Strange Robby

by Selina Rosen

  "If you'd asked me, I would have told you. You didn't have to do this. What if I wasn't? That would be even more awkward than this is."

  "That's what I told Laura. It wasn't my idea; I told her not to do it. And between you and me, I don't see how it could be any more awkward," Tommy said.

  "That woman is . . . well she's way out of my league. I only ever date really homely women; there's less heart ache and rejection that way," Spider mumbled.

  "Rejection's good for the soul."

  "Then I must have a huge fucking soul."

  "Let's just try to make the best of it, all right? Laura said she wanted to meet you."

  "Why?" Spider asked in disbelief.

  "I don't know. Maybe she only dates ugly chicks because there is less fear of rejection."

  Tommy waved. Laura and Carrie saw them, and they started over. He looked at his partner, who had turned a cool shade of green. He felt for her. He'd been set up before, and—at least in his experience—it was never a good thing.

  "How do I look?" Spider asked.

  "Green," Tommy said truthfully.

  "It's a good color for me," Spider said nervously.

  "She's just turned green," Laura said in answer to Carrie's question.

  "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, Laura," Carrie said nervously.

  "If you really want to go out with her, this is about the only way it's going to happen," Laura said. "She's just nervous. I don't think she gets out much; mostly she just works."

  "Maybe if I got out a little more I wouldn't be trying to pick up girls I meet at work. She's going to think I'm desperate or just plain weird. I think this was a big mistake."

  "We'll pretend like it was all my idea. What have you got to lose?"

  "My dignity," Carrie mumbled.

  A few seconds later they reached the table. "I hope you don't mind," Laura said. "I brought Carrie along. You kind of know each other from work, but Carrie Long this is my husband, Tommy Chan."

  They shook hands.

  "And this is his partner, Spider Webb."

  Spider took the outstretched hand. Long, delicate, well-manicured fingers clasped Spider's huge, scared, chapped, sweaty palm in a firm, friendly grip. Spider looked up at the woman. Carrie smiled at her, and Spider's head spun. The assistant DA was breathtaking. It wasn't the first time she'd noticed that. It was, however, the first time she had allowed herself to take a really good look. She looked again at the woman's hand, her arms, her . . .

  "Spider, let go," Tommy whispered in her ear.

  "Ah, yeah. Sorry!" Spider felt like an idiot. She let go of the woman's hand. Carrie sat beside her.

  Spider stiffened. I'm a fucking idiot. Pull your head out of your ass, your foot out of your mouth, and say something coherent that doesn't have anything to do with her tits or her ass.

  The bartender came over, bringing Laura's drink, their beers, and apparently to save Spider's life.

  "Would you like something to drink?" Spider asked.

  Carrie looked at Spider and smiled, seeming to immediately relax. "So, you buying me a drink, sailor?"

  Spider started breathing and smiled easily back. "Actually, I was never a sailor, ma'am."

  Carrie looked at the waiter. "Bourbon and branch."

  The waiter nodded and left to get the drink.

  Carrie checked Spider out as inconspicuously as possible. She sure did like the package. She'd dated a cop before. She'd been a decent lay, but fucking brain-dead otherwise, and about as interesting as a turnip. She knew that wasn't the case with Spider Webb. This woman was vital and alive. She was also wired and impulsive, and those were never bad things in a lover.

  "So, did you pay the girl to scream?" she asked Spider matter-of-factly. Across the table Tommy spit beer, and Laura quickly cleaned it up, avoiding their eyes.

  Spider looked right into her eyes and without flinching asked, "What if I did?"

  "I'd tell you to get some acting lessons before you do it again," Carrie said, taking her drink from the waiter.

  "I'll take that under consideration." Spider took a sip of her beer.

  Carrie smiled her very best I already have you smile and moved closer to Spider.

  Tommy wanted to curl up and die. He didn't want to be here when they were doing whatever it was that they were doing, and he wasn't really sure what that was. Either they were flirting or Carrie was fixing to indict Spider. Either way he hated it, and he hated Laura for making him be there while they were doing it.

  "This sucks," he whispered in Laura's ear.

  "No, no! They're hitting it off," Laura whispered back.

  "And you can tell, how?" Tommy asked.

  Laura worked it masterfully so that Spider and Carrie were in a car alone. Well, not actually a car, Spider's Isuzu pickup truck.

  At least it's clean, Spider thought.

  "So, you lived here long?" Spider asked. Oh, God! What a lame ass question. What's next, asking her sign? Someone, please save me from myself! At this rate it will be another five years before I get laid again.

  "I've lived here most of my life, but I just started working in the DA's office about two years ago, and I only took over as assistant DA six months ago. I was working and living in LA for a while before that. You know how it is, I was born here, grew up here, went to school here, so I just wanted to be anywhere that wasn't here. After five years in LA I was ready to come back home."

