“He does, and he is.”
“You can’t possibly judge that. You were here for a wedding four months ago, and now you’ve been here for, what, a few days? How can you possibly know what kind of a father he is?”
“I just…do.”
Dammit, why did she sound so weak?
“Do you have children, Hayley?”
“No.”
“Then I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be the best judge of parenting, now, would you?”
The question landed squarely in Hayley’s gut. No, she definitely wasn’t.
“Hayley, I don’t know you from Job, but I have known my son-in-law for a lot longer than you have. Has it occurred to you that his interest in you might not be one hundred percent above-board?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a smart girl. Think about it. Does he seem like the kind of guy who’d pick up a stranger at a wedding and then start playing house with her six months later if there wasn’t an ulterior motive?”
Hayley’s head spun. “Playing house? I’m just babysitting! There’s no playing house going on here.” She shook her head. “And I resent your implication that he picked me up at a wedding. The pick-up was completely mutual.”
Oh, God.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to believe she’d actually just said that.
“Oh, dear.” Evelyn looked pained. “You really don’t see it, do you?”
Hayley rolled her eyes, mostly to counteract the invisible belt tightening around her ribs. What was Evelyn at here?
“This won’t last, Hayley.” Evelyn waved her hand around the living room, landing on the window. “Speaking as one woman to another, don’t get attached. Daniel is desperate to prove that his home is a stable place to raise his girls, and he’s pulled you into this little ruse for now, to make it look like there’s a female influence in the household. But as soon as he doesn’t need you anymore, that’ll be it.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I wish it were, and I’m sorry I’m the one bringing it to your attention. You are just a means to an end here, Hayley. Just a tool. I’m sure it seems all roses and sunshine right now, but that’s because his back’s to the wall and he’s desperate.”
“You are a piece of work, Evelyn. How dare you? You don’t know me, and I’m pretty damn sure you know your son-in-law even less. We are not playing a game here.”
Evelyn looked her up and down, then did it again. “Let me tell you something, and maybe then you’ll see reality here. Daniel first found out we were thinking about custody the day before your friend’s wedding.” She tipped her head. “And I’d be willing to bet my diamond ring here that he made his first moves on you at that same wedding. See any connection?”
Hayley sucked in a suddenly cold breath, trying not to let on that she was doing so.
“Don’t be crass.”
“Am I wrong?”
“What Daniel and I did or didn’t do at the wedding is really no business of yours.” She swallowed hard. “And I repeat, there is no game here.”
Is there? A tiny little voice panicked in her head.
“Maybe not for you, but I would be willing to bet my other diamond ring that he has consulted an attorney, and that that same attorney has advised him that a two-parent home would make his case stronger.” She waved her hand around, flashing said diamond. “The timing is—curious, don’t you think?”
Hayley stood up, her brain churning in concert with her stomach. “I think you need to leave.”
Evelyn breathed in carefully. “I’m sorry to be the one to throw water on your little fantasy here, Hayley, but Daniel loved Katie. No one will ever compare to her, and he knows it. She is the only mother these girls will ever know. He’s not searching for a replacement, and they don’t need one.”
“I would never—”
Evelyn pointed a skinny finger her way as she backed toward the door.
“They are not your children. You will never be their mother. You will never take Katie’s place. Not in their hearts, and certainly never in Daniel’s.”
Chapter 31
“Here. Drink. You look like you haven’t slept in days.” Megan handed Daniel a steaming mug and motioned for him to sit down at Mom’s kitchen table.
“Thanks, Sis. I haven’t.” He sipped gratefully, leaning heavily against the counter instead. He was afraid if he sat down, he might not have the energy to hoist himself back out of the chair. He’d just gotten the furnace restarted, but couldn’t leave until he knew for sure it was going to stay on this time. Poor Mom and Megan had spent most of the night with no heat. “Where’s Mom?”
“She went for groceries now that the roads are sort of clear. How are the horses?”
“It was a bad scene. They got caught down in a gully. No idea what spooked them to run down there in the first place.”
“Oh, no. Did they all make it?”
Daniel sighed heavily. No.
“All but one.”
“Aw, Danny. I’m sorry.” She hugged him fiercely. “I’m sure you did everything you could.”
“Well, it wasn’t enough, unfortunately.”
She sat down at the table. “If you couldn’t save that horse, no one could.”
“I don’t know, Meg. I just don’t know.” He sat down opposite her at the table.
She peered at him. “And you haven’t slept since when?”
“I don’t remember.”
She put on her stern face. “You can’t keep this up, you know.”
“I know.”
“No, really. Do you? Danny, you’re running on fumes half the time. I’ve only been here a week and I can see that. Nobody can sustain this sort of pace, especially a single dad.”
“I know.”
“Are you just agreeing with me so I’ll stop talking?”
“Maybe.”
“Daniel.” Her voice got even sterner. “This is serious.”
