by Hayden Hunt
I didn’t even care about him doing anything to me, honestly. As horny as I was, I really only wanted to please him. I felt like satisfying him would be enough to satisfy me for a lifetime. I’d have fantasy masturbation material for the rest of my life.
I took his balls in my hand at first as I watched his hard cock grow. I thought it was big enough when I first pulled his pants off, no idea it was actually going to grow larger.
I began to lick from the base of his balls up his shaft, my cool tongue making his prick twitch in anticipation. Good, I wanted him to feel teased first.
I continued to lick all around him until I finally opened my mouth and took his entire shaft in my mouth with one swift movement.
He was so fucking big I could feel him in my throat, it was so fucking hot. He moaned as I took him all in the first time. It was all so damn hot.
I reached out to play with his balls as I slid my mouth up and down his incredibly large shaft. I looked up and saw him throw his head back as I began to fondle them, he looked overwhelmed with the pleasure. Good, as much as I was enjoying this I wanted to make him cum as fast as I could. I wanted to see how fast I could do it.
I had one hand on his balls, one hand on his inner thigh, but no hands on his cock. I was using only my mouth. I swirled my tongue around in circles on the tip of his dick as I began to bob up and down faster and faster, I was inspired by his groans becoming more and more prominent.
Finally, he began to yell out and I knew what was coming. His balls tensed up briefly and I felt them as they shot rope after rope of his sticky sperm into my mouth. I swallowed every drop, continuing to suck him even as he orgasmed, I refused to stop until he was completely and totally done.
Once he was, he slumped over, panting. I could feel his legs trembling slightly against me.
“Holy shit, that was so good.” He mumbled.
“Looked like.” I said confidently as I stood up.
“Shouldn’t I… take care of you now?” He asked.
“No, not right now.” I told him. “Let’s save it. I don’t mind just taking care of you for now… Giving you pleasure gives me enough pleasure. Seriously, don’t worry about it, you’ll take care of me eventually.”
“If you’re sure…” he said heavily, as he lay back down. I could tell he was a little relieved by how tired he was. “Can we at least cuddle, though?”
I smiled. “Sure.”
I moved my naked body behind him on the couch, wrapping an arm around his torso and holding him tight.
“Mmm…” he moaned softly, “how is it that this almost feels as good as the sex?”
I knew exactly what he meant. Just lying here with him was filling me with warmth. It just felt… happy. It felt like things were right with the world, when I had him in my arms.
“Is this all a dream?” I asked him. “Am I going to wake up tomorrow, and you’re going to be gone? Or am I going to wake up and find that you changed your mind?”
“No,” he said definitively as he grabbed my hand. “No, I’m absolutely not going to change my mind. Not this time. This time… it’s real.”
I kissed the back of his head and then lay my head against his neck.
I hoped to God that he was right. Because, after this, I could never live with losing him again.
11
Jesse
It had been another month that I’d been in town, another month that I hadn’t found a job or made any headway on getting out of here.
But I didn’t care that much anymore. Suddenly, getting out of town wasn’t the plan anymore. Though, getting a job still was. Whatever, it’d happen. I still applied at places regularly, and I didn’t expect it would be much longer. I didn’t care if it would be, though, because it only meant more time that I got to spend with Aaron.
It was driving my mother crazy, though. Both that I hadn’t found a job and that I was seeing Aaron regularly.
If it were up to me, I never would have told her or my father about reconciling with Aaron. I didn’t really feel that they needed or deserved to know. But, unfortunately, it wasn’t up to me, because the night that Aaron had come over to talk to me, my mom had seen him. She hadn’t gone outside to talk to him, of course, because she was so passive. But she’d seen me come home and walk away with him.
Again, thank god I’d thought of the plan to avoid my mom hearing, or my life would have been even more complicated.
As I promised Aaron, every time my Mom tried to bring him up or say anything negative about him, I blew her off. Which was fairly often. Although I hadn’t told them that we’re dating yet, and I wasn’t sure when I planned to. For now, it was just easier to not.
It was late, about three in the morning, and probably the third night this week I’d come home at this time. I knew my parents had their stupid ‘no later than eleven’ curfew, but I didn’t care. They usually weren’t still awake to berate me for it anyway.
And I couldn’t help myself even if they were. It was so hard to leave Aaron. This past month had been the best month of my life. Which made no sense, considering I was living with my parents, I had no job, and I was nowhere near where I wanted to be in life professionally.
But none of that mattered with Aaron. He took away all of my fears and concerns. With him, it simply didn’t matter that none of my life was in order. He filled me with happiness, and that was enough.
And I had never known happiness like this before. With him, I wasn’t distant like I had been with girlfriends in the past, not at all. Intimacy seemed to come naturally. I just constantly wanted to be around him. I loved him.
Yep, I’ll say it, I love him. I was madly, incredibly in love with him. And I’d thought when I finally admitted that to myself, it would have come with all these complications. That I’d be concerned about being gay and how that would affect my life and what that meant for me…
But I didn’t worry about that at all anymore. Maybe I’d gotten it out of my system in high school and subsequent years. I think that was what had happened. I’d had a lot of years to think on this and come to terms with it. Unlike the night of our first kiss when it had all seemed to smack me in the face, so I’d wanted to push it away.
