by Lexi Ryan
Jazzy toddles up to Em and hands her a shovel. “Dig.”
Emma obeys, digging a small hole in the sand between us as she continues. “It’s a selfish love, fish love. And the point of the parable is that we shouldn’t seek fish love. We should seek to give and receive selfless love.” She pulls a folded piece of paper from the pocket in her dress and puts down her shovel so she can unfold it with both hands.
When I see her loopy handwriting and my squared note on top of it, I realize it’s the note she wrote me five years ago. It’s the note I gave back to her the night before her wedding.
She skims her fingers over her old words—Please know this: As much as I want you for myself, I want more for you to be happy. Do that for me. Then she traces over my ditto.
“Selfless love is confusing,” she says, lifting her eyes to mine. “I wanted to let you go then because I thought you deserved better than some screwed-up girl. But maybe I was being selfish because I was scared for you to know my secrets. I wanted to be who you thought I was, and if I told you about Harry, I couldn’t be that anymore.”
It hurts to think that she hid part of herself because she didn’t think I could love her if I knew her secrets, and the pain is so acute because I did the same. I’m not sure what to say, so I just wait, listening.
“You wanted to be who I thought you were, so you didn’t tell me the truth.”
Jazzy plops down in front of Emma and uses her hands to push sand back into the hole.
“Selfless love is hard to figure out because we’re all kind of selfish at our core, so I thought, maybe, screw the parable.” She grins at me and swallows. “I want selfish love. I want to be with you because you make me feel safe. That’s selfish. I want to wake up in your arms because you make me feel beautiful. Selfish. I want to be by your side as you raise this beautiful baby because it makes me believe that life has more goodness in it than I ever realized.”
“That’s really selfish,” I say. “Kind of like how I want you in my life because you remind me why I want to be a better man?”
She nods. “Yeah. Selfish.”
I draw in a deep breath and slide my sandy hand over hers. “Or how I want to go to sleep with you in my arms because you’re so insanely beautiful that I need to touch you to convince myself you’re here and that I’m lucky enough to have you.”
She blinks and tears roll from the corners of her eyes, and I’m filled with relief and hope and love and adoration so intense I wish she could simply see herself as I see her. “So selfish.”
I nod. “I could do selfish. The other way seems to drive us apart too much, and I don’t care for that—selfishly, of course.”
“Of course.”
“So we try loving each other and making each other happy for a while. I think you’ll find that I can be pretty good at this fish-love thing.” I bite back laughter and shake my head.
“What?” she asks.
I cut my eyes to Jazzy then back to Emma. “I’m pretty sure there’s a dirty joke opportunity there, but I’m going to let it pass me by. Little ears and all.”
She laughs. “Fair enough.” She scans the beach before meeting my eyes again. “Do you like living here?”
“It’s been good to me,” I say. “I never expected to end up here, but here I am.”
“Here you are,” she says. She sighs and tucks her arm under mine, leaning her head on my shoulder. “You think I’d like it?”
“I know you would.” I dip down to kiss her forehead and breathe in her scent. “Does that mean you’re staying?”
“If you’ll have me.”
“One second, okay?” I pull out my phone and send a quick text. Two minutes later, the nanny is scooping Jazzy into her arms and carrying her into the house for a bath.
“I like your daughter,” Emma says, watching them go.
“She’s amazing.” I wait until she looks at me again. I’m not sure I really deserve this—the moment, the woman, the forgiveness—but I’m going to take it and I’m going to earn it by giving her the best life I can. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“I can’t believe you know my secrets and still want to be with me,” she says.
“I want to be the person you can tell anything. I want to be the one you always know will love you regardless.” I cup her face in my hands and lower my mouth to hers.
She whispers, “Ditto.”
Epilogue
Emma
“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve taken my clothes off for anybody but Keegan?” I ask as I pull my jeans back on.
Bailey wiggles her eyebrows. “Was is it as good for you as it was for me?”
“Somehow it wasn’t as awkward as I expected.” I laugh. “Is it weird for you?”
