“Oh really?” I said. I smiled. “Strong need, huh?”
“Can you kiss her somewhere else?” Jessica said from her bunk below us. “I have a really bad headache.”
We quietly made our way out into the hall before I pulled her face down to mine and kissed her. We then went downstairs to try to dig up some food.
“Have you seen my keys?” Barney asked me. He was digging in the sofa.
“Nope, sorry.”
“Do you want us to leave the door unlocked if we leave, so you can get back in?” Teresa asked.
“The car keys.” he explained.
“Great, we just got the car and you already lose the keys?” I said.
“Check the laundry.” Teresa suggested.
He disappeared toward the back of the house. Teresa and I went into the kitchen and made some toast. Barney made a triumphant sound, and I heard keys rattling. And then he was in the kitchen.
“Good thinking, Teresa.” he said. “You’re girlfriend’s a life saver.” he told me, ruffling my hair.
“Yes, she is.” I agreed.
“How was Jess?” he asked. “She was up earlier, complaining about her head.”
“Yeah, she was complaining when we were up there.” Teresa told him.
“Damn.” He sighed and sat on the edge of the table. “I wish the doctor would call.”
“What doctor?” I asked.
“She didn’t tell you?” He looks confused. Probably because Jess and I share everything. “Wow. Well Mom took her to the doctor the other day when she was getting bad pains in her head again. They did a scan, they’re supposed to call and let us know if it’s back.”
“What’s back? What are you talking about?”
“Oh wow.” he said. He sighed again and ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell you. All this time and she didn’t tell you. Even after you told her your deepest, darkest secret about being a vampire.”
“I’m not a vampire!”
“Right, whatever.”
“So what’s back? What’s wrong with her? Is she sick?”
“I probably should let her tell you.”
“Come on. Just tell me.” I said.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Do you want me to make you tell me?” I asked.
“Huh.” He laughed and slipped off the table. “You don’t scare me, red.” he said, ruffling my hair again. “I’ll be back before dinner.”
I couldn’t eat after that. After hearing that Jess may be sick. If there’s something wrong with her then why wouldn’t she tell me? This can’t be good. She’s keeping secrets from me.
“If you don’t eat, I’ll give it all to Jenna.” Teresa teased, pulling my doll over and pretending to feed her my toast.
“She’s lactose intolerant, the butter would bother her.” I said.
“What? Oh, ha.”
I hadn’t actually given it much thought, what I had just said. It wasn’t some smart quip, it was just part of the story I had made up for Jenna over the years. She’s lactose intolerant, she can’t have peanuts, she gets a rash if she eats crab, things like that. But also stuff like her favorite food currently is french fries lathered in ketchup, but she can’t stand them if there’s too much salt.
“Can you stay here for a minute?” I asked Teresa.
“Um, yeah.”
“Thanks.”
I hurried up the stairs, faster than usual, and was in our room and sitting on the side of Jess’s bed, probably before Teresa even realized I was gone. I reached of and put a hand on Jess’s arm.
“What?” she shouted.
“It’s me.”
“Yeah, got that.” Her eyes fluttered open and then closed again. “I don’t feel very good right now, Brynne. Can we talk later?”
“Just tell me, okay. Just tell me what is wrong.”
“I have a headache.”
“No, I mean what... Barney said it may be coming back. What is coming back?”
“Jerk.” she mumbled. “It’s nothing, honey, just let me rest, okay?”
“Please tell me.” My tears were now dripping onto her arm.
“Ugh.” She scooted up to a seated position and grimaced. Her head must have hurt pretty badly. “When I was really little I had a tumor.” she said. “It was tiny, and they took care of it.”
“Cancer?”
“No. And it went away with medication. It shrank down, and I haven’t had any problems since I was six. Way before we ever met.”
“What was it?”
“I don’t know, I was six. This is just a headache, Brynne. I’m okay.”
“Are you sure.”
“Yes, honey, I’m sure.”
“You have to tell me if there’s something serious.”
“I will. I’m sure it’s just a sinus infection or something, okay? I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t hide things from me, okay? I love you.”
“Love you too. Now let me sleep. Please.”
Teresa and I went to the park and sat and watched ducks. You’d think there would be children around, but there aren’t any. Must all be at the pool, playing in the sun. Must be nice to not have to live in the shade.
“You ever wonder why we can’t feed everyone?” she asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“There’s enough money and food in the world, we could feed every person.”
“Oh.”
“Ever think about it? I mean you must have some different perspective than I do?”
“Well,” Thanks for pointing out that I’m old. “Who needs food?” I asked.
“What? Are you kidding! There are millions of pe...”
“Yes, but who?”
“People in Africa, people in Central America, even people here in the U.S.”