  "I . . . I was born here in Shea City. I've lived here all my life except when I was in the service." Do I sound like a total fucking idiot or what?

  "Nervous?" Carrie asked.

  "A little . . . No, that's a lie. A lot."

  "If you'd rather not do this . . . "

  "No, no that's not it. I admit that at first I was a little weirded out, but . . . There's a reason I don't date. You see, any time I'm really attracted to a woman, my IQ drops about a hundred points. I'm afraid I'm going to say or do the wrong thing, and so of course I do. I'm so afraid that she's going to think I'm a dork that I act like, well . . . a total fucking dork."

  Carrie laughed. "And so you just don't date?"

  "Not on purpose," Spider said with a smile.

  Carrie laughed again. "Will it help if I tell you that I don't think you're a dork?"

  "Ah! But you haven't really given me a chance yet."

  Dinner went surprisingly well. To Tommy it seemed that Carrie and Spider were talking easily. The veins in Spider's temples even stopped throbbing. Seeing that Spider had calmed down allowed him to relax a little, but he didn't feel any less embarrassed. He felt he'd dealt better with his partner's sexuality when they just didn't talk about it. Tommy glared at Laura every time their eyes met, and she just smiled back at him, completely undaunted. Which made him want to scream.

  They had finished their dinner and were now all just sitting around, talking over coffee.

  "So, how did you get a name like Spider Webb?" Carrie asked.

  "My mother was apparently a wild child. My father picked my brother Scott's name, and so he had this really normal Scott Webb thing going on. My mother named me Spider. I didn't really know her because she died in a car wreck when I was real young, two or three. I always thought that my name was the way my mother made sure she'd always be with me. Everything I know about my mother I know because of my name. My father never talked about her, and wouldn't allow us to, either. To this day I don't know why." Her voice changed took on a bitter edge. "Maybe just because he was a mean, bitter old son of a bitch." She looked around then, seeming to realize that she had been speaking aloud.

  Tommy was shocked. Fifteen years he'd known this woman, and he hadn't known any of that. He'd never even thought to ask about her name; it was just her name.

  "Carrie," Spider said, looking at Carrie and obviously wanting to change the subject. "That's Celtic isn't it?"

  "Yes, it is. It means . . . "

  "Dark one," Spider said.

  "Yes," Carrie said with surprise and slightly raised eyebr
ows. "How did you . . . "

  "She reads too much," Tommy answered.

  Carrie looked across the truck at Spider. She was taking her back to the courthouse and Carrie's car.

  "Dinner was good," Carrie said conversationally. "I like Italian food."

  "Bartelo's is my favorite restaurant."

  "So Laura said," Carrie said with a smile. With Spider's attention on the road she gave her a good looking over without fear of being caught. Externally she couldn't find one thing she didn't like. The woman's hands were freakishly large, but she didn't necessarily think that was a bad thing, not if she knew how to use them—and Carrie had a feeling she did. But there was no doubt that Spider Webb was trouble, a person carrying baggage filled with secrets. Carrie had a suspicion that there were things you'd never know about Spider Webb, no matter how intimate you became. Of course all these things that should have been ringing all her warning bells only made Carrie want Spider that much more.

  Carrie had long ago accepted that she was a decidedly unhealthy girl.

  She could tell Spider was attracted to her, too. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at her the way Spider Webb had tonight, with something more than just lust. Carrie was having those "this might actually be something" feelings which were usually nonexistent on a first date.

  Involuntarily she started thinking about all the things she could do to Spider. All of the things she wanted her to do to her. I wish she wasn't hell-bent on taking me back to my car. I know it's too soon, but I really want to be with her. The last thing I want to do tonight is go back to my empty house and an empty bed. I wish she'd pull this car over, and . . .

  Suddenly Spider flipped a big U-turn in the middle of the road and headed back the other way. Carrie expected her to pop a light on the roof and activate a siren, but she obviously wasn't in pursuit of anyone.

  "What the hell?"

  Spider swallowed. "Want to go to my place?" she asked nervously.

  "Ah . . . what?" My god! I sound like a fucking idiot. "I'd love to."

  Carrie looked at the clock. It was one in the morning. She had an early court date and no change of clothes, and she just didn't give a damn. She lay more on Spider than beside her, enjoying the feel of Spider's hands where they caressed her back.

  "Can I stay?" she asked, surprised to find that she suddenly felt shy.

  "Yes." They kissed again. This time gently, lovingly.

  Spider turned out the light, and Carrie moved to wrap herself around her. She couldn't bear to let her go. How can I feel like this? I hardly know this woman, yet she knows me, what I want, what I need. Please God don't let me be reading her wrong, don't let this be a one way thing.

  "You can stay as long as you like," Spider whispered.

  Chapter Five

  "Better is a poor and wise child than an old and foolish

  king, who no longer knows how to take care of himself."

