For my very cute (and smart) little sister, Stephanie
—FW
For our Middle Pete
—JW
Contents
Cover
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
About the author
About the illustrator
Also available
Copyright
ONE
Ernie Eggers stood outside the Superheroes Society (Baxter Branch) on High Street, waiting. Maud was late.
Because he was a newish superhero—he had only been in training for a few months, after all—it still gave him a thrill to see himself in costume. Angling himself slightly so as to see his reflection in the window of the laundromat next door, he admired the fluorescent green one-piece suit with the gold lightning bolts on the sleeves and the long, swishing cape.
Finally he heard the familiar clip-clop of hooves tripping down the pavement and saw his sidekick, pink cape fluttering, trotting towards him.
Ernie had been thrilled to win a superhero contest and become Extraordinary Ernie (after school on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, and all day Saturday). But his excitement had turned to dismay when he discovered that his sidekick was to be a sheep. It didn’t take him long to realise, though, that there had never been another sheep quite like Marvellous Maud.
‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ panted Maud.
‘That’s all right,’ said Ernie. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Don’t ask!’ said Maud, throwing a leg in the air. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Oh, sorry,’ said Ernie, bewildered.
‘Well, if you must know,’ Maud continued, as if she hadn’t heard him, ‘it’s all my little sister’s fault.’
The pair began to walk up High Street on their regular Saturday patrol, which stretched along the block of shops from the Baxter town hall at one end to the park at the other.
‘I was getting ready this morning and I couldn’t find my superhero cape anywhere. And do you know where it was?’
Ernie, who didn’t know, shook his head.
‘My little sister was using it for dress-ups!’ Maud said in disgust. ‘She has no respect for my things.’
Ernie grimaced sympathetically.
‘Do you have any brothers or sisters?’ Maud asked.
‘No,’ said Ernie. ‘I’m an only child.’
‘Oh, you don’t know how lucky you are,’ she sighed. ‘I’m a middle sheep. I’ve got an older sister and a younger sister, and next to them I might as well be invisible.’
Ernie found this hard to believe.
‘I’m not smart, like my big sister Doris.’ She sniffed.
‘But, Maud,’ Ernie protested, ‘you’re the smartest person—or sheep—I know.’
Maud shot him a grateful look. ‘And you’d say I was cute, wouldn’t you, Ernie? Well, apparently I’m not as cute as my little sister Mavis,’ Maud grumbled before Ernie could respond.
‘Don’t be upset, Maud,’ said Ernie earnestly. ‘I mean, look at you—you’re a superhero sidekick. You stamp out mischief and run down wrongdoers. No sheep has ever contributed so much to society!’
Maud brightened. ‘You’re right,’ she said. Maud’s natural good cheer was never far from the surface.
They had a busy morning. Saturday was always bustling.
Ernie found Mrs Evans’s lost purse, which
she had dropped into a pile of bananas in the fruit shop.
Maud gave a screaming child a ride on her back until he was all smiles.
When a sudden gust of wind blew Mr Carter’s toupee from his head, Ernie chased it all the way down the street.
And just before lunchtime, Maud threw herself in front of a runaway pram, earning the praise of the thankful mother.
They stopped for lunch, taking some salad sandwiches to the park as usual. (Ernie didn’t eat meat when in the company of Maud, who was a vegetarian.)
As they lazed under a tree, soaking up the few rays of late-summer sunshine, Maud said thoughtfully, ‘I was thinking about what you said this morning—about making a contribution to society? And it’s true that as a superhero sidekick I’ve been able to help people. But it’s also helped me so much, too. I’m seeing a lot more of the world, making new friends … It’s a shame that more middle sheep haven’t had the opportunity I’ve had.’
‘I know what you mean, Maud,’ said Ernie.
Together they gathered up their rubbish and dropped it in the bin on their way back to High Street.
As they left the park they were surprised to see that a crowd had formed around the tree that stood near the gutter outside the supermarket.
All the faces were tilted up, looking at something in the branches.