Or maybe it had just taken a life without him to make me realize how desperately I needed him. Who gave a shit about the complications of being gay when I could have him in my life? I didn’t care about that when I had someone who I actually loved. Not just someone I used to fill my time and space.
I opened the door to my parents’ house as quietly as I could, slipping off my shoes outside so they wouldn’t squeak and awake my parents.
But it didn’t matter, because when I walked in, the light in the living room flicked on, and I saw my mom sitting on the couch.
“Mom,” I said suddenly, surprised. “What are you doing awake? It’s three in the morning.”
“Don’t you think I know what time it is?!” she snapped. “I woke up thirsty and went to get some water an hour ago, and what do you know, you weren’t in your bed!”
I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t meant to do it on purpose, it was just that what she was saying was so freaking ridiculous. It was like she was talking to a thirteen year old.
“Do not roll your eyes at me, Jesse!” she snapped.
“I’m sorry,” I said nonchalantly. “I just didn’t realize the time.”
“Where were you?” she asked.
“At Aaron’s,” I answered honestly.
She groaned. “You have to be kidding me! I knew that boy was such a bad influence—”
“Mom, seriously?” I cut her off. “Because I stayed out late? I’m not a fucking teenager. I’m an adult. I can make my own damn choices on how late I want to stay out, and Aaron keeping me up until three does not make him a shitty person.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Really? Because lately your choices seem very questionable.”
“What’s that supposed to be mean?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“It mea
ns that your life seems to be falling apart, and you don’t even care! You break up with Megan, who was a nice girl, lose your job, and now you’re back here living with us! You’d think that would light a fire under your ass to make some changes, but instead you’re hanging out with the troubled friend you went to school with.”
God, it angered me so much to hear her talk about Aaron that way.
“Troubled friend?! Aaron is not troubled, mother!”
“Of course he is! Look at where he comes from. He always refused to go to church with us and—”
I cut her off. “I refuse to go to church with you, too, if you haven’t noticed. I’ve yet to go once since I’ve been home.”
“Because you’re hanging out with that Aaron!” she snapped.
I scoffed. “No, mother, it’s because I don’t give a shit about going to your snobby, prejudiced church.”
She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. “Watch yourself, Jesse!”
“No, it needs to be said! You always blamed Aaron for having some horrible influence on me, and it’s always been so fucked up! You were fucked up to treat him that way when we were kids just because he wasn’t the good little Christian boy you wished I’d be friends with. But he was just a child! Just a child from a bad home environment, and you made him feel like a bad person for it. That wasn’t very Christian of you.”
“Are you doubting my religious virtue?!” she snapped.
“Sure, yeah, let’s go with that,” I said boldly.
I’d never talked to my mother this way, but I had so much anger towards her right now. Not just because she’d been annoying me for two months, though she had been. This went so much deeper than that.
This was anger for how she’d treated Aaron. For how her bigoted views had influenced not only my childhood but also my relationships. How, because of her, I’d hurt Aaron and tried to be something I wasn’t because loving him had felt wrong. But it had never been wrong. My family had been wrong. They always had been.
And the way she and my father had demonized him. Now that I was an adult, I saw how incredibly twisted that was. We’d been kids. There were no bad kids, just troubled kids, and Aaron hadn’t even been troubled! He’d been good. He just hadn’t been Christian and suburban.
“Jesse, I am your mother—”
“Then act like it!” I snapped. “For once, act like a mother and not the perfect housewife. Be actually loving, accept my friend, try to encourage me to grow and be independent and be my own person.”
“Are you… saying I’m a bad mother?” she asked. This time, her voice wasn’t angry, just hurt. Which made me feel bad.
“No, I just… you’ve made mistakes. And it doesn’t make you a bad mother, I guess, but… it drives me crazy that you’re continuing those mistakes even now.”
“And what mistake is that?” she asked.
“The mistake of continuing to judge Aaron!” I snapped.
“Ugh!” she groaned. “Why are you even defending that boy? You guys have not been friends for years. Suddenly you move back here and start hanging out for a month, and I can’t say a thing about him? Why? You never cared in high school.”
“Yes, I did!” I snapped. “I cared very much! It drove me absolutely crazy the way you used to talk about him! The only difference between now and then is that I hadn’t had the balls to stick up for him then, and now I do.”
I could tell my language was bothering her immensely, but there were more pressing things to discuss, so she didn’t lecture me on it.
“You’re coming home at three in the morning, and you expect me not to say anything bad about him?”
“We’re adults, Mom! There is literally nothing wrong with being up until three! Normally, adults do it. Normally, adults stay out this late. It has nothing to do with Aaron! He’s a good, kind, nice person! And you either need to respect him, or… or you need to not be a part of my life.”
“What?!” she practically yelled, which made me afraid she’d wake my father up. He was always a grumpy asshole when woken up unexpectedly. “Why on earth would you cut your own mother out of your life in favor for Aaron?!”
