Once we had our bags in, we surveyed the open floor plan of the one level retreat and I threw my arms around him and gave him a much-deserved kiss.
Despite him teetering on his feet a bit in surprise, he gave me an equally thankful kiss. We stood there for a moment, lip locked and hugged close.
“What was that for,” he asked with a grin.
“Just glad we chose to do this.”
“Ah. Yeah. We needed to the time away, regardless.”
“No. I mean all of this. Us. Together.”
Daniel looked down at me. He reached up and moved my bangs slightly away from my eyes, then gave me another soft kiss. My kiss was far less sweet and more intense. With all the stress and strain lifted from work and planning and doing I felt more relaxed and free than I had in months. If we were going to unwind I wanted to fully let go in our vacation paradise.
I kissed and soon licked at his tongue with my own. It didn’t take long for him to realize what my intentions were and follow suit. We kissed as if it were the first time and last, strong and with intensity. It seemed he was wanting to just let go to for the first time in months. No rigorous schedules. No appointments. Just us for now.
I felt his hands slowly lifting up my thin summer dress. Florals had never really suited me but this particular white dress with its red rose pattern was an easy choice to just throw on and throw off at a moment’s notice. Daniel was grateful for my fashion choice it seemed, as he quickly pulled it up and over my head.
Glancing down he was both pleased and surprised I hadn’t been wearing panties. He looked back at my eyes and I gave him a wink.
“Well then,” he chuckled, “are you sure this trip was about just taking a break?”
“Maybe,” I said, as I reached up to rest my arms back around his shoulders.
I rubbed the nape of his neck with my hands and felt his own hands caress down my lower back and stopped on my backside. He gave my ass a squeeze then pulled me closer to him with a sly smile. I bit my lip and my eyes glanced down to his gorgeous lips. He leaned in again to kiss me with a gentle desire I had become more than familiar with.
His steps toward me lead me to walk backward until I felt the bed just behind my legs. I softly sat down and looked up at him seductively. As he placed both his knees on the bed he balanced his weight enough to stop and pull his t-shirt up and over his head, revealing his muscular physique. You would think as many times as I’d seen that body I wouldn’t have been as turned on as I was. I felt the space between my legs throb with excitement.
I reached down to unfasten his blue jeans and already behind his boxers I could see he was as ready as I was to dive right in and let the whole world fall aside. We weren’t going to have another roundabout sex session or even another quick romp in bed to get it out the way. I wanted us to take our time for once.
Before I could shimmy his jeans down further he began to back away slowly. He kept his eyes fixed on me as he slowly spread my legs wider. I wanted to lay back but I instead kept my eyes on him as he made his way lower and lower. His eyes eventually went to my waiting and wet mound and a slight smile came across his face.
I watched as his right hand gently moved damp flesh aside just enough to find what he was seeking there. I nearly shuddered when he lightly rubbed his thumb across my clit. I gasped sharply and then laid back on the pillows behind me as he made soft circles with his thumb. Closing my eyes, I let my mind just take in the sensation and any thoughts of anything else melt away.
He didn’t rush. He just let me lay there, hips almost moving in time with his motion on that sensitive spot and then I felt him slowly insert two fingers deep inside me. Taking care and taking the time he felt for yet another place that was guaranteed to send me overboard if he found it, and he did indeed find it.
I began moaning softly at first as he removed his thumb and began pressing and caressing his fingers on the inner roof of me. Right, there, he kept time with my moans on that one spot. I felt the place beneath me began to become wetter and wetter, then without warning his warm lips grasped my clit. I sat up and looked down, watching his lips and tongue work in tandem just above my slit and his fingers stroked in and out.
My eyes rolled upward as I laid back down. I let my left hand rest on the back of his head and dance in his blonde hair. I wanted to come right then, but part of me wanted to hold out. Let it last longer and longer. My breathing had become quick and desperate. His movements picked up the pace and I was ready to completely come undone when he suddenly stopped.
My eyes shot open. I wasn’t expecting him to stop after bringing so close to that sweet moment of release. I looked up at him to see he was sitting up on his knees again, working his pants and boxers down further. I happily sat up and helped him along. Now there was nothing between us and his dick even seemed to almost bob up and down with enthusiasm.
I laid back down and he carefully laid on top of me. We both pushed his pants and boxers completely off with our legs and feet. I looked at his face hovering over mine. I let my eyes just take in every bit of his features I had come to admire these past few months.
His eyes looked as if they were doing the same, then our sight returned to an eye-to-eye stare. He smiled down at me then gave me a tender kiss on the forehead, the nose, and the lips. His hips rocked forward and he slowly slid himself inside.
