My bedroom door suddenly burst open, and my eyes snapped open as the light switched on. Cade was no longer in my imagination…he was right here in my room.
Shit.
“Are you okay?” he asked as I scrambled to pull the blankets all the way over myself.
“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why?” I asked.
He gave me a funny look. “Because you were calling out for me.”
“Huh?”
“I was just on my way upstairs and I heard you shouting my name.”
Double shit. Had I really been shouting? Sure, I’d been screaming his name in my mind, deep within my fantasy….had it really spilled out of me without me noticing?
I sat up, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Think, I told myself. I had to come up with some reason as to why I’d been calling his name, or else he’d totally realize what I’d secretly been up to.
“I…uhh….yeah, I wanted to ask you something,” I finally said.
“Oh. What’s up?”
“Erm….do you know where the science library on campus is?”
He arched an eyebrow, and my stomach plummeted. Seriously? I mentally chastised myself. That’s the excuse you managed to come up with?
“You called me up here at midnight to ask where the science library is?”
“Um. Yes,” I said with a nod. “I have an early class tomorrow, and I’m meant to borrow a certain book from that library before I go to it. So…”
“It’s near the chem department. Do you know where that is?”
I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“You go left after you pass that, assuming you’re heading away from the main library. Then the science library is on the right.”
“Cool. Thanks.”
“No worries,” he said. “Night.”
As he turned away, he still looked a little confused as to why I’d apparently shouted for him to come in here so late to answer such a silly question, and I sighed. “Wait, Cade, can you sit down for a sec?”
He turned back to me, a question in his eyes, and I patted the bed. “The library wasn’t the real reason I called you in here,” I said. Obviously I hadn’t meant to call him in here at all, but now that he was here, I figured now was as good a time as any to chat to him and finally clear the air properly. “I think we need to talk.”
He nodded. “Yeah. We do. I’ve actually been wanting to for a while now. I just…”
“Didn’t know what to say?”
“Something like that.”
He sat down on the side of my bed, and I took a deep breath. “I feel like I should explain myself to you,” I began. “The way I acted in the hotel that morning, and the way I’ve been ever since then.”
He nodded. “Okay. I want to talk about that too,” he said. “But you go first. I want to hear your side.”
I was silent for a few seconds, and then I opened up and began to tell him my story. I told him how I hadn’t been bothered by the earlier incidents of teasing when we were little kids, and that I’d known it was all in good fun. I told him how he’d finally taken things too far in the seventh grade with that awful prank—provided it was actually him who’d done it—and how that incident had haunted me for years afterwards, making everyone else view me as an outcast loser who deserved to be mocked and bullied. I told him how difficult high school had been as a result, how miserable things had been for me, and how I hadn’t had any friends for years until I’d finally started to stand up for myself and confront the bullies.
I told him everything.
Cade listened to every word, nodding as I spoke, and my voice began to falter as I drew to a close. “So I know I overreacted, and I know this is something I should just get over, because I’m not in school anymore, and I should be acting like an adult. But…but I was so hurt by all the stuff that happened to me, and seeing you again just reminded me of it all. So I flipped out.”
Cade was silent for a long moment, and then he reached over and grabbed my hand. “Charlotte…firstly, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had no idea what school was like for you after the seventh grade, because I wasn’t there, but shit….I wish it had been better.”
I nodded and looked down as tears threatened to spill from my eyes, and he continued. “And secondly, I know you have no reason to believe me, because you’ve spent so long thinking it was me, and I know I did pull a bunch of pranks on you and tease you, which doesn’t work very well in my favor….but that seventh grade shit wasn’t me.”
My head jerked up. “It…it wasn’t?”
He shook his head. “Fuck no. I’d never do that. I can’t believe that bitch actually told you it was me and let you think that for so long.”
My whole body suddenly felt numb, and I let him keep talking.
“It was that girl who sat next to you in that class. Lanie, remember her? She was always jealous of the grades you got; always went around bitching and calling you a teacher’s pet. A few times she tried to start bullshit rumors about you, but I shut them down.”
My eyes widened, and I wiped away a stray tear. “You did?”
“Yep. Then she did that nasty shit with your chair—I found out afterwards because I heard her bragging about it. And I guess she blamed me for it. I never knew that part. But I did try to help make it right. Remember that friend of mine who called out that period crap when you stood up?”
“Yeah. How could I forget?” I said through gritted teeth.
“Well, this might not have been the most mature response, but I beat the crap out of him at lunch that day and told him I’d do it again if he ever said any more shit to you. And I tried to stop the other kids from saying stuff about you too. But kids are kids….they were all pricks. There was only so much I could do.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get it. You were trying to help me?”
“Of course I was. I liked you. Had a huge crush on you, actually. I even went looking for you a bunch of times in the library after I saw how shitty your friends were being by ditching you after that nasty prank. I wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it or hang out.”
“I used to hide whenever I saw you coming. That’s why you couldn’t find me,” I said softly. “I assumed you were just coming to give me more crap.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Jesus….all these years and you thought I wanted to hurt you so much. I’m so sorry, Charlotte.”
