In fact, it did not influence my feelings toward him in any way. Neither positive, nor negative. I already knew that Jeremy Stonehart was vindictive. I knew that his life had been built around revenge. Knowing that I was targeted because of some type of manifestation of that came as no great surprise. I’d already assumed as much.
Still. Still, maybe because I refused to let the new information affect me or my feelings toward Jeremy, my subconscious protested. That bit of news was another drop into the festering bucket of filth that has taken residence in my soul. Maybe it was enough to make some spill over. Maybe that was the second ingredient.
Or maybe, regret over how I dealt with Fey over the phone Sunday night was what pushed me over the edge.
The workday was rough, but no more so than usual. Of course there is pressure to deal with on the job. The IPO keeps looming in the background, and almost every day as many negative stories break about Stonehart Industries as positive ones. I dove in head-first yesterday, forgetting everything else, surrounding myself only by concerns related to the job.
That got me to 5 p. m. After the workday was over, things become hazy. That is where reality starts to blur.
Trying to reconcile my memories with the video brings me to this:
Sometime after five, probably just before Simon tapped my arm, I got that text from Fey. I read it, and—for one reason or another that I absolutely cannot discern—my mind protested. It retreated.
It retreated, and made up the fantasy that I saw afterward. The specter of Jeremy’s father. The illusion of the collar. The extra photographs contained within the envelope.
That explanation makes me extremely uncomfortable. It does not sit well with me.
But for the moment, it’s the only one I’ve got.
I step out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. It’s the first opportunity I’ve had to do so with the cameras off.
I thought I’d gotten used to them—tucked their presence away in some forgotten corner of my mind. I realize now that they were always weighing on me. Now that I’m free to do whatever I want without fear of Jeremy watching, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I look at my body. There are no signs of neglect. None of abuse. I look perfectly healthy. Nothing at all about my appearance would indicate that I’m going insane.
But how do I know if what I’m seeing right now isn’t another illusion? What if the true image of the girl staring back at me shows a wretched, pathetic, ruined thing?
No. I shake my head. I’m not that far gone. Not yet. I still feel in control. I still feel like I have a grip on reality.
But isn’t that exactly what I felt yesterday? When I thought I’d met Hugh, and not…Simon?
Yes. Yes, it is. And that is what makes the entire episode so discomfiting.
Not once, in my interaction with Hugh, did anything feel off. I mean, his behavior may have been a little strange, but that was it. There were no signs or indications that what I was experiencing was not what was actually happening.
Does someone who’s going crazy realize it? Is this the outcome of all the abuse I’ve suffered at Jeremy’s hands? Is my mind finally breaking?
Or does the truth lie along a more sinister path?
Could it be possible, however unlikely, that the entire thing was somehow planned by Jeremy?
I scoff and dismiss the thought. The man has power. He revels in control. But he cannot make an image of me appear on a video screen.
I saw myself, from the surveillance room, talking to Simon. I saw something happen, on tape, with video evidence, of which I have no memory.
It was only after the video that I began to doubt myself. But if I can’t trust my own memory…if I can’t trust my own mind…what is there left?
I step away from the mirror and start to dress. As I do, I go over every single memory I have, in sequence, since waking up to find myself cold and abandoned in the sunroom so many months ago.
There’s not a day that I don’t remember. I’ve always had a good memory. Recollections of facts, feelings, things, events, has never been a problem.
A sudden burst of inspiration hits me. The cameras inside the house! I can go back and watch everything that I remember happening. I can see how well these tapes align with my memories.
No matter how painful reliving some of those moments may be.
I stride out of the bathroom and go straight to the little secret room. Rose can wait. It’s not like she has anything better to do.
Besides, after the way she’s treated me, I don’t mind introducing a bit of friction between us.
I sit down behind the computer, type in my password, and begin to watch.
***
An hour or two later, I sit back, feeling disgusted but…satisfied.
I’m disgusted by the way I saw Jeremy treat me before his apparent change of heart. But none of that is new. I’ve already moved past those events.
I’m satisfied because everything I remember…every single thing I recall…matches up perfectly with what I saw on tape.
That means, at least, that I’m still sane. Or that I’ve remained sane until the episode yesterday.
Once more, I think back to what happened. Things were clear in my mind…until Jeremy showed me the tape.
Only in the aftermath did I start to have doubts. Not before. I was seriously upset when Hugh pulled out the collar. That was the only real trigger I can think of.
I push away from the desk. I know I can’t change the past. Whatever happened yesterday, whether false or real, has taken up my thinking today. It’s one more thing I probably need to step back from, to try to gain some perspective on events.
I start down the stairs, then. I halt in mid-stride. Rose is waiting for me down there. When I speak to her, I’ll demand answers.
But there’s one other person I need to talk to, first. If I don’t, guilt will keep eating away at me.
Fey.
I sigh, and head back upstairs to get my phone. I check my messages. There are no new ones, from either her or Jeremy. But it’s not like I was expecting any.
I sit on the edge of the bed, type her number into the display, and then just stare at the phone without hitting ‘call’.