“But who?” I repeated.
“I don’t get it.”
“Poor people.”
“Yeah.” she agreed.
“People with no power. So I think a lot of it is the people that have the money and the power to fix this problem just want to keep their power. Maybe they think if they give their money to feed these people it’ll lessen their own power and they won’t be so far above everyone else. They won’t be so special.”
“Oh. I guess.” she said.
“Everyone wants to feel special.”
“Yeah.” Her face relaxed into a smile and she slid her hand into mine. “You’re more special than most.”
“I was thinking the same about you.” I leaned over and kissed her. “Not everyone would have stuck around with me after finding out my secret.”
“So I was thinking,” she said. She looked away from me, embarrassed I think. “Um, so you’re rich?”
“Why are people so hung up on money?”
“It’s that power thing you were talking about. Anyway, um, so... do you give any to charity?”
“I put part of it in an account with all the interest going to a few, yeah.”
“Why not just give them a bunch at once?”
“Because this way they get more in the long run. Just not as much all at once.”
“Oh.” She looked back at me. “Can I help? Like... decide where it goes?”
“It’s already set up.”
“Oh. But... but I want to help.”
“Tell you what,” I pulled her over against me. “I’ll have to get some of my stuff from a box at the bank in... Richmond... yes, those would be in Richmond. Once I get those out, we can go through some things and you can help decide who to help out.”
“Really? Cool!”
I tried to have fun with Teresa, but I kept thinking about Jess. She had a tumor and she never told me. I tell her everything. Except I guess I didn’t tell her about being whatever it is I am for a really long time.
I walked Teresa home and stuck my head in to say hello to her family. Mike and Stephanie seemed happy to see me, which wasn’t a huge surprise because I got along with them right away.
What really shocked me was the huge smile I got from Teresa’s dad, and even a small smile from her mom. Maybe they aren’t as bad as I thought.
I went back home, to the Sloans'. Jess didn’t look so great. We all sat at the table in the kitchen, eating some casserole that Peggy made. Ted was making faces every time Peggy turned away. It was pretty bad.
“When will you know?” I asked. Everyone looked up at me. “Um, about Jess’s... whether she’s just sick, or if there’s something else.”
“It’s nothing, Brynne.” Jess said. She looks perturbed.
“The doctor said her scans came back all clear.” Peggy told me.
“Oh. Good.” All the tension left m body at once, and I suddenly felt like I needed to sleep. “I’m so glad, Jess.”
“Quit yer cryin’,” Barney said. “She’s not dying.”
“I was so scared.”
“I still think it’s funny that someone like you gets scared of anything.” he said.
“I’m scared of a lot of things.”
“Well no worries, I’m fine.” Jess told me. “I’m actually feeling a little better, anyway.”
“Thank goodness.”
“So I was thinking,” she said. She took a bite and held her fork up and out, daintily. “If it was a tumor, could you have saved me?”
“I don’t... know what you’re...” What kind of super powers is she imagining me having now? “Jess, this isn’t a little cut. I can’t lick you brain and make the tumor go away.”
“Ew.” Peggy said.
“Yes, thanks for that image.” Ted added.
“Do vam...” Barney began. “Do people like you ever die from brain tumors?”
“I don’t know. I doubt it.”
“Then the answer is simple.” he said, smiling. “You just have to turn her into a vampire.”
“I’m not a vampire!”
“Barney, don’t be so rude.” Ted warned.
So everyone is quiet. They all think I could just change her? That I would even think of making her like me? The very thought is just insane.
“So would you?” Jess asked, her voice weak and shaky.
“Never!”
“Oh.” She looks upset at that answer.
“Jessica,” Ted said to her. “She’s not saying you’re not worth it.” he told her.
“No, not... not even.” I said. “That’s not it at all.”
“I know.” she squeaked.
“You don’t want my life.” I told her. “Trust me.”
“You seem okay.” she said.
“Jess...” What? What do I tell her? “You have no idea what it’s like to be stuck. To be exactly the same, and know that you’ll never change. I’m going to be a kid for hundreds of years. You know how much that sucks? You know how lonely it is, knowing you can’t ever stay in one place more than a couple of years before people start to wonder why you’re not getting older?”
“But we’d be together.” she said.
“Jessica, stop it.” Peggy told her.
“Jeez, it was just a thought.” Jess said. She rolled her eyes. “I’m living anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”
That was disturbing. My appetite sort of went away after that. And then everyone was quiet, and it was all really tense. And then Jessica went to bed early.
I sat in the living room, sort of off to the side of everyone, and read a book. Barney sat with his parents on the sofa and watched another remake of a remake of an eighties movie. I couldn’t concentrate. I reread the same paragraph five times before giving up and just sitting there, staring at the page, while I listened to Die Hard 11, or Rambo 15, or whatever it is they were watching.