He let his head fall onto the back of the chair, blowing out a breath. “I know it’s serious, Megan. It’s so damn serious I can barely see straight for worrying about it. I don’t have time to do my job, I don’t have time enough with the girls…hell, half the time I don’t have time to eat.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Move back to Denver, get a job making copies at Patrick’s firm, and call off Evelyn’s wolves.”
“Very funny.”
He sighed. “Kidding. I don’t know.”
“Have you thought about moving back there?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. When I think about it from the girls’ perspective…maybe Montana isn’t quite as perfect as I thought two years ago.”
“Stop it. Not true.”
“Meg, look at me. I haven’t slept, haven’t eaten anything besides stale coffee and granola bars, and I haven’t even seen Bryn and Gracie in two days. What kind of life is that? I moved us all up here so we could be a family, but I’m struggling to even be home. That’s not okay.”
“Wow. Evelyn has really gotten to you, hasn’t she?”
He took a long draw on his coffee, trying to think clearly through the fuzz that had enveloped his brain.
“Maybe she has. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that this hasn’t been working. Not for months, and maybe I need to just face facts and admit that I made a bad decision moving us back here.”
“I don’t need to remind you that making life-altering decisions hours after you lose a horse—on no sleep—is a bad idea, right?”
“It’s not about a horse.”
“It’s sort of about a horse. Isn’t it?”
He sighed again. “Maybe. But I’ve lost animals before, Megan. It goes with the territory. You can’t save them all.”
“Says the kid who used to try to revive the moths Dad got with the bug-zapper.”
“I just feel like—I don’t know—like if I can’t be the kind of dad I want to be, and I can’t be the kind of vet I
want to be because I’m stretched way too thin, then what’s actually working here? You know what I mean? It was supposed to be a fresh start for all of us, a happier space to heal.”
“Hasn’t it been?”
“In some ways, yeah. But in others, I feel like we’re on a merry-go-round at high speed, and some days I just want to get off.”
“I think that’s how parenting is defined, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. But I’m it, Megan. I’m the only one steering the ride, and Bryn and Gracie are the ones who’ll suffer if I screw this up.”
“You’re not screwing anything up, Daniel. Stop beating up on yourself.”
“You’re my sister. You’re required to say stuff like that.”
“I wish Mom could help you out more.”
“She does all she can. She’s working just as many hours as I am these days.”
Megan tapped her fingers on the table. “What about a regular babysitter? Can’t you find someone to stay with the girls?”
“If my schedule was remotely regular, that would be an option. Half the time, I don’t know what the day’s going to look like until I’m in the thick of it.”
“I can’t believe you’d consider moving back to Denver.” She shook her head sadly. “There must be other options.”
“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to convince Hayley to move out here and take over half the practice, but I’m not having a lot of luck.”
“You hardly know her? And you’re trying to bring her out here?”
“I’ve known her since last summer.”
“That’s not very long.” She did her best big-sister look.
“I know. It’s ridiculous, but I don’t know. There’s just something about her, Megan. A lot of things, really. She—she just lights up the place. She’s confident, funny, loves the girls—”
“Do they love her?”
“To pieces.” He felt himself smiling as he pictured the three of them making snow angels the other day in the meadow. “She just has this way of making the most ordinary day into an adventure.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Uh huh, what? You’re doing that female thing.”
Megan composed her features into an innocent mask. “I’m doing nothing of the sort. Just listening. So she’s smart, funny, confident, loves animals, loves kids. And you’re too gentlemanly to say so, but even I can see that she’s hot. Sounds like the perfect woman.”
“I know.”
“You really think you’re ready to go down that road with someone new?”
“No. Not at all.”
“So…what are you going to do?”
“Right now, I have no idea.”
She paused, thoughtful. “You know, grief is a funny thing. It can make things seem different than they are. Better than they are, at the same time they feel worse than they are.”
“I’m gonna need a map to figure out that last sentence.”
“I just mean that in trying to come up with a solution to Evelyn, you might overlook things you shouldn’t—or do things you shouldn’t—thinking you’re doing it all for the right reasons.”
“Like?”
She sighed. “Like, maybe you might be looking at Hayley as a solution to a problem, as much as you’re looking at her as a potential…whatever you’re thinking.”
“That makes me sound really cold.”
“You’re not meaning to be. But in the current situation, it’s hard to help it.” She sat back, sipping her coffee. “Evelyn’s got your feet to the fire, there’s an actual risk she’ll be successful, and you could hardly be blamed for trying to find any way possible to thwart her.”
“I would never draw Hayley in like that. No way.”
“I don’t know that Hayley will let herself be drawn in, honestly. Does she really strike you as the settling down type?”
“I don’t know.” No.
“Because I get a definite rolling stone vibe, and that scares me. It scares me for you, and it scares me for the girls.”
“You just met her, Meg. That’s not fair.”
“I know I just met her. But I’ve met an awful lot of her type. I’m not trying to put a wet blanket on things here. I’m just afraid for you, Daniel. I don’t want you to get hurt again. I know it’s been two years, but it feels like Katie was just here yesterday. I just—do you really feel like you’re ready to move on? Are you ready to take that risk with someone like her?”
