by Honor James
“Oh gods yes, it is.” She was completely open to him and slightly vulnerable as she moved with him and on him. As they moved again she was able to place her hands on his shoulders and began to move on her own on him. “So good.” Biting her lip and eyes wide she watched him as they came together. He was perfection. Always and forever he was.
Sitting as he was, he was looking up into her face and her expression had him curious. “What’s up, love?” he asked her softly, placing a light kiss to her chin. Sliding his tongue over her skin he nibbled at her flesh as he went from one side to the other slowly.
“Just thinking of how perfect you are, Miklos. I’m just sitting here thinking of how perfect you are for me. You are willing to give me everything and don’t get all pissy when I ask, no when I demand more.” His every thrust was now slow and intended to make her squirm. “So good.” He felt so good inside of her. “I can’t wait to feel you in reality, to feel you like this.”
“Honey, this will be just one of many things I’ll be doing to you when you’re all better,” he told her softly. “I want you in so many ways, so many different ways, Harker, not just in my bed, in my life,” he murmured, the words seemed hard for him. “I need you, I need you to keep me from being someone I was never meant to be.”
“I will always be here, Miklos. I love you and I want all of these things, too.” Her body shivered and she clenched his cock tightly. “Miklos, I am yours, you are mine, and I want you in every way possible. I’m trying hard not to push you before you are ready for me but it’s hard because I want these things, and when I want something it’s so very hard for me not to push for it, for me not to take what I want and you are what I want, forever, Miklos.”
“Then promise me one thing,” he said, softly holding her still. “Give me until you’ve fully healed, as in, you can bend over and touch your toes easily. That you can jog around the block without being winded and can lift at least half of your gear,” he added. “Because, when I have you that first time I won’t be gentle and I cannot stand the thought of hurting you, Harker. It would be like hurting myself. Can you understand?” he asked softly.
She nodded and stroked her hand along his cheek. “I promise you, Miklos, but only if you promise not to stop touching me, loving me, and kissing me while we are waiting on me to heal.” She couldn’t stand it if he pushed her away in the day, and kept her close at night.
“I won’t stop touching you,” he said quietly, letting her slide down onto his cock again before he settled onto his back. “I’ll never stop touching you, loving you, or kissing you, I need that, too, Harker, but I won’t let you hurt yourself in your need to be with me. And I can’t hurt you because I need you so much it hurts to think I have to wait until we sleep because you were hurt in reality.”
“Fair enough, Miklos, we will wait and have these dreams as our own.” She moved on him, her hands bracing herself on his chest as she began to slowly move up and down his rigid cock. “I love you, Miklos. I won’t hurt myself, but I will push myself so don’t argue when I do.” Her head tossed back slightly. “But I won’t hurt myself. I know how far I can push.” The sh ended in a sob as she felt herself coming unexpectedly.
Arching up into her Miklos followed her over just as quickly, his breath catching in the back of his throat at the shock of the suddenness of it all. Panting as she collapsed over him he caught her close and gently rubbed at her back. Swallowing hard Miklos listened to their accelerated heart rates for a moment before he said the words he’d yet to actually say to her. “I love you, Harker,” he whispered against her hair.
She smiled even in her physical self. The smile was wide and there as she rubbed her cheek to his chest. “I love you, too, Miklos,” she whispered softly, and closing her eyes in the dream she allowed herself to go to sleep in the dream, as well as slide deeper in reality.
Chapter 15
Waking some time later Miklos stretched slightly and yawned widely as he carefully shifted. Looking down he found Harker lying over his chest again and shook his head. “You keep ending up there,” he murmured with a smile. Carefully he stroked her hair back but stopped when he came across a piece caught under her chin. He wanted to pull it free to see her face clearly, but it would tug on her scalp and he couldn’t cause her the pain of memories like that just for his own needs. Letting his hand fall away he sighed softly as he looked at what he could see of her face. “I love you, Harker,” he murmured, testing the words aloud now that he’d said them to her in their other place.
“I love you, too, Miklos.” She whispered in a too-sleepy tone, “It sounds nice, doesn’t it, but it feels nicer.” She moved to look up at him, sleep still in her eyes. “And yes, this is where I belong so of course I keep ending up there, Miklos. What do you expect?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured, lifting his hand again to move the chunk of hair and tuck it behind her ear. “I’m still trying to figure it all out I suppose.” His lips curved slightly in a self-mocking smile. “I can sum up a crime scene instantly, know if a suspect is lying to me or to know if the evidence is just as it should be.” Sighing he stroked her hair lightly. “But I’ve never been good with emotions and this”—he touched her cheek—“is hard for me. When my parents died I learned to rely on my brothers and shut everyone else out. It’s been a really long time since I’ve let anyone in and you’ve barreled in full force. I do love you,” he said and felt his heart jump slightly, “but it’s so hard for me to say the words that explain my feelings. Feelings are hard for me. I have had to push them down to get where I needed to be in life, to find you. Letting them all out again is…” He paused and licked his lips. “It’s scary for me. But you are so worth it all, Harker.”
