggles with knowing who I am. As hard as it would have been, I would have left Dark Water Security if he thought I should. I’d love to think that maybe one day things will be… different but I don’t see that happening.
Is it too much to hope to one day feels his arms around me again?
Chapter 23
Luke
I’m up and in the office long before anyone else; I’m absolutely exhausted despite the multiple cups of coffee I’ve already had. The nightmares last night were so different, though, at the same time, not completely different. Em was there, like she is most nights, but Emily was also there. It was a constant switch from the girl who was stuck in that prison with me to the woman I’ve slowly gotten to know over the last few weeks. The woman who is so guarded that I didn’t realize she was, in fact, the same person I thought about every damn day.
When I wasn’t fighting the nightmares, including ones of the now grown Emily hanging from the pipe, bloodied and bruised from the beating, I was kicking myself. I don’t know how I didn’t see it until now, but everything fucking makes so much more sense. I pride myself in reading people, hell it’s one of the things that can make or break a protection detail, yet, I had no inclination it was Em with me this entire time.
“Alec wants to know if you’re joining the call.” Emily startles me.
“Shit, I’ll be there in a minute.”
I grab my pen, pad, and tablet before heading into the conference room where Emily is waiting with Alec calling in on the phone in the middle of the table. We’re in the same seats we are each time we’re in here, yet knowing now who the woman sitting next to me really is, makes so much more sense than it did the first day she chose that seat. I mumble my apologies as I quickly flip through the pad before coming to my notes on the Thompson case.
“Where are we?” Alec asks.
“Cole and Max are assig
ned to Mrs. Thompson and the children,” I explain. “Someone is with them at all times and at this point, they’ve been advised to avoid leaving the house at all costs. We’ll have to figure out schooling for the kids, but given the circumstances, for now the school is agreeable to sending a tutor to the house.”
“As you both know, Mr. Thompson is currently out on bail,” Alec adds. “His passport has been revoked and he’s under house arrest until the trial. Mrs. Thompson and the children were also granted restraining orders as part of his bail.”
“It took some digging but I believe I found some more information about Matthew Davidson’s role in this mess—” Emily announces suddenly.
“You did?” I immediately glance over at her, but her gaze doesn’t reach mine.
“When?” Alec mimics my surprise.
“I spent most of the weekend digitally tracking down some leads.” Emily shrugs, not looking at me. Immediately, I feel guilty knowing that chances are high she threw herself into her work this weekend because of what happened at my house. Though, I can’t say I didn’t do the same thing. I spent hours in my gym and working around my house, desperately trying to forget that Emily and Em are now the same person.
“What did you find out?” Alec asks impatiently.
“Mr. Davidson was originally hired to do some redesign work at the Thompson house, but it turns out that was all a rouse. It took some digging, but I learned that Mr. Thompson hired Davidson to essentially spy on his wife.”
“WHAT?!” I did not see that one coming.
“Yup, the money transferred from the Thompson account every other month is done so by Jack, not by Helen. Then we see the transfers suddenly stop about a month or so ago, which then led to a heated argument between Jack and Mr. Davidson.”
“Why did the payments stop?” Alec asks.
“Turns out Mr. Davidson ended the contract.”
“Why would he do that?” I ask.
“Because he fell for her,” Alec answers.
“That’s my guess,” Emily confirms.
“So, he kidnaps his own kids to get back at his wife for having an affair with the guy he hired to spy on her,” I summarize.
“I don’t have any proof of that, but…”
“Damn.” Alec sighs.
“Just when you think you’ve heard it all.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“I spoke with the district attorney. They plan on offering Mr. Thompson a plea agreement, but even if it goes to court he doesn’t think they’ll need our testimony,” he explains.
“How are the kids?” Emily asks.
“They’re glad to be home,” I answer. “Mrs. Thompson has arranged for a therapist to come to the home several times a week to help them adjust to what happened.”
“Good.”
“Unless we hear from the DA, we can consider this case closed. I have to run, I have another call to jump on.”
“Bye Alec.” Emily disconnects the call.
“I was not expecting what you found,” I say.
“Neither was I.” She laughs. “It took a little while to trace the email address back to Jack, but once I did, I was able to access a ton of emails going back two years. Matthew Davidson sent a lot of information on Helen to her husband, but you can sort of tell when things started to get serious between them because the emails were less frequent and nowhere near as detailed.”
“I’m just glad the kids are home.”
“Me too.”
I gather the couple of items I brought in and am just about to the closed door when Emily calls my name. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since she left my place the other night. Just like when we got back from Texas, I’ve been avoiding being alone with her at all costs. I don’t know what to say to her. I get why she did it, but fuck, it still feels like betrayal to me.
“What?” I ask without turning around.