At that moment one of the crowd noticed the approaching superheroes. ‘Come quick!’ he cried. ‘There’s a poor little kitten stuck in the tree!’
Oh no! Ernie and Maud began to run.
TWO
The crowd moved back when the two superheroes reached the tree so they could see for themselves the mewling black kitten stuck high in the branches.
Ernie and Maud looked at each other.
‘I’ll have to climb up and get it, Maud,’ Ernie said seriously.
The sheep nodded her agreement. ‘I’ll give you a boost,’ she said. ‘And, Ernie? Be careful.’
Maud braced herself, and Ernie stepped onto her broad back from which he could reach the tree’s lowest branch. Seizing it, he swung himself up and from there began to scale the trunk. His mouth felt dry and he tried hard not to look down.
About halfway up his foot slipped on some crumbling bark.
‘Oooh!’ gasped the crowd.
Ernie’s heart pounded as he scrabbled for a foothold, desperately gripping the nearest branch. After what seemed like an age swinging high above the ground, his left foot finally found a sturdy knot.
‘Aaah!’ the crowd breathed in relief.
Ernie waited till his heart was beating normally again, then continued to climb.
When at last he reached the branch that held the whimpering kitten he sat down and paused to steady himself. Then with a quick movement he grabbed hold of the frightened animal. It squirmed and struggled in his grasp, but he took the end of his cape, pulled it over his shoulder and wrapped the kitten securely. Clasping the bundle of kitten to his chest, he began the climb down, a move made more difficult by the fact that he only had the use of one arm.
When he still had several metres to go, the kitten gave an ear-splitting yowl and flew from Ernie’s hold, causing him to wobble dangerously.
Luckily, Maud was on the alert. She trotted back and forth, trying to position herself beneath the falling kitten, who landed in a bed of springy white curls.
By the time a shaky Ernie reached the ground, Maud and the kitten appeared to be deep in conversation, though Ernie couldn’t make out what was being said.
The crowd, who had cheered the kitten’s rescue, drifted away, leaving the two superheroes and the kitten alone.
‘What kind of a crazy …’ Ernie began.
Maud, who had been nodding as she listened to the cat’s story, took him aside. ‘Tabby is a middle kitten,’ she explained, ‘and she was fed up with being ignored. That’s why she ran up the tree. Anyway, I’ve just been telling her how much being your sidekick has helped me, and it’s given me a great idea. Tabby can be my sidekick!’
‘I’ve never heard of a sidekick having a sidekick,’ Ernie objected.
‘True, but then you’d never heard of having a sheep for a sidekick either, and look how well that’s turned out,’ Maud argued.
/> Ernie shrugged. He was learning that it was useless trying to talk Maud out of anything once she’d set her mind to it. He looked at his watch. ‘Look at the time,’ he said in surprise. ‘We’d better get back to base to make our report.’
Back at 32 High Street, the four original members of the Superheroes Society (Baxter Branch) awaited their newest recruits. Housecat Woman was asleep in the armchair as usual, but the others were gathered around the table where Super Whiz, president and brains of the Baxter Branch, was lecturing the others on ‘Superheroism in the New Millennium’.
In recognition of Baxter’s record-low levels of mischief, Super Whiz had been invited to give a lecture at the National Superhero Conference the following month, and he’d insisted on trying out several possible topics on his colleagues. Valiant Vera—who was the bravest and fastest of the superheroes and also, Ernie had decided, a very nice person—was politely trying to look interested.
Amazing Desmond, yawning loudly, wasn’t even bothering to try. It was Amazing Desmond who had first spotted Ernie’s superhero potential and Maud’s sidekick potential—and although he was the least serious superhero you could possibly imagine, both Ernie and Maud agreed that Desmond was indeed amazing.
When Ernie and Maud pushed open the shabby brown door of the anonymous shopfront, Desmond leapt eagerly to his feet to greet them. Ernie wondered at first why Desmond seemed so pleased to see them, until he noticed the thick wad of papers in Super Whiz’s hand.