Smiling she nodded. “As are you, Miklos. You are worth so much more than I can ever possibly tell you. And just to clarify, I didn’t barrel into your life. If you will recall it was an explosion that brought me into your life.” She smiled. “The little girl you saved, do you know what has happened to her?” She hated to think of the little girl being in foster care or worse.
“She’s still in the hospital since they are trying to figure out where her parents are or if she is alone in the world,” he told her softly. “I’ve got some coworkers running checks and so far they can’t find anything beyond her birth but they should hear something soon. The only problem right now is the fact that she’s been out of the system so long, no shots, no check-ups, no paper trail, so we don’t know what’s happened in her last seven years of her life.” He looked to her and then away as he toyed with the ends of her hair for a moment. “I was originally thinking of…” He shifted and felt his cheeks heat. “I was thinking of adopting her actually if no one could be found that would be acceptable for raising her,” he admitted fast and soft.
It was funny that Harker had thought the same thing. “Were you really?” As if she didn’t have enough reason to love him, he gave her another, he gave her more. “Do you think…” She laid her head back on his chest and let her fingers move slowly over his chest and stroke his neck. She could feel his pulse under her fingers as she asked, “Do you think that maybe we could adopt her? Maybe we could become a family?”
His heart stopped, literally, for a moment of time and then it began to pound again. “Are you sure?” he asked as he held his breath. Her nod let him breathe again. “We can check into it, once we know whether or not she has any family out there. I should hear something either today or tomorrow and then we can decide where to go from there.”
“As long as you are sure, Miklos?” she asked, realizing she was once more pushing, and didn’t mean to push, but she had. She wanted a family, wanted a life with him, but not if she was once more pushing her way into everything that he had already planned.
“Of course I’m sure,” he said softly, looking into her eyes. “Honey, I’m a Wolf, we’re very protective of the young and our mates. She is an innocent and a sweetheart, too,” he added with a smile. “She was so brave and thought
it all too cool to be flying through windows.” He shook his head now. “She even had the audacity to ask to do it again.” His voice was a mild grumble. “I would have except for the chunks of glass digging into my back at the time.”
“Are you all right?” she asked simply as she looked at him. “And that sounds like a love-starved little girl to me, one who is willing to take happiness where she can.” She sighed and laid her head back on his chest. “If she has no one, I want this, I want us. I want us to be a family. Yes, I know that I am not in the most June Cleaver of jobs, but it is one I love and am damn good at.” She looked up at him and smiled. “However, it is also one that I can do on a part-time basis so that we can have a family.”
“I’m fine,” he assured her, blinking, slightly stunned at the question. “She likely is. From what I could see she was living in that building. God only knows what might have happened if I hadn’t got that tip, the adults that had been there just left her, not even bothering to take her with them.” There was something else but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up to her or how to say it.
She felt it, in the way he tensed as he spoke. “What, Miklos?” she whispered and sat up on him, wincing only slightly as she did so. “What is it that you aren’t telling me, darling?” She was afraid to know, and knew she couldn’t not know.
Looking up at her he sighed. “The doctors gave her a full check-up when she was admitted, standard procedure especially considering the fact she went out a window. They found out that she’d been…” He stopped and took a breath. “She’d been sexually abused, heavily. There was a lot of tearing, she was covered in bruises and cuts as well as what can only be explained as cigarette or cigar burns all over her legs and pubic area.”
She closed her eyes in pain and when she opened them she breathed quietly. “We need her as a part of our family, Miklos. We are the only ones who can protect her like she needs and we will make sure that whoever hurt her like that pays in kind.” She wouldn’t, no she couldn’t give on this at all.
Tugging her back down gently Miklos wrapped his arms around her. “We’ll do what needs to be done,” he promised softly. Tucking the blankets back around her he massaged the back of her neck gently. “We’ll protect her, Harker, and give her a good and safe home and show her that life doesn’t need to be painful.” At least not as long as there were those that loved you around.
“I know that, we will give her the best of everything.” She wiggled around for a moment and then with a contented sigh closed her eyes again. “I can get used to this, Miklos, being in your arms like this, sleeping and waking with you.” She couldn’t think about the little girl right now or she would be tearing off after her, no questions asked.
Smiling slightly he continued to massage her neck gently. “I like having you here. But I was thinking that we should get up for some breakfast. And then I was thinking I’d show you the grounds, or as much as you’re up to for today.”
“Food does sound very appealing. I believe that I could go for a ton and a half of something to eat.” When she ate, she ate, and now her appetite was coming back, and as long as she was still, pain didn’t factor into her food drive.
“Well I’m sure there’s at least that much around here if not more, Harker. Why don’t you get up and have a shower, if you’re allowed, and I’ll start cooking something.” Shifting his hold he lightly rubbed her back. “How are you feeling by the way?” he asked in concern.
“I still hurt like crazy but it’s not as bad as yesterday and worse than it will be tomorrow.” She was loath to leave his arms, but she moved slightly. “I am allowed to shower. I will just need your help changing the bandages again.” Then he could tell her if it looked any better or worse.
“Course I’ll help,” he told her as he sat up with her so she didn’t have to do all the work herself. Once upright he rubbed her arms lightly. “Go and shower, I’ll start breakfast,” he said. “Just call when you’re done and we can get you bandaged up again.”
