“I didn’t know if we should have breakfast or lunch,” Wanda said. “So I made brunch!”
She made it sound like brunch was something she had just invented all on her own.
“Did she even mention Mum?” I asked, and Flora said no, but that at this point everything was so strange and rather wonderful she wasn’t even thinking about Mum either. That came later, Flora said.
After they’d eaten, Wanda taught Zach and Flora to dance the Charleston, still on the pontoon. Then when the wind started to whip up on the river, they carried everything back to the garden and sat under the willow tree, where she and Zach reminisced about all the other picnics they’d had there, and she made Flora laugh by telling stories of the scrapes Zach got into when he was little.
“You see,” Zach said, putting his arm round Flora’s shoulders. “I knew you two would get along.”
“There was a flash in her eye,” Flora said. “An actual flash. Zach didn’t see it because he is so besotted with her, but I did. And that is when I remembered Mum.”
Wanda said, speaking of Flora, “She’s charming, Zach. I’m so glad I got the chance to meet her before I go away tomorrow.” Zach said, “What do you mean, before you go away tomorrow?” and Wanda said she had been invited to go and stay with some friends in northern Spain who owned a delightful hotel up in the mountains.
“But you’ve only just got back from France!” Zach said.
“I’m afraid it can’t be helped, my darling,” Wanda replied. “I’m sailing on tomorrow’s boat. That’s why I wanted to see you today.”
“Who goes to Spain by boat?” I asked.
“Loads of people, apparently,” Flora said. “That’s kind of not the point.”
“But what about me?” Zach asked when Wanda said about the boat, and Flora’s blood started to boil because he looked so miserable. “Where will I live?”
Wanda replied that Zach seemed to be very happy living where he was.
“I can’t stay with Zoran forever,” Zach said.
“Can’t you stay here on your own?”
“No,” Flora snapped. “He can’t.”
“You’re my family, Mum,” Zach insisted.
“Well your grandfather doesn’t seem to think so,” Wanda said.
“And that’s when I left,” Flora concluded. “I couldn’t stand it. She really is a witch, Blue. She puts spells on people. She almost put a spell on me, with her music and her clothes and her fancy picnic. His little face when she said that she was leaving again! He walked me back to the end of the street, and I tried to tell him what she was doing but he wouldn’t listen. I said she was playing us, him against his grandfather, him against me. I said she doesn’t care about anyone but herself, she only told you about Spain because you were talking about me and she can’t stand it not being all about her.”
“What did Zach say?”
“That I was wrong and that she loves him. Didn’t I see how she was today? Would she really put on a picnic like that if she didn’t love him, if she didn’t want to impress me? I said she’d have impressed me more if she’d bothered to apologize about hurling stones at my mother.”
“How did he react to that?”
“He said we have to look after her. I said, no, you have to look after her. She’s not my problem, and maybe Dad’s right, maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while. I told him to call me when he’d gotten over his mother complex, and that I was going back to my own family.”
“You said that? Call me when you’re over your mother complex?”
Flora gave a tiny smile. “It’s not quite a milk shake, but seriously, I’m tired of always hearing about her. I can’t believe I ever thought it was more important to protect Zach than tell the truth to Dad. There’s no one more important than you all, no one.”
Sometimes I really love my big sister, but she is always so extreme.
“I can’t believe Wanda never mentioned Mum to you,” I said. “And I’m really pleased you stood up for us and everything, but don’t you think that now you are being unfair to Zach?”
Flora looked worried. “Do you think so?”
“A little bit.”
“I’ll call him tomorrow,” she said. “He’ll need cheering up anyway if that witch really is leaving. Also, do you think I should tell Dad what happened today? I’m tired of secrets. And Jas will be relieved to know Wanda’s leaving.”
“He’ll be furious with you for disobeying him, but yeah, I think you should.”
“I’ll go right now, before I lose my nerve.” She opened the door. The sound of Dad and Jas yelling at each other floated up from the kitchen. Flora caught my eye and we both started to laugh.
“Maybe not right now,” I suggested.
I grabbed my camera and together we tiptoed downstairs to see what was going on.
THE FILM DIARIES OF BLUEBELL GADSBY
SCENE EIGHT (TRANSCRIPT)
THE HEADLESS CORPSE
Or The Inevitable Outcome of Releasing Your Pets
INTERIOR. DAY. THE GADSBY HOUSE.
Screaming grows louder as CAMERAMAN (BLUE) enters the kitchen, where DAD is holding RON and HERMIONE by the scruff of the neck. JASMINE jumps up and down around him trying to catch the kittens, who contort their bodies as they seek to escape, meowing piteously. On the floor lie the smashed remains of a fruit bowl, two kitchen chairs, several oranges, a squashed banana, and a decapitated baby rat. TWIG sits on the sofa, watching in awed fascination.
JAS
(screams)
IT’S YOUR FAULT! IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LET THEM GO!!
DAD
(also screams)
YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING THESE ARE YOUR BABY RATS. THEY COULD BE ANY BABY RATS!! AND ANYWAY, IT WASN’T ME WHO KILLED THEM!!!
