A fuller understanding of just how dire my situation was settles over me.
“Does it discomfort you, the ease with which I can talk about such things?” Jeremy asks. His eyes have taken on that deep, searching, penetrating quality again.
I shake my head, a tad roughly. “No,” I say. Then I bite my lip and admit, “At least, not really. Not anymore. I expect it from you, Jeremy. I know it’s your attempt to desensitize me to the topic.”
“Smart,” Jeremy muses. “Smart, as always. Good for you, then. I’m glad. It simplifies things for the future.
“Anyway. My father and I have a long, twisted relationship. I hold ultimate power over him. That allows me to keep him loyal. Our roles have reversed. As I told you before, I would not simply waste his mind. But, I make use of him now only because he is on a tight leash.
“But that is neither here nor there. The point of my telling you this is not to dwell on what is happening in the present, but to grant you some small understanding of my past. You said you wanted that many times. I’m sharing things with you that I haven’t told another soul.”
“I know,” I say softly. “Thank you for that, Jeremy.”
He nods. “I heard him yelling right through these walls.” Jeremy motions upwards, at the ceiling. “Above this very room, from this study on the second floor. Then I heard a scream—my mother’s scream—and a loud crash.
“I raced to her. I was not allowed in my father’s study. I burst through the doors anyway.
“And there, I saw something that I’ve remembered my entire life. My mother was lying in a heap on the floor. One side of her face was badly swollen. The liquor cabinet had been upturned when she fell. That was the cause of the crash. A few bottles broke, soaking the rich carpet with wine as red as blood.
“But that was not the thing that stood out. What did was the presence of my brothers. They both stood behind my father, snickering silently at the fallen woman on the floor. Laughing at their own mother.
“They wouldn’t have dared it without my father’s permission, of course. And because he did not stop them, he gave it implicitly.
“That was when I first felt the very real grip of true hate.
“Seeing me run into the room, however, seemed to have restored my mother’s strength. Perhaps it was all a façade. Perhaps I was the witness the four of them needed to process what had been done.
“My father turned away and with a curt jab of his hand sent my brothers from the room. He did not look at me or my mother. I ran straight to her. By the time I reached her side, she had already risen.
“She took my hand and led me from the room, regal as any queen. She took me up to her loft—to the one place we shared in this house, the only place that was only hers, and by extension, partially mine. There, she told me that I mustn’t let what I saw affect my impression of my brothers or my father. She said that she’d slipped, that was all. Then, she kissed me and hugged me tight.
“I was old enough to know that it wasn’t true. I cared enough, and was smart enough to appreciate what had really happened—as any boy who loved his mother would be.
“But I didn’t question her. How could I? From that point on, it became our little fantasy. A lie we told each other to protect ourselves from facing the harshest truth.
“That was not the first time my father had struck her. It certainly would not be the last. It happened again only days after, on the very same trip. I began to realize that when my mother stayed in her rooms and barred herself from us, claiming she had a migraine or wanted to spend time with her books, she was hiding the physical signs of my father’s abuse.
“She was alone in the world. Her sons had abandoned her—those old enough to see what was going on, at least. Her husband was a monster. No.” Jeremy shakes his head. “No, that is wrong. Hugh never was a monster. I was a monster. I became a monster through my treatment of you. Hugh was simply…malicious.
“Vernacular differences, Lilly. But ones that are quite important, I think. My father could not be a monster because he never possessed the physical traits to make him intimidating. Perhaps that was where all of his behavior began. Maybe that was the root of it. Maybe the things he did to my mother were his way of exerting his dominance.”
Jeremy trails off. His eyes darken. “Maybe…” he says, “he and I are more alike than I ever considered before.”
His hand tightens around the rim of the glass. I can see the muscles of his forearm strain.
I don’t know what to say. Can I reassure him that he is not like his father? I cannot. It’s true: there are many parallels between the two men.
But then I notice one stunning difference.
“You loved your mother,” I say. “And she did you. I do not think the same applies to Hugh.”
Jeremy looks surprised. Then the warmth flows back into him.
“You’re right,” he says. “Yes, Lilly. You are absolutely right.” He smiles. “Thank you for reminding me.”
“I think you’re more worthy of that praise,” I say, despite feeling a smug satisfaction on hearing his words. “You deserve all the credit for sharing that with me. I didn’t do anything.”
“You are the missing piece,” Jeremy says. He looks at me intently, studying me, almost as if he’s seeing me in a new light. “You are the person who makes all of this possible. These are memories I never would have revisited were it not for you.”
“Well, at least I’m glad that I’m good for something,” I say, only half-joking.
Jeremy smiles. “You’re good for much more than that. But back to the story. The day I stumbled upon my mother on the floor of my father’s study, I became her one true confidante. Though we never spoke of what happened between her and Hugh—not even as I grew older—we shared a sort of implicit understanding of what to do in the aftermath. I would come to her. She would read to me. More than just a distraction, it became her way to deal with the pain.