Bailey snorts. “You forget I used to be a stripper. Body parts are body parts.” She shrugs then scrolls through the images on her digital camera. “Not that I think Keegan will feel that way. Damn, girl. You look hot in these. I think he will particularly like the one of you in his jersey.”
I bite my lip. “I hope.” I’ve been staying with Keegan for a month, and it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions in that short time. I went to the police with the pictures Keegan’s dad gave me, and they arrested Harry for statutory rape. When the police found more pictures on his computer, Harry took a plea deal so he wouldn’t have to go through the public humiliation of a trial.
Closing that chapter in my life has been exhausting and freeing, and Keegan has been by my side through every step. When I found out Bailey was coming to town, I asked if she’d do some boudoir shots for me. She’d mentioned she’d done them for a couple of friends, and I decided I should do it, even if I missed our fifth “anniversary” by a few weeks.
“Emma?” Keegan calls from the front door. “Are you home?”
“She’s in the bedroom with me,” Bailey says. “Just getting her clothes back on.”
I cover my mouth, but a giggle-snort slips through my fingers as Keegan joins us in the bedroom. He must have showered after practice, because his hair’s wet and he smells like soap and not sweaty football player—though, to be honest, I enjoy him both ways.
He steps behind me and wraps his arms around my front before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Why do I feel like you two were up to no good in here?”
“Because you know me well?” Bailey asks, smirking.
“True story,” he mutters. “Why are you in town, anyway? Patsy said she’s going to run the bar for a couple days?”
“Aren’t I allowed?”
I can feel his shrug. “It’s fine with me, but don’t you normally hate to take time off?”
“Yeah, well, Mason’s avoiding my calls, so I decided to come talk some sense into him in person.”
I feel Keegan tense behind me. “Is everything okay, Bail? You two never told me what happened in Vegas, but if you’re pregnant…”
“I’m not pregnant.” She tucks her camera into her bag and looks him in the eye. “And everything will be fine once he gives me a divorce.”
Keegan and I gasp in unison, but he’s the first to speak. “When did he give you a wedding?”
She frowns at her bare ring finger. “You two weren’t the only ones to get drunk and make poor decisions in Vegas. The only difference is your bad decision ended up with an unsigned marriage certificate, whereas ours… Well, he promised me we could deal with it after Mia and Arrow’s wedding, so it won’t matter long anyway.” She hoists her backpack on her shoulder and meets my eyes. “I will get back to you with the results of our little project. Wish me luck with Mason.”
“Good…luck?” Keegan says, and Bailey walks out the door before I can recover my shock.
When we hear the front door close, I spin in Keegan’s arms and gape. “They got married?”
He shrugs and drags his hands down my body to settle on my hips. “I guess Vegas makes you do crazy things.”
I slide my hands under his T-shirt and find the button on his jeans. �
��Things you desperately wanted to do anyway.”
“Exactly,” he whispers. “Want to tell me what you and Bailey were doing in the bedroom with the camera she uses for boudoir shoots?”
“Nope.” I unzip his jeans and shove them from his hips. “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”
He pulls his T-shirt off over his head and then goes for mine. “Will I like it?”
“I hope so.”
He throws my T-shirt to the floor and unbuttons my jeans. “Maybe you should show me what I should expect?”
I grin. “You’re awfully confident in your assumptions.”
“You missed the fifth anniversary of our first date,” he says. He pushes my jeans down and leads me to step out of them. “You owe me something.”
I prop my hands on my bare hips. “And what did you get me?” I frown, remembering our first date and how he said he’d be just as nervous about his gift for me.
He trails kisses along my shoulder. “Do you want it now or later?”
I step back. “You’re distracting me.” I laugh, but my stomach is a bundle of nerves. “I want it now, Keegan. What did you get me?”
He scans my face and looks almost nervous. “It’s in the top drawer.”
I open his dresser and find a black velvet box in the front. My heart hammers wildly, and when I turn to ask if I can open it, he’s down on one knee. He takes the box from my hands and opens it. Before I can catch my breath, he pulls out the ring inside and lifts it up.
