by Alexis James
She starts to laugh. “Are you serious right now?”
“Sweetness, I’m always serious when I’m talking about my dick.” This makes her laugh even harder. “You’re doing wonders for my ego.”
“I’m sorry. Truly.”
“No you’re not, you little minx.” I need to divert this conversation away from sex right the fuck now, otherwise I’m going to be heading into round two of Roman loses his mind over a blond beauty. “Tell me about this birthday party.”
She gives me the quick rundown on the bowling birthday party for Miss Sweet Sixteen and after promising to give me a list of possible gifts for her, we spend a few minutes chatting about our plans for the day. She’s practically a different woman now, free and easy and relaxed, not at all like the uptight woman I’ve had my eye on for the past few years. I’m sure the orgasms she had last night with me have helped, but clearly she’s feeling more secure about whatever this is we have. It feels like a relationship to me, even though it remains undefined. Maybe that’s a good thing actually. It will give her more time to get used to the idea of being mine on a permanent basis.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
The hopeful lilt to her voice is all the encouragement I need. “Absolutely. Have a great day.”
“You too.”
My hopeful, good mood lasts the entire day and when I stroll into my parents’ house for dinner around five, I’ve finally got my body under control. Thank God too, because if either of my brothers caught wind of my current state, I’d never hear the end of it.
The house is silent, even though most of my sibling’s vehicles are parked outside. As I move into the kitchen, an odd feeling of fear races up my spine. There’s the usual chaos on the counters, pots and pans and such, but the vegetables are in mid-chop and a knife is lying precariously on the floor, alongside a dish towel.
With a sense of purpose I head down the hall and as I get closer to the master bedroom I hear the sound of murmured voices. Stepping up to the doorway, I can see my siblings huddled around the bed, Mama seated on the edge next to Papa.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
Every set of eyes turns in my direction, but its Marco who steps up to me, a hard expression on his face. “Papa’s not feeling well.”
“Did you call his doctor?”
He nods. “Yeah. Says we need to wait it out.”
“Wait what out?”
Marco shrugs. “Whatever the fu—whatever this is.” Even under these conditions, he’s careful to keep the swearing at bay for Mama’s sake.
“I’m here, I’m here,” Bella states, running into the room, stethoscope in hand. She’s still outfitted in scrubs, no doubt having been pulled directly off shift to handle this emergency. Not for the first time, I am so damn relieved we have a nurse in the family.
The entire group moves out of her way as she takes Papa’s pulse then listens to his heart. We’re silent as she places a call to his doctor, I presume, rattling off a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo stats that makes no sense. She does a lot of talking back and forth with Papa, Mama, and the doctor on the line, asks a few questions and eventually disconnects and stuffs the phone in her pocket.
“What did he say?” Cruz asks. He’s got a tight hold on Mia’s hand, and he keeps glancing down at her pale face.
“He thinks it’s probably just a virus, but he asked me to stay and monitor the situation. He’ll see Papa in the morning.”
“Shouldn’t we take him to the hospital?” Amita inquires, brown eyes wide with fear.
“Not yet.” She’s all professional nurse now, our sweet little sister nowhere to be found. “We need to let him rest.”
“I can stay with him,” I offer.
“I’ll stay with him for now.” She shoots me a determined look. “Go on. He needs to rest.”
Our subdued group retreats to the living room. Exhausted, we fall down onto the couch as if all the energy has been sucked out of us. Mia and Amita head into the kitchen to attempt to finish the meal, though I notice that Mia seems particularly pale and even a slight shade of green.
Concerned, I turn toward Cruz and ask, “Hey, man, is Mia okay? Maybe she has what Papa has.”
He shakes his head and offers a weak smile. “No, she doesn’t. She’s fine…” he glances at his wife then back to me “…or she will be in about seven months.”
Here’s the thing about guys that you might not know. We are very, very, very slow on the uptake when the obvious is staring us right in the face. Both Marco and I look at him like he’s sprouted a second head and one of us, maybe it is me, says a very profound “Huh?”
