by Alexis James
His mouth drops open and pain fills his eyes. “It’s not all you have, babe. You have me.”
Now it’s my turn for the stunned, open-mouth look. I think we both know I don’t have him and I couldn’t even if I really wanted to. And calling me babe … where the heck did that come from? “I don’t have you, Roman, you know that. I have my daughter and rent and bills and a job I desperately rely on to make sure I’m not out on the welfare line. I can’t risk losing that, not even for you.”
The pain in his eyes is quickly replaced by fury as he stops pacing and leans on the edge of the desk. “So what then? You just expect me to walk away? After all these weeks of getting to know one another and spending time together, is that what you want?”
“What I want doesn’t matter. Why can’t you understand that?” Getting to my feet, I bravely move toward the hostile, hurt man who takes up the majority of the space in the small office. “I don’t have choices, Roman. I don’t have the luxury of falling in love with someone and letting them consume me. I have responsibilities and priorities I don’t dare put at risk because I can’t follow the rules.”
“He wouldn’t fire you, Sabrina. He’d fire me first.”
“You think I want that? You think I want you working for a company other than this one? Do you think I could live with myself knowing what you gave up to be with me?” Tears fill my eyes. “I wish I was free to be with you. I want more than anything to spend time with you alone, go out like adults do, and be someone other than Emmy’s mom just for a few hours.” The tears spill over and run in streams down my face. “God, I’m a terrible person for saying that.”
He steps over to me and cups my face in his large hands. “No you’re not. You’re human. You’re a woman. And you’ve spent too many years forgetting that.” His gaze trails down to my lips and beyond. When our eyes meet again, he takes another step closer, pulling me against his body and burying his face in my neck.
I’m surrounded with warm skin, hard muscle, and the subtle, intoxicating scent of cologne filling my senses. My only response can be to melt into his embrace and grip him tightly. This impasse has done nothing but create frustration for both of us, frustration that’s quickly manifesting itself in a deep, intense need that’s centering directly between my legs. His reaction mirrors mine, one hand coming down to press me tightly against his very present erection.
“Do you feel that? Do you feel how much I want you, how much I need you?” A shuddered sigh is my only answer. “Do you think I’d let anything happen to you, or that I’d hurt you?”
“No. Not intentionally.”
Lifting his head, he locks his eyes with mine. “What will it take for you to understand how precious you are to me?”
“Roman … I …” He halts my words by gently laying his lips on mine, catching my doubts and fears with his breath, silencing the protests with his warmth. And even though the kiss is over before it starts, I’m left panting, breathless, and more confused than ever.
“I want this. I want you and Emmy and a life we can make together.”
My head is spinning, shocked and stunned by these crazy turn of events, thinking that maybe I have imagined all of this or dreamed it up somehow. “What are you saying?”
He chuckles and rests his forehead against mine. “I’m saying I want to date you. And if that means the three of us, then so be it. I’m saying I want to build something, and hopefully that something will be a future.” He buries his face against my ear, whispering, “I want to slide deep inside of you and make you come so many times that you can’t remember your name.”
Laughing nervously, I reply, “Is that possible?”
“Want to find out?”
I’m quickly brought right back to reality with the knowledge that I’m clueless when it comes to things like sex and love. Taking a step back and pulling out of his arms, I murmur, “I don’t think you know what you’re asking.”
“Okay, so tell me.”
I start to pace. “I haven’t … uh … I haven’t been with a man in a very long time.”
He shrugs. “Okay.”
My gaze shoots to his. “Not okay. You don’t understand. I mean a long, long time. Years.”
“So what you’re telling me is that you’ve forgotten how it works?”
“Yeah. Sorta. Probably.”
He gives my hand a tug and a minute later I’m plopped down on his lap, and he’s holding me tight. “Then explain it to me.”
I can feel my face heating and quickly avert my eyes. “I’ve only been with … uh … Emmy’s father. And that was before she was born.”
