by Jaclyn Quinn
When Jake realized he was actually saying, “Eli,” over and over again, out loud, while he beat off in his goddamn shower, his body tensed and he shot his load on the bathroom tile. He watched it slide down with the water and disappear down the drain. “Shit.” Fucking poetic.
“Maybe it’s better this way, Elijah,” Jonah suggested as he and Cameron sat across from Eli on the porch. It was late Friday night. Jonah and Cameron showed up that morning when they heard Eli was home—and man, was Eli thankful for it. He’d missed all of his family, but Jonah was the one he turned to when something was bothering him. This thing with Jake was more than bothering him. It was driving him fucking crazy.
“I’m sure it is. That doesn’t make it any easier.” Eli sighed, leaning an elbow on the arm of the rocking chair as he rested his head in his hand.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Jonah said sincerely.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I know the right thing to do is hitting me in the fucking face, I just don’t like what the end result would be.” Eli hated to think about never seeing Jake again. Sitting there, on a porch in his hometown of Riverside Falls, he knew it wasn’t where he belonged anymore. It would always be his home, but he’d made a new home in Brighton Pier. One he happened to love.
“I know ten months is a long time, but…” Cameron’s voice trailed off as he nervously looked at Jonah and then at Eli. The guy seemed afraid of his own shadow at times, and yet, he’d finally stood up to his parents, owning up to what he wanted because losing Jonah wasn’t an option. Now, that was love.
“Go ahead, babe. What were you going to say?” Jonah rubbed Cam’s arm.
“I don’t know…his reactions don’t seem to add up to someone who doesn’t want more. To me, it just sounds like he’s confused. Maybe he’s never felt this way about someone before.” He looked down at his lap then up at Jonah with a small smile. “I can relate to that.”
Jonah and Cameron hadn’t been together all that long, but Eli got the feeling the guy was making up for lost time. From what he’d heard, Jonah and Cameron had been pretty much attached at the hip for the last month. It took Cameron’s mom some time to warm up to the idea, but they all seemed to be headed in the right direction now. Eli was so damn happy for his older brother. If anyone deserved love, it was Jonah.
“I’m happy for you guys, but I’m not sure how much time I can give the guy. It just feels like I’m pushin’ something that’s never gonna happen.”
Jonah and Cameron gave Eli sympathetic looks that only served to irk him, so he told them both goodnight.
The next morning, Eli sat in his parents’ living room. It was a decent size, but with his six siblings, plus some of their partners, and his parents…minus the kids who’d spent the night at their other grandparents’ house…every surface and seat was taken. Eli looked across the room to the beige couch his parents had owned for years. Their mom was ecstatic that Jonah brought Cameron with him this time. It had taken Cameron a bit to get used to all the commotion, but he seemed to finally be relaxed as he leaned against Jonah on one side of the couch.
Eli felt like a jackass for hiding out at his parents’ house for a whole week. He’d planned on making the trek back bright and early that morning, but all of his six siblings came over for Saturday morning breakfast. He’d been zoning in and out of the many conversations going on at once. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Jake off his mind. The week since he’d last seen him had been the longest of his life. Eli refused to believe it was completely one-sided. It was like Jake was going out of his way to sabotage any relationship they could have. And for what? To save face in front of Ryder? Eli didn’t believe it for one second because even though Ryder didn’t want to be tied down, he wouldn’t judge them.
Zach’s booming voice brought Eli back around to the conversation his siblings were having. “Drew’s just a kid. He doesn’t know what he wants.” Everybody, including Eli, groaned at their oldest brother’s statement. “What?” Zach asked, completely dumbfounded. When no one answered, Zach narrowed his eyes and zeroed in on Jonah across the room. “What the hell does that mean?” Cameron looked genuinely worried for his boyfriend, but Jonah chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.
Their sister, Dakotah, chimed in instead. “You know Jonah’s too nice to tell you.”
“Tell me what?” There were a few snickers throughout the room, and Cameron still looked a bit uncomfortable, but the rest of them were used to ragging on each other.
