by Brynne Asher
Clara had many choice words about the situation, going on about Tobin’s mommy and how she probably wasn’t happy about spending her money on his defense, when really, he was just sore he couldn’t get in my pants. Of course Bev was sad for Dan-Dan the Misguided-Man, saying he was young and had a lapse of judgment. I’m just glad she didn’t see what Jarvis did to him, she’d really feel badly about that. But unlike our sweet, ever-so-positive-Bev, she did not feel sorry for Tobin, rattling off a sting of words I’ve never heard pass her lips. As sweet as her true nature is, she loves Whitetail as if it were her own.
I found out today Tobin has been charged with attempted arson and filing false statements to government agencies. Asa told me he was released on bail and even though Tobin doesn’t seem to pose a physical threat, it was good I was quarantined, just in case.
My attorneys are working at getting all allegations and investigations wiped from our record, which was previously clean as a whistle. I hate that the company I’ve invested everything in—money, time, and energy—had to endure it all. At least it’s over and our slate will be clean. I love my little winery, my employees, and everything that surrounds it. I don’t ever want anything to mar it—it’s perfect just the way it is.
All the drama is coming to a close. Even as my attorneys are wrapping up loose ends I’d like to say I can breathe easy, but I can’t. Just like the last few weeks, Crew is still at the forefront of my every thought, only now I don’t have any other annoyances to distract me.
I’ve done all the internet shopping I can handle. Things are arriving daily by FedEx or special delivery. I kept to the true beauty of my home and went farmhouse, but with an edge. I’ve even cleared out the room off the main hall that faces the back of my property with rolling, hillside views. Next week, I’m expecting office furniture with an industrial look to fill the space. Now I wonder if it was a mistake, but I ordered everything only a few days after Crew left. If he wasn’t on his property with his recruits, he was here, and I wanted to provide a place for him to work. Plus, my room doesn’t have horrendous wallpaper, why wouldn’t he prefer to work here?
Call it a ploy—or desperate measures, whatever—to keep him as close to me as possible.
But now, after him being gone for weeks, I’m afraid I should’ve waited. If he doesn’t come back, I’ll never be able to walk in that room.
“You okay?”
I look up from where I’m picking at my late dinner in the kitchen and see Asa standing in the doorway.
“Sorry.” I stand to clean up my half-eaten meal. “Just tired.”
My back is to him while I’m at the sink cleaning dishes when he continues. “This isn’t unusual, him being gone this long. It can take longer sometimes.”
I turn to him but stay where I am. The last few weeks have gotten to me, worrying about Crew and dealing with my headaches. I’m tired and I’m done being polite. “I don’t think there’s anything usual about this, Asa. Crew is somewhere in the world making sure Grady doesn’t get killed while Grady tries to kill someone else, and even though I know this bit of information, I can’t know anything else. There’s a secret sect of soon-to-be killers training next door, and I have cameras and sensors surrounding me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for them. My property would’ve burned to the ground otherwise, but still, it’s weird. If all this isn’t unusual, Asa, I don’t know what is.”
He shakes his head and looks at me like my rant didn’t affect him in the least. “You might not’ve signed up for it in the beginning, but if you want to be with Crew, this is your new usual. Your new normal. I’ve been at this a long time, Addy. I know you’re not used to this life, but you can be—you’ll have to be—if you want him. Take it from me, my wife walked away choosing not to live it with me. She might be a good woman, but that also means she wasn’t the right one. The choice is yours, but make it quickly for Crew’s sake. I was only trying to make you feel better. I wish I could say something to comfort you, but I haven’t been in contact with the CIA. We don’t call each other just to chat, not that I’d tell you anyway.”
He’s sort of taken my breath away. I chose Crew when I thought he was done with his job, I never thought about having to make the choice now that he’s gone back. Is it really even a choice at this point? I don’t think it is. I think I might have to get used to a new normal with Crew, because the other option is too painful to think about.
Putting my dishes in the dishwasher, I turn to him and lay it all out there. “I guess I do have a decision to make, but right now you’re not my favorite person, Asa. As long as you have nothing to say to me, I can only assume he’s okay. But the second you look my direction, I get the dreaded feeling you might end my dream by telling me something I’m afraid to hear. I hate to be rude, but it’s the truth.”
He narrows his eyes and nods once. “Don’t know what to do about that Addy. I told him I’d be here and make sure you’re safe. It’s hard to ignore you when I’m sleeping in your house and eating in your kitchen. I’d hate to be,” he pauses and tips his head, “rude.”
I take a big breath and shake my head at him throwing my words back at me. I move for the door and say when I walk past him, “I’m grateful you’re here, but I look forward to the day I don’t cringe when you walk into a room or dread you speaking to me.”
I hear him chuckle and turn to look at him. There’s a sparkle in his hazel eyes when he responds, “You’re not the first woman to say that, and I doubt you’ll be the last.”
He’s a frustrating man.
“Goodnight, Asa. I’ll look forward to not talking to you tomorrow,” I call without looking back.
“Addy,” he calls for me. Stopping, I turn to look at him. “Told you I can’t say much, but I will tell you to stop with the internet searches.”