Cruz rolls his eyes. “She’s pregnant, you dimwits. She’s due in about seven months.” We must still look confused because he leans forward and speaks slowly this time. “She’s pregnant. She’s experiencing morning sickness. Can’t keep food down. Understand now?”
There’s that momentary understanding and then the lightbulb clicks on and the moment of “oh shit!” hits. Marco and I start high-fiving one another, slapping Cruz on the back and embracing Mia, right up until Cruz tells us to take a hike and leave his pregnant wife alone. Amita, sassy broad that she is, just stands there dishtowel in hand, smirking at us both.
“You two are idiots, you know that?” she murmurs.
“Have you told the parents?” Marco asks, looping his arms around his girl.
Mia shakes her head. “We weren’t planning on telling anyone just yet. But since Papa is ill, we decided we shouldn’t wait.”
I glance back and forth from her to my brothers. “Wait a minute, is this serious? I thought it was just a virus or something.”
Cruz sighs. “To a healthy person, a virus would be no big deal, but Papa has faced a lot the past few years. The bypass surgery and pneumonia have been hard on his body.”
Suddenly all the happiness I’d been feeling since last night starts to fade and reality slaps me hard in the face. Fear settles heavily over my chest and the ability to breathe is hampered by the knowledge that my father might never recover from this, his latest challenge. Granted, the man is in otherwise good health, but his body has surely been tested the past few years.
Glancing at my brothers, I whisper, “Are you saying he could die?”
Marco swears under his breath and pulls Amita into his arms, but Cruz stands tall and resolute. “I don’t know, Roman. He might. Or he might outlive us all.”
Bella strolls out, murmuring, “Cruz, Mama needs you.” She fills one glass with water and another with juice then glances at me. “Hey, you all right?”
My mouth drops open to speak but nothing comes out. I’m grateful she can read me so well, setting down the glasses and pulling me into an embrace. I wish that did the trick. I wish a simple hug from my sister or some wise words from my oldest brother could erase the terrifying fear that I feel on every level but it doesn’t.
“I need to get back in there.”
Nodding, I watch her move down the hall. Then I cross the room and step out onto the deck and into the hot summer sun. Warmth beats down on my face but the chill I’ve felt ever since walking into the bedroom remains. My hands are shaking as I step down onto the dock and ease myself into the boat. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dial her number without hesitation.
She answers on the first ring. “Hey, I thought you were having dinner with your family?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
Whatever she hears in my voice is evidence enough that something is wrong. “Roman, what’s the matter? Is everyone all right?” I give her the snapshot version of what’s happened then fall silent. “What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. I just needed to hear your voice.”
She’s silent for a long, long time then finally says, “I can come over if that will help.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that, but Bella says he needs to rest. I’m not sure how long I’ll be allowed to stay.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, please call.”
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“I will. And tell Emmy not to bother coming in tomorrow. I’m not sure if I’ll even be there.”
“Of course. Please call me later and let me know how he’s doing.”
“Will do.”
Glancing around the boat, it is difficult to believe that things were so carefree and uncomplicated just a few short weeks ago. Now it seems like everything has changed; not only Papa’s health, but now my brother is going to be a dad and Sabrina and I … well, we’re making progress. It’s a stark reminder to me that nothing is predictable or certain and that everything is subject to change.
The evening moves on at a slow, snail’s pace with frequent checks on Papa and another call being placed to the doctor. No one eats much and finally around ten Amita takes Mia home for the night. Marco, Cruz, and I hold court in the living room, alternating pacing with dozing. We don’t talk, we don’t watch television, and we sure as hell don’t spout hopeful thoughts about the situation to one another.
It’s after midnight when I remember to call Sabrina and when she answers the sweet sound of her voice shatters me. Tears fill my eyes and spill down my face, and I’m thankful I decided to take my conversation back outside so my brothers are not witness to my breakdown.
