I expect him to do something that I know I won’t appreciate, prepared to stop him, but instead he grabs the back of my hand with his, placing my palm on top of the carving. “This was one of the best days I ever shared with you.”
“Why?” I whisper.
He’s quiet for a moment, his breath running warm across my shoulders. “Because I’d never done it before. A picnic? The wine? That wasn’t me. I’m no romantic.”
“But you did it.” I’m breathless. Why in the hell am I breathless?
“I cared… maybe a little too much.” Max’s hand runs down my arm, but it’s not in a way that would set my soul on fire. It’s calm and collected, as if he doesn’t know what to say next—as if, he wants to touch me a certain way but has been restrained. “What happened to us, Shakes? I ask myself that question everyday.”
“Life,” I say quietly, turning to face him. “Life is what happened… and something you couldn’t control or handle.”
His face tightens, brown gaze hardening as it drops. His jaw ticks but he allows himself time to calm down. “Yeah.” His voice is thicker. “Life. Life can be so fucked up.” He looks up again. “Do you hate me for it? How I treated you? What I put you through?”
I answer immediately when I hear the hurt in his voice; see it in his eyes. “Max, no. You ask me that all the time. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”
“Good,” he sighs as if he’s truly relieved, “because I can’t have you hating me right now.”
“I don’t think I can hate anyone. I don’t even hate my mother, even though she completely abandoned me and Sonny.”
“You got through it. That’s all that matters.”
“But what if I hadn’t?” I sigh, sitting down at the picnic table. “What if I would have turned out to be just as careless as her? Where would I be right now? Would I even have the Onyx? Would Sonny be dead? Would I be dead?” I look towards him as he sits across from me.
“There’s no way you could be anything like her, Shannon. You’re too good—a fucking gem.”
I drop my head, focusing on my lap. “I wrote to my mother once and that was to tell her I had OP. She completely avoided the conversation, continued saying how she was ready to make changes in herself.”
Max is unsure of what to say.
“She got out early for good behavior. She came by once and I told her never to come back again. I shouldn’t have done that. I mean, I want to see her, and I doubt she’ll dare to drop by after all I said. I was just so angry and hurt…” I swallow hard, biting tears. Then I shrug. “I guess it’s better for things to stay this way, though. Let her continue not to care. That way when I die she won’t feel too bad.”
“Don’t say shit like that,” Max snaps.
I avoid his eyes. I know they’re angry. “It’s true. I’m done lying to myself. I don’t have time for that anymore. Might as well face facts.” I finally look up at him.
He stares me down like I’m his prey, eyes vicious, lips pressed thin. “Stop making yourself out to be a burden.”
“I’m not worth anything, Max. I was before, but not anymore. I’m sick. The doctors don’t even want to replace any portion of my lungs because I could die right on the operating table. There are donors, but no one is willing to give up a good lung for a girl that will most likely die even if the surgery is attempted. Hope is no longer on my side.”
He balls his fists. Shutting his eyes, he breathes as evenly as possible through his nostrils as if he can’t believe I’m even talking this way. I guess I’m not surprised. I was never one to talk negatively before all of… this.
I always kept my faith, held onto hope during the darkest, most depressing situations. Unclenching his fists, he straightens his back, walking around the picnic table to sit by my side. Pulling me in for a tight embrace, Max groans and sighs at the same time.
“You know something?” he asks quietly.
“What?”
“If I had the opportunity to donate anything that could help you, I would.”
“John says the same. Sonny too.”
“Because we fucking love you and you have yet to get that through your thick fucking skull.” He presses the pad of his finger to my temple, resting his forehead on mine. My chest heats up, a strange sensation coursing through my veins as a smile takes over my lips. “When you love someone you will do whatever it takes to keep them happy. Safe. Healthy… whatever.”
I twist my lips, sitting back and fiddling with the strap of my backpack. “If only that was possible.”