His eyes widen. “What? You haven’t had sex in … what … over fifteen years?”
“Yep. That about sums it up.” There’s no way in Hell that I’m telling him about Jack’s little—big—gift or the fact I’ve been using it almost daily to work off some of this sexual frustration caused by him.
“Huh.” I swear there’s smoke coming out of the man’s ears he’s thinking so hard, but all I can do is sit there and marvel at the fact that I’m in his arms, threading my fingers through his hair, and just a minute ago he kissed me for the first time.
While I fully expect him to make some lame excuses and run for the hills, what I don’t expect is to feel certain things standing at full attention, right beneath my bottom. “Uh, Roman, I …”
His hand comes up to grip my hair just as his mouth plunders mine. I should have known that the timid, mild kiss from before was nothing compared to the real deal. This time he owns me with his kiss, brands me with the tongue he slides against mine, and makes me completely his with the way he wraps me up in his embrace. The fear and apprehension from earlier slides away and soon my heart is racing furiously. There’s an almost painful ache centered right between my legs. Dampness fills my panties as I squirm against him and try to seek relief from the desperate need that’s suddenly overtaken me. Roman groans deep in his throat, as if he’s in some sort of pain having me perched on top of him. Fingers dig deep into my hips as he shifts slightly, and I’m suddenly very aware of how intense things have gotten for us. The movement sends shots of pleasure right between my legs, a feeling that is both welcoming and tormenting all at once.
He lifts his head slightly and slides his hand between my thighs, growling, “Are you wet for me?”
“Huh? What?”
His eyes sear into mine. “Are. You. Wet. For. Me?” Each word is punctuated by his fingers drifting over my sensitive, jean-covered skin.
As if someone released me from the restraints I’ve kept myself shackled in, I sigh out a “yes,” and this time I take his mouth. He groans again, does some fancy shifting of my body, and a moment later my legs are wrapped around his hips. His hands grip my butt tightly, encouraging me to seek my release from his body, which I do eagerly by rubbing myself against his erection like some horny teenager.
I’m drowning in the feel of him, in his mouth on mine, in the touch of our tongues as they dance together. My head is spinning from the overload of emotions and need, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I consider that we’ve somehow crossed into unchartered territory—no map, no compass, simply wandering aimlessly toward where we believe with all our hearts we should end up. But that’s the thing about believing in something: it requires a whole lot of hope and equal parts trust and faith. And as much as I want this, want him, and may even want us as a couple, I’m not yet certain I believe it would be the best thing for either me or my daughter.
Lifting my mouth from his, I settle my head in the crook of his neck and close my eyes. I can hear his heart beating erratically as one hand slowly strokes up and down my back. He holds me like I’m treasured cargo, safely encased in his embrace, and I have to ask myself why the hell I would ever turn a man like him away. He’s done nothing but take his time with me, he’s exuded patience and kindness, and even when he’s been irritated it’s never been with hateful intent or out-of-control anger.
“Let me talk to Cruz. I
’ll make him understand. I’ll make this right for you … for us.”
I take a few deep breaths, breathing in the clean, male scent of his skin, whispering, “Why do you want this? Make me understand how we are a good idea.”
His hands grasp my face as he forces my gaze to his. “You’re the first woman to make me want forever. The first one to make me dream of something more than a few nights, or even a few weeks.” He drops a simple, sweet kiss on my lips. “You’re beautiful, and you don’t even see it. But it’s more than beauty for me. It’s the beauty I see on the inside. It’s the immense love you have for your daughter, the sweet kindness you show those around you, the innocence you show me sometimes when I pop off with something that embarrasses you.” Once more, he grips my hips and pulls me in tight. “Do I want to sleep with you? Damn straight I do. I want to screw you and fuck you and make love to you in every single way possible. More than a few times, actually.”
I grin at him and predictably my face warms. “You seem pretty sure of yourself.”
He smirks at me and gives a quick thrust of his hips. “Nah. Just horny as hell, that’s all.”
