His hands balled into fists at his sides, like he was holding them back from grabbing me. His jaw ticked and his eyes searched mine. "Was it?"
The hope in his voice wiped away all the anger I had been holding onto and I cursed myself for being so upset in the first place.
"No. It wasn't what I needed," I shook my head and sighed.
He took a tentative step toward me, unsure of himself like I had never seen before, but still looking like a predator going in for the kill.
I looked into his sky blue eyes that were brightened by the possibility that I might actually give him a chance. The look on my face was probably enough to tell him so, but assuming hadn't worked before, why would it now?
"I needed you, Lucas," I added.
He moved closer, his heat radiating onto my skin and our chests a mere inch apart. With one hand on the wall next to my head and the other on my hip, he leaned in, just a breath away. "And now?" he rasped, looking into my eyes and taking back every piece I had tried so hard to keep a hold of.
"Now?"
He nodded, waiting.
"Now, I'm terrified. I can't give you my heart again and ever take it back, Lucas." If I did this, I would give him everything. All of me. Permanently.
The hand on the wall moved to my face and he gently ran his fingers across my jaw, making me almost lose my mind with the tender touch. His blue eyes heated as his other arm went back around my waist.
"I won't ever be giving it back, Aislinn."
God, how his mouth could caress my name.
That was it. I couldn't even try to stop myself if I wanted to. I was his, always had been and always would be, no matter what he did or said.
"Then take it, Lucas. Please-"
His lips crashed down on mine before I could say any more and I was falling, collapsing from the weight of my relief. His arm held me up and against him while he kissed me like I had never been kissed before and my lips parted automatically when his tongue traced them, begging me to let him in. He moved his hand into my hair and buried it there, gripping me hard and angling my head so he could deepen the kiss. I heard a moan and realized it had come from me.
He moved both of his hands to the backs of my thighs and lifted me up, pinning me against the wall and wrapping my legs around his waist, never breaking the kiss.
One hand traveled up the side of my body, running over my ribs and bringing my tank top up with it. The heat of his touch making my skin burn. He stopped just below my breast and his thumb lightly caressed the edge of my bra, teasing me. I tunneled my fingers into his hair, holding him against me and pleading with him.
My breasts ached for his touch, aware of how close he was to bringing them some relief and making them ache even more. It was the sweetest agony.
"Please," I begged him.
He groaned and moved his mouth across my jaw and down to my neck, licking and nipping the sensitive skin as he pressed his hand harder against my ribs, and his thumb slid under the edge of my bra, but held back.
"I can't, Ash. As much as I want to, I can't."
"Why?" I whined.
"Because you just lost your father and you're vulnerable. I can't take it farther than kissing you or I'll feel like even more of an asshole," he whispered against my neck. The movement of his lips there made me roll my head back to give him better access and I couldn't quite process what he had said.
"But-"
"No buts. I want you to be one hundred percent ready when I take you. I want your first time to be everything you dreamed it would be."
"But-"
Before I could argue with him, there was a loud knock at the front door and every muscle in his body stiffened. He quickly lowered me to my feet and held my face in his hands.
"We'll talk about this later, baby. I need you to hurry to my room and shut the door. Quietly."
I nodded, my heart racing because he looked primed and ready to take care of business whether it was an angel at the door or the devil himself. How he went from passionate lover to a lethal weapon was a mystery to me.
I stumbled the first couple of steps and his hand on my arm steadied me, then I scurried down the hall and into his room. He watched me as I slowly swung the door to close it, then he winked just before I was out of sight.
Talk about timing. Now that my head was a little clearer, I was glad he told me he wasn't taking it any further before someone showed up, otherwise, I probably would have screamed and then whoever was here would know I was in town.
I wanted to slap myself for being so selfish, too. My father had died less than twenty-four hours ago and I was trying to maul Lucas to death.
"Holy crap! Am I a slut?" I smacked myself on the forehead and closed my eyes.
Was it because I was such a mess and so vulnerable that I couldn't control my actions?
Probably, but I had the feeling that there was more to it than that. Dad knew they were coming for him. He wouldn't have just let them get rid of him without planning for it, would he?
When Lucas told me that my cousin, Mark, had been the first responder, I was confused. He would have called me to start arranging things for the funeral and he would have been here to help, right?
I hadn't heard a word, though, but then he didn't know where I was.
Maybe he had already spoken with Conall. I would have to leave everything to him anyway. There was no way I could take care of all the arrangements without leaving the house. Plus, Conall would know how to arrange the funeral of someone as important as my father, not me. Maybe that's what Mark was anticipating.
The gnawing feeling I had in my head was stronger than ever and I just couldn't accept that my dad was really gone. It didn't feel like he truly was, even though I knew in my mind that it was true.
I couldn't focus on it any longer so I spread myself out on Lucas' bed and just thought about my dad. "It will all be alright, my beauty. I promise you."
Peace swept through me. He always kept his promises.
Chapter 6
Lucas
She was going to be the end of him.
