The longer he held me the more horrible I felt about myself, and my actions. Why couldn’t he be good enough? Why couldn’t he be like Jake?
“My parents want to know if you want to ride with them to go the game, since I’ll have to go with the team a day early. It’s like six hours, so it’s fine if you don’t. I think my cousin Josh is going to come. You could catch a ride with him. He smokes a ton of pot though, so you’ll probably have a contact high before you leave the farm.”
“It doesn’t matter to me,” I sort of said with a cackle. “As long as I’m there I’ll be happy.”
“I couldn’t imagine playing without my biggest cheerleader. I don’t know how Jake stays focused. I wish you had girlfriends that were easy. He needs pussy like a mother fucker. I swear the dude is a closet homo.”
Unfortunately his comment left my mind to wander. The only image I could picture was what it felt like when he stuck his tongue out and licked my ass. Waves of pleasure rocked my body, as if it were happening all over again. I knew I had to snap out of it. “My friends wouldn’t give him the time of day. They see how he treats me.”
“Yeah, he’s an ass. He’s just jealous. Just because he was born before me doesn’t give him the right to have everything first.”
The reality of his comments was so close to the truth that I almost wanted to laugh. “Is it okay with you if we just lay here?”
Jax held me tighter and sighed lightly. “Want to watch some porn while you relax?”
I wasn’t sure if he was serious. Jax had opened my eyes to a lot of things sexually, and sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was testing my interests, or actually wanting to experience it himself. “If that’s what you want. I’m just not in the mood right now.”
Five minutes later the video was already playing on my laptop. I hated to think of what kind of phishing was taking place with my files from the sketchy site he’d brought up. What also bothered me was that it took him no time at all to locate a certain video, which told me he’d seen it before without me. I felt jealous, but not in a sense where I wished it was me holding his attention. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the ridiculous sounds the two people on the screen were making. I was almost asleep when Jax started shaking me. “Check this out, baby. Watch when the maid comes in the room.”
Feeling annoyed I looked at the screen and saw the two people on a chaise. The maid came in dressed like a hooker-bimbo. She started dusting them off and leaning her cleavage in the guys face. The other woman started to get offended, but it wasn’t because the guy she was screwing was paying attention to the maid. Apparently she wanted her for herself. The screen flipped and all of a sudden they were all banging each other. While the man was eating out the maid, he was also still banging his girlfriend. The maid waited anxiously and caught the cum as the guy pulled out of his girlfriend. I closed my eyes because I couldn’t take seeing it anymore. I may have been involved in something horrible, but I couldn’t handle seeing that type of relationship. “Turn it off, Jax, please. I don’t like it.”
“Oh come on. That’s fucking sexy. Look at the wife. She’s about to go at it with the maid. It’s hot as all hell.”
I rolled over feeling disgusted. “No thank you.”
Minutes later I heard the sound of my laptop closing. Jax rolled over and laced his arm around me. When he did his erection was pressing against my butt. “I’m so horny. Please can I have some?”
“No. I don’t feel good.”
“I’m all worked up now.”
“That’s your fault. I didn’t tell you to watch that crap.”
“You know it was hot. In fact, I’ve been thinking. How about we have a threesome? I promise I won’t pick the chick. You can bring whoever you want. I won’t even touch her if you don’t want me to. I’m telling you, it’s my all-time fantasy, seeing you licking a little slut’s cunt.”
I shoved him off the bed. “Jax, you’re sick!”
He started laughing.
“Tell me you’re joking.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. I mean, I am a guy. Who wouldn’t want to share their bed with two women?”
I covered my face and turned away. “I can’t even look at you right now. I’m not like that.”
“I know, that’s why I love you. I just feel like you don’t know you like something until you try it.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’ve got to have interest in it to be able to try it, and I don’t. If that saying is true than you don’t know you’re gay until you bend over and let a guy bang you. Is that how you feel, Jax?”
He looked appalled. “When you put it that way, hell-to-the-no.”
“I can’t even look at you right now after that question.”
“Everyone is trying it. I thought I’d ask. When I did it before, the girls were really into it. Ask Jake, he was there.”
The vomit was in my mouth, beckoning to spew out. “Look, I really don’t feel good. I don’t want to fight, but if you can’t be happy with only me than we’ve got a huge problem.”
“I get it. I’m sorry. I won’t ask again.”
