by Lisa Carter
He grinned. “I know just what we need to do.”
What was he saying? Her heart fluttered. Like the wings of a butterfly struggling to be free of a cocoon of its own making.
“I made you a promise. And I aim to keep my word.”
A promise? Her head buzzed with a mixture of uncertainty and not-to-be denied longing. What was he about to—
“How about that sleigh ride I promised?”
A sleigh ride. The flutter ceased. The flame extinguished. The embers banked once more, covered with the cinders of hope.
“Feel up to it?”
She faked a smile. “Sure, except it’s forty degrees outside.”
“You’ll need to bundle up. But trust me. I’ll take good care of you and Ruby.”
Trust him? Ryan was the picture in the dictionary beside trustworthy. But it wasn’t proving smart to spend so much time with him.
Not smart for her heart. Ryan was leaving. She needed to wean herself from him.
Yet when he stood there grinning at her, she didn’t have it in her to refuse him.
She gave a mock sigh. “I guess I can force myself to have fun with you.” She wound a scarf around her neck but struggled to button her coat over the bump.
“Let me help.” Taking hold of the edges of her coat, Ryan helped her secure the top two buttons.
“I’m afraid button number three is a lost cause.”
Ryan lifted her hair out of her collar and fanned it over her shoulders. “There.”
His palms lay flat on her shoulders. He stilled. She hardly dared to breathe.
This didn’t feel like friendship. What was happening here?
She raised her gaze. His eyes had darkened. But he didn’t move. And neither did she. His face with its rugged angles as familiar to her as her own had become unreadable.
Anna ached with a sudden desire to place her palm on the beard stubble lining his handsome jaw. Surely he must be able to hear the beating of her heart. Her eyes locked onto the hollow of his throat, where a vein pulsed.
He lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips against her knuckles. Startled, her eyes flew to his. A tingling shiver that had nothing to do with the cold started at the top of her head and traveled to her boots.
But he dropped her hand. “You’re feeling vulnerable.” He scrubbed his hand over his hair, leaving it rumpled yet rakishly adorable. “It’s those overly emotional pregnancy hormones...”
Was he trying to convince her or himself? She stared at him.
His brows drew together.
That’s what it had to be, right? Hormones? She was on pins and needles, dreading the coming confrontation with her parents.
But since returning home, she felt more like herself than she had in a long time. She owed that in large part to Ryan. Perhaps she was imagining this thing between them. Although, after what just happened—
She bit her lip. Nothing had happened. And was annoyed with herself when she couldn’t decide if she was happy or sad that nothing had happened.
What would’ve happened if he hadn’t remembered who they were to each other? And who they weren’t.
Obviously, she needed a day of fun more than she imagined. “You’re not reneging on the sleigh ride, are you?”
“If you’re sure you want to go?”
She tromped past him down the steps. “I’m sure.”
The sun was high by the time he drove to the farmhouse and hitched Franklin to the sleigh. Woven into the harness, red Christmas ribbons flitted in the wind.
She placed one foot on the bar above the runner. The sleigh rocked. “I feel guilty for taking you away from your responsibilities.”
He handed her into the green velvet seat. “You’re doing my mother a favor. In the middle of making Christmas candy, words like underfoot and nuisance were being thrown around before I took off.”
She settled into the plush comfort of the upholstery. “I cannot imagine those words describing you.”
“Believe it.” Climbing into the carriage, he plucked a quilt from behind the seat. “Can’t have Ruby or her mother taking a chill.” He spread the fabric over her legs.
She snuggled into its warmth. “With Christmas a week away, the garden center must be packed with customers.”
“Justine and Ethan have everything under control. Tess is getting the costumes ready for the nativity. Luke’s monitoring the tree stand.”
“People are still buying trees?”
He sank onto the cushion. “Some families don’t put up their tree till Christmas Eve.”
“Must be a bunch of ’come heres.”
His breath frosted in the wintry air. “It does seem like a waste of a good tree.”
“Why not enjoy the lights and decorations as long as possible?”
He gathered the reins in his hands. “Maybe they keep it up till Old Christmas.” He smiled. “Maybe you will, too, after this year. Until Ruby’s birthday.”
She buried her nose in the warmth of her scarf. “But next year you won’t be here to see the tree.” She sighed. “Or see Ruby.”
His smile faded. Ryan clicked his tongue behind his teeth. “Come on, Franklin.” The harness bells jingled as Franklin lumbered across the barnyard. “Maybe I will be here when Ruby’s born.”
She tucked her hands underneath the quilt. “Are you considering staying?” Quick and sudden hope rushed through her.
The sleigh rolled past the farmhouse. “The director of the after-school program resigned. Principal Carden asked me if I’d consider taking the job. If only on a temporary basis until he can fill the position.”
Anna’s breath hitched. “What did you tell him?”
He loosened his hold on the reins, urging the horse into a gentle trot as they cleared the Christmas tree stand. “I told him I’d think about it.” Tugging on the reins, he turned Franklin into the meadow. “What do you think I should do?”