What would I say? I need to apologize, first of all. I know that she’s just worried about me. Her concern comes from a good place. Fey has a big heart. The way I repaid her kindness was despicable.
But I also know that I absolutely cannot let her interfere. If she begins to meddle—even all the way from the other coast—everything that I’ve planned to do to get back at Jeremy may yet fall apart.
That is, if I didn’t sabotage my position with the showing yesterday.
I take one deep breath. “Time to face the music,” I mutter, and hit ‘call’.
The phone rings. And rings, and rings, and rings. Fey doesn’t answer. It goes to her voicemail.
“Hey!” her usual, cheery voice greets me. “I’m not here right now, but leave me a message, and—“ she giggles,”—I’ll probably never get around to hearing it. But you can try!”
Beep. Her greeting ends.
“Fey,” I start, hesitating. “Fey, it’s Lilly. Listen, I really wish I’d caught you live. I don’t know if you’re ignoring my call on purpose. If you are, I don’t blame you. I would too, if I were in your shoes.”
I exhale. “Look, this is hard for me to say and sound like I really mean it, but… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I know you’re just trying to look out for me. I know that you’ve got my best interest at heart.” I swallow hard and press on.
“But Fey…trust me when I say this. You don’t know what I know. Whatever Robin found, whatever you’re worried over, that’s just one-tenth of the picture. Less than that. One hundredth.
“That’s why it’s so difficult for me to see things the way you do. I mean, I understand what it looks like from the outside. Especially when all you have to go o
n is Robin’s research and a few brief moments with me.
“But Fey, Jeremy and I…we have something special.” I wince inwardly. That’s not exactly a lie. He and I do have a very, very special relationship. But I want Fey to take it the way people usually mean it, and not the way I do now.
“We’ve connected. Bonded. Our lives are intertwined in more ways than I can say.” I hesitate again, mentally replaying my words.
“I know I’m blabbering. But I really hope you listen to this message to the end. I’ll tell you the truth.
“I spoke to him. About what…about what you told me. He did not deny it. In fact, he all but confirmed it. But that doesn’t change things between us.”
How can I explain this?
“He says he loves me, Fey. I haven’t said the words back, but I believe him. I think he actually, truly, means it when he says it to me.”
There. I’ve said it. In for a penny, in for a pound.
“So Fey—I’m not afraid. I know where I stand with him. I hope you can trust me enough to relieve your own worries. I don’t want you concerned. I want you to enjoy your final months of college. Do it with Robin. Do it for me. Because I know…” I sigh. “I know I’m never going back.”
I stop talking. I feel a single tear trail down my cheek.
“And Fey?” I add after a long, silent minute. “I’ll understand if you never want to speak to me again. I just hope that, one day, the friendship that we shared before will let us get past this. And if it doesn’t—if I never hear from you again—just say hi to your mom, and Robin, and Sonja for me. I haven’t forgotten about any of you. I do think of you as my sister. And sisters have falling outs, you know? But they also have ties as strong as blood. They’re what lets them reconcile their difference two, five, ten years down the road.
“Anyway. I’m not thinking that far now. I just hope that you return this phone call. And even if you don’t, I won’t blame you. I’ll just hold out hope for that long, happy reunion that might come a decade from now.”
I take another break. I need it. I feel like I’ve just poured my soul out to her.
And I’ve done it without once telling the truth.
“Fey?” I finish in a small voice. “I love you. Like a sister, I do. Bye.”
I hang up. Then, with a great, exhausted sigh, I fall back on the bed and close my eyes.
Chapter Eight
I bolt upright suddenly, awake and very, very alarmed. Something’s wrong.
I feel it. But as I look around the empty room, I see nothing that could cause alarm.
It’s still light outside, though the sun is obscured by a thin layer of clouds. That’s better than the storm we had all day yesterday.
I get up, check my phone for messages or calls from Fey. I see none, sigh, and head downstairs.
I find Rose in the kitchen, exactly where I told her to be, looking either bored or annoyed. In front of her is a single white mug.
“Your coffee,” she says thinly, gesturing to the cup. “Brewed a few hours ago, so it’s obviously cold.” She sounds testy.
“Don’t test me,” I warn. I sit across from her at the table. “Jeremy told you to make amends with me, didn’t he? You can start by explaining your behavior from before. You’ve had more than a week to consider it. I want the truth: What the hell happened?”
“What happened,” she emphasizes, “was that I found an intruder in my home. My home, Miss Ryder, not my workplace. My home. Somebody whom I had no recollection of having invited in.”
“So you’re allowed to go wherever you please,” I say, “to roam Jeremy’s mansion without restrictions, to wander the grounds, to do whatever you want, as his employee,” I emphasize the word. “And yet I, for one reason or another, am barred from entering your home?”
“That’s correct,” Rose confirms.
“You do realize that your home sits on Jeremy’s property?”
Her eyes narrow at me when I call Jeremy by his first name. “Yes,” she says. “Mr. Stonehart is allowed to come inside whenever he wishes. Of course, he has had the benefit of a proper upbringing, and is able to respect a person’s privacy—”
“Hah!” I bark a laugh. “Don’t feed me that shit, Rose. Jeremy, respecting privacy? What about the cameras? What about the sunroom? What about—” I lean forward, and lower my voice, making is accusatory at the same time, “—all that he’s done to me?”
