I looked at her text again and against my better judgement I hit reply.
Hey, I’m in Denver living the life, you? C.
I didn’t quite expect such a quick reply, but there it was.
I’m in Lafayette, we’re neighbours, fancy that!
I could hardly stand the suspense, there was more to this than idle chit chat, so instead of responding by text I called.
There was a slight delay in her answering her phone, and I was about to hang up when a tentative hello resonated on the other side.
“I hope you don’t mind me calling you,” I said and as lowered myself down on the sofa toeing my boots off.
“Oh no, not at all, it was a little unexpected, that’s all,” she said, she sounded different. Obviously four years down the line I couldn’t exactly expect her to sound the same, but I did notice that there was sadness in her tone.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course it is…” a suspended pause followed, “well, no. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“I gathered as much after Damien told me to call you, so what’s up?” I asked and for some reason the thought of her getting married popped up in my mind. I felt my mood change from indifference to annoyance. Why would her getting married affect me this way after all these years? I shifted and stuffed another cushion under my head. I had no reason to be upset in fact I should be happy for her.
“Caleb, I-I don’t know how to say this…” she started.
“You’re getting married, is that it?” I butted in.
“What? No!” she said in a high-pitched tone followed by a soft controlled sigh, “maybe this was a mistake, I need to go.”
Without as much as a goodbye she hung up and I stared blankly at my phone. I wanted to call her back but the uneasy feeling that settled in the pit of my stomach made me think twice. Instead of calling her back, I shoved my phone in my pocket and got on my bike again. Maybe she was right, it was a mistake and repeating history had the habit of stabbing you in the back. I much preferred to let sleeping dogs lie.
Chapter 5
Rae
What was I thinking considering telling Caleb about Braden after all these years? Caleb had gone on with his life, and I was sure that the last thing he would expect is a surprise father’s-day gift. To suddenly throw a spanner in the works for him could have serious implications. What if he was married or planning to get married, what would his wife or fiancée do or say? The thought of him being married caught me by surprise as a sudden stab of pain poked at my insides, but the moment it surfaced I was quick to suppressed it with a dose of reality.
All these years, I managed quite fine on my own and if it wasn’t for Braden’s imaginary world, I would not be in this predicament in the first place, in fact, I wouldn’t even have considered calling him at all. I looked down at Braden where he sat playing with his Legos and I couldn’t help but smile, when he was like this he was so easy to handle and these were the times I wish I could just reach out and hug him and never let him go. Just as I moved to sit on the floor with Braden and attempt to play with him, my phone rang, and when I saw the caller ID my heart skipped a beat. It was Caleb. He wasn’t going to let it go, was he?
“Hello,” I answered tentatively.
“Hey, I figured you needed time to gather yourself after my call last night,” he said and paused, “You wanted to tell me something?”
“It was nothing,” I lied.
“Are you kidding me? After five years, you call to tell me something and then get cold feet?”
I went quiet, and I could hear Caleb breathing on the other end, maybe it was time to come clean and this was a cosmic sign to speak my mind once and for all.
“I have a, well actually, we have a son, he’s four years old now and his name is Braden.”
You know that feeling you get when it feels as if your entire world just got sucked into a black hole and everything faded into the shadows of uncertainty leaving you with nothing but the unexpected truth staring you right in the face? No, me neither and why? Because I knew that the moment I told Caleb he was a father, it will undeniably change the past, present and the future. That was the exact magnitude of this weighted situation. I bet you Caleb had his entire life mapped out; from the coffee he drank every morning to the toothpaste he’d been using since I first met him. And this was the last thing he would have expected, and by the deadly silence that followed, I knew that he was not going to take lightly to the news.
“I’m sorry? Did you just say I have a son?” he sounded tentative.
“Yes, his name is Braden, he’s four now.”
“Send me your address, I’m sending my driver to pick you up,” he demanded and by the tone of his voice, I couldn’t quite determine if he was angry, sad or excited.
“You’re sending your driver?”
I should have figured, even with all that went down when his dad walked out on him; he still had the luxuries most other people could only dream of.
“Yes, my driver. Since I have a son I would very much like to see him,” he stated, a little too expressively.
“I know you do, but there are things I need to tell you first…”
“It can wait, make sure you’re packed and ready, now can I please have your address?”
I rambled off my address and then we ended the call.
This was not going to be a walk in the park; I could tell by his tone that he was upset, if not upset at least irritated. What surprised me even more was that he simply accepted it. I would have expected him to at least question my intensions, but instead he simply arranged for his driver to collect me.
Chapter 6
Caleb
I stared down at the small piece of paper I scribbled Rae’s address down on; my mind was still spinning like an out of control gear on a lawnmower. All this time and she never bothered to let me know I had a son. Expecting her to be married and dealing with my own disappointment was one thing, finding out that I’m a dad was a whole different ball game. It was like throwing me into a tennis game expecting me to know what I’m doing.