I tried to be really quiet going into the bedroom after my shower. I’m very good at being quiet, it’s something I’ve had a lot of practice at. But Jess was awake already. And crying.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked. I sat on her bed.
“Fine.” she said. Sort of snapped, really.
“Head still hurt?”
“A little.”
“Want me to get you something?”
“No.” She turned her head away from me. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, Jess. If you need anything, just let me know.”
“Goodnight.”
I climbed up to the top bunk and tucked Jenna up under my arm. I pulled the blanket up, then briefly considered getting down and searching for the earplugs Jess got me. Instead I listened to Peggy and Ted whispering about Barney being lazy, listened to Barney watch some girl doing something obscene on his computer, listened to the neighbors argue about taking the trash out, and listened to Jessica trying to stop crying.
“I can’t believe you’d just let me die.” she whispered, her voice cracking.
“I’d do everything I could to stop that. You know that.”
“Not everything.”
“I’d spend every penny I have, physically force doctors to treat you, go find the best doctors and drag them back here if I had to.”
“But you just don’t want me around forever.”
“Jessica,” I slid off the top bunk and sat next to her again. “I would love to have you around.” I put my arms around her. “I love you more than anything. It’s just not right. You’re supposed to grow up, you’re supposed to have to worry about breaking your ankle if you do something stupid, you’re supposed to be afraid of being shot, and eventually you’re supposed to die.”
“Great. Glad to know where I stand with you.”
“Jess,”
“Look, just go to bed.”
“But...”
“It’s alright.”
“I hate what I am, Jess. I don’t want that for you. I felt so much better when I thought I was the last of my kind, that when I died that would be it. But now... I know I’m not the last, and it just... and then... I mean trying to make you into some unnatural creature... and... and then there’s... I mean... I mean it would kill me to try to make you into what I am. I just... I mean...”
“Want me to die in a few decades?”
“I wish I could explain this to you. You mean more than anyone ever has to me, but I won’t risk killing you.”
“Better that I die from something else?”
“Yes.” That sounds horrible. “I could never live with myself. I mean... if I tried to save you by making you like I am, and I failed and just killed you, then I’d be the one that killed you. It’s like asking me to shoot you in the forehead on the off chance that it’d get rid of the tumor and you’d still survive.”
“Oh. Well I mean... I mean... I kinda get that.” She turned toward me. “You really don’t think you could do it, do you?”
“No.”
“But you must have some idea how to? You said...”
“I said Alejandro almost always killed people when he tried. The fact that I survived was kind of a fluke.”
“Oh. Alright. So... sorry I laid the guilt trip on you.”
“That’s okay.”
I laid there in the bed for a long time, thinking about how awful it is that Jessica will one day be gone, and I'll be all alone again. Teresa will be gone, too. I'll be alone.
What if Teresa and I work out, and end up being together for a long time. She'll be much older than I am in a few years. Will she still want me? When she's thirty and I'm still fifteen, will she still want me? Will she think that I'm just a kid, and not want to be with me? Will it be disgusting, her being with someone who appears to be a fifteen year old? Will I still want to be with her when she's old?
Friday, June 17
“Wakey wakey.” Teresa said. She kissed the side of my mouth. “Love, wake up.”
“I... am awake, okay. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, thanks.” she said.
“Sorry. I just... what time is it?”
“Almost noon.”
“Seriously?” I sat up. “Wow, I’m so tired.”
“She was tossing and turning all n
ight.” Jessica said. She was sitting at her desk, looking at her computer screen. “You were talking in your sleep, Brynne.”
“Did I say anything I’ll have to kill you for?” I asked. I slid off the bed, Jenna still tucked tightly in my arms.
“Who is Manny?”
“Manny?” Teresa asked.
“Um, well... oh.”
“Cheating on me in your dreams?”
“Manny was a... um... long time crush, and one time fling,”
“Oh.” She looks really upset.
“For Jenna.”
“Your doll?” Her serious look faded and a slight, confused smile replaced it.
“Hey, Jenna has lived a very full and vibrant life.”
“You’re so cute.” Teresa said. She leaned over and kissed me. “Eww. Go brush.”
I went down the hall to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I got back to the bedroom, I caught the end of a very intense look that Jess was giving Teresa. And then Jess saw me and quickly turned back to her computer, moved the mouse and clicked quickly.
“So what are your plans today?” I asked Jess. I tried to look past her to see what was on her screen.
“I was thinking of seeing if Tony wanted to see a movie tonight. Until then, no plans.”
“So what movies are on?”
“I’m not sure.” she said.
“Well check the web site.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series Book 1) Page 19