“Oh God … Roman … are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”
“How’s your dad?”
“The same. Resting. Temp shot up a bit but its back down now. Bella and Mama are with him.” The tears flow steadily down my face as I tear my hand through my hair and pace back and forth along the dock.
“Did anyone call Sophia?”
I vaguely recall Mia mentioning a phone call placed to my baby sister. “Uh yeah, I think so.”
“Do you want me to come over?”
“Yes. But please don’t. I don’t want you driving this late at night, and I don’t want you leaving Emmy all alone.” Inhaling a shaky breath, I attempt to get my emotions under control. “God, I’m such a mess.”
“You’re worried about your dad. Give yourself a break.”
“Thanks. I’m gonna let you get some sleep. I’ll call if there’s any change.”
Shoving the phone into my pocket, I stare out at the inky black water lit only by the shadow of the moon, which is somewhat hidden behind thick storm clouds. You can feel the electricity in the air, the rain that threatens, the balmy warmth that coats every surface. Sweat mixes with the tears I can’t seem to halt, although they do slow somewhat, which I suppose I can be thankful for. Christ, I had no idea I was such a fucking weakling, crying over my daddy being sick. Why can’t I be more like Cruz, completely unmoved by the entire thing … or Marco, who takes it all in stride? It seems like I’m always going to be the damn emotional one, the great romancer, the one with the feelings right at the surface.
Fuck, Moran, is now really the time for self-loathing?
I have no idea how long I stand there, staring out into nothingness and trying to get my emotions in check, but at some point I hear soft footsteps behind me, then warm arms slide around my waist and her cheek rests gently against my back. She says nothing, not one word, and probably that’s for the best. Talking isn’t necessary, not now. Right this moment all I need is the warmth of her embrace, the strength she offers me, and her silent understanding. Right this moment, I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Roman’s arm tightens around me, but his breathing remains slow and steady. Sleep is what he needs now, what they all need now. The couch is large but not nearly large enough for both of us, leaving me partially lying on top of him. Under any other circumstances I wouldn’t mind, but having his family so close it makes me feel like I’m being just a wee bit inappropriate.
There it is again … that damn word. I promised myself I’d stop using it, but it just seems to creep in whenever I least expect it. Nonetheless, if Mrs. Moran were to walk in now and see me lying here on her son, I’m certain she’d have a thing or two to say about it.
He’s said virtually nothing since I walked up behind him on the dock, asking only about Emmy, who I assured him was being looked after by Jack. Since then he’s retreated into silence, staring off into space, diligently allowing me to lead him back inside the house to get some rest. Marco crashed in the recliner, and Cruz is in one of the rooms down the hall. Bella, I can only assume, is still in with her parents. The strength of this family is awe-inspiring and something I secretly envy.
Slowly easing my body away from his, I get to my feet and silently move into the kitchen. The clock on the wall tells me it’s just after three and even though I know I have to go into work in a few hours, I can’t bring myself to sleep. Call it nerves, call it fear, call it whatever you want, but it feels like every nerve ending in my entire body is wide awake and alert. Sure, I’m concerned for the health of the elder Moran, but my worry lies more with the beautiful brown-eyed man who is locked inside himself. It’s a side to Roman I’ve never seen before, one that speaks of his love and devotion for his family and to the deep, deep emotion he carries around inside of him. It makes me want to pull him into my arms and never let go, to make him promises I can only hope to keep.
After helping myself to a glass of water, I head down the hall to the bathroom, running into a sleepy-eyed Bella on my way out. She pulls me by the hand into the front room, a place that appears to be more for show than anything. “Thank you for being here,” she whispers.
“You don’t need to thank me. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need me to sit with your dad so you can rest for a while?”
She gives me the oddest look then a wide, warm smile lights her face. “You really are the real deal aren’t you?”
Frowning, I reply, “What does that mean?”
Bella shrugs. “Roman has had a tendency to hang out with … let’s just say women with a lot on the outside and nothing going on in the inside.”