That feeling of freedom in the moment was like nothing either of us had experienced in a while. More than just time alone, this was time completely in solitude. He stroked forward fully, then away. It was slow and teasing. His chin rested on my forehead as I moaned into his neck. I wrapped my legs around him and pushed my hips up to meet his as his slid forward into me. Taking his time seemed as much a priority for him as it did for me.
We found ourselves in a slow grind with each roll of his hips back and then forward. I let myself just listen to his breathing and light moans along with my own. The sun was going down and the villa was nearly dark. All we had was feeling each other in the dim lofty space of the rest of the house. Our moans began to echo over the living space and every wall of the villa. His rhythm became quicker and we soon found ourselves rushing to the end.
Our shared orgasms collided in a burst of ecstasy. My whole body seemed to tighten, clench and grab below at his hard cock and he plunged deeper. His head lifted up as he let out a final relieved moan. My arms had been wrapped him so long that my nails had begun digging into his back. I felt my arms tingle with goosebumps. It was if the air around us had suddenly turned to ice in comparison to our own heat. Sweat sprang up across both of us and we both felt around for covers.
We managed to dance our way under the covers of the bed and catch our breath. We laid there just taking it all for a moment.
“Wow,” Daniel breathed, followed by a burst of laughter. “I think we both needed that.”
I turned my face in toward his neck and breathed my own relieved sigh. Sleep had never come so easily as it did that night. The next few days were followed with even more days and nights of ocean sounds, the sun, sleep, and release we were more than thankful for.
Daniel
Our vacation getaway seemed short lived when we landed back in L.A. I can say we did return with a renewed vigor to move forward with our plans to start a family. Every family is built on a strong foundation and ours was almost on the brink of crumbling from just the self-inflicted pressure and stress. Our time away gave us different focus and vigor.
We had made up our minds before returning, to settle on another pregnancy method and options to move forward. We agreed trying a surrogate mother would be the best choice. Our hope was high when we arrived at the LifeStart clinic on Monday afternoon to review potential surrogates.
“There’s so many to choose from and they all seem like good candidates,” Malaysia said wearily. “How do we narrow down our choices.”
I had my own profiles and paperwork of women I had been sifting over as we sat in the serenely decorated room. The clinic made a point to make the wh
ole process as relaxed as possible. Our caseworker, Rhonda, was there to assist us but it didn't make the process any less nerve racking.
“Although it’s going to obviously be your DNA that determines the child’s overall traits,” Rhonda explained, “it is important to consider if you want to keep in contact with the surrogate after the birth of your child. Some parents and surrogates agree to keep their relationship friendly afterward and keep in touch, while others break all contact consensually.”
“Wow,” Malaysia sighed as her eyes listlessly read over another profile. “I never even thought of that, Daniel.”
“Neither did I,” I admitted. “I guess that means we need to consider things like personality, distance from ourselves, so many things.”
We agreed we’d be glad to have a relationship with someone who would be in contact during and after pregnancy and care to know the child’s progress over time, with an opportunity to discontinue contact later down the road if they chose.
That narrowed our choice down considerably.
A surrogate soon made it to the top our list: Angel Dawson. She was a yoga instructor and life coach who had actually been a successful surrogate for a couple nearly two years ago. With a degree in Psychology, an extensive health screening before her first pregnancy and even afterward and an overall assessment through LifeStart of habits and activities of daily living she seemed like a great choice.
It was to our benefit that she was also one of the surrogates that kept her records up to date with the clinic.
Once we chose Angel as our surrogate Rhonda let us know that she would arrange a meeting in the near future. We drove home excited and nervous.
“Wow,” Malaysia whispered from the passenger seat. “So, this is it. We’re doing it.”
“Yep,” I replied with a smile.
“Going to be parents.”
“Yep. If all goes well.”
She reached over to my right hand that sat on the gear shift and lightly squeezed it. I looked at her and she gave me a sweet smile.
Once home, I received an email from Rhonda with the details of our first meeting with Angel. This was it. We’d be meeting with her on Thursday at her yoga studio. That night we both tried to clear our minds and just get some rest after all the excitement.
I’m not sure who slept less: myself or Malaysia. We still were experiencing the afterglow of our vacation and the excitement of our adventure in parenting beginning. My dreams reflected that as I tossed and turned that night.
I was in the foyer of the house. I wasn’t yet aware I was dreaming. The floor seemed to float with every step I took toward the steps that lead upstairs. I was hearing what sounded like an infant crying.
The higher I got up the stairs, the more the whole upstairs seemed cast in a red glow. And I could hear that sound again. It was a sound similar to a car alarm in sync with the baby’s insistent wails. My feet felt like lead with every step and my heart was beating faster and faster.
I reached the upstairs and the red glow was now coming from the spare room to the right of our bedroom. The door was slightly cracked, and I could hear the child’s cries from inside.