My eyes go big, knowing exactly what he’s talking about.
“Yeah.” He’s serious when he confirms my thoughts, telling me someone found out I was looking up Sheldon and Marc. “Bad guys can be smart, too. Not often, but sometimes.”
Holy shit. That’s scary. I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing. As I make my way out of the kitchen, I hear him digging through my refrigerator. I guess someone hacking into my internet doesn’t suppress his appetite, but I’m sure I’ll never be able to sleep now.
*****
My feet hit the floor in the pitch dark. After the last time this happened, my heart speeds, but this time I don’t wait for my phone to ring. The beeps from my alarm being disarmed once again broke through the night like a scream.
I don’t bother grabbing a robe. In my cotton nightie, I head for my door and race down the first set of stairs. When I round the hall to the second floor staircase, I hear the clunky mechanics of my door clink, and I make it down the last set of stairs just in time to see him step through.
I vaguely notice Asa standing in the doorway to the living room where he’s been sleeping.
But I only have eyes for Crew.
I run halfway through the corridor to get to him, but something about him makes me stop. He’s back to the way he used to be, a complete contradiction of emotions. He’s loose—standing in my doorway casually as if he’s back from an errand fetching milk. His beard is thicker and his hair longer, but my breath catches when I see the bruise on his left temple, seeping out over his eye, and cut on his lip.
Even taking in the fact something happened where he had to defend himself, it’s his eyes that stopped me in my tracks.
They’re piercing and heated, and I hate to admit it, even anguished. There’s an underlying pain making my heart clench, and the look on his face scares me more than anything during the past weeks.
I don’t call out to him, ask him what’s wrong, what happened to his face, or even go to him like I want. And I want to. I need to touch him, make sure he’s okay, that he’s real.
However, I stop when I hear Asa ask, “Grady?”
Chapter 26 – Blinding
Addy –
<
br /> Certain moments in life become etched in your soul.
For me, I have merely a handful. Buried deep, they’re entwined, tangled, and even disheveled. Living together forever, they create who we are and how we see the world. More so, how we react to it, even live within it. Much like the vines that create my wine, it’s hard to see where one ends and the other begins.
My vine was planted the day I saw my dad murdered that cold day in the snow. Since then, these ticks in time have grown together, forming an intricate but beautiful mass of memories, shaping not only who I am, but who I want to be. They’re beautiful—every single one. Even if some are ugly. The ugly ones only make the beautiful ones shine so bright, they’re blinding.
This is one of those moments, a beautiful one that will live in me forever. To have Crew standing in front of me—home, safe, and returning as promised. And just as Asa demanded I should, I choose Crew.
I don’t care if he has to go back to keep his friend safe, or if he decides to go back on his own to take care of justice his own way, ridding our world of threats. Even if this does make him a killer. I’ll wait. I’ll hate it, but I’ll wait because he’s mine, and having him back is more perfect than anything I could’ve dreamed. Because I love him.
As I’m locked in place, seized by only his eyes, I pray my beautiful blink in time doesn’t turn ugly.
“Crew?” Asa calls for him when he doesn’t answer.
Asa’s voice breaks his gaze and he steps through my threshold, tossing his bag, and swinging the door shut. He drags his eyes over me before looking to his friend, his voice rough. “It went to shit. Grady fucked up, but I got him out. The job’s done. We’re home.”
My breath of relief came out as a whimper, drawing Crew’s eyes back to me. This time they’re heated, fiery, and burning. I feel it in my nipples, down my spine, and between my legs. Without looking away, I know he’s not talking to me when he says, “He’s not gonna want to see anyone tonight, or even for a few days. I’ll fill you in tomorrow—you can go.”
After a few beats, I hear a jingle of keys.
From my peripheral, I see Asa go to the door. “See you soon, Addy.”
I should thank him for staying with me. For saving my home and business from becoming an inferno. For keeping me safe, for caring about Crew all those years when he withdrew from life before he was mine, but most importantly, for making me realize I needed to make a choice for Crew’s sake.
But with Crew looking at me the way he is, I couldn’t utter a word. I guess I’ll have to tell him tomorrow.
When the door clicks, he says his first word to me. “Abby.”
My eyes instantly well, missing that, like a sweet gift every time he says it. “You came back.”
“Told you I would.”
“I know.” I swallow, trying to control myself. “Still, you’re okay and you’re back.”
Ignoring me, he barely narrows his eyes when he asks, “You wearin’ panties?”
I frown slightly. “Yes, why?”
His eyes change and don’t ask me how I can tell, but I see the transformation. The sharp is gone and he shifts into my man, the one he is only for me. Just like all the times in the past when he controls it, his voice comes at me soft and soothing, telling me what he wants. “Drop ‘em, baby, and come here.”
My thighs clench at his demand and his eyes follow my hands that immediately dip up and under my nightie. Hooking my thumbs into my panties, I drag them quickly down my hips. The second they hit my feet, I move, kicking them to the side.
When I close the short distance separating us, I put my hands to his chest, needing to touch him. One of his dives into my hair and the other yanks my nightie roughly above my waist, his hand palming my bare ass before giving me a squeeze when his lips land on mine.