“Anything is possible, Shakes. We don’t know what’ll happen. For all we know the device you’re using could help you. The medicine might work better. You could become a part of the success rate.”
My smile falters. “It’s too late… I’ve already been given an expiration date, Max. The OPX is controlling the disease… helping me breathe. That’s all it’s doing right now, but it only helps so much. Sooner or later my lungs will reject it and then give out.”
He refuses to accept that, gripping my hands. “Anything is possible, right?”
I roll my eyes at him, switching the subject yet again. “I’m starving. Think we can go catch a bite?”
I can tell he wants to go back to what we were talking about before, but I stand up, tugging him by the hands.
“Sure,” he sighs. “Let me go take a leak.”
My nose scrunches as he jogs off and steps behind a tree.
I turn for the trail, making my way towards the bridge. Looking up, I put my attention on the trees again, the blue sky.
The wind tickles my cheeks and comfort swims through me. I reach the first step, ready to take it on. I cough as I continue my walk, but then I cough again.
And again.
Terror immediately strikes me as I come to a rapid halt.
Why am I coughing?
I step back, hearing Max call, “You okay?” from a distance.
“I’m fine,” I call, but my voice is hoarse. Another cough arises.
And then another. Soon, my head is spinning.
I stumble backwards, trying to catch onto something before I collapse, but it’s too late. I land on my side, reaching for the jetpack.
A feeling of weakness spreads through me. I can’t pull the bag off. One of the tubes must be pinched. It has to be, because now, I can’t breathe.
Everything becomes hazy.
I struggle for breath and try to call for Max, but I know he can’t hear me.
I roll over, feeling the device pushing into my back. The blue sky and unusually puffy white clouds become one giant blur.
Then, before I know it, Max is above me, gripping and holding me. Shouting something… I don’t know what he’s saying. His voice has been drowned out by white noise and heavy wheezing. He has me in his arms within a millisecond, whipping out his cellphone as he dashes across the bridge.
I hear myself rasping, my chest working hard to collect much-needed breaths. My lips part, the feeling like drowning and reaching out for help but not being able to get it. A fish out of water, that’s what I am.
I want to tell him it’s the tubing. It must be pinched or blocked, but he checks and it’s not that.
It’s just… me.
The OPX must not be working. Something has gone wrong and we have no clue.
I hear Max shouting into the phone, shouting Sonny’s name and mine. When we make it to the car, he places me on the backseat, doing his best to help me. But he can’t.
And since he can’t he hops in the front seat and skids out of the parking lot. Away from the park.
Away from beautiful memories.
Away from peace.
Freedom.
Back to a dreadful reality.
Chapter Seventeen
Present
Voices hum around me. I groan groggily, turning my head towards them. Everything is still hazy, but I can tell its Sonny, John, and Dr. Barad speaking.
Dr. Barad explains something as they
both nod, faces serious. John takes a quick glance back and when he sees my eyes are open he rushes for me, sitting on the edge of the bed.
I sigh as I look around, so relieved I’m not in the hospital again.
“Shannon, are you okay?” John’s voice is full of distress, his eyes roaming my body, checking for damage.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I grunt and start to sit up but Dr. Barad walks forward, placing a hand on my chest to stop me.
“I wouldn’t try and move too much right now,” he warns.
I raise a brow. “Why not?”
“Shannon, just listen to him,” Sonny pleads, stepping to John’s side.
I ignore her. “Dr. Barad?”
Dr. Barad exhales sluggishly, placing his board down and picking up his stethoscope. After listening to my lungs and heartbeat, he jots something down and then speaks, finally taking me out of suspense.
“Shannon, the “jetpack”, as you call it, was given to you so that you could walk around leisurely—so that you wouldn’t feel trapped in the bedroom. It wasn’t given to you so that you could go running around at a park. It was meant for you to do simple, everyday tasks. Like maybe going on a grocery store trip.”
“But I wasn’t running. I was careful,” I say defensively.
