“Invite some of the guys to a grand opening ceremony celebrating the geo thermal pools. Joke around. Let the press take some pictures. Make sure the geo thermal pools are in the background of most of the shots. If Jane comes, maybe they won’t have to make up a bogus headline for the next run in the local paper,” Harrison said. “Better still, invite the public and sell photos with the guys. It will be a hit and you’ll be famous.”
Walter stared into the fire burning low in the fireplace. There was a nip in the air tonight, but he was cold on the inside too. And lonely. He was incredibly lonely. He missed Jane fiercely. Every day since Elijah Fox had tracked him down, his suffering had grown worse.
Unable to return to the scene of his crime yet, he’d finally sent the contract signoff to her house by courier with a note about why her signature was needed. It had been delivered yesterday. He had yet to hear a word back. He supposed the ‘sorry for our misunderstanding’ message at the end of it was lame and way too little for what he’d done to her. It was hard to blame Jane for ignoring him totally when he was too embarrassed to face her and apologize for what he had said and done.
“Walter? Where are your thoughts tonight?” Harrison asked, as if he didn’t know.
“What if Jane never forgives me, Harrison?” Walter asked.
“When you’ve done all you can to make amends, all that’s left is to let the mistake you made build your character. It was a hard lesson you learned, but I don’t think you’ll let your emotions override your logic next time you’re in that kind of situation,” Harrison said.
“Dad said pretty much the same thing,” Walter replied. “I think I need to go home now. My wine is gone anyway.”
Harrison waved his hand at the door. “Take care of yourself, Walter. My money is still on you.”
“Well I know how tight you are, so you must think my cause isn’t lost,” he said as he bent to brush his lips over Harrison’s cheek. His grandfather seemed to be getting more frail with each passing day. It worried him, but also made him glad to be next door.
“Goodnight, Harrison.”
“Goodnight, Walter.”
Chapter 19
Walter closed and checked Harrison’s door before turning to go home, stumbling when he saw Jane leaning against his door. “Hi. What are you doing here this time of night?”
In answer, she held up the contract. “It wouldn’t fit under the office door. It wouldn’t fit under your apartment door either. I started to knock, but then I heard you and Harrison saying goodnight. I’ve only been waiting for a couple of minutes.”
Walter nodded. “Want to come in?”
Jane nodded back. “Yes. I would. We need to talk, Walter. And I wanted to return the contract this evening. Get Brenner back to work on the project tomorrow. Don’t let him delay for any reason.”
Walter nodded. “I’ll send him a text later and let him know the contract is signed.”
He pushed open his door, walked inside, and paused to wait on Jane to clear his doorway. Then he closed and locked it behind her, breathing a sigh of relief just before noticing that Jane was rubbing her arms. It was chilly in his space. He usually didn’t keep it very warm.
“Let me light the fireplace for you,” he said, retrieving the electronic remote. Gas jumped to life around the logs, lighting the space with dancing flames. Walter turned on a couple of table lamps too, their soft glow warming his living area more.
“Can I get you something to drink?” he asked, hating the polite awkwardness between them as Jane walked to a chair and took a seat on the edge of the cushion. Her body language was telling a story she wasn’t allowing her expression to reveal yet. It said she didn’t really want to be there with him. She was there only to give him a message that for some reason she chose to deliver in person.
“I’m fine, Walter. Why don’t you sit down for a minute? We need to clear the air between us,” Jane said, motioning to the seats around her. “I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last couple of weeks. In fact, I wanted to come tell you my plans before I even told Dad and Eli.”
Walter walked to his couch, taking the seat closest to Jane. When she held out the signed contract, he took it, but had to fight the urge to toss it on the floor. It was so much less important than just having Jane close again. Practicing patience, he made himself slide the signed contract gently onto the glass and metal surface of his coffee table.