Jonah sighed. “Well, you can be…” He bit his lip, trying not to laugh.
“A condescending, overprotective, pigheaded jackass,” Savannah said. It was silent in the room for a heartbeat before laughter erupted.
Zach widened his eyes, his mouth hanging open. “Jeez, Sav. Tell me how you really feel.”
“Junior prom ring a bell?” Savannah crossed her arms and arched a dark eyebrow while Tom, Savannah’s husband, draped his arm across the back of the couch behind her and smirked. Zach continued to stare blankly at her. “Jordan Mastiani?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I got nothin’.”
She threw her hands in the air and huffed in exasperation. “You told him, if he so much as even held my hand, you’d cut off his balls and hang them from your car mirror like fuzzy dice!”
“Oh Lord. Cameron, please don’t let my crazy kids stop you from coming back. I don’t know who raised them,” their mom said and covered her eyes as she shook her head. Cameron’s face reddened as he glanced at Jonah who just squeezed his thigh and kissed the side of his head.
Realization dawned and Zach grinned broadly. “Oh, yeah.” There were more snickers around the room. “That guy was a player, Sav. All he wanted was to get in your pants.”
Their mom groaned in embarrassment. “Em, cover your ears,” she said to Miah, the youngest of the seven siblings. She was twenty-two years younger than Zach. They always joked that their parents must have run out of ideas for names, and by the time they got to her, they forgot they already had a son named Micah. She pretty much went by Em to all of them.
Zach turned to the other side of the room. “Come on, Micah, back me up here.”
“He was a complete dick,” Micah agreed.
“See?” Zach waved a hand at Micah smugly.
Savannah wasn’t having it. She stood up quickly, her long, dark ponytail swinging with the movement. “For the rest of that year and all of senior year, no guy would come near me!” She looked down at her husband, sitting on the couch behind her, with wide eyes.
“It’s true. Even I wouldn’t,” he confirmed.
“I had to bribe Garlic Gardener with a fifty dollar gift card to Olive Garden and promise you’d be nowhere near here just to have a date to senior prom!” Savannah was trying to hold back the laugh as she spoke.
Micah scrunched up his nose. “Man, that guy stunk. I think he bathed in that shit.”
Jonah leaned his forehead on Cameron’s shoulder, muffling his laughter. Dakotah sat in the corner with her girlfriend, Jocelynn, and both were turned toward each other laughing, using their hair to hide behind.
“Oh, come on,” Zach argued. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Savannah shouted, “As soon as we got to prom, Jordan Mastiani yelled across the parking lot, ‘Hey, Savannah! Does Garlic Gardener still have his gonads?’”
And the room lost it, including their parents and Cameron.
After calming down and wiping the tears from his eyes, Zach protested again, “I still don’t see what that has to do with Drew.”
Dakotah looked at Zach and shook her head. “You’re hopeless.”
“The guy’s been after you for a long time,” Jonah said.
“So?”
Jonah sighed. “So, who are you to say he’s too young to know how he feels?”
Eli heard his siblings debating the topic, but his mind drifted back to Jake. Maybe he’d been wrong this whole time. Maybe Jake did know what he wanted. He’d made
it clear he didn’t want Eli for the long run. Eli was the one trying to hold on to something that never really stood a chance.
He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. His first instinct was to ignore it, but when the buzzing started again, he looked down at the screen. Kenz was calling for the second time, setting off all kinds of alarms in Eli’s head. She hated to talk on the phone and avoided it at all costs. Quickly, he stood, answering the call as he made his way to the kitchen.
“Hey, Kenz. What’s up?” When a squeak came from the other end of the phone followed by sobbing from one of the strongest women he knew, Eli started sweating. His was heart beating so hard it felt like it was trying to smash its way out of his chest. “Kenz, calm down.”
He heard a shuffle of the phone then Ryder’s deep voice. “Eli? You gotta come home, man.”
