by Cheryl Holt
“Seriously. I don’t know. She was fine when she left Gibraltar.”
“How long have you been in England, Captain?”
“Not long.”
“By any chance, were you ever planning to visit her?”
“Well…yes?”
“You just hadn’t gotten around to it, hmm? Is that your story?”
James shrugged. “I had no idea you were at Benton, and at the moment, I have some urgent business to handle.”
“Amelia is laboring under the mistaken impression that you are on your way to India. Was that a convenient tale you spread so she’d assume you couldn’t be contacted?”
“No! I put in for a transfer, but I was recently informed that it wouldn’t be granted. I resigned my commission and returned to England.”
“So your being in England is all very innocent. You’re not an unreliable rogue? You’re not a scoundrel of the highest order?”
“You’re talking in riddles, Boyle,” James said. “I’d appreciate it if you’d speak to me in plain English.”
“My sister is upstairs, dressing for supper. You will proceed to her suite at once and propose marriage. Don’t come back down until you’ve convinced her to be your bride.”
“Amelia is here?”
“Yes, so get a move on, Captain. Time’s wasting.”
At the notion of seeing Amelia again, his pulse raced. He could think of no better ending than to wed her. But they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, and she’d insisted she wasn’t interested in hearing from him. She might not be keen to shackle herself, and in case he’d needed extra inducements to persuade her, he’d decided to chase Brinley away from Denby, then take Amelia to the estate.
He’d planned to show her where and how they could live, had planned to beg her to help him change it into a home where they could be happy forever. Then he would have proposed. Yet he wasn’t about to explain it to her brother, especially when he was being such an unlikable prick.
“You want me to propose to Amelia immediately?” James asked. “I don’t mind obliging you, but I have a right to be apprised as to why you are in such a bloody hurry.”
“Because, Captain Hastings, you’re going to be a father. Now haul your sorry ass upstairs!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Amelia was in her dressing room, seated on a stool in front of the mirror. She’d always heard that women in her condition seemed to glow, but with how nauseous she often was, she thought she appeared a bit haggard.
She sighed with resignation, with weariness, but with satisfaction too. She’d shared her secret about her baby with Jo, and Jo hadn’t been shocked in the least. But then, when Jo had nearly married Evan, she’d been quite far down the road toward being an unwed mother herself. That sort of experience tended to leave a person less judgmental.
Out in the sitting room, the door opened and closed, and she called, “Victoria, is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“I’m in the back.”
Victoria entered, wearing a gorgeous sapphire gown that set off the blond of her hair and the blue of her eyes. She’d found a tiara from somewhere that glittered as if with real diamonds.
“My, don’t you look smart!” Amelia said.
“The Countess is so beautiful, and she almost married my betrothed, so I ought to try to keep up with her. I want Evan gazing at me all night rather than her.”
Amelia laughed. “Trust me. He’ll be staring at you and no one else.”
“Thank you. I figured you’d supply me with a much-needed dose of confidence.”
“Where did you get the tiara? I thought the General’s sons were a bunch of vultures who took all your jewelry.”
Victoria winked. “I hid some of it from them.”
“Good for you.”
“It’s been awhile since I had the chance to enjoy a fancy supper, so I’m making the most of it. I haven’t overdone it, have I?”
“No. How is it that you look so fabulous, while I’m merely gaunt and haunted?”
“You are not. Don’t be silly.”
“I feel gaunt and haunted.”
“Well, you shouldn’t. Benton Manor is spectacular, and we’re on holiday. We’re being waited on hand and foot by efficient, professional servants, and our every wish is being granted. We’re pretending to be princesses.”
Amelia snorted with amusement. “I’ll remember that.”
“Are you ready to go down?”
“I need another minute. Can you walk down by yourself?”
“Yes, but promise me you won’t tarry up here so you can continue to mope.”
“I won’t.”
Victoria scoffed and started out, but she paused to glance back. “I’m happy, Amelia.”
“I’m glad.”
“I realize you’ve been worried about my motives with regard to your brother.”
Amelia waved away her comment. “Don’t you dare wonder about it. I wasn’t worried, and I’m delighted that you’ll be my sister.”
“I’ll love him forever!” Victoria vehemently insisted. “I swear it to you.”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him, so now, you’ve made me very happy too.”
Victoria left then, and Amelia turned to the mirror again.
It was ludicrous to be so morose. She was home in England safe and sound. Evan was healing. Laura was healing too. She and Evan had reconciled with Jo and Peyton, and Peyton had a slew of nieces who were interested in befriending Laura. Amelia’s family—that had previously been just Evan—was rapidly growing bigger. What reason was there to sulk and brood?
Yes, she was having a baby, and no, she wasn’t married. As Evan had said, it wasn’t the end of the world, even though it seemed like it might be.
The door in the sitting room opened and closed again, and she called, “Victoria, did you forget something?”
No one replied to her query, and a few seconds later, a man popped up in the doorway. He resembled James Hastings so much that she blanched with astonishment. Had she been thinking about him so intensely that she’d finally lost her mind?