“Jane, I’m so very sorry for what I said and how I acted at the fire station. I should have listened, or at least asked what you had to tell me. I was just. . .jealous. It may be hard for you to believe, but I don’t remember ever even feeling that way about a woman before you,” Walter said, spreading his hands as he tried to explain. “And I know now that it was just your brother at your house. He wasn’t pleasant when he answered the door, but that’s no excuse for what I assumed.”
Jane nodded, not really wanting to keep reliving it. “Based on our discussions, you would have instantly recognized a pious Jewish man in a yarmulka, but you found a gruff tattooed hellion instead. Turns out Eli wasn’t at seminary after all. He was undercover for a journalist assignment in New York. Now he even sounds like the hooligan he was impersonating to get his story,” Jane said. “But that still doesn’t explain why you immediately concluded that I’d been unfaithful. I was washing the dirt from the pool house floor out of my hair while you were playing caveman with my rude brother.”
Walter groaned in embarrassment and covered his face with his hands. “Oh God, I’m so, so sorry.”
“Yes, you should be, but I don’t care about the misunderstanding anymore. Eli said he’s moved past it. You should too. In fact, we all should.”
“So you’re not still mad at me?” Walter asked, perplexed. Something was off in Jane’s capitulation, but he couldn’t tell yet what it was.
“No, I’m not still mad,” Jane said. “I came to tell you that I’m going away shortly. There’s an upscale bed and breakfast in Cape Cod that I’m looking at buying. It seems like an interesting deal. A B&B doesn’t have to show a profit for several years, so I’ll have plenty of time to get things right before I come home. Eli can use my place while I’m gone. I’m letting you know first because it means I won’t be around to see the North Winds projects get done—even though we’ve resolved our differences.”
Holding Walter’s shocked stare, Jane scooted forward.
“Look, I saw your article in the paper. Despite the crazy headline, it was very nice. I just wanted you to know that I admire you too. You’re a great businessperson, even as young as you are. One day you’ll be considered brilliant. I really believe that. You have a special kind of attraction that I believe will draw great opportunities to you.”
“Thanks for the business vote of confidence I guess, but what about us?” Walter asked. His ears were taking in all her words, but all he actually heard was that Jane was leaving.
Jane shook her head. “Walter, there is no us. You don’t even know who I am. You accused me of doing the same thing to you that my ex did to me. If I had been under twenty-five like that date I saw you with, I’d have stomped around in my three inch spiked heels and clawed at you to listen to me. But I’m not that young anymore, and I was never dramatic enough to get by with that sort of behavior.”
“She was nothing. Just some woman Amanda fixed me up,” Walter said.
Jane shook her head. “It’s not just about age. I’m the most monogamous woman you’ll probably ever meet. And I’m always calm and rational, even when I confront emotionally horrible things, like my husband in bed with another woman. You hurt me deeply that day with your insults. The amount of emotional pain caught me off guard, otherwise I would have made you listen to me just on principle. It became obvious to me after I had calmed down that I come with too much baggage, and that you don’t have enough experience not to push my buttons. So let’s call ‘no harm and no foul’ in this situation and move on to just being friends. We had some fun together. I would like to re
member it that way.”
Seeing how serious Jane was started a throbbing in his head. Snippets from her break-up speech grew louder and louder until the part about being friends rose to bass drum level. Walter stood and walked to the fireplace, putting his hurting head on his fists just like the day he had when he’d begged his dad for help. How was he supposed to believe in a future for them when Jane had so clearly put all they had into the past already?
He raised his head after a while, surprised to find Jane standing right next to him.
“For the sake of my sanity, I’m going to have to reject that reality of yours for now, Jane. I can’t imagine not working this out with you. I made a mistake, but you have to believe me when I say I won’t ever make the same one with you again.”
“Don’t keep apologizing. That’s over. I know it’s a little sad now. Endings always are, but it will be better later. One day, Mr. March will be married to some long-legged Ms. November. She’ll be someone young like Amanda with her text phone, her love of drama, and her ability to sort out the bullshit. I’ll be nothing more than a pleasant memory for you,” Jane said.