  Ecclesiastes 4:13

  Carrie skidded in to work twenty minutes late. Her hair was a mess, she was wearing the same clothes she had worn the night before, she was hurried and hustled, and grinning from ear to ear.

  Laura laughed at the sight of her. "Someone got lucky."

  Carrie waved her in and motioned for her to shut the door.

  "My God, Laura!" Carrie sat down at her desk, and started digging through her purse looking for her comb and primping necessities. "It was amazing! Like nothing I've ever had before." If it was possible, an even more stupid grin came across her face. "And now I will say something that's going to make me sound like an utter lunatic, so you have to forget I ever said it. I know it's crazy, because I don't really even know her, but . . . I think I'm in love with that woman. It's such a lesbian cliché, to go out on one date and start saying you've met your soul mate, but I've never done it till now, I swear."

  Carrie worked on making herself look presentable, and succeeded to a degree that made Laura want to hate her.

  "I think that's great," Laura said. She couldn't wait to tell Tommy. He'd kept her up half the night, bitching at her for dragging him into that shit. Complaining that his poor partner had looked like a deer caught in headlights. Tommy had refused to back down even when she had reminded him that they had left together and no one was holding a gun to anyone's head. She couldn't wait to tell him that she was right and he had been wrong.

  Carrie stood up, took off her suit jacket, and straightened out her shirt. Then she rolled her skirt so that it was at least two inches shorter. "So, does it look like a different outfit?"

  Laura nodded in appreciation. "You do this a lot?"

  Carrie smiled. "Never for such a good reason."

  "Tommy's a little bent over the whole thing. He knew Spider was gay, but he didn't know, if you know what I mean. Now he's afraid they'll have to have a conversation which gets beyond 'Uh huh' and 'want another beer'."

  Carrie laughed. "I don't think he needs to worry about it. If she hasn't talked to him about it before, it's not likely that she's going to start now. Well . . . I'd love to talk for hours and hours, but I'm late already. So bring me the McGillicutty files and lots and lots of coffee."

  Tommy didn't know why he let her drive. It was almost better when she was depressed and sleep deprived. She zipped in and out of traffic, humming tunelessly until finally he couldn't stand it anymore.

  "OK! All right already," Tommy said, throwing up his hands. "So did you do the DA?"

  "Assistant DA," Spider grinned wildly, and Tommy growled back, so she answered his question. "Many, many times. Then I slept, really slept, for the first time in weeks. Then I woke up and we did it again."

  "So the 'my life sucks, it's always sucked, and it's always going to suck' of yesterday is now behind us?"

  "Right now they could drop a bomb on the hood of this car, and I'd say look at all the pretty colors."

  Tommy laughed, shook his head, and changed the subject. "So, have you given up your teacher, fire starter, family man theory?"

  "Nope, that was not merely a delusional thing caused by my depression."

  Their comlinks buzzed and a message came through from central. This time the body was in an alley again.

  Barney Jones had not been a nice man. He'd been busted three times for selling narcotics to minors. Just six months ago they'd had to watch him squirrel his way out of a murder rap. The victim had been a sixteen-year-old girl that he'd gotten drunk. He'd been screwing her when she'd died of alcohol poisoning, and from the coroner's reports he hadn't stopped screwing her even then. Her genitals were all but mutilated by his constant pounding. They should have taken him out and hung him from his dick. Somehow he weaseled his way out of the murder rap and they convicted him of statutory rape, for which he had served a whole six months. Then the courts put him right back on the streets again. But he hadn't been out long when the Angel of Death had swooped down and microwaved his brain.

  The coroner pulled back the sheet for Spider and Tommy.

  "Ding dong the wicked witch is gone," Spider muttered, laughing a little. Even Tommy couldn't wipe the smile from his face.

  "You know him?" the coroner asked.

  "Barney Jones. A real low life, and a candidate for the hit parade," Tommy said and explained about the young woman whose life had been ended by him.

  Spider was talking to the bartender. " . . . Strange Robby was here. He's the guy that picks up our weird trash. You know, the stuff the garbage guys won't take. He may have been out here when this happened."

  "Why do they call him Strange Robby?" she asked curiously.

  The bartender shrugged. "I don't know, they just do."

  "Do you know where he lives?" Spider asked.

  "Better than that; I got his card."

  Spider followed the guy into the bar. It was a real dive. The people inside looked more like caricatures of scum than real people. The guy handed her the card, and she took it wishing she'd left her latex gloves on. One look at the card told her why they called him Strange Robby; t
he guy's real name was Robert Strange.

  Spider was already in the driver's seat, so that meant Tommy had to ride shotgun again. Tommy slid into the car and closed the door. "Poor Barney Jones, couldn't happen to a nicer guy." He laughed. "I love this Fry Guy, Spider."

  Spider nodded. "We got a potential witness. I figure if we talk to him we can maybe keep the Feds from doing it and finding something out."