“Yes.”
I want to give in. Really, really, really. I want to believe. I want to pretend there’s a future for us. I want to live the fairy tale.
I’ve never been a proponent of happily-ever-afters. But maybe, with James… there might be a flicker of a chance.
“Where would we go?” I ask him.
“Anywhere,” he says. “You say the word, and I’ll take you there. We can go to Minnesota first. The Mayo Clinic is there. They have the best cancer treatment center in the world. We’ll meet the doctors, you and I, and transfer your treatment to them. They have the experience. From there? I’d love to take you around the world, but we have to be realistic. At first, we’ll probably need to stay in the United States.” He glances out the window. “I’ve always hated the cold, haven’t you? We’ll set you up with best treatment plan and see what we do next. If they let you do out-patient treatment, we’ll fly to Hawaii, Florida. Wherever your heart desires.”
“That sounds amazing, James, honestly, but…”
He leans forward. He stretches his arm across the table and takes my hand. “But what, baby? Tell me. You trust me, don’t you?”
“I do now,” I say, running my thumb over his strong fingers.
“Then what? What is it? What reservation could you possibly have? But what, Celeste?”
“But isn’t it all a bit… too much, too soon?” I ask. “You want to uproot everything and run away with me.”
“Yes,” he says.
“You don’t know how this is all going to work out. With me, my cancer, the treatment…”
“No,” he admits. “But it doesn’t matter. What do you think, Celeste? Just me and you? Let’s do it. Let’s start our life. Yes?”
“When?” I ask softly.
“Now,” he says.
“Like… right now, right now?” I clarify. “You’re ready to just pick up and fly away?”
He pauses. “Well, maybe not today. I’ve got divorce things to deal with first in the court. But…” he trails off, tapping his lips in thought. “Nah. Fuck it. My lawyers can take care of it. Yes, Celeste. If you give the word –then tomorrow. No doubt.”
“What about tenure?” I ask. “That’s pretty important, isn’t it?”
“You’re more important.”
“No, James. I refuse. If we do this –if –you are not putting your life on hold for me. I’m not going to say it, because you asked me not to, but you know what might happen to me. You need a backup plan. Do you know how impressive it is to be offered tenure, at your age? You should wait.”
“I have more books, Celeste. Unpublished books as a backup plan,” he says. “Two waiting for line edits, three more that are just floating in limbo. I’ll survive without the university.”
“Still,” I shake my head. “You’re so close. You get it at the end of term, don’t you?”
He nods.
“Then let’s wait it out. We’ll both have closure. My lease with Summer will be up. I won’t feel awful abandoning her. I’ll have finished at least one semester of graduate school. You’ll get a permanent spot on the faculty.”
He hesitates.
“It’s only a month,” I tell him. “We can wait that long. And then…” I take both of his hands in mine, “then I’ll run away with you, James. I promise.”
7.
Shit gets real the following Thursday in James’s class.
Summer and I have been on cordial-but-not-quite-speaking terms since our last fight. We’ve sat apart in all our lectures, and conversations at home consist of, “We need more toilet paper,” and, “Who used all my damn toothpaste,” and, “Where the fuck is my new conditioner?”
That sort of thing.
At the end of lecture, James announces that he’s finished marking the impromptu tests from before. He says he’ll post the marks on his office door by four pm that day.
Summer catches up to me after class.
“Looks like we’ll find out how beneficial your relationship with Professor Landon is today when we see the marks, huh?” she asks.
She’s not entirely hostile, but not exactly pleasant, either.
“Mmm,” I say, noncommittally.
“Well, I know I did fantastic,” Summer gloats. “I can feel it. I’ve been on top of every single thing he’s taught, while you’ve been on top of… him.”
I give her a censuring look. She tries to scowl back—but then breaks down and laughs.
“Come on, I’m kidding, honey!” She links arms with me, breezy, as if nothing at all is wrong between us. “Listen, the car thing? I’m totally over it. I can’t stay mad at you.” She tilts her head and makes doe eyes at me. “Friends again?”
I sigh… then smile. “Sure,” I say. “Friends again. We’re good.”
Until the end of term, I add silently.
“Great!” she beams.
“And for what it’s worth, I put a hell of a lot of effort into studying for that exam,” I say. “I guarantee you my mark won’t be influenced by the relationship.”
“We’ll see…” Summer trails off and winks. “I won’t hold it against you if it does. We’ve all got take any advantage we can get, right?”
“Sure,” I say, wondering if there’s any hidden meaning behind that suggestion… or behind Summer’s sudden change-of-face.
Ultimately, I put it out of my mind. I’ve only got to put up with her for a little bit more. She and I were just fine before the whole Porsche incident.
I’ll just suck it up and pretend everything in the interim didn’t happen… until the lease expires.
***
Summer runs through the long hall leading to James’s office, excited as I’ve ever seen her, pulling me in tow.
We’re not the first to arrive. There’s a cluster of other girls, all clamoring over their marks.
Summer pushes her way to the front. “Shit,” she mutters. “He labeled it with our student ID numbers. I forget mine. Hold on.”
