I nodded, feeling appreciative that someone understood my need to get the hell out of dodge for a while.
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we go up for a weekend? Reese has never been there. We could ride around on the four-wheelers, and play cards at night. Maybe you could manage to bring someone along to keep you company, Jake. Guy or girl, we won’t judge.”
The table filled with laughter, while I stewed silently. Of course he’d make a gay joke out of me being single. “I’ll have you know I’m going out after this.”
“Oh yeah,” he challenged. “With who, your hand?”
I stood up from the table, realizing immediately that I was acting out. “I’d rather have my hand than a clingy bitch.” As the words rolled off my lips I knew I’d damaged more than just my pride. Reese was so shocked. Her eyes widened while she swallowed and fought back embarrassment. I looked around at my family members, waiting for one of them to snap at me for being inconsiderate at the table. Instead my father stood up and yanked me out of my seat.
“Excuse us.”
Once we were in the men’s restroom, he shoved me against the wall, not hard, but enough to get my attention. “What the hell is up with you? First you say you want to get away from everyone, and then you act like an ass to Reese. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous of your brother.”
He didn’t have to see the look on my face to know the truth. I peered down at the floor, unable to deny it.
“Jake, you can’t.” He struggled for words, pacing around and running his hand through his hair at least three times. “Speaking from experience I can tell you you’re going down a road that will lead you nowhere.”
I sunk to the ground, covering my face with my hands. “Yeah, I know.”
He crouched down and placed his hand on my shoulder. “This will destroy your brother. Whatever you’re feeling for that girl, it’s got to disappear. Do you get me?”
I nodded and looked up at my dad. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder, Jake. From the way your brother is talking they’re heading for marriage. I know it’s too soon to be sure, but-.”
I cut him off. “Dad, I get it. I know. It ain’t like I planned it. I’ve got to be around them all the time. I tried to fight it.”
“I’m telling you right now to forget about this girl. I don’t care if you have to screw twenty other women. Get it out of your system and move on, before you destroy any kind of relationship you have with your brother. Blood is thicker than water, son.”
He had a point. I couldn’t let Reese come between us, no matter how I felt about her. She wasn’t mine to have, and she never would be.
“I’ll keep my distance. I promise.”
My dad pulled me into a hug. It wasn’t a normal action for him, so I gladly accepted. “I love you boys. I don’t want you having to go through what your Uncle Colt and I did. It was hell.”
“At least you had mom. I’ve got nobody.”
“Stay focused on ball, Jake. You can go so far. Throw everything you have into school.”
We stood there for a few moments, allowing me to calm down. When I walked back out to the table I looked toward Reese. “I’m sorry for what I said.” Then I glanced around the table, avoiding eye contact with my brother. “I’m not really feeling that great. I think I’ll call it a night.”
My mom walked me out of the restaurant, not knowing what I’d discussed with my dad. “Jake, honey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
As I was apologizing my sister came outside. She wasn’t wearing a jacket and the two of them stood with their arms across their chests for heat. “What’s going on with you?”
My mother kissed me and left us to talk amongst ourselves. I kicked some stones as I prepared to lie to my sister. As I opened my mouth to speak she interrupted. “It’s that girl isn’t it?”
“Don’t start, Bella. I’m not in the mood.”
“Ever since she’s been around you’ve acted different. Even Rusty noticed it.” She and her husband lived on the farm in our grandparents old home. Rusty, her husband, ran a veterinary clinic which was also located on the property. Since she’d had her daughter Sarah, she’d been content to stay home and be a mother, which also gave her plenty of time to gossip. Sometimes I wished she still lived in Kentucky with my cousin Noah and his wife Shalan, because she was so nosey. “You’re jealous that Jax has a girlfriend, aren’t you? I knew this moment would come. It’s the first thing you can’t share, and it’s killing you.”
“Shut up! It’s not that. I’m fine being alone.”
“You’re full of shit, brother. I don’t get why you’re letting it get to you. Mrs. Right will show up one day, and then you’ll see how he feels when he’s with Reese.”
I wished I could tell her that I already knew how it felt. “I’m just going to head out, sis. My leg is killing me,” I lied.
“If you need to talk about it more, I’m always home.”
I waved to my sister as I walked away. She knew I loved her, and appreciated her advice, even when it got on my nerves. If I trusted anyone it was probably her, but in this instance Noah and my dad knowing the truth was already too much.
I made it to my truck before I saw my brother heading in my direction. The look on his face couldn’t be mistaken. He was pissed, and there was no telling how far he was going to take it. If he had an inkling as to how I felt about Reese this could end badly. I turned off my ignition and stepped out the vehicle, prepared for whatever was coming. “I apologized already. Let it go.”
“Why do you hate her so much, dude? What did she ever do to you?”
“Nothing. I just don’t like her,” I lied.
He was frustrated. “Man, this is hard for me. I see you pulling away, and I don’t like it.”
“Jax, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I guess I’m not used to someone coming between us.”
“You’re pissed because I let you down, aren’t you? We said we wouldn’t get involved and I went ahead and fell in love. That’s it, right?”
