“But this is quite the feat, Jeremy.” I marvel. “You’ve successfully removed yourself from the company and from the public eye in one go.”
“I know that privacy is important to you, Lilly. That is another reason I did what I did. I want to live a life with you—only you—that is unrestrained and unfiltered. I want us to have a life where our every appearance in a crowded street does not warrant cameras and flashing lights. I doubt we can return to America in the next few months. But, afterwards, once the excitement has wound down?” He reaches out and takes my hand. “You and I can go anywhere in the world.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere, Jeremy,” I tell him sweetly. “I only want to go where you are.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
LILLY
Jeremy’s assurances the other night have me giddy and excited about our future. It’s enough to make me forget—for the few precious moments I find myself daydreaming—all the hurdles that we will have to overcome to get there.
Or, more precisely, that I will have to overcome. I’m under no illusions that, just because I’m out of Esteban’s grasp, I’m home free.
Dr. Telfair continues to conduct his tests and monitor me. I ask him how long until he can reach a conclusion. He says he can’t make promises, but hopes to have a fuller understanding within the month.
After the first week passes, when Jeremy and I are barred from physical intimacy, we try again. After receiving the doctor’s permission, of course. At first I’m super excited, super needy, super turned on…but just a few minutes into foreplay all my energy drains. I more or less collapse, instantly exhausted, unable to continue.
Jeremy stops. I tell him to keep going. He should not deprive himself on account of me. But, he doesn’t listen. Instead, he simply takes me by the shoulders and brings me close, then holds me tight as I drift off against his shoulder.
The moment I close my eyes, I get a terrifying vision of the sterile white cell in which I was kept prisoner. I gasp and jerk out of his grip, bolting upright and staring wide-eyed, yet unseeing, and taking short, panicked breaths.
“Lilly. Lilly…” Jeremy’s voice pulls me back. I look over my shoulder at his concerned face. “What is it?”
“I thought…” I shake my head, and shudder. “It’s nothing. I was being stupid.”
Jeremy pushes himself up, the muscles of his shoulders and chest contracting as he does. “Tell me,” he insists.
The firmness in his voice lets me know I won’t get away with dissembling. I cast my eyes downward. “I thought I was back underground,” I whisper.
“Oh, Lilly,” Jeremy says. Sadness fills his tone. “You don’t need to hide from me. You can tell me everything that you feel. Was it something I did? Did I pressure you into this…” He looks around at the tangled white sheets. “..too soon?”
“You were perfect,” I tell him. “As you always are. It’s nothing about you, Jeremy. It’s all about me.” I bring a hand to my forehead. “I wish I wasn’t so goddamned weak.”
“You’re not weak,” Jeremy insists. He scooches closer to me and takes my hands. He strokes my fingers with his thumb. “You are, truly, the strongest person I know.”
“Then why did I just feel so scared?” I whisper.
“You’ve gone through an immense amount of adversity. It’s astounding how quickly you’ve been able to recover, and to function fully, as an ordinary human being.”
“Except for episodes like this,” I murmur.
Jeremy tightens his grip on my hands. “Episodes like this prove you’re human. Don’t regret them or shut them out, Lilly. You can’t repress it. My brother tells me it’s dangerous to try.”
“But I hate it,” I say. “I love being here, with you, on this gorgeous piece of land, in this magnificent place where I’m not a prisoner anymore. Why should my present, now, be tainted by what happened in the past?”
“It’s not being tainted,” Jeremy stresses. “If anything, it’s being enriched. I know you like being practical. So think of it this way. The moments you have with me, the moments we share, are made more precious because of how close they came to never being. That is why I savor every moment with you. That’s why every hour spent together is another miracle. We don’t have to have sex, Lilly. Not until you’re ready. I’m happy—content even—to be near you.”
He is being so overly sweet that I’m about ready to cry. “Thank you,” I whisper.
“Now get back here,” he says. “Cuddle with me.”
I wipe away my tear, sniff, give him a shy smile, and crawl under his arm. He traces circles over my shoulder.