“No, I’m sorry. I believed Lanie when she told me it was you, instead of—”
Cade lifted his hand and cut me off. “Of course you did. You had every reason to, considering all the other pranks I used to play on you, and that awful nickname I made up for you in the fourth grade.”
“Charlotte the Harlot,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah. I’m so sorry if I hurt you with all that teasing, Charlotte. I never meant to. I thought it was all harmless, and I just wanted your attention, but I was too immature and stupid to realize you might be taking it all to heart.”
“You were just a kid,” I said. “And it was mostly harmless until that seventh grade thing, which wasn’t even you anyway, apparently.”
He nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry anyway. For everything. And I just want to say something else, if you don’t mind.”
“Shoot.”
“I don’t think it was immature of you to react the way you did to me. Stuff that happens when you’re a kid can seriously fuck you up and affect you for years, even once you’re an adult. And I can tell that all the shit that happened to you in high school really did leave some scars. Like earlier today, when Nicki invited you to our skiing weekend….you looked scared. You looked like you were afraid it was all a lie.”
I nodded. “I was scared. I have this lingering suspicion with people, that they’re all just going to treat me how I used to be treated. So I always have it in the back of my mind that I’m the butt of everyone’s joke, and when your friends talked to me and invited me on that trip, I couldn’t help but think for a few seconds
….is this a joke? If I say yes, are they just going to laugh in my face and say I was never really invited?”
“That’s exactly what I mean. I can see how badly it hurt you; how everyone treated you back then. I wish I’d been there to help. But I promise, you aren’t a joke, and I won’t let anyone treat you like you are one ever again,” he said.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not a victim anymore. I won’t let anyone treat me like that again.”
He sighed. “I know you’ve built up this tough shell over the last few years, and you act like you don’t need any help from anyone, but there’s no shame in accepting some help sometimes. And I’m gonna be your brother soon, so if anyone should stick up for you, it should be me.”
More tears welled up in my eyes at that, and Cade gently patted me on the shoulder as I let all the emotions out, sobbing into my hands. It had taken me years to get to this moment, and while I felt like shit now, I was glad it was over, and I knew that when I woke up tomorrow, I’d feel a hell of a lot better.
Finally, I wiped my face and looked up at Cade. “I’m really glad we talked this out,” I said. “And I’m sorry we didn’t sooner.”
“Me too. And I meant what I said. I’m never gonna let anyone give you shit ever again.”
“In that case, there’s someone I’d like you to beat up for me. There’s this guy I know, and he threw a football at my head at the game last night,” I said with a teasing grin.
Cade chuckled. “Sounds like a real prick. Is he as ugly as I’m picturing him?”
“Yes, absolutely hideous.”
We both laughed at that, and then I spoke up again. “Do you…um…do you think we should also talk about what happened between us that night?”
“At the hotel?”
I nodded meekly. “Yeah.”
He was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. Finally he looked back at me. “I won’t lie, Charlotte, it was fucking good. But…”
“But our parents are getting married in six weeks.”
“Yeah. And even though we’ve sorted out our issues now, as much as I’d like to pick up where we left off—”
“Where we left off when I puked my guts up all over the place.”
He chuckled at the memory. “Yeah. As much as I’d like to, I don’t want to hurt my Dad. He can be a fucking asshole sometimes, but he was really hurt when my Mom left us. So I’d hate to screw up his relationship with your mother and let him be hurt again.”
I nodded slowly. “Same,” I replied. “So just friends?”
“Sure.”
We jokingly shook on it, and I couldn’t ignore the tingles that shot up and down my spine as our hands clasped together. I knew it was better this way; knew we couldn’t be anything more than friends…but lord, I wanted more than friendship from him now that I knew the truth about him. He was a truly decent guy, albeit one with a cruddy sense of humor, and I was lucky that he’d been so understanding of my situation.
Others might not have been.
“I should let you get some sleep,” he said, finally standing up. “You’ve got that early class and all.”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“Stay warm. It’s started snowing out.”
“Yeah, I saw.”
He walked halfway to the door before stopping and turning to me, and he looked like he was about to say something else. Instead, he hesitated for a few seconds too long, then nodded at me. “Night, Charlotte.”
Then he was gone, and I was all alone in my bed again.
Chapter Eleven
Charlotte
“I’ve never done this before…what if it hurts me? Or what if I suck at it really badly?” I said, anxiously chewing my lower lip.
Cade chuckled softly from behind me, and his grip on my shoulders loosened slightly as he leaned forward. “Look, I’ll be honest. It might hurt the first few times, and you probably will suck at it. But then you’ll get the hang of it after a few tries, and it’ll feel amazing.”
I nodded and glanced down at the long, hard pole in my right hand again. “Okay. I trust you.”
An icy cold gust of wind blew past us on the mountain slope, and Cade trudged up to stand by my side instead of behind me. “Just remember to move your feet how I told you,” he said, motioning to the skis on his feet. “If you feel like you’re going too fast, move your feet like this….pizza. If you wanna speed up, move them like this….French fries.”