“It also brought us closer together. We developed a special bond. While my brothers were clearly my father’s favorites, I was hers. I would not have had it any other way.
“Of course, maybe part of the affection she had for me came from having lost her other sons. For having been forced to give away my twin. My father was the one responsible for that, though for what reason, I still do not know.
“There you go, Lilly. That is who she was. That is why she was important to me. These things…” Jeremy closes his eyes. “…I would not have thought I would ever speak of to another person. It was all so long ago. Reminiscing this way brings up memories, both good and bad. I am so far changed from who I was as a boy that it almost feels like I’m telling you the beginnings of another man’s life. I’ve distanced myself from all of that. And yet, it all circles back to you. So it’s you, Lilly. You are the only one who has the right to learn these things. You compel me to share such things. You deserve it, in a sense. But that is not why I am giving it to you. I am giving it to you because I want to. Tonight, seeing my mother’s portrait, going back into her room for the first time since she died…tonight is a night for reflection.”
Suddenly Jeremy stands up. He moves so fast that I gasp, startled.
“Tomorrow, we’ll go back to California,” he says. “I don’t need to spend any more time here. It was selfish, maybe, but this retreat was as much for me as it was for you. I just didn’t realize that until now.
“Goodnight, Lilly. I won’t be coming to bed. There are a few more things I need to take care of. Things I need to see and do. Alone,” he stresses.
“I understand,” I say. I kiss his cheek. “Thank you, for sharing all that with me. I know it did not come easy.”
I turn away.
“Lilly,” Jeremy grabs my hand. “Wait.”
I look back.
“It was easy,” he tells me, “because I did it for you.”
Chapter Four
The flight back home reawakens my mind to all the questions still left unanswered.
/> First—and most importantly—is my health. How far do I trust Jeremy’s story of events? I do not know. Since he won’t elaborate, the most I can do at this point is to be aware that something might be wrong, and be on the lookout for further manifestations of symptoms.
Next is Rose. Since I’ll be seeing her again for the first time in a long time, I want to try to understand the depth of influence Jeremy has over her…and where it came from.
Then there’s work. With the IPO over, what is my position in Stonehart Industries? My signature is still very much on the contract Jeremy gave me. I don’t want to earn a salary as mere charity. I want to do something useful.
But those things feel more like housekeeping chores than anything with real urgency.
Formulating my plan for the future is a pressing issue. With Fey and Robin securely out of the way, there is no chance of their meddling and screwing things up for me. Nobody else knows the depth of my situation… unless they shared it…
But no. Not with the way we left things. I’m sure I am firmly out of their minds—at least for the time being. Robin’s note notwithstanding.
Besides, they have more pressing things to think about: Graduation. Their wedding. I’m sure my invitation has been rescinded.
I sigh. That is what I wanted. It is for the best. But still …I wish I could be there. Just because I cast them aside does not mean Fey and Robin are unimportant to me.
But that, I hope they don’t suspect.
My plan, whatever it might be, however it might unfold, is what I really need to consider. I have all that I need, I think, to finally make good on it. Or rather, to set something in place that will come to fruition in the future.
There’s just that niggling, annoying issue of “love” to deal with.
How can I make Stonehart pay while simultaneously being in love with Jeremy? Can I be so cruel, so heartless, as to strike him down after he’s exposed himself, after he has made himself completely vulnerable?
That’s what I intended at the start. I wanted to worm my way into Jeremy’s mind, heart, and soul. I wanted to make him reveal himself to me, so that I could use that information to find his weakness.
I just never imagined that I’d fall in love along the way.
It’d be easier, in a sense, if Jeremy stayed Stonehart. Even if that meant the collar was still on. Even if that meant the contract was still intact. Hell, even if it meant that I’d have to spend more time in the dark.
Being placed in those situations would have made my hatred grow. It would have strengthened my resolve to get back at him, the way it did in those first awful weeks when I was left starving by the pillar.
Then I would have played my part to perfection.
The problem, of course, arose when the act became the truth. It came when Jeremy changed his attitude toward me.
Whatever outcome he expected when he first drugged me in the restaurant, it was not this. His whole life had gone precisely the way he’d planned it before. He thrives on control.
But burning the contract, removing my collar? Those were deviations from the plan. Very real deviations. They not only affected him, and his attitude toward me, but they affected me.
I would have never imagined that things would have transpired the way they did. That puts a damper on things. It changes my perspective just enough to make me reconsider my original stance.
There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to castrate Jeremy and have him kneel before me. That time is past. Now, I can’t envision doing anything, willingly, to harm the man.
Call it a feminine weakness. Call it me succumbing to feelings I should have never had. Call it whatever you want. But don’t dare call me weak.
It’s not weakness that is making me give in. It’s strength—strength, courage, and perspective. I’m not bull-headed enough to throw away everything Jeremy and I have built because of a promise I made myself before I gained a full understanding of events.
It’s almost like the question Jeremy asked me when he heard Fey reveal to me the reason why: He asked if knowing it made me hate him.