“You can’t even be in the same room alone with me anymore?” the uncertainty in her voice immediately takes me back there especially now that I know who she really is. Whenever she was worried about something, her voice would go all soft and quiet, just like it is right now.
Fuck.
“Just…give me time.” I sigh and reluctantly turn around to face her. “You’ve known from the moment you stepped foot in this very room who I was. I’m still trying to wrap my head about the fact that you’re…her. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”
“I dyed my hair…”
“Yeah, I figured that.”
“If you want me to leave—”
“No,” I answer quickly. I don’t know what I want, but I can’t have her walk out of my life…not again. “Just give me time to sort through my shit.”
“Okay.”
I turn around, opening the door to leave, but I stop before completely leaving the room.
“Emily, you’re a good fit here. You do great work…and we need you,” I tell her without turning around.
“Thanks, Luke.”
Chapter 24
Luke
“Any plans for this weekend?” I ask as Emily and I walk out of the office together. It’s hard, but I’m trying… to do what exactly I don’t know, but I’m trying.
“I’m looking at a few apartments again.”
“The other ones didn’t work out?”
“No.”
She doesn’t elaborate on the reason, but my guess is it would have something to do with the security of the building or the apartment itself. I went through the same thing when Alec and I decided to move out of here. I must have looked at dozens of apartments, but none were as secure as I needed. When you have your sense of safety ripped away from you the way we did, it makes it very difficult to ever feel safe again. Ultimately it’s the reason I chose to build my own house, it was the only way to guarantee the security.
“You’ll find something.”
“I’m sure I will, but for now, the hotel works.” She shrugs.
“I’ll see you Monday.”
“Night, Luke.”
It’s been more than a month since I learned the truth about who Emily really is. Since the day she arrived at my house, we haven’t discussed it again. We just sort of ignore the fact that we know each other on levels most people don’t. Despite that, I find myself watching her at different times during the day when she isn’t paying attention to me. It’s still so hard to believe that the woman sitting in my office is the same girl I held after so many nightmares.
So, we ignore it. I’m sure it’s not the best solution, but for now, it works. I no longer feel like I need to ignore her at the office, more so we just ignore the history we have. What I don’t ignore is the sudden need to talk to her, to see her, to be closer to her and at times, to touch her. I find myself seeking her our more and more often than I did before, something I struggle to understand.
It’s late by the time I get home, but because of the multiple security systems I have installed at my house, the moment I turn the alarm off the place lights up. Just as Emily has her quirks from what happened, I have my own – I’ve just learned to hide them better than she has. Hiding those little quirks was the only thing that got me through the group homes. You can only get kicked out of so many homes for decking kids when they stare at you or make jokes about what you’re doing. As if any of them could have gone through what we went through without some effect. Walking into a pitch dark house is one big trigger of mine. Not only is the lighting linked to the security system, but I also have the entire house hooked up to a generator so that if the power ever goes out, I won’t be left in the dark. Even when I go to bed at night, there is always a light coming from somewhere. I can’t stomach the idea of being trapped in complete darkness again.
It’s the rare occasion that sleep finds me quickly, however, like most nights, it doesn’t take long for me to be dragged back to that prison.
“What was your favorite subject at school?”
“None…I hated school.”
We’r
e back to playing twenty questions, something Em has started doing recently. I’ve noticed she hates the silence probably more than she hates the dark. She seems to have this constant need to talk; I swear I’ve learned more about her in the past week then I’ve ever known about anyone.
“You hated it?” She acts like it’s some big crime to hate school.
“When you move around as much as I do…did, you’re always the new kid in the class. Do you have any idea how hard it is to adjust to a new school every few months?”
“They moved you around that often?”
“Sometimes. I think the longest home I was in was for about seven months. Sometimes you stay in the same school district but have to change buildings. It’s a pain in the ass. Besides, I stopped going a few weeks before…”
“You stopped going? Why?”
“I ran away from the last foster home I was in. I thought living on the streets would be better.”
“Is that when…?”
“Yeah…not at first, though. It took a little while, but I found an old, abandoned row home that a few other people were staying in. I think the one guy took pity on me because just as the others were going to kick me out he convinced them to let me stay.”
“What happened? How did he...get you?”
“I would do odd jobs whenever possible to earn some money for food. I knew it wasn’t without risk, but I couldn’t go back to that foster home. Even if I managed to convince them to send me somewhere else, who knew if that one would be any better?”
“Luke…”
“There was always someone looking for help who would look the other way at my age and pay me cash under the table. One day, a guy asked me to deliver a package to an address. It wasn’t the first time I had done it, and I knew chances were high that there were drugs in it, but I didn’t care because he paid well. This time, though, he sent me to a different area. I was just about to knock on the warehouse door when someone grabbed me from behind. I never saw his face…He dragged me into a van and injected me with something before I could even scream.”
Luke (Dark Water Security Series Book 1) Page 15