“I’m sure you were as careful as you could be, but something went wrong. There was still plenty of OPX left in the tank, but your lungs seemed to have rejected it due to the physical activity. Perhaps you were a little too active… walking too fast? Laughing too much while walking too quickly? Anything that could take a toll on your lungs. They were working too hard, trying to absorb more oxygen instead of the OPX.”
“I may have been laughing.” I scratch my arm uncertainly, pulling my line of sight away. “I don’t know.”
“Shannon, you need to take this seriously,” John interrupts, anger surfacing. “This isn’t a game. See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to leave you alone. I seem to be the only one with some common sense around here.”
“Are you kidding?” Sonny’s voice rises, taking full offense of his remark. “I told her not to leave. I told Max no!”
“Why was this Max person in my home anyway?”
“He was visiting me. He’s a friend, like I told you,” I state.
John scoffs. “Yeah, well this friend is about to get a mouthful from me. He had no right taking you out without my permission.”
“I’m sorry,” I fold my arms with heavily knitted brows, “I could’ve sworn you were my husband, not my father.”
John releases me, standing tall.
Dr. Barad is uncomfortable as he clings to his clipboard. “Perhaps I should allow you all some privacy.”
“No way.” Sonny waves a hand, dismissing herself. “I’m out of here. This is between them now.” She walks out of the bedroom, muttering under her breath.
“Would you two like a moment?” Dr. Barad asks quietly.
“Please,” John rasps, his tone heavy.
I don’t dare look away from him. Yes, I may have taken things too far by going to the park, getting a little air, but he has no right treating me like this—especially in front of my sister and doctor. If anyone is accountable for my actions, it’s me. Not him. Not even Max.
I don’t know when Dr. Barad is out of the bedroom. I’m too focused on the man I married. I sit up as John paces back and forth in front of the bed, heated.
“This Max guy… who in the hell is he?” He stops pacing, eyes boring into mine.
“He’s a friend, Jonathan.”
“What kind of friend? A best friend? A guy friend? What?”
I look away, folding my arms tightly across my chest. “Just a friend.”
John’s eyes expand. “So you go to the park with your friend? What made you do that, Shannon, huh? What made you want to risk your life today—at a park of all places? You weren’t ready for that kind of activity yet! You have to give your body time to adjust to the new device!”
“I know that! He’s in town for me, John! What am I supposed to do? Ignore him?”
“Uh, yeah!” he says, as if I’m an idiot. “You come first. Your health is important. Your friend should understand that.”
My head shakes as I release a frustrated laugh. “This is insane. It was just a simple walk in the park. I’ve been cooped up for months. I just needed to get out a little.”
Heavy footsteps come up the stairs, preventing John’s next set of words. They stop for a moment as John glances over his shoulder, and soon there’s a knock on the door.
John goes for it immediately, snatching it open, totally surprised by who he sees.
I’m just as surprised as he is.
“Hey—sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to see if Shannon was okay.” Max’s voice is strong as he looks over John at me.
“She’s fine,” he snaps at him, standing guard in front of the doorway. “Who let you in?”
“The doctor.”
“Figures.” John rolls his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a step aside.
Max takes a step in, smiling awkwardly. “You all right?” he asks me.
“I’m okay. It happens.” I shrug.
“Man, I feel like shit.”
“Stop blaming yourself. It’s fine, Max. Really.”
He studies the floorboards. “I’ll be blaming myself for the rest of my life.”
I press my lips, giving a flat look.
Max turns to face John, extending his arm. “I should properly introduce myself. I’m Maximilian Grant. A friend of Shannon’s.”
“John Streeter.” He shakes Max’s hand with a firm grip.
“Cool. Uh, listen”—he scratches the top of his head, “I just wanted to take Shannon out for some air. I stopped by to visit, check on her, and offered to go to the park. I watched out for her. I would never let anything happen to her.”