“Okay. Give me a hug and kiss me goodbye then,” Walter ordered, keeping his face turned to her.
Jane looked at Walter’s folded arms in confusion. Kiss him goodbye?
“Want me to stand up?” he asked, hoping like hell the gamble he was getting ready to take would pay off. Otherwise, he’d probably never see her again.
“Yes. Please stand up,” Jane said. “I don’t think you realize how big you are.”
Walter straightened and then stepped closer. His arms slipped around Jane gently but firmly, his body hardening to steel as it came into contact with hers. “If your reality is that our relationship is over, then why am I feeling like we’re still just beginning?”
He dipped his head, tucking his face into her neck, giving her enough space to pull back if she wanted to. Jane quivered in his arms, but still didn’t touch him back.
“Hug me, Jane Fox. Put your arms around me,” Walter ordered, stepping all the way into her heat as their bodies touched. “I regret every single moment I spent not kissing you when I had the chance. I played it too cool. I will never do that again either. I dated three women in the last two weeks. I only kissed one. I never got hard, not even for a second. I only get hard with you and that’s how it is. I’m not interested in changing it.”
“Walter, I didn’t come here to talk about this chemistry thing that always gets out of control between us. I came to tell you that I was leaving for a job. I’m going away. I need some space from this town and. . .” you, Jane wanted to say, but couldn’t without talking about things she wasn’t ready to discuss. She fisted her hands at her sides, practicing self-restraint as best she could.
“So this is a serious goodbye then?” Walter whispered, dipping his mouth to hers to nip at her bottom lip, wishing the moan that escaped delighted him more. Instead, it only scared him. He was too worried that Jane might truly never let him pull that reaction from her again.
“It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do. I dated over the last few weeks too,” she said.
His hands were on her waist then, lifting her to her toes so she’d have to meet his gaze. “I’m not turning into a jealous idiot again, because I know those dates were my fault. Did you sleep with them? You can tell me. It won’t change anything. But don’t start lying to me just because you’re trying to prove that what’s happening right now is a bad idea. Tell me the truth, Jane. I’m listening this time and not running away.”
Jane closed her eyes. She was dizzy with tension and sick with wanting to just be in Walter’s arms one more time without thinking about what she should or should not do. Is this what she was going to remember about Walter for the rest of her life? That he had some mysterious power to make her feel like the only woman in the world for him?
“There’s only been you, Walter,” Jane said at last, sobbing when his mouth slid over hers with deliberate intent and tons of approval. Her tears fled as the pressure of his mouth increased and increased. His hands covered familiar territory once more and she was melting everywhere their bodies touched. When he pulled his mouth from hers, his hands were still gripping hard as if he couldn’t bring himself to let go.
“I guess this chemistry between us is our reality for just a little longer then,” Walter said. “Floor, couch, or bed, Jane Fox. You have two seconds to choose.”
Jane shook her head, her forehead rubbing against Walter’s chest. Where was her willpower? Where were all those promises she made to herself that this wouldn’t happen again?
“Brain shut down yet?” Walter asked. Bending, he scooped her up under her knees. “I’m about to show you more of my faults, starting with the fact that I don’t take no for an answer very often. You can blame Harrison. Everyone else does.”
Jane’s sigh of resignation stopped his trek across the floor. “Are you going to hate me if we do this?” he asked.
“No. I’m weak-willed about sex with you, but I’m not a hypocrite,” Jane said. “I want this too.”
“Damn good to know,” Walter said. “By the way, I’m in love with you. It’s not infatuation and it’s not going away.”
Jane snorted as her backside hit his bedcovers. “This is leftover lust, Walter. You were jealous of my brother, which means you don’t trust me. You don’t even know what love is.”