“Ryder what’s going on? You’re fucking scaring me.” He could barely hear Ryder over the pounding of his pulse which was drumming in his ears. Somehow, Eli managed to hold on to the phone with his clammy, shaking hands. A strong grip on his shoulder had Eli turning to find Jonah right behind him. One-by-one his family came into the kitchen, concern on their faces. Wherever Ryder and Kenz were, he could hear muffled voices, like something over a loudspeaker. “Ryder where are you?”
With Ryder’s choked-up voice, the next four words, spoken softly in Eli’s ear, had him reaching for the nearest chair to sit in before his legs gave out. “There was an accident.”
Eli covered his mouth as he listened to Ryder and tried to process those words. Jonah squatted down in front of him and held his hand. It was the only thing holding him together at the moment. He closed his eyes, terrified of the answer, but he had to know. “Is it Jake?”
The automatic doors opened as Eli ran inside the busy building. He stopped for a minute, looking around in a panic. “Where the hell am I supposed to go?” He rushed up to the desk in front of him with an older woman sitting behind it. “Excuse me, I—”
“Eli!”
Eli whipped his head to the right, seeing Kenz running toward him. He met her half-way and found his arms full of his small friend as she clung to him. “Where is he?”
She pulled back and wiped her eyes then took his right hand. “This way. Ryder and Parker are with him now. Jesus, Eli, we have no idea what to do for him.”
I don’t either.
They walked through a set of double doors, and with every step, his pulse jumped erratically. There was a sickening smell of antiseptic combined with the beeping of machines as they passed room after room. Doctors being paged over the loudspeaker, and patients being wheeled either by chair or by gurney…was all too much. He glanced down at Kenz who was biting her lip as if she was trying to hold back more tears. He got it; he’d chewed a hole in his cheek on the drive down from upstate New York. Hours felt like days as he drove at top speed, hating himself for being so far away when it had happened.
They went through another set of double doors and into a waiting area. Eli froze for a split second and watched the man across the room. He was sitting down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair, as if that was the only thing supporting him. Then, he looked up, and the utter devastation in his bloodshot, brown eyes hit Eli square in the chest. “Jake,” he whispered before rushing across the room and kneeling down in front of him. He ran his hands through Jake’s dark hair then held his face in his hands. When a silent tear fell, Eli wrapped himself around Jake, feeling him fall apart in his arms.
“I got you. You’re not alone. I got you.” He didn’t know what he should be saying but just kept repeating the words while the broken man gripped the back of his T-shirt tightly.
“He’s gone, Eli,” Jake choked out. “My brother’s gone.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered and just held him. Held him while he cried. Held him while he repeated over and over again that his brother was gone. He couldn’t imagine—didn’t want to imagine—the pain Jake was in. Eli looked helplessly up at Kenz, who was crying against Ryder’s side, and then looked at Parker. They’d been here and he hadn’t. He’d never forgive himself for that.
Eli mouthed Maggie’s name to Ryder who shrugged his shoulders and whispered, “They rushed her back to surgery, and we haven’t heard anything since. That was hours ago.”
“The kids?”
Jake lifted his head, turning it away from them as he wiped his tears. Eli never thought he’d see this big man cry, and the reason was absolutely devastating. “They’re at their neighbors’ house. They don’t know yet. Jesus Christ, how am I gonna tell them, Eli?” He was shaking his head then looked at the open doorway to the hall. “I couldn’t leave her though. She doesn’t have any family here. Kevin would want me to stay with her.”
“Yeah, he would,” Eli assured him and stood up to sit in the chair beside Jake, never letting go of his left hand.
Not even twenty minutes later, loud voices were heard out in the hall. A woman was shouting, “Where’s my son? I need to see my son!” Then a man’s voice boomed and had them all looking up. “We’re his parents. Where is he?” A few more muffled voices and then the unmistakable scream of loss. “No! No! He can’t be!” The commotion started to get closer to the waiting area as a woman sobbed.
“Shit,” Jake groaned, letting go of Eli as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Not fucking now. I can’t deal with this shit now.”