“I… appreciate that.” John looks at him uncertainly. “But next time be sure to run it by me first. I’m sure you know that she can be a bit of a rebel. She can’t handle that lifestyle anymore.”
Max is quiet for a moment, his eyes narrowing as he stares at John. “That’s uh—” he hesitates, deciding to take a different route “—Is she even allowed to go downstairs to sit on the patio? Maybe out by the pool if she wants?”
John’s head turns from left to right rapidly. “As of now, no.”
“Wowww.” Max gives a dry laugh, turning towards me. “Hound.” Max says the word through a fake cough.
“I’m sorry. What?” John is confused.
Max ignores him. “Shakes, I’m gonna get outta here. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m okay. Thank you, Max.” I’m glad he’s holding his tongue.
What I can give Max credit for is his respect. He won’t disrespect a man while he’s standing in his home—especially a home he shares with a woman whom he so clearly cares about.
He nods, turning for the door and giving John a quick glance with flared nostrils before leaving. John watches until he disappears then shuts the door, looking at me.
“I’m… fuck.” He rubs his face, causing white streaks to appear. “I’ll call Dr. Barad back up. I don’t even want to know what the hell that was about.” He swings the door open, stalking down the hallway and calling for Dr. Barad.
I clutch the blanket on my lap, guilt consuming me. I shouldn’t have gone out. None of this would have happened if I’d stayed home. Now I’m going to have a vulture of a husband around until the day I die.
And Max? Well, I’m not quite sure what’s going to happen with him but I hope he understands. And I hope he doesn’t blame himself for the craziness my body goes through on a daily basis. My attack had nothing to do with him.
This is why I didn’t want him to see me.
This is why I wanted him to stay away.
I’m a ticking bomb. A threat to emotions and stable hearts. I could break them at any given moment and I know they will never be able to p
repare themselves for it.
These rough times remind me of how much I miss the old John. The one that wasn’t so hard on me or himself. The one that took life day by day, just as I did.
Dr. Barad comes back into the room and asks me a series of questions. I answer robotically, remembering that perfect second date.
John thought it was a fail, but I loved it.
We were supposed to go see an action movie that featured Will Smith. It was the premiere and I told John before that it would sell out because, duh, Will Smith is a superb actor.
He didn’t believe me until we arrived at the theater and stood in line for nearly an hour just to be told that the showing was sold out.
“I should have bought the tickets online,” he sighed as we climbed back into the car.
“We can always catch it some other time. No big deal.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized after starting the car. “I know you really wanted to see it. Tonight is my first night free in I don’t know how long and I wasted it. I suck, huh?”
“No,” I said hurriedly, turning to face him as he gave a slightly crooked smile. He was torn between keeping it together and unraveling, getting upset for pretty much nothing. “John, I swear it’s fine. Stop being the crazy man I met on the highway.” That made him laugh. “It’s just a movie.”
He raked his fingers thorough his silky bed of brown hair, lips pressing thin. “I suppose.” He gripped the wheel. “You hungry?” Just as he asked my stomach growled loud enough for both of us to hear. My eyes widened, embarrassment taking over. He laughed at me, putting the car in drive. “I’ll take that as a yes?”
“I could use a bite. I worked all day today. Didn’t even take a lunch.”
He looked confused. “They have day shifts at Capri?”
“No. I also work at Green Tavern as a waitress. Part-time gig.”
“Oh. Didn’t know that.” He looked at me through the corner of his eye. I pretended not to notice. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What’s a girl like you doing with two jobs?”
“Money is a necessity,” I sighed.
“No, but I mean… well, you seem really well put together. Other than that Buggy you drive around, you seem to have it made. A nice apartment. Great clothes. Great hair. Great perfume.” His face grew red when he realized what he was saying. My face heated up, my mouth fighting a grin. “I mean… it just doesn’t seem like you have to work so hard for what you have. I figured you have that Buggy because you want it, not because it’s all you can afford.”
Infinity: Based on a True Story Page 13
