Chapter 23
Alexis
I woke up feeling dazed. The past few nights had been a struggle for me, I just couldn’t go to sleep. I’d kept waking up every few hours and imagining Abe sleeping beside me, his warm muscular body shielding me, making everything all right. But I always woke up alone and filled with that sinking feeling again.
Now, when I looked at the clock in my room, I saw that it was nine already. I jumped out of bed, thinking I was late for work and then I remembered that my shift didn’t begin till after lunch.
Dragging my feet on the floor, I walked over to Oz’ room and knocked on his door.
“Oz? What do you want for breakfast?” I called out, and when there was no response, I opened the door to find his room empty. I sighed as I stared at his messy empty bed. I’d just have to get used to it now, I’d openly accepted his new lifestyle—which meant that he would often not come home for the night and I would just have to deal with it.
I went to the kitchen to make myself coffee. I felt exhausted from the lack of sleep and from thinking about Abe constantly. I had been trying so hard to believe that he had done me a favor. That was what it should have felt like. Ending things between us was the wise thing to do, it meant that I wouldn’t have to sit around waiting for him to break my heart at some later date. It was done now, we weren’t going to see each other anymore; and I could start moving on.
But moving on from Abe was probably the hardest thing I’d done, even though we weren’t actually in a relationship. I didn’t even really know him, I had no idea what kind of food he liked or what his childhood was like or how many siblings he had. All I knew was how I felt when I was around him, and how safe that feeling was.
For the first time, I felt like I was with a man who wouldn’t treat me like I was worthless. When Abe looked at me, he really did look at me and not through me.
And now, he’d ended it before I had a chance to and it was probably all my fault. I was the one who had asked him all those questions about Vanity and I’d spooked him, making him think that I was looking for more from this relationship.
I felt like a ghost walking around the apartment in my pajamas and an old t-shirt. I made coffee but I hadn’t drunk it yet and I wasn’t hungry; I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten.
When the doorbell rang, in my delusional mind; I thought that it was Abe and I rushed to the door.
It was Vanity, and one look at her and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. It was early in the morning and she was in a slinky pink dress with spaghetti sleeves; which looked more like lingerie than something I would wear outdoors.
She stormed into the apartment before I had a chance to react to her presence.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, leaving the door open because I expected her to leave immediately.
Vanity looked about with her nose scrunched up, before she assessed what I was wearing and gave a snort.
“You look like you’re ready to go out,” she said, with a chuckle in her voice.
“I just woke up,” I said and she widened her eyes.
“If that is what you sleep in, you’re not going to hold on to him very long. The man has high standards,” she said, cocking a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb, Alexis. We both know who I’m talking about. Abe, the man who is supposed to be waking up in my bed. Is he here?” she screeched and went running across the living room to Oz’ open door. She peeped in there while I chased after her down the hall. She rammed open my bedroom door and checked there too.
I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out, while she struggled against me.
“Get the fuck out of my house! Get out!” I screamed, and she managed to pull her hand out of mine.
“Where is he?” she screeched.
“I don’t know where he is! He isn’t here. Shouldn’t you be keeping an eye on him?”
Vanity walked slowly back to the living room and I followed her. She suddenly looked distressed and I almost felt sorry for her. Her thick pink-lipsticked lips were quivering. She looked on the verge of smudging her mascara.
“I thought he’d be shacking up with you here, now that he’s broken it off with me,” she said and I crinkled my brows as I stared at her. Abe had ended things with her too? He seemed to be on a heartbreak rampage. But why? He was free to sleep with whoever he wanted, now that we were not going to see each other again.
“Well, he’s not here,” I said and placed a hand on my hip.
Vanity roamed her eyes over me again, assessing me.
“It’s weird that he wants you. Why?” she asked, and her expression turned into like she had tasted something sour.
I felt thoroughly scrutinized and my cheeks turned pink and I could feel the back of my neck growing hot.
“If it makes you feel any better, he doesn’t want me either. We’ve ended things too,” I said and Vanity’s eyes grew wide. She was just as shocked to hear it as I was to hear about them.
She sat down with a thump on the couch, tucking in some stray golden curls behind her ears.
“What the actual fuck?” she said, in a daze. I licked my lips and sighed.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t going to work. So you’re free to go after him, do whatever you want, just get out of my apartment,” I said. I hadn’t forgiven her for trying to scratch my eyes out the other day.
Vanity gulped and then shook her head.
“You’ve done something to him. You’ve broken him. He’s not himself anymore. Why won’t he want me if he’s not with you?” she continued, in that same ghostly voice.
I could feel my eyes watering up again. The last thing I wanted was to explore Abe’s intentions. He was a complicated man, someone I hadn’t figured out yet and he’d broken my heart without even realizing it. I didn’t want to sit here, discussing him with a stripper who he was also sleeping with.
Vanity looked at me, with a confused expression on her face.
“What did you do?” she asked.