I nodded, feeling like it was the only way out. “Yeah, pretty much. I’m disappointed.”
Jax’s stance relaxed and I saw pain in his eyes. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I can’t take it back. I love her, bro. She makes me a better person. I know she’s the one. I can feel it in every part of my body. She’s it for me.”
If I could only explain how much I understood that feeling. I placed my hand on my brother’s arm. “It’s all good. We’ll figure it out.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed her on you.”
“Like I said before, it’s fine.” I looked back at my old truck, which had been a hand-me-down from my dad. “I’m going to head out. I’ve got something planned for later, and don’t want to miss out.”
His mood changed. “Really? Do I know her?”
“I don’t think so. I’ll see you when I get home, if I make it back tonight at all. This girl is crazy good. It could take a while.”
After saying goodbye to my brother I pulled out of the parking lot and took off down the road. I didn’t have a date, and I certainly didn’t know where I was headed. I just knew I needed to get as far away from everyone as possible.
I never planned on ending up back at my parents, or sulking my way into the barn. It didn’t occur to me that the memories of Reese and Jax would fill my mind, taking me back to that very day. I climbed up to the loft with a fifth of whisky and drank until the bottle was dry. After throwing it over the ledge, and watching it shatter on the newly tiled floor, I climbed down and began cleaning up the mess. If my parents or uncle’s would have came in and saw what I’d done they’d kick my ass. While stewing in my misery, the phone started to ring. I never expected her number to appear, but nothing could have kept me from answering, especially not after having spent the last hour drinking away my sorrows. “Hello.”
“Jake, it’s me, Reese.”
&
nbsp; “What’s wrong? Did Jax hurt your feelings?”
“No! It’s not that at all. Look, I don’t know what I did to make you so angry, but I’m sorry. I thought we were friends. What you said tonight hurt.”
I scrunched my face up, imagining being the reason she was upset. “I can’t be your friend, Reese. It ain’t possible. I tried to be nice because of my brother, but the truth is that I don’t have time to pretend anymore. What you and Jax do is your business.”
“Jake, please. I know that’s not true. Did you forget all those nights we hung out together? If you hated me I would have been able to tell. Jax and I want you around. We hate that you’re upset.”
“Jax doesn’t need me anymore. He’s got you to keep him in line.”
“It’s not about that. Just tell me what’s going on. Your brother doesn’t even know I’m calling you. It can be between us. I want to be your friend, maybe even your sister one day. I care about you.”
I couldn’t take hearing that. She could have said anything except that. The idea of her being married to Jax crushed me deeply, and the fact that she’d care about me as a brother. A part of me wished I could disappear. “You shouldn’t keep secrets from the man you love, Reese. It ain’t right. Don’t bother caring about me. I’ll be fine on my own. Now, I’m going to hang up this phone and get back to what I was doing. You have yourself a good night. Give my brother a kiss from me.”
“Jake, wait!”
I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket, determined to push her away, no matter how bitter I had to become. It was the only way to protect my relationship with my brother. I’d sacrifice my happiness for him, because I knew he’d do the same for me.
Chapter 3
I stayed at the farm that night, sleeping in the barn, instead of in my bedroom. With the exception of my father coming out to give me clean blankets, I was left alone.
During the night I awoke sober, first wondering where I was, and second trying to figure out if I had the energy to go inside the house.
While sitting on the couch I looked around the room, reminiscing about the memories I’d shared with the family, and especially my brother. At some point my cousin Cassie snuck into the room, hand in hand with her boyfriend. Her parent’s property was next to ours, and even though it was a pretty far walk, we’d all used this barn as refuge. She spotted me right away and froze. “Jake, what’re you doing here?”
“What are you doing? It’s three in the morning.”
She turned to look at her boyfriend, and then back to me. “Dad said I couldn’t see Quinn anymore, or he’d kick me out of the house. It’s all a misunderstanding. He didn’t steal that car stereo. Anyway, I’ve got to sneak to see him. Don’t you dare tell my parents.” With her finger still pointed in my direction she asked a question. “Why are you out here anyway?”
“I needed space.” I stood up, knowing she wanted to be alone with her boyfriend. “If you get caught, I wasn’t here. I don’t need your shit on top of mine.”
At three in the morning my sister’s downstairs light came on in the old farmhouse. I knew she was probably up with Sarah, and since I didn’t want to wake my parents, I headed to her house instead.
We never locked our doors, because someone was always home. Besides, we lived in the middle of nowhere, and practically owned all the property on our road. I turned the knob and saw Bella sitting in her underwear, rocking her daughter back to sleep. Right away I covered my eyes, feeling like the image was going to be burned into my retinas forever. “Oh shit!”
“Jesus, Jake. You ever hear of knockin’?”
For so many years we’d teased my mom and Bella for carrying their Kentucky accents with them, but I was so used to them, having heard it all my life, that I never noticed. In this particular occasion her twang really came out. I suppose that her time living back in Kentucky had made it worse.
“Sorry. I saw the light come on.”
“So what? You were out roaming around in the dark? What’s wrong with you?” she whispered. “Are you a vampire or somethin’?”