I dragged my fingers through my hair and sank down on the sofa. The why’s and if’s all started to fight a territorial battle in my mind all at once. The overwhelming realization that I was a father was almost too surreal.
I grabbed my phone again and dialled Damien, he had some serious explaining to do, I would have expected my best friend to at least give me some warning.
“Hey, so I assume you spoke to Rae?” Damien said straight off the bat and it instantly annoyed me.
“Bro, seriously, you knew that I was a dad and never bothered to tell me?” I ground out as I paced up and down.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you, she’s my sister and besides, it was only a hunch I had all this time, she only admitted it to me when I told you to get in touch with her again.”
The thing with Damien was that he was painfully in control of any situation even at the worst of times. By the tone of his voice he didn’t sound intimidated or upset, he sounded as if he rehearsed this for a public speech to convince people that radioactive waste was safe.
“Bullshit! You knew this all along and if you had told me about this back when we were in the military, I would have tried to at least be supportive of Rae, and I would have had a chance to get to know my own son.”
“I swear to you, I didn’t know. She never even told our parents you were the father.”
“For fuck sakes man, I have no idea how to raise a son,” I admitted and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“So you’re planning on raising Braden?”
“No, yes, I mean, I have no idea. I’ve sent Samson to go fetch them and bring them to Denver, I honestly have no idea what to expect.”
“A word of advice, they are both fragile, especially Braden so try and stay calm. Things will work themselves out.”
What did he mean by fragile, was Rae in some sort of trouble?
“Fra
gile, how?”
“That my friend, you will soon figure out, all I’m asking is that you take the time to listen to Rae,” he said. But I wasn’t so sure if I could be tamed after finding out that the mother of my child had kept him hidden from me as if he was a dirty secret.
“I can’t promise you that, but I’ll try,” I said and then hung up.
There were so many secrets all of a sudden, and I had no idea how to handle it. In my world, it was a matter of black and white. You tackle the player; you steal the ball you score a tri. There were no grey areas, but now I was facing a million shades of grey all at the same time.
Chapter 7
Raedene
Everything just happened so fast, by nine o’clock the next morning a Lexus pulled up in front of the house and good old Samson got out and opened the door for us. Some things never change; I can still remember him being dropped off at college by Samson. Caleb was always the spoiled, rich kid amongst the rest of us. Things did however change drastically after his parents’ divorce, and for some reason I figured that he may have finally descended by force of gravity and tasted real-life after he left for the military.
“Miss Callaway, it’s lovely to see you again,” Samson greeted me with a friendly smile.
“Hi Samson, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”
“Indeed. And I see your little boy looks just like you,” he commented.
It was true, Braden had my strawberry blonde hair and forest green eyes, but on closer inspection the shape of his mouth and nose was a cloned copy of Caleb’s.
“Yes he has my eyes, but that’s about it.” Did Samson know that Braden was Caleb’s son? Unsure of what Caleb had confided in his old friend, I omitted to mention the resemblances between the two.
The closer we got to Denver the more nervous I became, so much so that I could feel a hollow form in the pit of my stomach. The last time I was this nervous was when I found out I was pregnant. It was like yesterday when I looked at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test, and now I had no idea how I was going to explain to Caleb why I never told him.
As we turned into the driveway through the large automated gates I wanted to run. He really outdid himself this time. The house looked like a glorified bachelor pad with a masterful modern cubed design and large windows. It was nothing short of a glass house apart from the concrete and wood that panelled the sides, definitely not designed for a family or kids. Not that I was actually hoping to rekindle an old flame, frankly there was nothing left to rekindle.
To make matters worse, Caleb was standing outside on the stairs, legs apart and his arms folded across his chest. Completely transformed, he was much bulkier in his biceps and chest than I remember. The frown that furrowed between his brows was intimidating and for a moment I contemplated asking Samson to take me back home. If it wasn’t for Braden, I probably would have been gone by now.
Caleb reached the car and opened the door for us and I attempted a casual smile, I could feel the muscles in my cheeks jump uncomfortably and I quickly pursed my lips to relieve the tension.
“I’m glad you decided to come,” he said without a smile but glanced right past me at Braden who was still fast asleep on the back seat.
You didn’t really give me a choice, I thought to say, but instead I nodded, “It wasn’t too much trouble.”
Samson brought our luggage and came to stand beside me and Caleb’s frown deepened, “Is that all you have with you?”
What did he expect, it wasn’t as if I was moving in, “Yes, it’s just a weekend bag, it’s enough for a couple of days.”
I saw the muscle jump in his jaw as he clenched his mouth shut, clearly holding back whatever he wanted to say.
“Samson will take your stuff upstairs; will you be okay to carry him or can I take him?” he asked hesitantly.
“No it’s fine, I’ll take him,” I quickly said and ducked into the car pulling Braden closer and lifting him into my arms.
“Are you sure? He looks a little heavy.”