I grin at her. “No shocker there.”
She snickers quietly and squeezes my hand. “You are totally perfect for him, Sabrina. Gorgeous inside and out.”
I can feel my face heat under her compliment. “Thank you for saying that.”
“No thanks necessary. God honest truth. Now, to answer your question, no thank you. I just came out to take a break and grab a snack. Mama is awake and Papa is resting comfortably.” She glances toward the living room. “The boys sleeping?”
Nodding, I reply. “Yeah. They’re all worn out.”
She sends me one last grin. “They are all very protective. I assume you’ve figured that out already.”
“Oh yeah.”
Alone again, I pad back into the living room and curl up on the love seat, my eyes immediately landing on Roman’s sleeping form. Hearing his pain-filled voice on the phone earlier left me cold, which is why I couldn’t get here quick enough. I know deep inside my heart that this is more—much, much more—than some guy I’m going to date for a while. He is the type of guy who you make plans with, the type of man who owns you, body and soul. Even now, even with my emotions all over the place, I know without a doubt that he has the ability to break me completely. It may not yet be love, but it’s surely something close to that. I know we still have a lot about one another to learn, but we have made a lot of progress so far.
I wake to the sound of murmured voices coming from the other room. Instantly awake, though still rummy from lack of sleep, I sit upright and glance around. Shoes line the floor but their owners are nowhere to be found. Shoving my wayward, messy hair into some sort of order, I wander into the kitchen to find the three brothers propped up against the kitchen counter, drinking coffee.
Each one greets me with a muted good morning, but Roman sends me a sleepy, sexy smile and immediately pulls me against his chest. “Good morning, beautiful. Sleep okay?”
“Mmm hmm. And you?”
He shrugs. “It was fine. How come you moved?”
I can feel my face heat under the watchful eyes of his brothers. “Um …”
; Marco snickers. “She was worried about Mama catching her lying on top of you.”
I throw Marco what I think is an evil glare and quickly change the subject. “How is your father this morning?”
Cruz answers while Roman refills his cup and hands it to me. “He’s better, thank you. We’re taking him into the doctor in a little while.”
Glancing at the clock, I cringe. “Oh my goodness, I’m late. I need to go.”
Cruz’s hand snakes out, catching mine as I attempt to walk away. “You’re fine. Stay. Mia’s talked to everyone at the office. Cynthia knows you’re available by phone if she needs anything.” I have no idea what he sees on my face but whatever it is makes him chuckle. “Apparently your relationship with my brother is not exactly a secret.”
“Really?” I’m rather shocked, considering I believe he and I have played things exceptionally cool at the office.
Marco chuckles. “Yeah, that’s what happens when you play grab-ass after hours.”
Roman shoots his brother a dark look, but I’m quick to intervene. “Okay, okay. How about I make us all something to eat?”
Cruz and Marco meander off into the other room, but Roman hovers around, showing me where everything is and occasionally lending a hand here and there. Our conversation is minimal, but it’s clear by the way he keeps looking at me that he’s grateful for my presence, grateful in an entirely different way for his father’s renewed health.
The men manage to coax Mrs. Moran out the bedroom for some food. The moment she lays her eyes on me, I’m pulled into a hearty embrace. “Oh, my dear, I’m so thankful that you are here.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Moran. I’m just happy to help in any way that I can.”
Her hands cup my face and she gazes up at me through tired eyes. “Well, we are very grateful.”
She insists that I sit next to her. Even though the meal is not as lively as the other meal I had with them, it’s still warmer and filled with more love than my own family meals ever were. The differences in this family and mine are suddenly so very clear to me. Although my parents were never cruel, they were always too fixated on money, or the lack thereof, and they seemed to miss out on the simple joys that came with having a family. I do think about what their life is like now, now that Emmy and I aren’t there to act as buffers. I have this vision of the two of them sitting in front of the television each night, eating rubber-like frozen meals and never saying a word to one another.