“Emma Rothschild, I never intended to propose in my boxers.” He grins and I laugh, nerves and elation making the sound ring through the room. “I have reservations for this beautiful dinner on the beach where you’d get to listen to the waves and feel the breeze on your face as I asked you to be my wife. But that just goes to show you how crazy you make me, and how nothing has ever gone as planned with you.”
I press a hand to my chest as if that might calm my wild heart. “I like this better than the plan.”
“I’ve been hoping for a family since I was a little boy, and I’ve only recently realized that family isn’t how it looks on TV. It’s not the people we were born related to or the ones we live with. Family is who you choose along the way. I spent two years hoping Jazzy and Olivia and I could be family without realizing we already were. My friends are part of my family too. They picked up where you left off in making me a better man, and they do what family should—being there for me even when I don’t deserve it. I want you to be my family too. But I want you to be the kind of family I come home to every night. I want you to carry my babies and help raise Jasmine.” He takes my hand and his is shaking as he slides the sapphire engagement ring on my finger. “Please say yes.”
“I knew I wanted to say yes the night of our first date.” I sink to my knees in front of him so we’re kneeling together. “I saw you then for who you really are, and I think you saw me too.”
He kisses me hard, one hand in my hair and the other pulling my body against his until we’re tumbling onto the floor and he’s lowering himself onto me. “I don’t ever want to see you wearing nothing but your sapphire necklace again,” he whispers. “From now on, I want you wearing my ring too.”
“It’s a deal.”
THE END
Thank you for reading Falling Hard, the fourth book in The Blackhawk Boys series. If you’d like to receive an email when I release Mason’s story in book five, In Too Deep, please sign up for my newsletter. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review. Thank you for reading. It’s an honor!
Falling Hard Playlist
* * *
“How Long Will I Love You?” by Ellie Goulding
“Starving” by Hailee Steinfeld
“Dive” by Ed Sheeran
“To Build a Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra
“L.S.D.” by Jax
“Stay” by Zedd feat. Alessia Cara
“Perfect” by Ed Sheeran
“Issues” by Julia Michaels
“New Man” by Ed Sheeran
“Paris” by The Chainsmokers
“Adore You” by Miley Cyrus
“Deep the Water” by Lewis Watson
“Find My Way Back” by Cody Fry
Other Books by Lexi Ryan
The Blackhawk Boys
Spinning Out (Arrow’s story)
Rushing In (Chris’s story)
Going Under (Sebastian’s story)
Falling Hard (Keegan’s story)
In Too Deep (Mason’s story, coming fall 2017)
* * *
LOVE UNBOUND
If you enjoyed this book, you may also enjoy the books in Love Unbound, the linked series of books set in New Hope and about the characters readers have come to love.
* * *
Splintered Hearts (A Love Unbound Series)
Unbreak Me (Maggie’s story)
Stolen Wishes: A Wish I May prequel novella (Will and Cally’s prequel)
Wish I May (Will and Cally’s novel)
Or read them together in the omnibus edition, Splintered Hearts: The New Hope Trilogy
* * *
Here and Now (A Love Unbound Series)
Lost in Me (Hanna’s story begins)
Fall to You (Hanna’s story continues)
All for This (Hanna’s story concludes)
Or read them together in the omnibus edition, Here and Now: The Complete Series
* * *
Reckless and Real (A Love Unbound Series)
Something Wild (Liz and Sam’s story begins)
Something Reckless (Liz and Sam’s story continues)
Something Real (Liz and Sam’s story concludes)
Or read them together in the omnibus edition, Reckless and Real: The Complete Series
* * *
Mended Hearts (A Love Unbound Series)
Playing with Fire (Nix’s story)
Holding Her Close (Janelle and Cade’s story)
* * *
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Other Titles by Lexi Ryan
Hot Contemporary Romance
Text Appeal
Accidental Sex Goddess
About the Author
Lexi lives in Indiana with her husband and two children. She loves hearing from readers.
@writerlexiryan
lexiryanauthor
www.lexiryan.com
[email protected]