“I didn’t do anything. I told you, it wasn’t going to work between us. What do you care anyway? It’s over, go to him if you want. Just leave me alone!” I barked at her, hugging myself with both arms because I suddenly felt very alone and heartbroken all over again.
“I can’t. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me either,” she said.
“Then go find someone else. I don’t care!” I continued, and I was the only one screeching in the room because Vanity was calm and composed. I knew she could see the heartbreak on my face.
“Yes, you do, you clearly care,” she said; just as we heard footsteps approaching. Oz appeared at the door, with his hair disheveled and his eyes looking exhausted.
“What’s going on?” he asked, staring at Vanity.
She stood up from the couch, threw me a knowing smiling look and then walked slowly towards Oz.
“You’ve grown into quite something,” she said, with a sizzle in her voice. She ran her fingers seductively up Oz’ chest, before she walked away from him. Oz followed her with his eyes, before he dragged his gaze away to look at me again.
“What did she want? I didn’t know you two were friends,” he said, closing the front door behind Vanity.
I collapsed on the couch, feeling completely drained. The day had just begun but I was already feeling like I was ready for bed.
“I don’t, we have a mutual friend. How was your night?” I asked and Oz threw himself down on the couch beside me.
“Eventful,” he said, nodding his head and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“What’s your plan for the day?” he asked me and I closed my eyes, hoping I might be able to steal a few minutes of sleep like this.
“Work and after that, I have a date,” I said.
“A date? I thought you guys ended things?” Oz sounded excited.
“Not with Abe, with Joshua, he’s a co-worker at the store,” I said, while I drifted off t
o sleep.
Chapter 24
Abe
I called for a meeting at a different bar, because I needed to talk to the guys somewhere other than T-Bone. I knew I was taking a risk here, but I couldn’t do this alone; I needed my brothers with me.
Oz showed up first, and looked like he’d finally gotten some sleep.
I, on the other hand, had spent the day walking around the house, trying to avoid falling asleep because I knew I’d end up fantasizing about Alexis. I needed to keep myself awake and my mind occupied with anything other than her. She was going to be a hard habit to break.
Oz sat down beside me and ordered a beer, just as Girth and Rodeo walked in.
“Why are we meeting here?” Rodeo asked, as our beers arrived.
“I needed to discuss the Garcia situation in private,” I told them and I saw Rodeo and Girth exchanging looks.
“What Garcia situation? I thought you made the call to that Paz guy and told him the deal is off, like Lewis told us to,” Rodeo said. Oz was the only one at the table who looked excited.
“Well, I did call him but I didn’t say the deal was off,” I revealed to them. Girth grunted and took a large swig of his beer while Rodeo shook his head.
“They are happy with our performance, they were satisfied with the way we handled the situation. The next shipment arrives in two nights, with way more stock,” I told them and Rodeo clutched his bottle of beer tightly.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me man,” he snapped.
“We can’t tell Lewis,” I said and looked at Girth for his approval.
“Without the backing of the rest of the MC, this is going to be a very difficult operation to execute,” Girth said and Rodeo was still shaking his head.
“We don’t have enough support. What is it going to be? Just the four of us? With more stock to handle?” Rodeo asked and I nodded my head. I needed all of them to be on my side to make this work.
“We just need to get it done and prove to Lewis that this is a sustainable source of income,” I declared.
“And what about more men? Your new recruits?” Rodeo snapped.
“We don’t have the time. We just have to rely on Oz here,” I said.
Oz was nodding his head, pumped up about the plan.
“I can do it. We’ll handle it. I’m with Abe,” Oz said and Rodeo rolled his eyes. I looked at Girth and he grudgingly nodded his head.
“We might be able to do it,” he said and I looked at Rodeo next who seemed to be guzzling his beer down.
“Fuck it!” he exclaimed, banging the bottle down on the table. “Lets do this!” he said.
Chapter 25
Alexis
This was the first date I’d been on in over a year, and I couldn’t believe it was with Joshua. The previous day, when I told him that I had the night off and asked if he wanted to hang out; he seemed super excited and relieved that I’d finally said yes to his open offer.
I was hoping that we could just go to the movies and get some burritos later, but he insisted that I dress up and that he wanted to take me somewhere nice.
I decided that it was for the best. Dressing up and feeling beautiful and fawned over by Joshua was probably the cure I needed to stop thinking about Abe.
I wore the best dress I had, a navy cocktail dress with a plunging neck. I took out the silver stilettos I’d never worn and I did my silky red hair up in a neat bun on the side of my head. I wore a dark plum lipstick and worked on smoky eyes for at least an hour before I was happy with the look.
Oz wasn’t at the apartment as usual when I was leaving and I found Joshua waiting downstairs for me in his car.
“You look like the most beautiful woman on earth!” he gushed, as he held the door open for me and I blushed, thinking about what Abe had said. It had a deeper effect on me when Abe said it, with Joshua, it just felt like another empty compliment.
We talked a little as he drove us to the restaurant in a fancier part of town. He’d made reservations for us already, and the hostess ushered us in to a romantic corner table. Joshua held the chair out for me and I sat down. He almost looked nervous, like he was hoping that the night would go well…that it might proceed to something else.