We share a good, hearty laugh that leaves me with happy tears in my eyes before we settle down, and once more I snuggle against his chest. “You really think Cruz will understand?”
He nods and drops a kiss on my temple. “I’ll make him understand.”
Fear hits me out of nowhere, washing over me as I realize what just happened: I’ve effectively said yes. “Uh, Roman, can we, um … go slow?”
Understanding washes across his face. “Look, I know you’re nervous about all of it, and I completely understand. You’re in control, okay? We go at your pace.”
Lifting my head, I whisper, “You’re sure?”
That earns me one of his full-on dimpled smile. “I’ve been more than sure for a long, long time.” One more soft, simple kiss then he’s lifting me to my feet. “You eat. I’m gonna go talk to Cruz. Can I call you later?”
Worry settles in my gut as I nod. “Yes, please do.”
I’m in his arms the moment he stands next to me and murmurs, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. Just set next Saturday aside, though, to go out on the boat. Okay?”
Shoving aside the fear and worry, I nod. “Okay.”
He bestows two more innocent kisses on my lips then with a wave and a smile, he takes his leave. Exhausted from the emotional overload and yes, the sexual frustration too, I sink into my chair and wrap the sandwich up to take home. Appetite now gone, all I can do is wait and worry about what Cruz’s reaction will be.
Rubbing the pad of my thumb across my lips, I close my eyes and smile. Hard to believe that Roman and I have been dancing around one another for so long now and today things have suddenly taken on a new direction. It’s humbling, knowing a man like him, a man that looks like him, would want to spend time with me. He’s so damn sexy the way he struts around in those tattered jeans and T-shirts that outline every rippling muscle. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fantasize about what he looks like without clothes. And today’s little sample of the way he performs sure did give me a sneak peek into what makes him tick. Beneath that suave, beautiful exterior is a man who does everything with passionate intensity. He kisses to mark, touches to warn, and speaks words to promise, not to threaten. I have no doubt that when he finally possesses me in every way, I’ll be left wanting nothing. Needing nothing. Knowing only that belonging to him is a lifetime commitment not only for my heart, but for my soul as well.
If I thought the drive out to Cruz’s house would lessen the situation in my pants, I was sorely mistaken. Having gotten my first taste of Sabrina, and a hint of all the passion that she continues to deny herself, I’m half blind with need. I imagined that she’d feel amazing in my arms, but I never dreamed she would melt so easily with one touch, one kiss, one promise of how good we could be together.
Hot doesn’t begin describe her as she relaxed into the moment and took control, kissing me as thoroughly as I always imagined she might. Damn, that woman gets to me on every level: emotional, physical, primal, hell … even spiritual. I sure as hell had to call on what little faith I practice to keep from tossing her down on the desk and having my way with her. Knowing she was just as heated as I was only made it more difficult to walk away. And I have a hunch I’ll be doing a lot of walking away in the next few months while I give her the time she needs to get used to me.
More than a decade of celibacy. Who does that? Granted, I fully realize I’m a guy and most men have this rather skewed view on what is and is not considered the right amount of sex they should be having. The me from a few years ago needed it on an almost daily basis. The me now, even prior to meeting Sabrina, has a more mature version of what I can and cannot live with, or rather without. Regardless, there’s no way in Hell I could have gone so long without a warm body next to mine. Sure, I’m not a parent so I have no idea how raising a child can interfere with one’s own needs, but since getting a taste of the woman underneath the mom, I’ll wager that Sabrina has never allowed herself to fully explore her sexuality. Damn … I can’t wait to help her do that.
Adjusting myself and grumbling a curse, I pull into Cruz’s driveway. Showing up unannounced on a Saturday afternoon isn’t something I’d normally do, but calling ahead to ask permission isn’t something I’d do either—especially since the man holds my future, mine and Sabrina’s actually, in his hands. Pleading my case will bring me to a new low, that’s for sure, but I’m not about to let what’s going on between her and I affect her job negatively. If coming out here and begging my brother to have a heart is what I have to do, I’m all in.