JAS
(roars)
BETSY WAS PREGNANT WHEN YOU LET HER ESCAPE! WHY ELSE WOULD THERE BE BABY RATS IN OUR GARDEN?
TWIG
Face it, Dad, you pulled the trigger yourself.
JAS and DAD
SHUT UP, TWIG!
DAD
(a little more calmly)
It is not my fault that this house is overrun by rodents and murderous felines.
JAS
(snarls)
This would never have happened if they were safe in their cage!
FLORA
(entering kitchen after Blue)
OH MY GOD, THERE’S A RAT WITHOUT A HEAD!!
Flora joins the debris on the floor in a dead faint. Dad drops the kittens and starts to slap her. The kittens pounce on the dead baby rat and drag it, snarling, under the dresser.
DAD
I want those creatures gone by tonight.
JAS
(now hysterical)
Daddy, please!
FLORA
(returns to consciousness)
Where am I?
DAD
IF THEY’RE NOT GONE BY MORNING, I WILL TAKE THEM TO THE PET SHOP! FIRST MY SHOES AND NOW A HEADLESS CORPSE!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY? CAN NO ONE ELSE SEE HOW WRONG THIS IS???
FRIDAY, JANUARY 24 (CONT.)
Dad’s phone rang then and he stopped yelling because it was Mum calling from upstairs, telling him to stop shouting and also asking for a cup of tea. Flora staggered across to the sofa and said she felt sick and wanted tea too. Twig passed her a bucket. Jas sat down next to her and glared at Dad until he left.
“I thought he liked the kittens now,” she said.
“I don’t think he likes anyone or anything right at the moment,” Flora said.
“Do you think he really will take them to the pet shop?”
“I think he’s almost as mad as Zach’s mother,” Flora replied.
Twig started doing angry Dad impersonations, scratching under
his arms like a monkey and going, “I’ve got fleas! Who pooped in my shoes?”
“It’s not funny,” said Jas.
“I’ve had a brilliant idea,” I said.
They all turned toward me, looking expectant. I do love it when they do that.
“We’ll take them to Gloria,” I announced.
“That’s your brilliant idea?” said Twig. “Are you sure she likes kittens?”
“They can be stable cats,” I said. “They’d love that Jas. They’re half wild anyway, and you can visit them every week. You know if they stay here, they’ll only keep on hunting down the rats. This way, the babies will get to grow up, and the kittens will be happy.”
Jas said my idea was brilliant, and that if Ron and Hermione couldn’t live with us, there was nobody in the world she would rather they live with than Gloria. She wanted to take them right away.
“We’ll go tomorrow,” I said. “It’s already getting dark and I’m not getting murdered in that alley, not even for Ron and Hermione.”
“Dad said they had to be gone tonight.”
“I’ve had an idea for that too.”
“Not again,” groaned Zoran when Jas, Twig, and I turned up at his flat complete with two kittens, their litter tray, and sleeping box. “How many times do I have to say no?”
“One night,” I said.
“Dad’s banished them,” Twig explained.
“Like Zach,” Jas added.
“Where is Zach, by the way?” I asked.
Zoran said he was in the shower.
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“Well he’s not exactly tap-dancing and singing show tunes, but he’s doing all right. Why?”
“Nothing,” I said.
If Zach hasn’t told Zoran about seeing his mum, there’s no way I’m getting involved.
Back home, I told Dad our plans about the kittens. I thought maybe he would grant a last-minute reprieve, like they do in books, but he didn’t. Jas has also appealed to Mum one last time, but Mum says she doesn’t want to upset Dad.
Zoran is meeting us tomorrow at the train station.
THE FILM DIARIES OF BLUEBELL GADSBY
SCENE NINE (TRANSCRIPT)
KITTEN HANDOVER
EXTERIOR. DAY. STREET SCENE, OUTSIDE A TRAIN STATION.
ZORAN stands waiting at the entrance to the train station, holding a cardboard box, from which loud meows and hisses emit. Passersby glance at him curiously. Zoran wears a thick leather jacket, leather gloves, and motorcycle boots. There is a vivid red scratch on his left cheek.
JASMINE takes the box from him and coos at it. Zoran glares at it malevolently. The box hisses louder.
ZORAN
Are you sure Gloria is going to want these horrors?
TWIG
Personally, I have my doubts.
JASMINE
(offended)
They are not horrors.
CAMERAMAN (BLUE)
(with fake breeziness)
Everybody loves kittens. Are you coming with us?
ZORAN
I feel I should. I’d feel responsible if anything happened to you on the train with those charming creatures in tow.
Cut to entrance of the stable yard. Zoran, Twig, Jas, Cameraman, and cardboard box are gathered outside the gate. The sky is bright blue and their breath comes out in little frozen puffs. Even the alleyway looks almost pretty in the sunshine. A clump of snowdrops has come out in the tiny patch of earth under the chestnut tree.
CAMERAMAN
(still being positive)
Nothing bad can happen on a day like today.