Slowly, little by little, I feel myself drifting off.
This time, no nightmares come.
--
The next day, I see Dr. Telfair for my injection.
“Thigh, or shoulder?” he asks me.
I pull my skirt up. “Thigh.”
He sterilizes the spot with an alcohol swab, and then uses a thin insulin needle to inject. I barely feel it at all.
“Not squeamish,” he observes.
I nearly laugh. “I’ve dealt with much worse,” I cover my leg. “What happens if I miss a dose, doctor? Do I go back to…” I trail off, unable to say the word. ‘…to insanity.’ “To being…unstable?”
“Yes,” he says. “But not right away. We’re on a very aggressive dosing protocol. In time, I want to try weaning you off it, if you are willing.”
“What, like in full?” I ask.
“No, never in full, unfortunately.” He shakes his head. “Just less frequently. The side effects would be less pronounced, for one. That is the main benefit. You would be able to spend time in the sun.”
“That would be nice,” I admit.
“But it does not come without its share of risks,” Dr. Telfair tells me. “That’s why I want to stabilize you first. We need to establish baselines, as you know.”
“And how long will that take?”
“Ideally? At least three months. Three months of an equilibrium at one dosing protocol. And then three months at the next. We can keep going like that, for however long it takes, until we find your optimal dose.”
“What would that be?” I ask. “Because the way I see it, right now, if I don’t have the…” I swallow, “…the visions, then I am very happy.”
“It’s always a balance, Lilly,” Dr. Telfair says. “Photosensitivity is not the only side effect. It’s the most immediate one, to be sure, but it’s not the most worrisome.”
“There are more?” I ask. “Like what? Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Because I did not want you to worry. Stress is not conducive to a fast recovery.”
“Well, tell me now!” I insist.
“I intend to,” Dr. Telfair sits down across from me on the veranda. Clouds in the sky make it possible for me to be outside. And I like the fresh air.
“The drugs you were given while captive are very destructive, very dangerous things. Their mechanism of action is amongst the most complex I’ve ever come across. They exert effects on all types of different cellular tissue. They are not simply hallucinogens.
“In fact, in analyzing your brain waves, and your blood work…well, the thing I’m starting to worry about, Lilly, is a point in time when the injections will not be enough.”
Alarm ripples through me. “What do you mean?”
“The injections are not a panacea. Neither are they a cure. They simply mask the symptoms. For now—for the next couple of years—that will be enough. But looking at things from a long-term perspective?” The doctor sighs and rubs his eyes. “There will come a time when the injections will cease to work.”
“When?” I whisper.
“A conservative estimate? Ten, fifteen years. Still. I do not want awareness of that tainting your life. It is not an inevitability, Lilly. I am working to come up with a cure more permanent.”
“Can you do that?” I ask.
He nods solemnly. “I suspect that I can. It w
ill not be immediate, though. But I recognize the metabolic pathway that a counter-drug would need to take to grant you that. There are some promising possibilities…”
“So let’s do it!” I interrupt. “I can’t—I can’t live knowing that the visions might recur. I can’t live in constant fear that what I’m seeing is not real.“
He reaches out and takes my hand. His grip is cold compared to Jeremy’s. I do not feel the wonderful tingle running up my arm.
“You don’t need to fear that, Lilly,” he says. “Not for a long time. I simply wanted you to be aware of the possibility of that in the future. For now, though?” He meets my eyes. “For now, weaning you off the injections as much as we can is the best counter-measure. It will give us—you—more time.”
“Okay,” I exhale. “Okay, I can do that.”
“Nothing you’re going through is easy, Lilly,” Dr. Telfair says. “None of my other patients have been put through anything even close to what you’ve had to endure. You have impressed me with your courage. It’s more than just a front. I can understand, now, I think, the strength that my brother says he sees in you.” He touches my shoulder. “If anybody can get through this, if anybody can overcome this, it’s you.”
“Thank you,” I reply.