She needed to be very careful what she said. “I’m surprised you’d consider it. You told me how much you’ve looked forward to getting back to your research. To making a difference.”
He leaned forward on the edge of the seat. “After the last few weeks with Oscar, Maria and especially Zander, I’ve started to wonder, though.”
She ran her gaze over the angular line of his jaw. “Wonder what?”
“If maybe I’m making a difference already. Right where I am. How would you feel about me staying in town?”
The wheels of the sleigh clattered over the stones on the trail. Jolting her. Kind of like her heart. Was he talking about staying for a while? Or for good?
She held on to the side. “I think that’s up to you to decide what you want. How you want to live your life. Your choice.”
Ryan flicked his eyes at her. “I could help you with the baby. Till you get back on your feet.”
“Is that the only—? What good is a few more weeks?”
His jaw tightened. “I thought you’d be pleased I might be able to stay a little longer.”
She scowled. “A few more weeks for Zander to get more attached? For Oscar to become more used to having you around?”
For her to become even more attached...
She raised her chin. “If you’re going to go, just go.”
He closed his fist around the reins. “You sound as if you can’t wait to be rid of me.”
“It’ll be better for Zander—better for everyone—if you make a clean break of it.” She gritted her teeth. “Otherwise, they might start imagining you as a permanent part of their lives. They might dream that you’re more than just a...” Flushing, she dropped her gaze to the floor of the sleigh.
“We’re still talking about the kids, right?” His eyes narrowed. “And you didn’t answer my question. How wou
ld you feel if I decided to stay?”
“Don’t make this about me or the kids, Ryan. Agnes and I will make sure Zander and the rest are okay.”
His mouth thinned. “Will you and Ruby be okay if I go?”
Anna pursed her lips. “Stay or go—this needs to be about you.”
Somehow, Ryan had turned this on her. What did he want her to say? She’d be devastated when he left.
But if she told him to stay, would one day he resent her for causing him to give up his big chance? Or was he looking for her to absolve him of misplaced guilt?
“You’ve been a great friend, Ryan. The best. But with Mom and Dad knowing the truth about Ruby...” She struggled to get her feelings in check. “With everything out in the open...”
He looked at her. “Is everything out in the open?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Ryan about the strange yet wonderful emotions he evoked in her heart. But fear held her back.
Fear that he didn’t feel the same way. That these last weeks had been about him being a nice guy. About that false sense of responsibility he felt toward everyone. If he decided to stay permanently, the decision had to be about him.
She took a breath. “Mom and Dad will make sure Ruby and I are okay.”
His gaze cut to the path. “So you’re saying, you and Ruby don’t need me anymore.”
No, she and Ruby didn’t need Ryan. As for what Anna wanted? That was another story.
“When do you need to give Mr. Carden your answer?”
A muscle ticked in his cheek. “I told him I’d let him know by Christmas Eve.”
She pressed her lips together. “Oh.”
Exhaling, he nudged her. “I guess until then you’re stuck with me.”
She forced a smile. “Stuck.”
He cleared his throat. “How about let’s go a little faster?” He smiled. “Let’s see what ole Franklin can do.”
They’d meandered onto one of the farm roads. At her nod, he snapped the reins and urged Franklin into a trot. The winter-bare branches of the forest and the split rail fences whizzed by on both sides of the sleigh. The bells on Franklin’s harness jingled in a steady rhythm.
Cold air whistled across her cheeks. With a streak of red, a cardinal alighted onto a branch. She laughed at the sheer exhilaration of the blue sky day and being alive. Ryan grinned, too, the weird tension between them broken.
Reaching the end of the lane, he steered Franklin into a copse of trees. They emerged into the sunlight on the edge of the woods where the embankment sloped into the tidal creek. The scent of pine perfumed the air.
He pulled the reins taut to his chest. “Ho!” Franklin came to a standstill and whinnied.
Looking over the salt marsh, she shaded her eyes with her hand. The water glittered like diamonds. Beyond the uninhabited barrier islands, far on the horizon, lay the sea. Nowhere on the Shore was far from the water.
“It’s beautiful.”
The reins rested in his lap. “Do you remember how as kids we used to come here in the summer to clam?”
A longing for something she was afraid to name flared within her. “Good times. The best.”
He inhaled. “What about if the best is yet to come?”
She gathered her courage. “Maybe it’s time for both of us to think more about the future and not the past.”
His brows drew together. “Are you truly ready to leave the past behind you, Anna? Are you ready to embrace what could lie in the future?”
Their gazes locked.
“Can you imagine yourself ever loving someone?” He touched her hand. “Or allowing someone to love you?”
The air between them became supercharged.
“If I stayed, could you imagine a future with someone like...me?”
For a second, Anna forgot to breathe. “L-like you?”
His eyes went half-mast. “Like me.” He tilted his head and leaned close.
What would it be like to kiss Ryan? Her heart hammered. Was he going to kiss her? Her lips parted and—
His cell rang. Flushing, he pulled away and dug the phone out of his pocket. “What?”