‘Ah, you’re just in time to hear the end of my new lecture,’ said Super Whiz. Valiant Vera gave them a weary smile.
‘Oh, ah, I think I’m expected at home,’ said Ernie quickly. ‘Aren’t you, Maud?’
Maud could only give a muffled bleat, as she had the scruff of a kitten’s neck held carefully between her teeth. Placing Tabby gently on the floor, Maud said, ‘Look! I’ve got a sidekick!’
Before she could explain, there was a loud hiss. Housecat Woman had sprung from her armchair and retreated into the corner, eyeing the kitten suspiciously.
The kitten was not a success. Ernie was amazed that so much chaos could be caused by such a small bundle of fur.
First, Tabby pranced over to Valiant Vera.
‘What a dear little kitten!’ cooed Vera as Tabby rolled onto her back to show a soft white belly But when Vera leaned down to tickle Tabby’s tummy her hand was attacked by tooth and claw. ‘Little wretch!’ cried Vera, snatching back her hand and glaring at the kitten.
Next it attacked Ernie’s cape. The faster he twisted and turned, trying to shake it off, the deeper it sank its claws into the shiny green fabric. Frustrated, Ernie took his cape in both hands and yanked it, sending the kitten tumbling onto the floor. ‘I should have left you in the tree,’ he muttered angrily.
Just then Amazing Desmond sneezed twelve times in a row. Pulling an enormous spotted handkerchief from the waistband of his tights, he honked into it loudly. ‘Allergic to cats,’ he wheezed.
Finally, Tabby sprang onto the table. She rolled and skidded along the polished wooden surface, knocking over a glass of water. It spilled all over Super Whiz’s lecture.
Super Whiz turned a peculiar shade of purple, as if he were about to burst.
It was the last straw.
‘I’m sorry, Maud,’ Valiant Vera said firmly. ‘I’m afraid that Tabby will have to go.’
THREE
Despite the problems with her first sidekick, Maud was determined.
On Monday afternoons Super Whiz held the regular weekly superhero training session. This consisted of Super Whiz giving speeches on things like ‘Capes: Dry clean or Gentle Machine Wash?’ and ‘Should Superheroes Wear Sunhats?’. When Maud turned up at the Superheroes Society office the next week, Ernie was surprised to see a little brown rabbit follow her into the room.
‘This is Albert,’ Maud said. ‘He’s a middle bunny.’
Desmond pulled out his hankie. Vera shook her head and pointed towards the door.
On Tuesday afternoon, Ernie and Maud patrolled High Street.
‘Slowdown, Ernie,’ Maud begged. ‘Poor Harold can’t keep up.’
Ernie turned to watch the progress of Harold, a friendly but slow-moving tortoise—a middle tortoise, of course.
‘I’m practically walking on the spot already,’ Ernie complained.
‘Give Harold a chance,’ Maud chided. ‘It’s his first time on patrol.’
‘And at this rate, Herbert’s first patrol will last for years,’ Ernie said under his breath.
After an hour in which they still hadn’t walked an entire block of High Street, Maud agreed that maybe a tortoise wasn’t the ideal sidekick.
On Thursday Maud was accompanied by a middle horse. Ernie was sure he could hear someone softly singing, ‘Extraordinary Ernie had a Farm’ as the three of them walked—and clopped—down High Street.
On Saturday Valiant Vera asked Ernie and Maud to spend some of the morning patrolling the park. This was usually one of Ernie’s favourite patrols. He and Maud would amble along the paths around the pond, talking of this and that. But today conversation was impossible.
‘What?’ said Ernie as Maud mumbled something. ‘Golfing needs a heavy book? What does that mean?’
She mumbled louder.
‘Maud,’ said Ernie, a little impatiently, ‘put the goldfish down.’
Maud gently lowered the plastic bag of water, in which Herbert the goldfish was swimming, to the ground. ‘I was just telling you that goldfish are heavier than they look.’
Ernie was unsympathetic.