I knew I wasn’t ready to sleep with another man. I didn’t know when I would be ready for that.
We ordered, Joshua made suggestions because I hadn’t really tried Thai food before. He also ordered one of the most expensive bottles of wine and I felt guilty, knowing that I was using him as a distraction, as a rebound. I was hopeful that this date could lead to more, that suddenly I might find myself genuinely attracted to this man in front of me, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about Abe.
“I’m glad you finally agreed to this. I feel like the last year of waiting hasn’t gone to a complete waste,” Joshua said, his eyes were sparkling as he spoke.
“It wasn’t you, Joshua. I was just taking a break from dating,” I told him with a smile and he searched my eyes hopefully.
“And now you’re not?” he asked and I looked away from him, down at my lap.
“I don’t know yet, I’m just trying to take it slow,” I replied.
“That’s okay, I can wait, I’ve been waiting for some time now,” he said and we smiled at each other.
We fell into silence for a few moments. Usually, at work, we always had something to talk about—work gossip or complaining about the same people and customers, but here, outside the supermarket; it seemed like we’d run out of things to say to each other.
“Is everything okay with you? You seemed pretty upset that day, when that biker guy came to speak to you. I assume you know him?” Joshua broke the silence, and with the worst subject selection possible.
I gulped and picked up my glass of wine.
“Yeah, he’s my brother’s friend. I’m fine, we just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things,” I said, hoping that we could stop talking about Abe. Joshua crossed his brows in concentration and nodded his head.
“Yeah, well, maybe you should tell your brother to keep his distance from guys like him,” he commented casually, and I shot up my head to glare at him.
“Why?” I snapped and Joshua looked surprised by my reaction.
“Umm…because, those guys are always trouble and there’s a lot of violence in their world and the stuff I hear about them…” he continued and I interrupted him.
“And they’re also brave and they stand up for the right thing, and they don’t hurt anybody who doesn’t get themselves involved in their shit,” I snapped.
Joshua clamped his mouth shut and I saw him fidgeting subconsciously with his hands.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about this,” he said and I sat back, gulping. I had no idea where all that had come from.
“Yeah…umm, sorry, I just…I’m not a fan of generalizations. I wouldn’t stereotype every biker guy as the same unthinking monster,” I said, drinking some more of my wine.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Joshua said and he looked sincere. I smiled at him.
I’d come on this date with him to forget about Abe, not to defend him.
“You haven’t, sorry, I just…nothing, let’s talk about something else,” I said and he smiled and nodded his head.
Neither of us spoke for a few moments again. Our food arrived, and it was a good excuse to look busy in ourselves, without having to talk much. I hadn’t realized that we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. I’d always assumed that even though I wasn’t sexually attracted to Joshua, that at least we would have a good friendly time together.
“Why don’t you start by telling me about your family?” he broke the silence again. I looked up at him, trying to control the emotions inside me.
“Don’t want to talk about that either,” I snapped and Joshua clenched his jaws and forced a weak smile on his face.
“Sure, well umm…I have two sisters, and my dad is…” he began and I interrupted him.
“I’d like it if
we didn’t discuss fathers,” I said. Joshua chewed his food and nodded. This date wasn’t going as well as either of us had hoped for.
***
Both Joshua and I ate quickly and we drank the bottle of wine even quicker. After the wine started taking its effect on us, conversation became slightly easier. We reverted to our usual topics of talking about work gossip and complaining about our manager. This dinner didn’t feel any different from taking our lunch break together at the supermarket.
Joshua paid for the dinner, and we stood up together to leave.
“Do you want to get a drink somewhere? It’s still early,” he asked as we walked out of the restaurant.
“Actually, I’m feeling quite exhausted. Haven’t been sleeping well,” I said to him, hoping he wouldn’t be offended by how short I’d cut the date.
Joshua nodded his head, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pants.
“Sure, yeah, of course. I wouldn’t want to tire you out,” he said, and I could see it in his eyes that he was disappointed.
Over his shoulder, I saw the door of the bar next door open. I saw Oz walk out first, and then Abe, followed by two other men who I recognized from T-Bone. I felt tongue-tied with surprise.
It was Abe who saw me and he stopped in his tracks. Our eyes had met, he stared at me in that same piercing way, before he looked at Joshua—he could only see his back.
“Anyway, I should drive you home,” Joshua said and he started walking over to his car which was parked on the side of the road.
Oz and the other two guys had already started walking in the other direction, but Abe had stayed behind, still looking at me in silence, not making a move. I felt frozen to the spot, looking back at him, hoping and wishing that he might say something…do something, but he didn’t.
“Alexis?” I heard Joshua call out, and I dragged my gaze away from Abe. Joshua was holding the door of his car open for me and I had no choice but to walk to him.
Before I got in the car, I looked over at where Abe had been standing but he was gone. Almost like he’d disappeared magically into the night.
Abe Page 12