He should get a God damned medal for having such restraint. She had been so willing to give herself to him and he had been desperate to take her, but his respect for her father and for her loss was stronger. He didn't want her to regret anything and he didn't want to take advantage of her vulnerability, no matter how much she argued with him.
Please don't let her argue.
After watching her shut his bedroom door, he took several deep breaths, attempting to compose himself. Another knock sounded and he started towards the front door, picking up his 9mm at the side table and tucking it away. He moved the curtains aside and saw Justin Rains standing on his porch with his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. He was ready for work with his polished badge stuck to his belt and his jacket bulging from his shoulder holster.
Lucas still needed to dress and get his head together so he could focus on finding the captain's killer and shutting the whole Banetti operation down for good.
On getting Ash's life back for her.
He opened the door and Justin plastered a huge smile on his face when he saw Lucas.
"What's the cheesy smile for?" Lucas asked suspiciously.
Justin chuckled and raised an eyebrow, "You look like you've been mauled, Shade. I'm just so proud of you for moving on."
He remembered how Ash had tugged on his hair and figured it was a mess, but he was too happy about the reason it was a mess to really worry about it.
"Moving on from what?" he snapped.
"Brannock's daughter. You've been pining away for her for three years, man."
Little did the man know, it had been seven years. He just spent the first four trying to rid her from his memory by using other women to fill his head. He wasn't proud of it, but he couldn't change it. When that didn't work, he had buried himself in his job, but he could never escape hearing about her, and he didn't want to. When he found out from her father that she had been dating,
he gave up trying to forget her and just lived a day at a time, hoping he would get the chance to make things right with her.
"I didn't pine away for her…"
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"Yeah, you did," Justin argued with another cheesy ass smile.
"I was just busy," Lucas replied.
"Busy pining away."
"Whatever, what are you doing here anyway?"
Justin laughed and shook his head. "I was just checking up on you. I know how close you and the captain were. A lot of history there, right? Well, I thought you might be lagging a little this morning since we just left the scene a few hours ago, but now I see you were doing just fine."
Lucas wasn't going to explain. Letting Justin assume was the safest way to keep Ash invisible. He just crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Justin to continue.
"Anyway…" he drawled sarcastically. "I guess I'll see you at the station in a few."
"Yeah, I just need to dress and I'll be there."
"Good." He turned and started down the porch while Lucas moved to swing the door shut, wondering why he felt so annoyed about Justin coming over to his home unannounced. Normally something like that wouldn't get under his skin.
Because he interrupted… No he wasn't going to be upset about that. It was for the best.
"Oh, hey Shade?"
"Yeah." Lucas looked down at Justin trying not to rush him along so he could get to Ash.
"The captain didn't happen to tell you what he had found last night, did he?"
Lucas shook his head. He wished he had stayed at the house longer and talked to him, trusted his gut that something wasn't right, but he had been anxious to get some space from the constant buzzing he felt between him and Ash. Now, he couldn't remember why he had thought that was a good idea in the first place.
"Didn't Gibbs say something about some new information?" he asked. He needed to get an update soon, being away from the station in the afternoon made it hard to stay out of the dark.
"Yeah, but that's not what it was. He figured something out about Banetti, I just know it. I was at the station just heading out when he stormed out of his office. He was furious about something. I didn't think it was a good time to ask."
Lucas wanted to tell him to come inside and brain storm with him because he knew for a fact Liam found the leak, or at least how to find the bastard. Justin was just as determined to solve this case as Lucas was, he had proven that by the long hours he had put in while Lucas was watching Ash. Justin had never even questioned his change of hours, just did what was asked of him and did a good job. He was a good detective even though he always kept his head down, but that was something Lucas actually admired about him.
But Liam would have told Justin what he found out if he could trust him completely.
"He didn't say anything to me. Maybe we can figure it out today at the station. Go through his office."
Justin nodded, "Yeah, sounds good. Okay, see ya."
He watched Justin get into his car before he backed into the house and shut the door. He needed to get to work, but he had to figure out what to do with Ash first. He set his gun on the side table, then noticed the boxes that he had brought back for Ash were still there.
He carried them to his bedroom and knocked on the door before slowly pushing it open. Ash was lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and looking like she was about to fall asleep.
"Hey, I thought you might want to have these now."
She glanced up at him, saw the boxes in his hand and bolted up from the bed, hurrying toward him.
"Yes, thank you. Everything good?" she asked breathlessly.
He nodded, then handed her things over and followed her to sit on the bed while she opened them. He knew what was in them, knew how much they would mean to her. After her mother had died, she said it was hard not to constantly look at all the memories she had in those boxes. When he had given her the locket, it was meant to keep one of those memories close to her so she would always have it with her. He wasn't sure when she had stopped wearing it, but he knew how much it had meant to her.
She lifted out the locket and held it against her heart. "I've missed this," she said to him with a smile. "It's my favorite picture of her inside. How you knew that is a mystery to me."