Mia greets me with a hug, pulling me by the hand into the spacious house, and leads me into the kitchen. “Cruz is just finishing his workout. He’ll be out in a sec.”
The state-of-the-art home gym that sits at the end of the hallway has always been something I’ve envied. The house itself? Not my style. It’s too big and too cold, though once Mia moved in the level of warmth did increase. It’s the type of house you look at and say, “Wow, they must be loaded.” Since Cruz is, it makes sense that he lives in a space like this.
“No problem.” I take the beer she offers and stroll over to the tall windows that look out onto a large deck and the dock beyond. I’ve been here more times than I can count, but I still feel like a visitor, not someone who can kick off my shoes and prop my feet up on the coffee table. I suppose that could be because Cruz and I have always maintained a slight distance from one another in that regard. I trust him implicitly and rely on his opinion on most things. Of course we’re brothers and we share a whole lot of brotherly love, but he’s not the person I turn to when I need to confide in someone; it’s not like him and Marco. I save my confessions for Bella.
Mia moves up next to me and loops her arms through mine. “You okay? You seem bothered by something.”
I offer her a shrug. “Just a lot on my mind, that’s all. How are you?”
She grins wide, lighting up her beautiful face and dark, almond-shaped eyes with happiness. “I’m really good.” The way she’s looking at me hints that she has more to say, but she remains mum.
Footsteps behind us cause her to move away and a dark thread of uneasiness scurries up my spine. Turning, I come face to face with my imposing older brother. Taller and larger than me in every way, he looms over me, blue-green eyes shooting me a curious look. “Hey, little brother. What brings you out here today?”
“Yeah, sorry to show up unannounced, but I need to speak with you.”
He gestures to the couch, and we take a seat, Mia included. “What’s on your mind?”
Disregarding the nervousness I feel, I set the beer aside and lean over, propping my elbows up on my knees. “I need to talk with you about Sabrina. Me and Sabrina actually.”
Cruz isn’t the overreacting type, so he barely blinks at my statement. “All right. What about you and Sabrina?”
“I invited
her out with us on the boat next week. She and her daughter Emerson.”
Mia smirks. “I heard that her daughter has been helping you out at the office.”
Cruz’s jaw ticks, and he darts a look at his wife. “You did? How come this is the first I’m hearing about it?”
She shrugs, no longer at all intimidated by her husband. “You have more important things to worry about.”
His eyes warm and he pulls her into an embrace, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “Yes I do, querida.”
There’s a whole lot going on between the two of them that they’re not willing to say, at least if the intense looks back and forth are any indication. No disrespect meant to either of them, but we’re getting seriously off track here. “Yeah, so Sabrina and I are seeing one another.”
My brother glares at me. “We talked about this already …” As if that’s supposed to make me heel and obey.
“No, you talked about it. I chose to ignore you.” Blowing out a heavy breath, I shoot Mia an apologetic look. “Look, man, I get that you have this office policy in place. But what you don’t understand is that I’ve wanted this woman for years now. Years. This is not a fling. She’s not some chick I’m gonna fuck and walk away from.” Flinching, I murmur, “Sorry, Mia.”
She takes it all in stride and shrugs. “Don’t sensor yourself on my account. Please continue.”
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together, just getting to know one another.” I refrain from telling him we’ve been doing that on office time. No need to bury myself further before I’m done explaining. “I started helping Emmy with homework and when she went on summer break, I brought her in to help me so that she wouldn’t be sitting at home all alone during the day.” I hold up a hand just as he starts to speak. “And before you ask, I instructed Marco to deduct what she’s being paid from my paycheck.” All other employees of the firm are paid through the payroll department, but the three of us, and now Mia, are all paid separately and confidentially through accounts Marco has set up for us. “She’s been a huge help to me. The kid is super smart and organized, just like her mom. I wish I could hire her year-round.”