Ethan, he mouthed.
She took the opportunity to replenish her lungs with air. Relief and disappointment. Of the two, disappointment took the upper hand.
He clicked off. “Sorry.”
Was he apologizing for almost kissing her?
“Sorry to cut short our ride, but Ethan needs me at the farm.”
Perhaps he wasn’t apologizing for almost kissing her.
“Another time?” Hoping he understood far more than what she had the courage to say.
He gave her a quizzical look. “If that’s what you’d like.”
She lifted her chin. “Yes. I would.” And next time couldn’t come soon enough for her.
Chapter Fourteen
In the school’s media center Monday afternoon, Anna put into motion the final surprise the team planned for Maria, Oscar and Zander. To acknowledge their hard work. To celebrate their progress.
Thanks to Mr. Keller’s generosity, he was opening his farm to the at-risk students and their families on Wednesday after school for a special Christmas surprise. With Maria’s dad holding the reins, the group was going on a hayride. And Ryan’s brainchild—Operation Christmas—would culminate with gifts under the tree for everyone.
So in preparation for the occasion, Anna took an inventory regarding Christmas wishes.
“I got my wish.” Oscar didn’t look up from the holiday picture he was coloring for his new landlady. “There’s no rats where we live now, Miz Reyes.”
Which nearly sent her into tears. She and Agnes exchanged glances. Swallowing, she made a note to call Brittany.
Agnes, who’d taken charge of coordinating the gift buying, tried another angle. “But if you could get her anything, what would you get for your mom, Oscar?”
“She doesn’t need anything.” His little face upturned. “My mom’s smiling again.”
Maria said much the same. “Mr. Keller says I can ride his horses as much as I want.” She perked in the chair. “What do you want for Christmas, Mrs. Reyes, more than anything in the world?”
Before Anna could respond, the second grader gave Anna a gap-toothed smile. “I think you should ask for a Christmas baby, Mrs. Reyes, and a handsome teacher man.”
Anna’s mouth opened and closed.
“The wisdom of children.” Agnes chuckled. “Are you smarter than a second grader, Mrs. Reyes?”
She ignored Agnes. “What would your family like for Christmas, Maria?”
Twirling one of her braids, the little girl finally admitted her younger brothers might like a few toys and that her mom could always use a new apron. Or maybe her mom could use a trampoline. On second thought, perhaps a Barbie Dreamhouse.
Anna heaved a sigh. This had seemed easier when she’d thought of the idea.
“I’ll do some digging,” Agnes promised under her breath.
Returning from a clear-your-head run around the track, Ryan arrived with Zander in tow.
Maria smiled at them. “Are you smarter than a second grader, Mr. Savage?”
“Uh... I guess...” Ryan’s brow puckered as Agnes laughed. “Did I miss something here?”
Anna blushed.
Zander flopped into an empty chair. “I’m smarter than a second grader. Because I’m a third grader.” And his wish list proved the other extreme from Oscar and Maria. “For Christmas, I want the moon.”
Ryan gave him a look. “What else?”
“Stars.” Zander shrugged. “And maybe new shoes so I can run away from math.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. Anna bit back a smile. She kind of felt that way about math, too.
&
nbsp; “How about a new coat instead, Zander?” Agnes waited, her pencil poised over her notepad.
Zander grinned. “Sure. I’m just messing with you, Mrs. Parks.”
Later, Ryan pulled Agnes and Anna aside. “Don’t worry about Zander’s Christmas. I’ll take care of everything for his family.”
The next few days took on the quality of a surreal dream. A good dream. The kind of dream surfacing from somewhere in the deep places of her heart. An always-there dream. She just hadn’t known it. Until now.
Since the sleigh ride, she hadn’t been able to spend any time alone with Ryan. There was unfinished business between them. Did he feel it, too?
The piñata proved a huge success with her kindergartners. They took the news about Mrs. Thompson in stride once they learned that Anna would spend the rest of the year with them.
Which reminded Anna she needed to find a caregiver for her baby. She hoped to be able to work until the day of Ruby’s birth in January. But afterward, she couldn’t afford to take much time off for maternity leave.
As a single parent, her options were limited. Leaving her baby with a stranger wasn’t what she’d ever imagined as a girl contemplating motherhood. Agnes, ever connected, would probably have a lead for her to investigate regarding day care.
In addition, there was the looming issue with her parents. Unable to stand the tension any longer, she finally placed a call to them. But no one picked up. She chickened out from leaving a message. After all, what could she say?
As for her personal Christmas wish list? Until returning to Kiptohanock, she would’ve said she only wanted a healthy baby and a second chance with her family. But now? A handsome schoolteacher featured high on her list.
Her cheeks warmed, recalling Maria’s wish for her. She couldn’t help but wonder what decision Ryan had made about his future. And if it was a future that included her.
* * *
On the last day before winter break, Ryan informed his fifth graders that a new teacher would be taking his place when they returned to school.
There were outcries of dismay. Izzie appeared teary-eyed. Max looked like he wanted to throw something.