He smiled back at her, "It was the one you were always staring at shortly after she passed. You look just like her now. The picture could be of you for all anyone would know."
"Thank you," she whispered and reached up to run her fingers over his jaw and chin lovingly. "Did you really watch me that much?"
He grasped her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers tenderly. "Yes, as much as I could without getting caught. It was difficult, though, because you were always watching me. I just didn't know how to handle that."
"It's in the past now," she dismissed with a shrug of her shoulders.
He squeezed her hand once more and kissed her knuckles, then stood from the bed and rummaged through his dresser. "I've got to get to work. I hate to leave you here alone, but there's no other option right now until your brothers get here."
"I'll be fine, Lucas. I'm not going anywhere. I'll probably just sleep most of the day," she said cautiously, then hesitated before adding, "I wish you could stay and get some rest, too, but I'm selfish, I want you to find those bastards more than I want you to sleep. Is that horrible?"
He turned and smiled at her, "No, baby. It's not horrible, because I feel the same way."
She blushed and looked back down at the locket with a grin.
"What is it?" he asked curiously.
"I like that."
"Like what?"
"That… that you call me 'baby'."
His heart skipped and he wanted to pull her against him and spend the rest of the day finding out what else she liked. He hadn't consciously used the endearment and he had never used it with any woman before, either. It was just something that came naturally with her.
He felt his lips tug up into a smile. The kind of smile that he hadn't felt in a long time. She gasped when she looked up at him.
"There they are," she whispered. "Just how I remembered them."
He felt his cheeks warm and dropped his head trying not to be a pansy. He knew what she was talking about. She had always tried to make him smile to the point those damn dimples appeared. The same ones his father had. She was really the only one that could ever make it happen.
He turned before she could comment on his embarrassment and walked into his closet to find a shirt and pants, then headed to his bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He wouldn't have minded changing in front of her and he was 99% sure she wouldn't have minded either with the way she had looked at him, but he couldn't delay leaving any longer.
He dressed quickly and tried not to think about the different ways he could actually delay going back to the station. He had showered while she was eating so he didn't take very long. When he stepped back out into the bedroom she had the locket opened in her hand, staring at it in bewilderment.
"What is it?"
She didn't look away from it, but held the locket out to him like it was going to explode, "I think I found out why he was in my bedroom when they shot him."
He had wondered the same thing. He should have been in his office where he had weapons strategically placed around the room, especially if he knew they were coming. Lucas took the locket from her and blinked rapidly. There, right next to her mother's picture, was a small square of folded paper that hadn't been in there before. He carefully pulled it out and turned the locket over several times to make sure there was nothing else he should be finding, but he didn't see anything out of the ordinary.
He handed the necklace back to her and unfolded the paper. How Liam got it in there was a freaking miracle.
'Keep this close. 111301'
"What does it say?" Ash asked shakily.
He handed her the paper and ran a hand through his hair. The number didn'
t look familiar at all, but ideas ran through his head. It wasn't a badge number, wasn't a date, wasn't a plate number. It wasn't anything that he could sort out.
"I don't understand."
"I don't either, but maybe you should wear your necklace at all times, okay?"
She nodded and immediately clasped it around her slender neck. Now more than ever, he didn't want to leave her, but before he could change his mind, he grabbed his shoes and walked toward the front door.
Like he expected her to do, she followed him, looking like she was going to be sick.
He slipped his shoes on then positioned his shoulder holster, badge, and gun.
She leaned against the wall hugging herself with one arm and alternation between fingering the locket and tugging on her hair with the other. He moved toward her and pulled her into his arms and she immediately wrapped herself around him.
"Your dad was smart, Ash. The smartest man I knew. And he loved you more than anything. He wouldn't have left us in the dark completely. He would have done something to make sure you were safe."
She nodded her head against his chest before pulling away and putting the small paper into his hand. "I'm safe with you, but are you safe with me?"
He wasn't sure what she meant, but he could imagine what was going on inside that head of hers. So, he told her the only thing that he knew completely. "Doesn't matter, because I'm not letting you go."
He bent down and kissed her softly but passionately, leaving them both a little breathless.
"I'll be back in a while. Call me for anything, okay?"
"Okay."
He walked out and closed the door, turning to lock the deadbolt behind him. He made it to the station in record time and walked to his desk with a new determination.
Rains was waiting for him.
"Ready to take these fuckers out, Shade?"
"More than ever," he replied dangerously.
***
"Maybe we should go back down to evidence, take another look at the letter."
Lucas didn't want to look at the threat letter again, he didn't want to do anything but sit there and stew. He had already been down to evidence a couple of times that day. Justin had insisted that they go over everything again, all the originals of everything they had in evidence for the Banetti case. The only things they didn't really need to look at again were the drugs they had confiscated from weeks before when their inside man had been discovered. It had been a gigantic mess and all they were able to get away with was a few guns, a whole shitload of drugs, and one small player who was now sitting pretty in prison and wasn't talking no matter what kind of deals were offered.
Leverage (The Brannock Siblings) Page 8