“I’m used to it and I don’t want him to wake up in a stranger’s arms,” I said and immediately wished I had a filter.
The pain that flashed in Caleb’s eyes was evident, and I instantly felt terrible. Although he was technically a stranger to Braden, he was still his dad and it wasn’t exactly his fault that he never had part in his son’s life.
“Actually, my back is hurting a little, so if you don’t mind carrying him that will be great.”
I carefully placed Braden in Caleb’s arms and as his hand brushed my arm I felt that familiar spark that shot through every fibre of my being and from the look in his eyes, he felt it too. I clumsily took a step back and he abruptly turned away and headed into the house. I waited outside for a few minutes to calm the raging storm inside me. I was halfway up the stairs when my heart stopped, I could have sworn I heard Braden’s voice and as I entered the open plan living room I stopped. Caleb was sitting on a small square bench with Braden next to him looking through a state of the art telescope. I literally clutched the front of my shirt trying to calm myself down since it felt as if my heart was about to jump out of my chest.
“Now if you turn this knob just a little to the left it increases the focus ratio. Can you see the craters on the moon now?” Caleb asked Braden.
“I can!” Braden said excitedly, “Is there really a man on the moon?”
“I think there is buddy, but he hides so well. Maybe one day we’ll be able to see him.”
Oh dear god, Braden was having a conversation with Caleb, how was that even possible? Braden hardly spoke to me other than when he needed food, or water. Tears stung my eyes, I felt like a complete failure as a mother.
“Miss Callaway, can I show you to your room?”
Samson appeared next to me just in time to save me from a completely breakdown. I glanced at Caleb and he nodded, that was my cue. And with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat, I followed Samson.
Chapter 8
Caleb
For a moment before Rae arrived I had doubts about Braden. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was really mine, but when I laid eyes on him as Rae placed him in my arms, all the doubt I harboured disappeared. He may have her hair and eyes but he definitely had my features. And now sitting here with him looking at the moon, even if it was broad daylight, it felt as if my heart was about to explode in my chest. He was such a bright little boy regardless of the sadness in his eyes.
I spent most of the day catching up with Braden, who told me the strangest story of his mother and sister, but I assumed it was his imagination running away with him so I simply played along. He spoke of them with such conviction that he could make me believe they were real.
Later that evening after he was settled down and was sleeping peacefully, I waited for Rae to join me for dinner. Naturally I had completely forgotten that I had a date with a friend and when the doorbell rang I cursed inwardly and rushed to do damage control.
“Hey handsome, you ready to go?” Joanne said as she sauntered into the house.
“Hey, I’m kind of in the middle of something, I had unexpected guests that arrived a little while ago, can we do this another time?” I asked uncomfortably.
“Oh please, no need to hide your guests from me, we can just stay in and order some dinner.”
She was relentless, and the only reason I kept her company was because she was hot. It was all about the ego if I was honest.
“It’s a little complicated, but I’ll call you tomorrow and explain everything,” I said modestly, walking her out the door.
“Caleb?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Shit.
“Oh who’s that?” Joanne asked and peeked over my shoulder.
“No-one,” I said and took her by her arm.
“Caleb, Braden is awake and he’s looking for you…” Rae started and then grew silent.
“I’ll be right up,” I said as Joanne pushed past me.
Great! Just what I needed, I turned to Rae and ste
pped aside, “Rae, this is Joanne, Joanne, this is Rae, she’s here with her son for the weekend,” the daggers that shot from Rae’s eyes did not go unnoticed, and I quickly corrected myself, “I mean with our son, so I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
The way Joanne raised her brows was nothing but arrogant and to top it off, she looked Rae up and down as if she was something that the cat dragged in. I’m not going to lie, but Joanne lacked the humble-factor. And right now, I just needed her gone.
By comparison Rae was everything Joanne wasn’t. She was beautiful in a natural kind of way, she didn’t plaster her face with makeup thick enough to scrape off with a spatula, and she was naturally shaped, unlike the overly thin women that hang out in the locker rooms waiting to bait the unsuspecting sport stars with their glamor and haughty attitudes. My chest tightened when Rae disappeared around the corner, but at the same time relief flooded me when Joanne spun around on her heels and stormed down the stairs back to her car. At least that settled it, I only had one woman to contend with at this point, and Joanne was hardly intimidating. In no time, she would be moving on to her next victim like a praying mantis and I’ll be nothing but a memory.
I found Rae outside at the pool when I finally conjured up the courage to talk to her.
“You didn’t have to walk away, Joanne was leaving anyway,” I said as I came to sit on the lounger next to her.
“It’s none of my business, you can entertain whoever you want, it’s your house,” she said laying back and closing her eyes.
“I know that,” I said trying not to let my irritation surface, “But if you haven’t noticed, I just found out I am a father; it’s a lot of information to process, so I didn’t feel like other company. Why after all these years did you only contact me now?”
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