I said no.
It did not change things between us. I said no because it all happened in the past. I said no, most of all, because I was never there to influence things before.
I am now. Now, Jeremy’s vendetta against me and my family is not an empty rage directed at a faceless entity. When I came into his life as myself—not the idea of Paul’s daughter…When I did that, and he saw me for who I was, his perspective changed.
If a man as uncompromising as Jeremy Stonehart could be persuaded to change, is it such a stretch to think that I could change, too?
After all, my anger and hatred toward him was as uninformed, as flawed, as deaf and blind and dumb as his was toward me. It came before we knew each other. He was Stonehart, the monster in the dark, the sadistic rich mogul who seemingly took me captive and made me his slave just because he could. Just because, as he so aptly put it, he is a man who can, and therefore does.
Except that wasn’t the whole truth. It wasn’t even a glimmer of the truth. It was just one of his masks. At the time, it was a damned good one.
But now that he’s revealed the person he is underneath? My understanding of him has flourished. He is not the single-minded, cold-hearted bastard I made him out to be. He is not the person he first showed himself to be. He is not even the person he thinks he is.
Stonehart was his adopted name. In the same way, it was his adopted persona. And yes, he is the master of flipping a switch and going from one extreme to the other. That is something he taught himself to do.
It is not who he is at the core
So, my understanding of him comes at the least opportune time. At the moment when I can truly strike, at the moment when he’s left his king vulnerable…I find myself looking away.
Looking away, and searching for the man behind the mask. Desperately wanting him to show more of that side of himself to me. Not because I need it for leverage. Not because I’m collecting ammunition for my revenge.
But for a less selfish reason. When he does that, I know we’re connecting. We’re building on what we have, strengthening our base.
In short, we’re treating each other as a man and woman should.
So where does that promise I made to myself so long ago fit in? Does it even have a place anymore? Or do I simply abandon it, much the same way as Jeremy abandoned the TGB’s?
Maybe it’s too soon to make that decision. As the plane starts its descent on the familiar California airfield, I find myself tucking those thoughts away. Revenge hasn’t been abandoned—not completely. But it has been set aside, with the understanding that, if things continue the way they are now, there is nowhere on earth that I would feel…
Happier.
Chapter Five
A surprise greets me when we drive through the gates of Jeremy’s estate and approach the entrance to his home.
There are cars surrounding the entrance. Many cars. The last rays of the sun are just fading over the horizon.
Lights shine through the window. I catch glimpses of people moving about within. Well-dressed men and women, in lavish suits and exquisite dresses.
“Jeremy?” I ask, turning to him and feeling anxiety rise within me. “What is this? What’s going on?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He smiles. “A surprise party. To celebrate your safe return.”
“This is for me?” I say, feeling a little queasy. It seems wrong, somehow, to have to so many people inside Jeremy’s mansion. It feels like a transgression of the rules binding our lives, “I thought that you don’t entertain?”
“You’re right. In the past, I’ve kept this place to myself,” he tells me. “Partially for privacy, but partially for reasons that are obvious only to you.” He looks at me in a way that solidifies the meaning of his words.
He didn’t entertain here because he didn’t want anybody else to know about the plan intended to keep me captive.
> “But the tides are shifting, Lilly. Stonehart Industries is now a public company. I thought it fitting to commemorate the occasion, and your return to the land of the living, with something like this.”
“But I don’t know anyone…”
“Don’t worry.” He touches my knee. “I’m sure you’ll see more than a few familiar faces.”
The minute Jeremy and I walk through the doors, we’re swarmed by an onslaught of people.
It’s disorienting and confusing and loud. It reminds me of our night at the gala, but on a different scale. The gathering here might be smaller—only just. But it feels more significant because of where it is happening.
The lobby of Jeremy’s mansion has been transformed into an enormous reception area. Tables are lined with food and appetizers. Three separate mini-bars are erected along the far walls. Waiters and servers and hostesses are everywhere.
Jeremy was right. I do recognize some of these people. They’re all from Stonehart Industries. Even if I don’t know all their names, their faces are familiar.
All my team members are here. Not one comments on my extended absence. All they say is how glad they are to see me again, how they cannot wait for me to return, and to ask if I’ll be coming back this week.
I don’t know what story Jeremy told them. But, I find it almost too easy to slip back into the act that Jeremy taught me. Be gracious but non-committal. Don’t volunteer information. Turn the focus onto them, away from me.
And so, navigating through the sea of strangers and half-acquaintances becomes something I do on autopilot. A waitress hands me a drink. I take it. Jeremy introduces me to some of his colleagues I do not know. I greet them and shake hands.
In short, it’s a party even if I’m not really there. As before—just as at the gala—everybody wants to talk to Jeremy. They don’t spare much more than a courteous glance at me.
I don’t know how much time passes with Jeremy keeping me at his side. My wine glass has been refilled more than a few times. Faces and voices are starting to blur.
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 85