As one body, they turn into the yard, where ponies hang their heads over their boxes. BILL sits checking the straps on riding hats. GLORIA strides about looking splendid in skintight jodhpurs, drinking coffee and carrying a pitchfork.
Zoran gazes at her.
GLORIA
(kindly, to Jas, not appearing to notice Zoran)
You’re a little early for your lesson, aren’t you? What’s in the box?
JAS
(suddenly unsure, casting imploring glances at Cameraman)
They’re um . . . well . . . sort of . . .
Box meows loudly.
ZORAN
(still gazing)
We were wondering if you might . . .
CAMERAMAN
We thought in case you had mice . . .
TWIG
They’re very good at killing rats.
JASMINE
(glares at Twig, before squaring her shoulders to announce confidently)
They are my kittens, and I would like them to come and live with you.
Gloria’s mouth twitches. Zoran places the cardboard box on the floor. Gloria and Bill approach. Jas lifts up the lid. Two black kitten heads pop up, ears pricked, green eyes flashing like lightning, oversized whiskers twitching indignantly. Hermione is the first out. She leaps cleanly over the top of the box and pads cautiously into the yard, sniffing. Ron, who is fatter and clumsier, clips the edge of the box, falls to the ground, turns a somersault, and follows his sister with his short tail held high, like he missed his entrance on purpose.
Camera swings to Gloria. The expression on her face confirms fears that she is not a kitten person. She stares at them, baffled.
GLORIA
You’re bringing me kittens?
ZORAN
(trying to be ingratiating)
We thought they might be useful.
GLORIA
But what am I going to do with . . .
She is interrupted by a new noise, a sort of wheezing, rumbling, spluttering sound, so unexpected it takes a moment to locate where it is coming from.
It is the sound of Bill, laughing.
Bill crouches down. Hermione, sensing a friend, marches up to him and rubs her face against his leg. Ron, not to be outdone, follows. Bill unmistakably coos.
Unlike his daughter, it appears he is the kitten type.
GLORIA
(face softening at the sight of her father petting kittens)
Have they had all their vaccinations yet?
Her eyes meet Zoran’s for the first time and she blushes.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 25
I’m writing this from the back of the car.
It was sweet, watching Zoran and Gloria connect like that, their eyes locking over a box full of kittens. I kind of wish Dodi had been there. It would have thrilled her romantic heart, but given everything that happened afterward, it feels like it took place almost in another life.
Gloria’s blush only lasted about three seconds, but we all saw it.
“We met at the recital,” Zoran stammered.
Twig sniggered. I kicked him. Mopsy tried to sniff Hermione who scratched him on the nose; Ron found a corner to wee in; Jas and Bill wandered off into the tack room to find a place for the kittens’ bed. And Flora turned up on Zoran’s scooter.
“What the ****?” I thought Zoran’s eyes were going to pop out of his head, and who can blame him, when one moment he is gazing goofily at Gloria and the next his hotheaded ex-charge, who for all he knows has never ridden a scooter in her life, turns up driving his personal property.
“Never mind all that!” Flora cried. “Zach has disappeared!”
“What do you mean?” cried Zoran.
“He’s not answering his phone.”
“But that doesn’t mean . . .”
“Will you just listen to me!” Flora shouted. Then she clambered off the scooter, took a deep breath, and told us what had happened.
“I argued with Zach yesterday,” she said. “But this morning, when I woke up, I wanted to say I was sorry. So I rang him.”
Flora being Flora, it wasn’t enough for her just to leave a mes
sage. Instead, knowing he was working at Vinnie’s this morning, she decided to pay him a surprise visit.
“But your father,” Zoran said. “You’re not supposed to see . . .”
“Please,” said Flora.
Even though it was still early, Vinnie was already there, but he told her Zach had called in sick. So then she decided to call on Zach to minister to him on his sickbed but when she got to Zoran’s, there was nobody there. She found the emergency key Zoran keeps hidden in a loose brick in the wall for whenever Zach forgets his (“That’s supposed to be a secret!” Zoran said, but she ignored him) and let herself into the flat, which is when she saw that Zach’s things were gone, his clothes and his guitar and everything. So she panicked, grabbed Zoran’s helmet and the keys to his scooter and rode over to Zach’s grandfather’s house.
“Why would he do that?” Zoran asked.
“In case his mum was there,” I explained. “Flora spent the day with them yesterday.”
“What! Why does nobody tell me anything?” Zoran sounded exasperated and furious and disappointed all at once.
“He sounds just like Dad,” Twig whispered.
“I wanted to last night, but I thought it would be better if Zach did,” I explained.
“You saw Zach’s mum yesterday?” Jas asked Flora. She looked at me. “And you knew?”
“Is anyone listening to a word I’m saying?” Flora shouted.
“Carry on,” ordered Zoran.
“There was nobody at the house. I rang the doorbell, and I checked in the garden, and then I shouted up at the window to Zach’s room, and eventually a neighbor came out and said, if I was looking for Zach I was too late, because he had gone. He saw him leave this morning with Wanda and a rucksack and a guitar.”
Following Flora Page 14