“I wish. Then all the ladies would be on my jock.”
The creak of the stairs caught our attention. Rusty peeked down to see who’d come in. I waved. “What’s up?”
He shook his head and went back up the stairs.
“He’s got to work tomorrow, you know. That’s why I brought Sarah down here. I don’t know what woke her. She’s been getting up every night.” Bella yawned and wiped her eyes with her free hand. “I’m so exhausted.”
“I can watch her if you want to go back up to sleep,” I offered.
She let out an air-filled laugh. “Yeah right.”
“Seriously. I’m wide awake. She’s almost asleep. I’ll keep an eye on her and get her back to bed. It’s no big deal.”
“What do you want in return? I know you. There’s no way you’d do me a favor without wantin’ somethin’ in return.”
“Just let me sleep on your couch, no questions asked.”
“For real?”
“Yeah.” For the record I’d never offered to babysit, not even once. The idea of holding little Sarah had always been scary to me, but she was older, and not so fragile. I knew I could handle it just fine. “Just give her to me.”
Bella handed me the child and watched as I got comfortable in a resting position on the couch. “I thought you had a date or somethin’?”
“Leave it be, sis. This here is all the date I need.”
“I’m too tired to decipher what you’re talking about. Don’t injure my child. If you do I’ll let Rusty kick your ass.”
“Goodnight. Love you too,” I whispered as she walked away.
For a little while I laid there watching my niece sleeping. Her life was peaceful, without sin. In so many ways I wished I could go back and do things over. Maybe if I would have come clean with my brother, instead of carrying on some secret obsession for so long I wouldn’t be such a mess.
After a while I felt myself falling asleep. Content on letting Sarah sleep on my chest, I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes. If she woke up before me I’d know it.
A scream sat me right up. I peered down at my empty chest and arms, realizing there wasn’t a baby in them. Then the smell hit me, immediately filling my nostrils with a pungent stench. “Jake, what the hell?”
“Oh damn, fuck me Friday.”
Rusty walked toward me and stared down at the couch. Brown shit was wiped everywhere, including all over me. I cringed and backed myself up, trying to figure out what was going on. “What is it? What did you do?”
“Oh my god!” My sister said as she came down the stairs. “Seriously, you told me you had it handled.”
I searched the room, finding my niece sitting without a diaper in the corner. She was holding it in one hand, while wiping it all over the trim and wall. Even in the midst of chaos, I caught a smile on her little face, like she was having a good time.
With my nose covered to prevent from being sick, I excused myself to the bathroom, where I could assess the damage.
My sister was steady cussing me out, while I attempted to use wet toilet paper to clean the feces off of my clothes. The door flew open and a washcloth was shoved in my face. “When you’re done, you can come out here and clean this mess up. I’m not doin’ it alone.” She closed the door and started yelling again. “It’s everywhere. How am I going to get it out of the furniture? We just bought this couch.”
The water ran in the sink, while I clenched the edges of it. Covered in baby shit, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. This wasn’t how I saw my life going. I was pathetic. School was starting back up, and I knew I’d have classes with Reese. We’d be forced to be together, and my focus would be affected. If I didn’t get my head on straight I was going to fuck up.
It was apparent that I needed to get away from everything for a while. I had to recover from this in order to carry on. Hurting Jax wasn’t an option.
Without helping my
sister, I hauled ass out of the house. She opened the door screaming at me, but I ignored her. Not knowing what time it was, I charged into my parent’s house to find them sitting at the table together, sipping on coffee. They gave me a once over and I watched both of them noticing the stench. “What the hell is that odor?” my dad asked. “Have you been sleeping with pigs?”
“Sarah busted out of her diaper and played in it. I was asleep.”
My mom stood up and slipped on her shoes. “I’ll be back. She’s probably freaking out.”
With just me and my dad in the kitchen, I stood there prepared to tell him my plans. “I’m going to head to the cabin tonight. I’ve got two days off of football and need to calm down.”
“That’s probably a good idea. You might want to wait until next week. They’re calling for snow tonight.”
“I’ve got four-wheel drive. I’ll be fine.”
I could tell my dad was concerned about me. He opened his wallet and started pulling out cash. “Take this for necessities. I don’t know what your uncle has stored there.”
I shoved the money back into his hands. “I’m fine, dad. I’ve got money, and enough sense to pack the right amount.”
“Jake,” he said as I began to walk away. “I hope you get it all figured out.”
I nodded. “Yeah, me too. If Jax calls tell him I’ll be back for practice on Monday.”
“Will do. Be safe.”
After jumping in the shower, and scrubbing my body until I was sure that no lingering smells would exist, I dressed and tossed a few outfits into a duffle bag. I went to locate my boots and realized that I’d left them at the dorms. Knowing I’d have to stop by and get them, I said my goodbyes, avoiding my sister’s house altogether.
I arrived at the dorms a while later, determined to grab my boots and get the hell out of dodge. I never expected to find my brother snuggled up with Reese in our room. She sat up first, waking him immediately. “Jake, dude, we were worried.”
Jake Mitchell Page 3