“Sounds good to me.” She leaned in and kissed him lightly. “I like my eggs scrambled with cheese in them please.” She moved from him slowly, very, very slowly. She moved toward the bathroom and felt his eyes on her, watching her as if she would break, and while it pleased her to know he was worried, it bothered her to feel like finely spun glass, because she wasn’t that.
She finished her shower and was out, once more leaning over the sink and panting. Washing her hair had been a complete and total bitch, but she refused to back down and really refused to have dirty hair. Wrapping a towel around her body she moved to the bedroom and then opened the door. Walking on bare feet she moved to the kitchen and paused as she watched him move around making them food. “You have the most intriguing look on your face, Miklos, care to share?”
Looking to her he shrugged. “Just worrying about you,” he said honestly as he returned his attention to the eggs he was making for her. “Do you want to leave the bandages off for a while and eat first?” he asked as he added the cheese a little at a time to get full coverage.
“Yes please. It feels nice to let the air hit it, to feel as if I am not wearing an extra skin patch.” She sighed and shook her head. “I really hate wearing that thing but I will wear it the next week like they said and after that it no longer has to be there, which would be great.”
Grabbing a plate he slid her eggs onto it, put on a half dozen pieces of bacon, a couple pieces of toast, and a little dish of fresh fruit. “Here,” he said, passing it to her. “Go and sit and eat. Everything else is on the table, coffee and juice included,” he added before breaking three eggs into the pan for himself.
“You really, really know how to cook up a storm, don’t you?” She took the plate and a seat. Taking the fork she took the first bite of the eggs that seemed to melt in her mouth. “Oh god, yep, I am keeping you, Miklos, because no one else has ever been able to cook so well for me.”
Flipping his eggs over, he shot her a look. “Had a lot of people cook for you, have you?” he asked, curiosity in his voice as he watched her with an intent focus while she forked up more. Leaning a hip to the counter he appeared to be waiting for her answer.
“Yep, Denny’s, IHOP, Bob Evans, and they were all a disappointment.” She smiled up at him. “Are you going to ask me how many lovers I have had in my life?” Just one and he knew it. She just wondered if it was in his mind, however.
Sliding his eggs to his plate he put the rest of the bacon, toast, and a dish of fruit on it before moving to the table and sitting. Looking to her he shook his head. “Why would I do that?” he asked softly. “It’s none of my business anyway,” he pointed out, stabbing a strawberry. Lifting it up he stared at her. “Eating food in restaurants is nine times out of ten a disappointment. They just don’t put any feeling into the food since they just want to get as much out as fast as possible.”
“I know.” She reached out to him and shook her head. “You know very well how many I have had in my life, Miklos. I am just trying to show you that you don’t have to run from me. You can ask me anything you want to, you can tell me anything and I will still be right here beside you.”
Looking to her he shrugged. “Some things I’m just not comfortable with asking about and I figure everyone has a right to some semblance of privacy and keeping their pasts to themselves. I’m a naturally private person, Harker, but if you want to know something, ask. I’ll likely tell you and if I’m not ready or willing I’ll say so.”
“Miklos, I have already told you everything about my past sexual life. You know the extent and the happenings in my sexual life, honey.” She squeezed his hand and sat back. “I won’t ask anything that you don’t want me to so I will wait and let you tell me anything you want, all right?”
Shrugging again he fell silent and began to eat slowly, wondering why it was so much easier to relate to her in the dreams than it was in real life. He could talk to her in the dreams, but at the breakfast table he clammed up and was protecting everything. Toy
ing with her fingers gently he stared at her hand and wondered if maybe he wasn’t screwed up more than he realized.
Finishing her meal she took her dishes to the sink and rinsed them out before loading them into the dishwasher. When that was done she washed up the pans he had used to make breakfast and was wiping the counter. “All right, when you’re finished I will be the one on your bed all curled up in the middle hugging your pillow.” He seemed to be toying with his food and she thought maybe he just needed some time. Adjusting her towel she knew that her back would wait, wait until he was ready to help her.
Looking to her he nodded. “All right,” he murmured quietly before he went back to pushing his food around. He listened to her move down the hall and knew he’d hurt her, again. Her scent held pain in it, emotional pain but pain nonetheless. Pushing his plate away he put his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. He was hurting her, over and over again, and he didn’t know how to stop it. Scrubbing at his face he got to his feet and, scrapping his plate into the garbage rinsed the plate off.
Moving down the hall slowly he entered his room and felt at a loss as he stood looking at her. She was facing him and as her eyes opened he didn’t see any accusations but he felt them all the same. Going to her he sat slightly facing her. “I’m sorry, Harker,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s hurting you. If you’d rather leave I wouldn’t blame you.” The entire fault lay squarely on his shoulders for this one. “I don’t want you to go but I won’t stop you if you’re tired of putting up with me already.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said and reached out to touch him. “I was giving you time, Mik. You seemed like you needed it and I had it to give so it doesn’t cost me a thing to come in here and nap in this nice big bed that smells like the man I love.”