“It’s not Victoria,” he said. “It’s me.”
On hearing his voice, Amelia gasped and whipped around, and…?
There he was—appearing handsome and cocky and marvelous.
He wasn’t in uniform, but was attired in the sort of casual clothes he’d always worn when he was with his horses. His jacket was old and tattered, his boots scuffed and coated with dust as if he’d been riding for hours. He had a jaunty red kerchief wrapped around his neck.
He hadn’t shaved, his cheeks darkened with stubble, so he was even more dashing, as if he were a pirate who’d sneaked in to steal her away.
“James?” she cautiously inquired.
He chuckled. “You’re gaping as if you can’t quite place me. Please don’t tell me you don’t know who I am. My ego would never survive.”
She couldn’t figure out what she was witnessing, and she shook her head to clear it. “You can’t be in England. You’re not at Benton. You’re in Gibraltar…or…on a ship bound for India…or…or somewhere. You can’t be here.”
“Why can’t I be?”
“It’s…impossible.”
“I am here though, so I guess you’re wrong.”
She gripped the edges of her stool, needing to steady herself so she didn’t float away in a tide of confusion.
He grinned his devil’s grin. “Have you missed me?”
“No.”
“Not once?”
“Maybe once,” she churlishly said, “but that’s all.”
“I’ve missed you every second.”
“I don’t believe you, and I could have sworn—that day we parted—I told you not to ever contact me again.”
“I seem to recall that you didn’t want to correspond. I don’t remember you ordering me not to show up in person.”
�
�Don’t split hairs,” she fumed, “and don’t play semantic games with me. What are you doing? Explain yourself immediately.”
“I will after you tell me the truth.”
“What truth?”
“That you missed me every second too.”
He crossed the floor in three quick strides, and he lifted her off the stool and into his arms. Then he was kissing her as if he were a drowning man and she an oasis that could fill him to overflowing.
She was so startled that, without hesitation, she kissed him back. While her mind was screaming at her to buck up and draw away, her body vividly recollected how perfect it felt to be held by him. Her anatomy wasn’t protesting.
She was completely overwhelmed by him, by his sudden arrival. Why was he at Benton? She had visited on the spur of the moment. Why would he stroll in at the same time? And most pertinently, why wasn’t he on his way to India?
He was a confirmed bachelor whose career meant more to him than anything. He’d had a choice in Gibraltar, and he’d chosen the army. She didn’t blame him for his decision. After all, she’d been reared in a navy family where generations of men had served the Crown. But…
He wanted it more than her, and he’d been clear about his opinion, so what was he expecting? Did he suppose she’d fall for his smooth talk and delicious seduction again? The disgusting fact was that she quivered with excitement at the very idea. What was wrong with her?
“I can’t imagine why you’re at Benton,” she said as she yanked away, “but supper is ready, and I’m hungry.”
She tried to walk around him, but the brash oaf blocked her in.
“Move,” she said.
“No.”
“Move!” she repeatedly more adamantly.
He reached to pull her into his arms again, but she skittered back so he couldn’t. When he was touching her, she couldn’t think straight. The room was very small though, so there was nowhere to go. She bumped into the wall, and he simply stepped in, trapping her against it.
“You’re not glad to see me,” he said. “Why is that exactly?”
“I’m certain this will come as a huge surprise, but I’m over you. We had a brief…ah…fling in Gibraltar, when I was floundering on my own, but I’m in England now and surrounded by my family. I’m not about to disgrace myself ever again.”
“Is that how you viewed our affair? As a disgrace?”
“Yes. I thoroughly shamed myself because of you, and I’m still grappling with the consequences. Were you worth it? I’m quite sure not!”
He laughed. “I doubt I was worth it either.”
“You had a chance to redeem yourself in Gibraltar, but you didn’t take it. You could have asked me to marry you. You could have retired from the army and traveled home with me, but your career was more important to you, and I understand that it was. You relished the life you’d led before we met.”
“I definitely did.”
“Then why are you bothering me when I don’t wish to be bothered?”
“I didn’t realize you were at Benton. I stopped here purely by accident to see if Peyton would give me a bed for the night. I’ve been riding all day, and my leg was hurting.”
She braced, refusing to let him generate any sympathy. “Don’t try to make me feel sorry for you. You can’t.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m just explaining my presence, and voila, I discover you’re present too.” He grinned another devil’s grin. “So…here we both are.”
“Yes, much to my aggravation.”
She was being a shrew, but she couldn’t tamp down her vexation.
Their dalliance was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to her, and their separation was the most painful thing. She’d spent months struggling to regroup.
She’d once accused him of acting like a god, of assuming he could control procreation, but she was the one who’d forgotten the rules females had to follow. She’d behaved in indecent ways, and she was paying the price for her sins. It seemed as if all the moral debt had been laid on her shoulders. What share of it did he owe? Had he any duty to pay his portion?