“Well let me see if I can change your mind about that,” Walter replied, his mouth drowning out the rest of her rationalizations about why it couldn’t work.
***
Several hours later, Walter woke up alone and naked, with no covers in sight. He could only assume they had gotten pushed over the edge of the bed and were on the floor. Sighing, he rolled from his stomach to his back to stare at the ceiling over his bed. He tried to remember if he had done anything that might have shocked Jane or scared her.
Because of their fighting, their lovemaking had been pretty rocky in the beginning, but after the second time, he’d started to believe that Jane was going to be okay after all. He was replaying both in his head trying to figure it out. It was the best effort he could make at being logical, before he went tearing over to her place demanding to know if she hated him after all.
Then he heard his toilet flush. It was the happiest sound he could imagine hearing. Harrison would have laughed his ass off at the sheer amount of relief he felt to know Jane was using his bathroom. His grandfather was so much wiser than his parents ever gave him credit for being.
Moments later, Jane appeared in the open doorway, wearing his sheet wrapped around her like a Roman toga. She surprised him further by coming right back to the bed and sitting beside him. His smile of welcome was so wide it hurt his face, and her hand running over his chest made him feel invincible.
He tried imagining that Harrison had felt this way about his grandmother. Since he’d grown up catching them kissing every time he turned around, it wasn’t a hard reach. Then he remembered what his dad has said about his mother being the only woman he’d ever wanted to keep in his life. That was exactly how he felt about Jane. Now he just hoped he could find a way to convince her of it. Sex with him convinced her body, but nothing so far had convinced her mind that he was worthy of a second chance.
“Look at you lying there with your muscles all hard and rippling. You look like one of those ads for a men’s fitness magazine, except you have hair on your chest,” Jane said with a laugh. “It makes being with you very surreal for me, Walter.”
“Why? You don’t like hairy chests on guys?”
Jane snorted at the lack of concern in his question, even when his gaze held a mirror of the very insecurity she was feeling herself. Since she couldn’t even deal with her own doubts, it was doubly hard to deal with Walter’s. Muddled with afterglow, she couldn’t even tell if his insecurity was about his age or just something about Walter himself. Whatever it was, it was too much trouble and too much heartache to devote her ene
rgy to fixing it for him. She’d had enough complications to last her a lifetime.
“The question wasn’t meant to be a joke, but I like the way you laugh,” Walter said.
“Stop with the faux humility. I like everything about you, Walter. It’s my body I don’t like, which is why I’m walking around in a sheet. I’m a product of the media’s constant spoon feeding to women about an ideal body image only a few will ever achieve. I keep in decent shape, but I look at my body and see cellulite, sagging breasts, and wrinkles. The discrepancies between your body and mine are pretty dramatic. You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
Walter scooted upright, pulling Jane toward him by the end of the sheet where she had tucked it. “No. I haven’t noticed any discrepancies, as you call them. When I look at you, I see a woman whose body and mind are just enough out of sync for me to scramble her thoughts when I kiss her. She’s soft and warm and willing, and way more talented in bed than me. Sinking into her is like coming home and taking a new journey, all at the same time. Any lines she has anywhere on her are just a roadmap showing me a road I’ve yet to travel. You know I desperately want to travel all the roads, Jane. You have to at least know that by now. We’ve traveled one road twice tonight, and I’m ready to go again.”
Jane breathed out a sigh. “Well, successive orgasms do make a really convincing argument to support your beautiful speech. You’re also pretty talented in bed for a guy who swears he’s inexperienced.”
“Any guy could be outstanding with a partner like you,” Walter said, meaning every word.
“You truly excel at pillow talk, Walter Graham.”
“Then share my pillow for the rest of my life and I’ll talk this way to you every night,” Walter said. “At least stay for the rest of this one, Jane. We’ll have coffee and ice water tomorrow morning and debate the stock exchange changes. Then we’ll call up Brenner and tell him to get his crew back to work.”
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