I look at her, incredulously. “You don’t know your own student ID?” I ask.
“It’s never come up before,” she snaps. “Honestly, the only time I need it is to log into the portal online, and I’ve got LastPass for that.”
“Hey, if it works for you,” I mutter.
While Summer digs around in her purse for her student card, I trail a finger down the left-most column, searching for my ID.
I find it halfway down. A flush of pride hits me when I see the mark accompanying it:
One hundred percent.
I scan the remainder of the column. Only two other students got a perfect score. The majority of the grades are in the sixties and seventies.
My pride intensifies.
Looks like studying out of spite can be a very effective strategy.
My good mood is interrupted by a series of curses at my side.
“What the fuck. What the fuck. No. No!”
“Summer?” I look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong.” She stabs a finger at the sheet of paper. “The bastard failed me, that’s what!”
“What?” I’m shocked. Summer might not be the greatest best friend, but she’s always been a decent student. “That can’t be right. You’re even a TA.”
“I know!” she exclaims. “But look. See? Here’s my ID.” She slides her finger left. “And here’s the mark. Forty-three percent! What the fuck?”
“Give me that,” I say. I take Summer’s student card and read off the digits. I match them up with the left column.
My stomach sinks when I see that no, she really did fail.
“What did you get?” she asks me.
“Uhh,” I stall. “Doesn’t matter. Not as good as I thought.”
“But not as bad as me, huh?” she says. She kicks the wall. “Dammit! What the fuck, Celeste?”
I think back to the lead up to the exam and realize I didn’t actually once notice Summer studying. “Hell, you said you knew the material
. But did you actually, um, look at your notes before?”
“Of course, I opened my notes,” she snaps. “Something’s up. There’s no way I failed that exam. No fucking way.” She grabs my arm and pulls me out of the throng. “I want you to call your boyfriend. Right now. Call him and ask him why he failed me.”
“I think this is something you need to talk to him about personally,” I say.
“Fine,” she says. She grabs my phone out of my hand.
“Hey!” I exclaim.
“Hold on, hold on,” she says, swiping over the screen. “I’m calling him right now, and –hey! Hey, what is this?”
“What is what? And give me back my phone, Summer!” I say, snatching it back.
I look at the screen. My texting app is open.
It’s on my thread with Summer.
“That,” Summer says, pointing over my shoulder. “That, that, that.”
She’s looking at the photo of James’s car that she sent me.
“Um, your message?” I say. I look at the screen. “You’re not calling James from my number, anyway. Go find him yourself—“
“You didn’t delete it?” she all-but-screeches.
“No!” I say. “Why would I delete his number?”
“Not his number, my text! With the car? Oh my God.” Her hands fly over her mouth. “Oh my God, you didn’t delete it because you showed him. You kept it to show him, and this…” She gestures in disgust back down the hall, to where the marks are hanging off his door. “…is his way of getting back at me!”
“Summer. Seriously? There’s no fucking way that’s what happened.”
“Easy for you to say,” she counters. “Oh my God, and the timing matches up perfect, too. He gave the test last week. He would have marked it over the weekend. After you fucking told him! Why else would you keep the pic?”
“Because I don’t go about deleting messages, Summer!” I nearly scream. “Look. You sound hysterical. And you’re jumping to conclusions, again. But at least this time you’re giving me a chance to talk.
“So listen. First of all, no I didn’t tell James. Why would I?” Lie number one. “I only said I would if you didn’t agree to stop doing stupid shit like that. But you did. Second. Even if I had told James –which I didn’t! –he wouldn’t fail you over that! He has integrity, Summer, unlike some people I know.”
She growls at me. “What do you mean, some people? Are you trying to tell me something? You’re supposed to be on my side, dammit! You know, I’m starting to think you’re not the friend I took you for.”
“And you’re not the girl I expected to find when I agreed to room with you!” I explode. “You’re rash and irresponsible. You act without thinking. I’ve put up with it, Summer, for the sake of who you and I were before, but it’s obviously not working out!”
“Don’t call me irresponsible,” she sneers. “I’m not the one sleeping with my professor!”
“No, you’re sleeping with the dean, which is even worse!”
“Who, Alfred?” She scoffs. “I called it quits with him weeks ago. Get with the times, honey!”
“Then who the hell have you been out with all the time?” I ask.
“That,” she announces, “is none of your fucking business.”
I take a deep breath, then slowly exhale.
“Fine,” I say, holding my hands up. “Fine, Summer, I don’t care who you sleep with. But seriously! You said you were over me and James, and the instant you get a bad result, you go jumping off the deep end. Couldn’t it just be possible that you didn’tprepare enough for the test?”
She swings her hair over her shoulder. “Never,” she says. “I know the material inside out. James is getting back at me, no doubt.”
“And you just sound crazy again,” I mutter. “What is he getting back at you for, Summer? He doesn’t know about the car!”
“Maybe he’s just sticking up for you,” she says. “You know, kind of how I was doing when the two of you were at each other’s throats.”