He pulls me into his big frame, his tongue delving into my mouth. When I slide my hands up to his shoulders, we turn. Just when I was thinking he feels better than he ever has, he presses me into my front door.
He shows me how much he missed me with his lips, tongue, and hands. Pushing my nightie up higher, his hands roam my body and I try to pull at his shirt to feel his skin. His finger slides through my drenched core, making me jerk. Forgetting about his shirt, I zero in on his pants, knowing what I really want.
My hands go to the waist of his jeans and I fumble, trying to make quick work of his button and zipper. Finally, he rips the button open, and after efficiently working his zipper, frees himself.
When his beautiful cock springs free, I lick my lips. Putting both my hands on him, I start to rub and knead, feeling a bead of cum on his tip. I drag my thumb over it, massaging it into his silky skin. I need to show him how much I want him, how much I missed him, and I want him in my mouth.
I bend my knees to dip low, but he stops my progress. “Not now. I want to lose myself in you. Up.”
The next thing I know I’m being lifted, with my back to the front door, where he’s holding me tight. With his arm around me, his other dips and he rubs his tip through my wet pussy.
“Knees up, baby.”
When I pull my knees high, my bottom sinks at the same time he surges up, giving me all of him.
He buries his face in my hair and murmurs, “My Abby.”
“Crew,” I whimper, trying to move, but his arm around my back and hand on my ass keeps me where I am.
He presses into me deeply, and when I arch, I feel it in my clit.
Squeezing my thighs into his sides, he controls it, just like always. His lips dip to my ear and he fills my heart at the same time he moves slowly in and out of me. “Never once had a homecoming. Never had a home to come to. I thought I was traveling, seeing the world between jobs, but I wasn’t. I was wandering with nowhere to go.”
I move my hand into his hair, holding him close, pressing the side of my face into his. I try to shift to get more, but he barely picks up the pace.
“Never had to work so hard to focus. Ever. Thought of you every single second. I had to fight myself to stay centered for Grady and so I could come back to you.”
I tip my head to look him in the eyes and admit, “I was scared.”
He exhales, but he doesn’t respond. When the word “scared” passed my lips, it must have triggered something, because he really starts to move. Every time he thrusts, he hits my clit and I curve my body to feel it deep inside.
His breath becomes labored against my hair, his arm angled up my back to protect me from the hard door, but he didn’t need to. I don’t feel a thing besides the heat building in me. Letting go, I’m not sure he’s ever fucked me this hard. His thrusts prolong my orgasm and I’m still panting when he groans, pulling me down tight on his pulsating cock.
He holds me tight as we both come down from our high, giving me his weight, pressing me into the door. I’ve got Crew surrounding me with my nightie above my breasts. I’ve missed this so much, being utterly consumed by him.
When our breathing evens, he turns to kiss the side of my head and says with his lips there, “I never want you to be scared again.”
As much as I appreciate his sentiment, it really doesn’t matter. All I can think about is the choice Asa gently demanded I make and look to him. “I love you.”
His body stills, yet I feel his cock twitch inside me.
“What?” he breathes.
I give him a squeeze. “I was scared, but it doesn’t matter, because I love you. I don’t know what went on with Grady, but whatever you do, if you have to leave, if you decide to keep doing what you did, I’ll always be here for you to come home to.”
I watch his deep, dark eyes slowly disappear as his lids fall. I didn’t know it was possible for him to pull me closer, but he does. When he doesn’t move, I wiggle my bottom, still impaled on him and call, “Crew?”
He pulls his head back far enough to look into my eyes. “It went south at the last minute, Grady got antsy and moved too soon. I don’t want those details in your head, but it was as bad as it coul
d get before it gets permanently bad. He’s done and he knows he’s done. Even if he was stupid enough to try and go back, there’s no way they’d let him. I mean it when I say I never want you to be scared again, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re not. There’s nowhere I want to be but here.”
My eyes not only well this time, but they immediately spill over. “You’re done?”
He leans in and kisses one of my tears away, whispering, “Done, baby.”
I’m so relieved, I don’t even know what to say, so I bury my face in his neck.
His hand comes to the back of my head and gently pulls. He’s blurry from my tears, but I can hear him clear as a bright, sunny day. “Love you, too, my Abby.”
And right now, this moment in time tangles deep inside me, weaving itself together with my past. And it shines so bright, I’m blinded.
*****
Crew –
“Farther, Abby.”
I’m on my knees, bent over her from behind. All I smell is her hair, a curly mess from going to bed with it wet from our shower last night.
Coming home to her after the longest weeks of my life was everything I never knew to imagine. I never allowed myself to even want it, let alone look for it.
Just like she always does, she gave to me in ways I never expected. Telling me she wanted me even if I planned to go back? Her giving me that was everything. She knows it all and accepts me, my choices, my life, and she did it for me.
I carried her to our bedroom after our time at the front door and we showered. It was the middle of the night and I hadn’t slept for over thirty-six hours. As much as I didn’t want to lose time with her, I crashed, but not before I told her she was taking the morning off.