“Pizza for slow, French fries for faster. Got it,” I replied. “And if I crash into a tree and seriously hurt myself, I can sue you, right?”
“Good luck suing me when you’re wedged halfway inside a tree.”
I snorted. “Meanie. Okay, you go first.”
“All right. Just do exactly what we discussed and follow me. This is the bunny slope, so you’ll be fine.”
Cade winked, pulled his snow goggles down and then took off down the slope, and I nervously followed, hoping to dear god that I didn’t go ass over teakettle. I’d been ice-skating before, but never skiing, and it was worlds apart. Cade had done it loads of times, though, and he’d been running me through all the techniques and giving me demonstrations on the slopes all morning.
It was Saturday, and we’d been at the Silverton Falls ski resort with a group of Cade’s friends since yesterday afternoon. Keith and my mother had been totally fine with us taking off on a trip together; in fact, I think they were glad to see us finally getting along and wanting to spend time together. We’d driven up together in Cade’s car, and met up with the rest of the group up at the cabins we’d been generously given by Blake’s Dad for the weekend. I was staying in a cabin with Nicki and a couple of her friends, Amy and Talia, and so far, I’d had a great time getting to know them along with the rest of Cade’s friends from the football team, who were staying in other cabins.
Peak vacation season hadn’t hit yet, so the resort wasn’t very busy, and we had several entire ski slopes to ourselves. Yesterday afternoon had been spent racing each other down the slopes on sleds, and last night had been spent lounging around in the cabins, sipping on hot chocolate and mulled wine. At first I’d still been a little nervous about hanging around a group of people who I didn’t know—especially when half the group was made up of rowdy athletes—but it had gone really well. Everyone had been kind and welcoming, and Nicki was especially nice.
We were planning on having a wilder night tonight, with a party in one of the main cabins, but I didn’t plan on drinking very much. After all, last time I’d had too much alcohol, I’d ended up….well, you know what happened. It was gross, to say the least, and I didn’t want a repeat of that incident.
“Woo!” I screamed as I reached the halfway point of the slope, closely trailing Cade. So far I hadn’t slipped up, and I was still on two feet. “This is so much fun!”
“Told you so!” Cade called back from up ahead. “Next, we’ll go up to the…”
His voice trailed off in the wind as a chilly gust blew past me, and I called out. “What?”
But he couldn’t hear me now; he’d sped up a bit, and I’d accidentally pushed my skis into the ‘pizza’ position and slowed down. I corrected myself by pushing them into a more outward position, but then I began to race really fast, and I realized I’d overcorrected. “Crap….”
I tried my best to slow down again, but I’d already gained too much momentum, and I was gaining on Cade pretty fast. “Cade…watch out!” I cried, as every bit of skiing knowledge that I’d recently learned went flying out of my head. “I think I might crash!”
I tried digging in both of my ski poles in a last ditch attempt to stop before I crashed right into him, but all that did was make me stop abruptly and then fly right into him from the inertia.
“Sorry!” I shouted as we collided. The speed I hit him with knocked him off course, and he fell over, taking me right down to the ground with him.
We tumbled a few times until I was on my back in the snow, breathless and giggling. Cade had somehow ended up r
ight on top of me, and he pulled his snow goggles up and grinned at me. “You trying to kill me out here?”
“That was the plan,” I said. “Seriously, though, I’m sorry. I was going too fast.”
“No worries. It was your first time. You’ll get better.”
The laughter died from my lips and my smile faded as I suddenly became all too aware of the fact that Cade was on top of me, his body wedged between my legs. Even though I was lying in the freezing snow, warmth was quickly blossoming in my body, and my breath was taken away as I looked at his chest. Even under the thick winter gear he was wearing, I could see how powerfully-built he was, and his bulky shoulders looked like mountains. Hot wetness filled the space between my thighs, and I noticed a distinct hunger in Cade’s eyes as well.
“I need to get up,” I said, pushing on his hard chest.
“Er…yeah, of course. It’s freezing down here in the snow,” he said, getting to his feet and helping me up, which was no mean feat considering we were both wearing skis.
As I brushed snowflakes off my jacket and pants, I glanced around and realized that we’d made it all the way to the bottom of the hill. There was a small café near us, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nicki looking over at me and Cade. Her eyes were narrowed slightly, giving her a suspicious air, and I trudged over to her, hoping she hadn’t gotten the wrong impression.
“Hey!” I said, trying to sound breezy and innocent.
“Hey,” she replied. I didn’t know if it was just my imagination, but I thought I detected a hint of frostiness in her voice. “You two are looking very close this morning.”
She nodded towards Cade, who was speaking to Blake over by the ski lift now, and I forced a smile. “Oh, yeah, I accidentally crashed right into him and we tumbled all the way down. Our skis almost got locked together from the crash,” I said, maintaining my lighthearted tone. “So stupid.”
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