“I swear to God, Summer, it is not like that.”
“How can you be so sure, huh?” she asks. “You lived with him after I –well, you know. Maybe he saw it the same way as you, that my reaction was overblown, and this is his way of getting back at me.”
“Now?” I ask. I’m beyond incredulous. “Why would he wait so long, Summer? If anything, he would have done something right when I moved in with him.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t dating then,” she clarifies. “That makes an enormous difference.”
“Summer, James is a professor. Holy shit, can you just take a step back and listen to yourself right now? You’re his lead TA. Has he ever treated you different in class or in lecture or when you saw him for the undergrad course?”
“Well… no,” she admits. She’s calmed down a bit following the post-exam-score explosion.
“Exactly!” I stress. “Why would he compromise his position now, of all times? He’s up for tenure at the end of term, did you know?”
Summer’s eyebrows shoot straight up. “No,” she says. “Really?”
Shit, I think. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.
Then again, what does it matter?
“Yeah. But, don’t tell him I said anything. Maybe he’s not ready to announce it.”
“Oh yeah, sure thing, bestie,” Summer says. She jumps up into me in a totally impromptu, completely uncalled for, and entirely random hug. “I’ve got to run though, k? No hard feelings or anything. Hey… I’ll see you tonight.”
And then she sets straight off, leaving me staring at her back, wondering what the fuck just happened.
8.
“Hey,” I ask James when I’m at his place later that night. “I saw the posted marks. Did Summer really fail?”
He looks surprised. “You saw the marks, and that’s what you’re asking?”
“I mean, I know I deserved that hundred percent.” I grin at him. “I was pretty pissed at you when I prepped. I wanted to prove that, despite what happened with us, I was still a good student.”
“A damn good one,” James says in a husky voice. He spins me around by the waist and plants his lips on mine.
Immediately my body comes alive. All my sense awaken. When James kisses me… when he touches me… whenever I’m with him… this insatiable hunger roars into being.
Right away I want him more. I want him always. I want him to touch me and taste me and make me come. I want him to make me forget all else and know only him. I want to subsist on only him.
But there’s this niggling thing that I first need to clarify.
Gently, I push him back. He blinks at me, then touches my hair sweetly. “Tired?” he asks.
“A bit,” I say. “But that’s not why I stopped. I have to know: did you fail Summer because of me?”
“What?” he sounds scandalized. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t. It’s just… well, when she saw her mark, that’s exactly what she accused you of. She said you were getting back at her for what she did to your car, or what she did for me, or—”
“Celeste,” James cuts me off. “Stop it. That’s ridiculous. I keep a clear divide between my professional and personal life.” Then he reconsiders. “Well,” he amends, kissing me again, “sometimes it’s not too clear.”
I melt into his kiss and drift away on a high of James. But then that damn accusation comes to mind again.
“James,” I say. He makes an exacerbated sound that tells me he doesn’t want to stop. “Do you promise me you didn’t do it because of me? I would feel horrible if you did. I wouldn’t tell her, I just –want to know.”
He grunts in disgust. “No, Celeste. Don’t you believe me? Your roommate is the one who likes petty games. I do not.”
“Do you swear?” I insist. “I know it’s stupid, but I… I can’t get it out of my head.” I try to laugh it off and brush my hair aside. “I mean, I know you wouldn’t do that… But I don’t know kn
ow, you know?” I stumble over my words. “Ick. Am I even making any sense?”
“You’re killing the mood is what you’re doing,” James grumbles. He takes my hand. “Come here. I’ll show you something.”
I follow James to his upstairs study. He opens a desk drawer and takes out an enormous stack of penned papers. He drops them. They land with a hard thud.
“All the exams, right there,” he says. “Go on. Pull out Summer’s from the pile.”
I start picking through them, looking for her name on top.
I find it and leaf through the multiple choice section. I’m astounded by the number of red X’s.
“Read a few lines of her essay,” James says.
I do. Just a few paragraphs in, my face screws up. The writing… she has no idea what she’s talking about!
“Your friend was lucky to get forty percent,” James says. “I could have given her zero and been equally justified. The only reason I didn’t is that it would kill her chances of passing the course. So you see? I didn’t count anything against her. In fact, I did her an enormous favor by not going with my gut.”
I tuck the test away. “I should have trusted you,” I say. “I’m sorry. It was stupid. I was dumb.”
“You still care about her,” James says. “You have a big heart, even if you try to hide it, baby. That’s why you were worried. It has nothing to do with trust. I know you trust me.” He steps into me and whispers in my ear, “I’ll never let you fall.”
I smile. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
Then I turn, and we kiss.
9.
I gasp as James’ full, hard penis rips into me.
We’ve been fucking like animals. His hunger is immense.
Luckily, tonight, I have the stamina to match it.
He lowers his head and feasts on my breasts. He bites hard, leaving an imprint of his teeth.
All the while, his hips pulse in and out of me, spurring me to new heights.
“Oh, James!” I moan. “Mmm… yes! Yes, yes, yes! Fuck me harder, baby. Make me yours!”
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 147