Daniel pushed himself up from the table and headed for the door, trying not to feel anger or resentment at her words. But as he opened it, he looked back at his sister and he realized she was only trying to help, only trying to save him from himself.
He went back to her and pulled her into a bear hug. “I think I need to find out, Meg. That’s all. I can’t let her get on that plane Sunday without knowing whether we might have had a chance.”
Ten minutes later, Daniel stood on his porch, looking through the living room window. Hayley and the girls were cuddled on the couch, and it looked like they’d roped her into a marathon story session. Three piles of books sat on the coffee table, and the girls were giggling as Hayley read the one in her lap.
A fire blazed in the hearth, and next to the books, he could see princess mugs on the coffee table, probably full of hot cocoa and marshmallows. If he were a stranger right now coming up to this door, he’d assume Hayley was the girls’ mother, sitting there so comfortably with them. Her hair was roped up into a ponytail, and in jeans and a cream-colored sweater, she could be posing for an L.L.Bean ad.
They hadn’t yet realized he was home, so he took a moment to drink in the scene. What would it be like to come home every day, look through the window, and see them sitting there? He’d spent two years trying to convince himself that he didn’t need a wife, that the girls didn’t need a mother, but then somehow Hayley had swept into their lives and within days, started filling even the little holes he’d been trying to pretend weren’t there.
But was Megan right? Had he completely kissed off logic when he’d kissed Hayley last summer? Was she the consummate rolling stone? He thought back to the times when he’d dared hint at the possibility of a future—and realized with a pain in his chest that both times, she’d changed the subject quickly. Gracefully, but quickly.
She was here now…but was he delusional to think he had a chance at convincing her to actually stay? At the time, he’d thought maybe she was just distracted by the girls, or maybe didn’t quite hear him, but when he looked back, he realized maybe she’d been trying to escape the conversation entirely.
But how could he be imagining the connection they’d been forging ever since Kyla and Decker’s wedding? He definitely wasn’t imagining the intimacy they’d shared, the night they’d just spent together, but did it all mean something entirely different to him than it did to her? Was this how she worked? All-in…until she was out? And the out clause was figured in from the start?
Had he been so inundated with competing responsibilities that he’d forged a version of Hayley that didn’t exist? A version that might someday move to Montana, share parenting duties with him…share his vet practice…share his bed?
Yeah, of course he had.
He watched her turn a page and laugh with Bryn and Gracie, and he hated that the sight made his chest hurt.
The girls suddenly spotted him, and they both came running as he opened the door. “Daddy! You’re home!” They leaped into his arms, and he hugged them both hard.
He pretended to check them over carefully. “I’m so relieved to see you! I saw those snowmen outside and was afraid the two of you had frozen into snow-people out there!”
Bryn rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that big of a blizzard, Daddy. Just two feet this time.”
Hayley hung back, hands in her back pockets as the girls went into a high-speed recounting of the last two days, beginning with blanket forts and ending with smoked lasagna. Finally, he let them slide down to the floor and smiled at her.
“So
unds like they’ve had a terrible time.”
“The worst. They barely survived me.”
“Hayley!” Gracie grabbed her hand. “She’s joking. Daddy, we want Hayley to babysit every day!”
“I imagine Hayley’s had just about enough babysitting for the whole year, girls. She’s supposed to be on vacation, remember?”
“But we had fun!”
Hayley leaned down. “We totally had fun. I’d hang out with you any day of the week, Gracie. You, too, Bryn. You’re my best gals.”
Little warning bells went off in Daniel’s chest as he heard Hayley’s words. This was exactly the kind of thing Megan had been talking about just an hour ago. Here Hayley was playing house with the girls, which was totally on him because he’d asked her here to help—but the risk he hadn’t thought through thoroughly enough was the attachment the girls had formed already.
And now she was throwing out phrases like any day of the week and best gals without realizing how literal seven-year-olds were, how they’d take those words and swirl them around in their mouths and repeat them a thousand times after she left.
If he hadn’t just talked with Megan, those words would have warmed his heart. Now, though, they had the opposite effect. What if she meant none of them? Or meant them only for today? This week? This—hour?
Dammit.
“All right, girls.” Daniel corralled them. “Upstairs for pj’s and teeth, okay?”
“Already? But you just got home!” Gracie pouted as she crossed her little arms.
Hayley steered her toward the stairs. “Daddy looks like the walking dead, honey. I think if anyone else hugs him, he’s going to tip over.”
“But are you leaving now? You can’t leave yet, right? Will you tuck us in before you go? Will you read us one more story? Will you be back tomorrow?” Gracie fired questions like a seasoned pro, but Hayley just laughed.
“I’ll definitely come tuck you in.”
“What about the rest?”
“We’ll see.”
Gracie frowned. “You sound like a parent when you say that.”
“Oh, horrors!” Hayley smiled as she turned her toward the stairs. “Not that!”
Daniel watched as she maneuvered both girls upstairs, feeling uncharacteristically depressed as her last words knocked around in his skull.
A Cowboy's Christmas Promise Page 24