“Because I love him!” I snapped.
I felt nauseated as soon as I’d said it. I’d always planned say it, I’d known the truth would come out, but I had wanted to plan it out. I’d wanted to have some time to think. I hadn’t wanted to blurt it out and not think of repercussions.
Then again, maybe this was the only way I could have done it. I think, if I’d always thought about the repercussions, I’d never actually have done it.
After I said it, I was overwhelmed with fear, but the tiniest part of me was relieved and hopeful. Relieved that it was finally out there and hopeful that my mother might actually have a decent reaction to me.
Those hopes were quickly dashed.
“What do you mean… you love him?” she asked. “You love him as… a best friend?”
“I love him as a lover, Mom,” I answered honestly, pushing myself not to backtrack. “He’s my… he’s my boyfriend. And I hope one day my husband.”
Her jaw was wide open. She was quiet for a moment before answering again.
“Your husband?! He can’t be your husband! You can’t have a husband! You can’t have a marital covenant under God with another man! That was not the creator’s intention. You… you’re lost,” she decided suddenly. “You’re lost, you’re confused because… because you’ve dated women. You’ve planned to marry women, so… so this break up with Megan has been traumatic for you, and you’re lonely, and—”
“No.” I stopped her from making any more excuses. “No, Mom, I’m none of that. I’m in love with Aaron because I’m in love with Aaron. And none of my past girlfriends could even compare to him. He’s my… he’s my everything.”
My mom sat back down on the couch, her head in her hands, like she was trying to process.
“Mom, try to understand… I love him. I love him how you love Dad.”
“No!” my mom snapped suddenly. “What you’re describing now, that is not how I love your father! It is not some emotional, passionate fling. I married your father because it was the right thing to do. I choose to be married to him every day, even on the days that I do not love him, because that is what God has planned. Because a marriage bond cannot be broken. It’s not some fleeting, childish crush.”
Right, I should have never compared Aaron and me to her and my father. She was right, the relationships weren’t the same at all. Because my relationship with Aaron was full of actual love, and her and my father’s relationship was devoid of it.
“That’s sad, Mom! Your relationship with Dad is sad!” I answered. “A marriage of convenience!”
“You think marriage is ever convenient!?” she asked. “No, it is the opposite of convenient! But it’s right! I chose to do the right thing. Which is what you need to do! No matter what you feel, you have to do the right thing, which is not to be with a man. That isn’t okay in God’s eyes.”
“Mom…”
“Okay, okay, this is what we’ll do,” she said suddenly, not allowing me to talk. “We’ll take you to see Pastor Jim tomorrow,” she said. “You can talk to him about the sins you’ve committed. He’ll guide you through this, find you some therapy, we’ll take you back to church, and you can meet eligible women there, and—”
“He’s not a sin, Mom,” I told her seriously. “Aaron isn’t a sin. This is love. Love can’t be a sin.”
“It’s not really love!” she answered. “The devil is tricky! He manipulates you into thinking you’re doing the wrong thing when it’s all wrong!”
“It’s not wrong!” I told her.
“You’ll never get into heaven this way,” she told me. “God won’t accept you into the kingdom of heaven if you minimize marriage by committing to a man.”
“Then I don’t want to get in,” I answered, and I meant it.
“Don’t say that, Jesse!” she pleaded.
“I mean it, Mot
her. If I can’t love Aaron and also get into heaven, then I don’t care about heaven. He’s my heaven on Earth. He is all I need.”
She looked at me, tears in her eyes. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t need help,” I told her. “Finally, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m exactly where I should be. I don’t need help.”
Her pleading stare turned resentful. “Then get out.”
Okay, I’d been expecting her to be mad. I’d been expecting a blow out fight, but… was she actually kicking me out?
I hadn’t expected she’d be cruel enough to do that.
“What?” I asked.
“Pack your stuff and go.”
“But… where am I going to go?” I asked her.
“I don’t know,” she answered, “but you can either come to church with me and get help, or you can leave.”
“I… I don’t have anywhere, Mom. You’re my mother, you and Dad are my family, you’re supposed to be there for me no matter what. You can’t honestly put me out on the street at three in the morning.”
“You are my family,” she answered, “and my heart breaks for you. And I want so badly to help you. But family still cannot enable family. I won’t enable you.”
“Enable me?!” I was the one yelling now, not giving a fuck if my father woke up. “Like I’m some drug addict?!”
“I’d rather you would be a drug addict!” she yelled back. “That would be easier to fix! And you might as well be! He’s just your drug, he’s just your sin! Nothing more!”
“He’s a human! Not a drug! A good, kind, handsome man.”
“What’s going on?” I heard my father’s serious voice from the hall, my heart racing with every pounding step he took closer to me.
My mother looked at him when he walked out of the hall, then back at me, then back at him… Like she wasn’t sure what to do.
She didn’t want to tell him; that was obvious. And I didn’t want her to, either. I was not sure how he’d going to react, but if this was how my supposedly nurturing mother had responded, I knew it wouldn’t be good.