He nods, smiles, and leaves me once more.
--
My recovery is slow. However, as the days turn to weeks, I can say with confidence that progress is being made.
I no longer need to sleep fourteen hours. I don’t feel like a zombie when I awaken. Somewhere around the three week, my libido starts to come back.
Jeremy’s never left. We take full advantage.
We start fucking like animals…the moment we wake up, the time in between breakfast and Dr. Telfair’s checkup. In the afternoons, outside in the fading glow of the sun. In the orchards. On the grass. In the fields. At night, in the spectacular bathtubs contained in the many rooms of this house.
I begin to really love the place. It’s calm. Peaceful. So tranquil. It feels almost like a dream. My worries about Jeremy growing restless without any outlets for his intellect—without Stonehart Industries—are unfounded. He takes great interest in everything his brother is doing with me. Soon, he is able to speak of things so proficiently that it’s almost like he’s the one who went to medical school.
In fact, there are times when I have to leave him and his twin alone as they engage in heated discussions about my health. I’m living it. So I have no great desire to join them.
I read then. I enjoy soothing music. I listen to krautrock and other eclectic sounds. Sometimes I just sit outside in the fresh air doing nothing at all, grateful to be alive.
Jeremy comes to join me on one of those nights. The evening sky is a deep red. The air is the perfect warmth. A recent streak of humidity has been dispelled. The evening feels perfect.
“Wine?” he offers.
“I thought your brother said I couldn’t drink,” I reply.
“Tonight is a special occasion.” Jeremy gives me one wide-rimmed glass. “It’s the one-month anniversary of my getting you back.”
I crane my head to one side. “Has it really been so long? It feels…” I yawn and stretch, content and comfortable. “…it feels like I only just arrived.”
“One month. The first of the rest of our lives.” Jeremy sits beside me and drapes a hand over my shoulder. I snuggle up close. “The hardest part is behind us.”
“Did Dr. Telfair really approve this?” I ask, looking at my wine glass. “I promised him I wouldn’t deviate…”
“He did,” Jeremy assures me. “It took some arm-twisting on my part. But I haven’t lost my talent for negotiations.” He winks. “I haven’t been gone from Stonehart Industries that long.”
I take a delicate sip. The vintage feels wonderful against my lips. As did Jeremy’s body this morning, his skin hot and flush with arousal, his muscles straining as he pushed in and out of me…
I get a sudden vision of myself on my knees before him, lips tight, hard cock…
“Lilly?” Jeremy looks down at me. “What’s going on? You’ve got that look in your eyes…”
I blush furiously and bite my lip. My body is strumming with need. He’s so tantalizingly close.
I decide to play it coy.
“What look?” I wonder.
“The I-want-to-get-fucked look,” Jeremy says. His voice has grown low and raspy. He stares into my eyes with his deep, impenetrable gaze. “Am I wrong?”
I smile at him through dark lashes. I put my wineglass down, on the ottoman on the opposite side of the couch, so that I have to reach across Jeremy’s lap to get there. I purr on the way back, running a sensual hand across his thigh, and stopping right over the crotch of his pants.
“You’re not wrong,” I tell him, my own voice low and sultry. “I want you, Jeremy. Right now.” I grab his thickening penis. “I want you right now.”
“Fuck me,” Jeremy growls. The next thing I know, I’m face up on the length of the seat, Jeremy pressed tight against me, his mouth sealing mine.
I moan into the kiss and grab his hips. I pull them into me, feeling the need for him to fill me to my very core. I’m wet immediately, and heaps turned on. As he kisses me, harsh and uncompromising, all I can think of is his cock deep inside me.
I fumble to strip him of his shirt. He breaks away from our connection to lift his arms up and let me do it. I smile, drunk on love, high on pleasure, as I run my hands over every flawless inch of his skin. My fingers trace over the ridges of his arm. I love the sensation of feeling those tiny oblique muscles move as he breathes.
He catches my hands with his own. They’re locked against my body—just like my eyes are locked with his.