Rose feigns ignorance. “What has he done to you, I wonder?” she asks. “He’s given you everything he has. You live in an enormous estate. Your meals are cooked for you. You have an unlimited wardrobe of clothes. You have no duties, no responsibilities. You live a life of leisure and comfort and—”
“No duties aside from being his sex slave,” I counter.
Rose stops. She goes white. For a moment, her mouth opens and closes like a gaping blowfish.
“That’s right,” I continue. “I know you know, Rose. I know that you were in on it with him the entire time. Otherwise, why would you react the way you did when you saw my collar off? It’s because Jeremy didn’t tell you that it’d be coming off. It’s because it wasn’t part of the plan, was it? It’s because it frightened you,” I accuse.
“Well, it’s off now, and I’m free. Oh, don’t look so surprised. I know that you know way more than you let on. I just can’t believe I was stupid enough—naïve enough—to actually consider you my friend.
“Of course, you hold Jeremy’s confidence. He wouldn’t have ever trusted you with me otherwise. Anybody else would have gone to the cops when they found me in the state that you first did. I chose to ignore that. Maybe because I was desperate. Even though I knew better, I chose to ignore it, because at the moment, I needed a friend.”
Rose looks embarrassed.
“I made myself believe that that friend could be you. I had no other choice. I needed a reprieve from the cruelty and abuse I was suffering.” I pause and then push on.
“But now it’s over. Now, everything is out in the open. Jeremy and I have moved on past that, Rose. You and I? We haven’t.
“So, start at the beginning. Tell me who you really are. Tell me how you’ve known Jeremy for twenty years—if that wasn’t another lie you told me. And tell me how you could stand and watch, doing nothing, while I suffered all the abuse at Jeremy’s hands.”
There. That was a much longer speech than I intended to make. At least, it’s all out in the open. I glare at Rose, challenging her to deny anything I’ve said.
She looks at me, and then—shock beyond all shock—she starts to cry.
“I…I couldn’t,” she blubbers. “I couldn’t do anything, Miss Ryder. Yes, I knew what was happening to you. Yes, I knew what Jeremy was doing. I know the things he’s capable of. I know the lengths to which he’s willing to go. But I…I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I swear!”
With that, she throws her head in her arms and starts absolutely bawling.
I hesitate, off-balance. She called him ‘Jeremy’. That must have been a slip. Now what do I do with this hysterical woman in front of me?
Her crying just keeps escalating. I bite my lip, searching for an escape. The instinctive, maternalistic part of me wants to comfort her. But I know that she does not deserve comforting. Not now. Not with what she’s guilty of.
“Rose,” I say slowly. Calmly. “Control yourself. You don’t need to cry. Just…” I look around the room, a bit helplessly, “…just talk to me, will you?”
“I couldn’t stop him,” she sobs. “I couldn’t stop all of the horrible things he was doing to you. I’m sorry, Miss Ryder. I’m so, so sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” I say. “I know how meaningless those words are. But you do need to explain. From the start. Who are you, Rose? What is your relationship to Jeremy?”
She lifts her head and looks at me through red-rimmed eyes. “I’m his—” She hiccups. “—I’m his housekeeper. That’s all.”
My lips form a thin line. Probably a ha
bit I’ve picked up from Jeremy. “Come now,” I say. “I’m not an idiot. Don’t perpetuate that lie. I know you’re more than that.”
“Miss Ryder, I swear,” she says. “On my own life. On Charles’ life! I am Mr. Stonehart’s housekeeper, and nothing more.”
“Okay,” I say, moving my tongue across my teeth. “Let’s try a different approach. You’re Jeremy’s housekeeper now. But were you that, always? Or did your relationship with him begin somewhere else?”
She looks at me, frozen for a moment in absolute terror. Then, she lowers her eyes.
“I…I can’t say,” she mutters.
“Why?” I challenge. “Why can’t you say, Rose? What is it that you don’t want to tell me?”
“You’re wrong,” she says. “I do want to tell you, Miss Ryder. Truly, I do. But I can’t. I made a promise. A vow. If I break it now, after all these years…” she shudders. “Horrible things will happen. Bad things.”
“Bad things?” I say. “Bad things to whom? To you? By whose hand? Jeremy’s?”
She starts shaking her head.
“Who is it, Rose? Who threatened you? Tell me if it’s Jeremy!”
“I can’t say,” she repeats, over and over again. “I can’t say. I can’t tell you. I cannot. I can’t.”
I hesitate, trying to make up my mind. There are two ways I can go. Two ways I can take things.
I can either be brattish and stubborn, or…I can be kind. I truly believe that the woman before me needs kindness ahead of anything else.
So I reach across the table and place a hand on her arm. She looks up at me, and then at my hand, almost as if in shock.
“Rose?” I say gently. “I don’t blame you. If Jeremy has something on you that keeps you here, I understand. He can be a frightening man. I know that. He’s very powerful. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 63