“What are you—?”
“You,” an older woman snarled from the doorway, tears streaming down her face. A man stopped right behind her, and it hit Eli how the anger in his brown eyes matched the daggers coming from Jake’s.
Jake stood, towering over both of the intruders, but neither seemed intimidated. Eli had no idea what the fuck was going on, but he stood behind Jake and looked over to find Parker, Ryder, and Kenz taking position behind the man too. They had his back, whoever these people were.
In a split second, the woman was in front of Jake, pounding on his chest. Jake kept his hands fisted to his sides while the woman yelled, “I should’ve known you’d have something to do with this! What did you do?”
Fuck this. Eli went around Jake, reaching his arm out to stop the woman’s blows. “That’s enough! Who the hell do you think you are?”
Jake huffed out a humorless laugh, crossing his arms over his chest. “My mother.”
Eli whipped his head back, eyes wide, sure he must have heard wrong. From everything Jake had ever said about her, the way he’d talked about his parents in the past tense, Eli assumed they were dead. He’d only ever met Kevin, Maggie, and the kids. If this woman was Jake’s mother, then…
“You’re no son of ours.” The older man’s voice dripped with contempt.
“Couldn’t agree more, Arthur.” Jake pushed his shoulders back and widened his stance. The man who fell apart only moments before was no longer there. In his place stood a hard, angry wall of a man standing his ground against two people he clearly despised. The feeling was apparently mutual.
Jake had heard it his whole life. He never measured up, was never good enough in their eyes. Being an artist was a deadbeat job and forget being a tattoo artist. They’d reduced his whole life down to a stereotype. The alcoholic, druggie, good-for-nothing son who didn’t deserve their love. It didn’t matter that he was none of those things. Nothing he did would ever change how they felt about him, especially after he came out. As far as they were concerned, that was their get-out-of-parenting-free card, validated by their strong beliefs and his decision to go against them.
But his brother… Oh, God, my brother… He released a shuddering breath, using all his willpower to keep it together in front of the people who were always hell bent on tearing him apart.
“My Kevin…” His mother’s voice cracked, and the sad thing was, Jake felt the sting of her tears because Kevin was the golden child. Their golden child. “My Kevin didn’t deserve this. You—”
“Excuse me, I’m looking for the family of Ma
ggie Novak.” The doctor in the white coat stood awkwardly in the door with another doctor at her side, no doubt having heard some of what was said. She glanced between Jake and his parents until Jake finally stepped forward.
His eyes pleaded with the doctor as he held her gaze even though he could tell, before the words were even spoken, it wasn’t good news. “I’m her brother-in-law. She’s my brother’s…” he cleared his throat, searching for the words, “was…was my brother’s…” He felt Eli’s hand firmly on his back, and it settled him.
The doctor’s expression softened, and she placed a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry about your brother.” She motioned to the chairs against the wall. “Why don’t we sit for a minute? Is there any other family you’d like to call?” Jake shook his head. “She didn’t have any family left besides me, Kevin, and the boys. Her parents passed away years ago. They were older.”
She nodded in understanding, then glanced up at his parents, who were still standing in the middle of the room. Waving her arm at the seats in front of her, she suggested, “Why don’t you sit?”
“We’re fine where we are,” his father replied gruffly, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulders.
Jake opened his mouth to tell the bastard to sit the fuck down when he felt Eli take his hand and squeeze. Jake took one last look at his parents, who were now glaring down at their joined hands. He squeezed Eli’s hand back, drawing strength from it, and then turned his attention back to the doctor. He needed to know, and he couldn’t wait anymore for the words to be spoken. “She didn’t make it.” Not a question but a statement he felt in his bones. They were both gone.
“We had our entire trauma team working on her and did all we could. Her injuries were, unfortunately, too severe. I’m sorry, but your sister-in-law has died.” Died. Jesus Christ, that’s final. The doctor sat silently for a minute beside him, letting him process the information. “Do you have any questions you’d like to ask?”