‘How would you like to be the middle fish of seven brothers and sisters?’ Maud wanted to know.
Ernie had to admit that he wouldn’t like it very much at all. But having a sidekick who couldn’t talk because she was carrying a goldfish in her mouth was not much use.
He felt a bit guilty when Herbert blinked his big sad goldfish eyes in disappointment, but as Maud returned Herbert to the pond where he lived, Ernie told himself it was for the best.
The following week, Maud didn’t dare bring a sidekick to Super Whiz’s Monday afternoon class, but on Tuesday she was trailed by a duckling (‘too skittery’) and on Thursday she brought along a middle mouse. At least she thought she had. But, though she and Ernie looked and looked, they couldn’t see Tiny anywhere.
That Saturday, to Ernie’s relief, Maud announced that she wasn’t going to bring any more sidekicks on patrol.
‘Don’t think I’m giving up on the idea, Ernie,’ she warned him. ‘I still want to give opportunities to deserving middle animals. But I’ve learned this week that not just any sidekick will do.’
Sticking her nose into her fleecy front, she pulled out a flyer, which she handed to Ernie.
‘“Marvellous Maud’s Superhero Sidekick Tryouts. Next Sunday in Mackie’s Meadow. Middle Animals Only”,’ he read. ‘Er, great idea,’ he told her. But secretly Ernie wasn’t so sure.
The truth was, he had been feeling left out the past two weeks. Maud had been having a wonderful time with her sidekicks, comparing notes on their brothers’ and sisters’ annoying habits. Being an only child, Ernie was never included in the conversation.
Not only that, while Ernie would be the first to admit that Maud was a wonderful sidekick, to be accompanied on patrol by two animals didn’t seem quite right for a superhero.
And, more than anything, Ernie missed Maud and the feeling that the two of them were a team. It seemed to him that being his sidekick just wasn’t important to her anymore.
FOUR
The following Saturday, Maud was late again. When it seemed like she was never going to arrive, Ernie began the patrol on his own.
He had been patrolling alone for almost an hour when Maud finally galloped up High Street to join him. Her fleece was uncombed and her cape was crumpled.
‘Super Whiz recommends that you use a warm iron after a cape comes out of the washing machine,’ Ernie reminded her.
Maud turned towards him with a fa
ce like thunder. ‘My cape hasn’t been in the washing machine,’ she said furiously. ‘You know I always dry clean.’
‘Maud,’ said Ernie, surprised by her anger, ‘what’s wrong?’
‘Mavis!’ growled the sheep. Several hours would pass before she said another word.
In fact, Maud’s bad mood lasted the rest of the morning. Whenever Ernie tried to strike up a conversation, she would give a wordless bleat that sounded remarkably like a grunt. She wouldn’t even be drawn into guessing which of the thirteen lectures Super Whiz had prepared so far would be the one he read at the National Conference.
Finally, Ernie gave up. His own mood had been growing worse and worse. What good was a sidekick who was always late and always cranky, he grumbled to himself.
At lunchtime, they took their salad sandwiches to the park as usual, but neither of them headedfor their usual spot under the tree. Ernie took his sandwich to the bench by the pond, while Maud stalked over to a patch of grass at the far side of the park.
After lunch they didn’t linger, but silently went back to their patrol of High Street.
That afternoon they reached a new low in cooperation. Maud had been holding the door of the supermarket open for a man who was weighed down with bags and boxes and got her cape stuck when the door swung shut. Ernie pretended not to see. Because Maud refused to ask for his help, she had to wait there, glowering, till a kind passer-by stopped to release her.
When Ernie tripped and fell outside the fruit shop while trying to catch Mrs Wilkins’s runaway tomatoes, Maud didn’t rush to his assistance. Instead, seeing that Ernie had fallen on the tomatoes, she just snickered unkindly and said in a funny voice that Ernie suspected was meant to mimic his own, ‘Super Whiz recommends heavy-duty detergent for those stubborn stains.’
The Middle Sheep Page 1