Through concerted effort, she was beginning to see a future that wasn’t entirely bleak. By his arrival, he’d instantly stirred it all up again, and she didn’t want it stirred! If he was back in England, and she could run into him without warning, how would she ever fully mend?
“I met your brother,” he said, “and I have to tell you, he’s really a pompous ass.”
She bristled. “He is not! He’s the sweetest, dearest brother any girl ever had.”
“He didn’t like me very much.”
“Who does, James?”
“Well, he doesn’t, and apparently, you don’t, and at the moment, you’re the only two who matter.”
“Why would we matter to you? Who are we in the grand scheme of your perfect life?”
“How did he lose his hand?” James inquired. “It must have been recent.”
“If I thought it was any of your business, I’d inform you that they chopped it off on the voyage to England. His battle wound became infected.”
“That’s too bad.” He raised a brow. “It’s made him awfully surly.”
“I won’t listen to you denigrating Evan. Supper is about to be served, so you’ll have to excuse me. I won’t engage in pointless conversation with you.”
“You think it’s pointless?”
“Yes, and I’m going downstairs.”
Of course he didn’t move, and her exasperation soared. He was between her and the door, so she couldn’t stomp out. She put her palms on his chest and tried to push him away, to create some space, but shoving him was like shoving a boulder. He didn’t budge an inch.
“Wouldn’t you like to hear what your brother insisted I do?” he asked.
“No.”
“He ordered me to march up here and propose, so will you marry me?”
She scoffed with derision. “Absolutely not.”
“You are so angry. Why is that precisely?”
“You waltz in after we’ve been apart for months. You grab me and kiss me as if you have every right. You propose without a word of fondness being voiced, and you can’t fathom why I’m upset?”
“No.”
“How about this explanation? Will it suffice? You are the most obstinate bachelor in the world, so I accuse you of being insincere and toying with my affections.”
“Your brother forced me into it,” he grumpily said, “but then again, I’ve resigned my commission, and I’m in England for good. Why not proceed?”
“Why did you resign? It can’t be because you missed me so desperately.”
“No, it wasn’t because of that.”
She threw up her hands. “See? You can’t even lie and have it sound believable. Evan had to pressure you into this.”
“My transfer to India was denied, and the army was nagging at me to retire.”
“With your career over, I’m your second choice? Your place in the army has ended, so now, you can settle for marriage to little old me?”
“I’m headed to Denby,” he announced, apropos of nothing.
“Why?”
“Where else would I go? It’s not as if I have a dozen places where I’d be welcome. It’s mine, and it could be ours. We should marry and make it happen. Why not?”
It was such a blasé suggestion—as if he’d asked her to have a cup of tea. Why not wed? Evidently, his calendar was free.
Suddenly, the fight went out of her. Because of her condition, she was always overly emotional, but she didn’t have the energy to spar with him. She’d once loved him so dearly and had thought she might die without him. She might still feel that way, but so what?
If they wed, he’d be miserable. He reveled in his solitary existence—he bragged about it—so what sort of husband would he be? If she clamped a leg shackle on his ankle, would he even stay with her? Would he tarry for a year or two
, silently growing more and more discontent, only to sneak away when she wasn’t paying attention?
And what about his philandering?
The first time she’d seen him in Gibraltar, she’d noticed his wayward eyes. He had a manner of gazing at a female that drew her in so she started to view herself as being exotic and unique. His gaze had fallen on her, and it had certainly worked its magic. She was laboring under his wicked spell and couldn’t seem to escape it.
She needed a husband and wasn’t in any position to spurn him, but she couldn’t imagine binding herself to such a licentious fellow. It would break her heart to have a spouse who preferred to roam and flirt.
The Hastings men were all libertines. The predilection was in their blood—they couldn’t help themselves—but she could display a bit of respect and decline to put herself in such a terrible situation.
“I thought you’d be glad to discover I was in England,” he said. “I thought you might be excited to wed me.”
“I might have been—in the past—but I told you: I’m over you.”
“For a girl who’s over me, you just kissed me with plenty of enthusiasm.”
“It was a moment of temporary insanity.”
He studied her keenly, then asked, “Why don’t you tell me what this is really about?”
“I know you, James Hastings. I know the life you envision for yourself, and it has never included a wife and a family.” She snorted with disgust. “What’s the old adage? A leopard doesn’t change its spots?”
“Perhaps leopards don’t, but can’t a man?”
“Not that I’ve ever heard of.”
“Are we finished then? Should I inform your brother that you refused me?”
No, no, no! Don’t leave me!
Those were the words that rang in her head, but the words that emerged from her mouth were, “You should do what makes you happy. Isn’t that how you like to carry on?”
“Your brother commanded me to persuade you.”
“He’ll get over it,” she said, “and if he doesn’t, I don’t care. It’s my future and my choice.” She waved toward the door, simply anxious for the awkward encounter to end. “You’re free to go. Whatever you promised Evan you would try to accomplish, consider it accomplished.”