“Your cheeks are flushed,” he tells me. “God, you look so sexy when you’re like that.” He glances over his shoulder at my barely-touched wine glass. “Somehow, I don’t think it’s the wine.”
“It’s all you,” I tell him. Then I snatch my hands out of his and grab him by his hair. “Now get down here and kiss me.”
He complies. But not without a little bit of resistance. “You know…” he says between heated kisses, “I…” Kiss. “…hate it…” Kiss, kiss. “…when you…” Kiss, kiss, kiss. “…try to take control during sex.”
“Oh?” I push his chest away and meet his stare head-on. “And what are you going to do about it, Mr. Stonehart?” I tease, my every word filled with soul-consuming lust. “Are you going to punish me? Make me feel your angry wrath?”
“Lilly…” Jeremy growls. His eyes have become huge black saucers, shining with unsuppressed desire. “Don’t test me.”
I take one of his nipples and pinch it, hard. His eyes widen, and then narrow. “Or what?” I ask him, innocently.
“Or else I’m going to fuck you so far into oblivion that you won’t be able to walk for days.”
My core clenches with the most desperate need. His dirty words do crazy things to me. “Good thing, then,” I all but hiss, “that I have no plans to walk anywhere any time soon.” I lift my other hand and trace the stubble on his cheek. “Mr. Stonehart.”
I yelp as Jeremy grabs me by the waist and lifts me onto him. Now I’m straddling him. He’s seated with his head propped against the outside wall.
“One chance, Lilly,” he tells me. “You only get one chance. Say you’re sorry, and tonight, I’ll let you lead.” His hands fall to my waist. His erection is hard and straining against his pants. I can feel it there, so very prominent, pressing up into me. I want nothing more than to rip his clothes off and let him lay waste to my body.
I start to gyrate my hips. He groans. “And if I refuse?”
“If you refuse…” Jeremy’s head falls back for a second in a deep sigh of particularly heady pleasure, “…if you refuse, I’m going to force you up against those French doors…make you stick your perky fucking ass out…and fuck you to make up for all the time we missed while we were apart.”
I roll my hip
s back and forth, teasing him through the fabric. “Is that a threat?” I ask, staring deep into his eyes.
“More like…a promise.” He groans again as I press particularly hard into him.
“A promise you’d better make good on,” I tell him, sticking my lower lip between my teeth. “But right now…” I lean down to him, letting his mouth explore my hanging breasts, “I think I’m going to take you up on your offer.” I place both hands on his shoulders and hiss in his ear. “Tonight I’m going to fuck you.”
He looks at me, not blinking once. “So get to it,” he commands.
My hands rush to pull out his belt and push his trousers off. His cock springs free through the fly of his boxers. Already, it’s raging with blood. One look at it is enough to make me lose all proprieties. I pull my panties to the side, straddling him, and sink onto his hot, thick length.
He and I both exhale in deep pleasure at the same time. I lower myself all the way, a little gasp escaping my lips as he fills me to the brim.
Then, I start to ride.
I ride him the way that I want. I control everything: the speed, the intimacy, the depth, and the duration of each sinful pulse. I thought I might go slow to luxuriate in the immense pleasure. But that is impossible. All control is stripped away as I let some sort of base animal instinct take over.
It guides my movements, guides my speed. Jeremy holds onto me. My hands fall to his chest. I grip him tight.
I start to moan, unabashed, unable to stop or hold back. The pleasure consumes me. It rolls through me like a fiery inferno. I’m lost in it. As Jeremy’s lustful groans fill the air and mix with my own sighs, I transcend the very moment. I drop my head back and moan as Jeremy’s hands explore my body and I keep riding him. He grabs my breasts, then my hips, pulls me to him even more, guiding me how he wants it even when I’m in control.
And then the climax washes over me. No. It rages through me. It rips through me. It overpowers me with the full force of a tsunami and offers no remorse. It surges through every cell in my body, through every single nerve synapse.
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 111