I slowly pushed the door open and there on the far wall was a crib. I could just barely make out a small form laying inside, kicking its legs and crying. I made my way cautiously across the floor. The car horn was blaring over and over in the room, but I couldn’t see any source for the sound anywhere. I looked over in the crib and even knowing it was an infant I was looking at, I couldn’t make any features.
I picked it up and the car horn got louder and louder. I turned to walk slowly out of the room with the child in my arms as if hypnotized by some unseen force. I didn’t turn to see the car come crashing through the wall from outside the house. I had not questioned even then how a car could come through an upstairs exterior wall. Still, I heard the chaos of broken glass and drywall crumbling and the repetitive beeping was now one long wail as the car sailed toward us.
I awoke nearly gasping and shouting. Malaysia abruptly sat up alongside me in bed.
“Daniel! What is it!” Her voice sounded panicked. I must have given her a good start from my own sudden movement next to her.
Sweat was across my brow and my heart was racing. I looked around our dark bedroom as Malaysia began rubbing my arm. No red light. No crashing car coming through the window or the wall. No signs of a child. Just our bedroom as it was before I dozed off.
“Bad dream,” I grumbled. I rubbed my eyes and slowly laid back down. Malaysia sneaked her right arm up underneath my arm and hugged up close as I turned on my side. I needed to wrap my mind around these night terrors--they were becoming more and more frequent over the past month. I could only hope once we managed to get things underway with becoming new parents they would decrease or stop altogether.
Malaysia
It was finally the big day to meet Angel. We got up early even though our meeting at her yoga studio wasn’t until 10 a.m. We had spoken with her over the phone the day before and she said she had a bit of a surprise for us if we were up for it, so we needed to wear workout gear of some kind. Daniel and I were definitely game.
We arrived at Breath It In Yoga about fifteen minutes before ten. Sitting a parking space facing the studio we both seemed to take a deep breath in unison. I looked to Daniel. He hadn’t told me what his nightmare from last night was about, but I was hoping it wasn’t from anxiety over this new direction we both had chosen.
I rubbed his arm lightly. “You ready?” I asked.
“Ready as I’m going to be,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt.
As we entered the studio we saw a decent sized group of women and one or two men looking as though they were preparing to start their yoga class. You could tell who was more comfortable and familiar with going through the motions and who was as new to it all as Daniel and me.
Almost immediately a spritely cheerful young woman in her mid-twenties approached us from out of nowhere.
“Daniel? Malaysia?” Her voice was a much deeper, sultry tone than expected. Her youthful features and burgundy red ponytail bounced, and pale blue eyes lit up with excitement as she approached.
“Yeah. Angel?” I was certain this was her despite her sounding just a bit different in person than over the phone.
“Yes, ma’am,” she said gleefully as she extended her hand. “I’m so excited to be helping you with your future plans and glad you made it in time for an instruction today.”
Angel’s upbeat personality definitely put me at ease, and Daniel as well.
After some more pleasantries and getting a bit more acquainted, she asked us to grab a mat since we didn’t bring our own and pick anywhere in the room we’d like before she got started with the yoga session.
Neither of us had tried our hand at yoga before so this was going down as another new experience among many others to come.
Throughout the many stretches and poses, I would glance over at Daniel and see him looking as though was honestly at ease. I knew something was plaguing him and that it was definitely connected with his nightmares, but I couldn’t get him to open up to me. As close as we had become over the past two months this was the one thing I wanted him to desperately take down before we started our regular visits with Angel at the clinic.
Our first yoga session ended with more soreness than expected but definitely a greater sense of wellness.
We met with Angel after many of the others had left.
“So, how’d you guys like it,” she asked with a big smile.
“Definitely more intense than I anticipated,” Daniel responded.
“It can be. But the more you do it and the more positive thinking you incorporate, it becomes as easy as breathing. I also do yoga specifically for expectant mothers because of my being a surrogate before. It’s more beneficial than people realize.”
Here was my opportunity to crack the door a bit to some of our more latent issues with the parenting journey ahead.
“I also understand you do a kind of meditative practice,” I spoke up.
“Definitely! Sometimes, just doing yoga stretches doesn’t work out the spiritual kinks. You need something a little more in depth. Why? You two aren’t already having the baby bummers, are you? At least that’s what I call it,” she giggled.
Daniel kind of cleared as throat as if he were going to jump into defensive mode any moment. Instead, he kind of glanced away, silent. I again chose to speak up.
“A little bit, yeah. It’s been nothing but appointments and decisions and changes and us still working amidst it all.”
“Ah,” she sighed. She suddenly clapped her hands together in what seemed like a moment of inspiration and even seemed to bounce a little bit on her toes.
“We can start having small guided meditation sessions,” Angel suggested. “It’ll be a great way to get to know each other better while we also start on the path to you two becoming parents. What do you say?”
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