“Good.”
He waited a couple seconds to speak again. I wondered if he was still thinking of another way to bring it up. “I guess I’ll head out and find something to get into. How about I stop by later?”
I nodded. “Okay. That sounds good.”
Jax apologized several times while he dressed. After kissing me goodbye he left. I was so annoyed about what he’d asked me that I hadn’t had time to really dwell on what else was happening. Then I sat there thinking about what my response would have been to him if I’d never gotten involved with Jake. Would I have done something like that to keep Jax content? If that was the case then I needed to rethink my definition of love.
Once I’d dressed, I sat down on my bed and texted Jake.
Have you ever been with two girls at once? – R
I could see that he read the message, but it seemed like he took forever to type his reply.
Why? – J
Tell me the truth. Have you? Has Jax? – R
Yes to both. – J
I knew they’d gotten around. They were popular, and so handsome.
I couldn’t respond. I just sat there re-reading his words.
Are you mad? It was a long time ago. We were at an away game and these chicks wanted to party in our hotel room. We mostly just watched. – J
Mostly? –R
I was beginning to feel like my head was about to explode. There were certain things that I really didn’t want to know, yet I couldn’t keep from asking about them.
We fucked a couple of them. Look, we were really drunk. It just kind of got out of control. – J
Please tell me you aren’t carrying diseases. – R
I’m clean. I always wear protection. I swear to God. Jax does too. No matter what we keep our shit protected. –J
You didn’t wear protection with me, Jake. You never have. –R
Jax always kept it covered. He said it was like breathing. I always felt like he was trying to make sure I wouldn’t feel disgusted by all of the girls he’d been with. Now I was stuck thinking about the three times I’d slept with Jake. We’d never taken precaution.
I’ve never loved someone like I love you. I needed to feel all of you without something between us. That’s the truth. – J
I thought Jax was with you. – J
We had a fight. He asked me to have a threesome. Then he told me how he’d done it before. – R
It wasn’t when you were together. – J
Did you like it? Did it turn you on? – R
I knew I didn’t want to see his answer pop up on the screen. I guess a part of me wanted to keep Jake on a pedestal.
My phone began to ring as I held it. When his name popped up on the screen I immediately answered. “Are you tired of typing?”
“No, I just think your question is loaded. If I say yes than I’m
a sicko, but if I say no than I’m a liar. Am I right?”
He knew me too well. “I don’t know, probably.”
“I was with three girls at once. Jax was with two. They were way more into each other than they were us. It was something I’d never experienced before, so sure, I liked it.”
“I don’t want to hear anymore.”
“It wasn’t like you’re thinking. I fucked them. I fucked a lot of girls. It’s just sex. It never meant shit to me.”
“After being with you I know why girls desire you.”
“You think I act like that with them? Reese, you’re so wrong. I was with them to get off.”
“Yeah right.” I was crying again. “Next you’re going to tell me that I was the first person you ever went down on.”
“Third. You’re the third girl I did that to, and you can’t even compare them. What I did to you…” He paused. “God, just thinking about it gets me hard. I’ve never done anything like that, not with anyone but you. I swear it. I’ve never craved someone like I do you. You’re not just a fuck. I wouldn’t have done it if that’s all you were.”
With tears pouring down my cheeks I was able to appreciate his words. “I feel jealous.”
He chuckled. “Don’t. They couldn’t hold a candle to you.”
“I’m glad you called.”
“Yeah, well I couldn’t have you thinking the worst. I know my track record sucks. It’s hard being a football star and getting so much attention. In the beginning I really took advantage of it.”
“Do they hit on Jax still? Has he ever… you know…cheated?”
“No. Not that I know of. We share a room, and I’ve never noticed him gone for a long time. That reminds me. I know you’re going to the game this weekend, so I was thinking I should bring someone along too. It will look better if I seem interested in someone, because we both know I can’t be in the same room with you without wanting you.”
“Are you asking my permission to screw someone else?”
“No. Hell no! Shit, I wouldn’t do that. I’m just saying it would be easier. I wouldn’t have to watch myself so much.”
I was almost afraid to ask. “Who are you thinking of bringing?”
“Jody Messenger.”
“Whaaa…she’s the campus nurse. She’s like thirty.”
He kept laughing. “Yeah, well she really likes the game, and I know I can trust her.”
“Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not. Let’s just say she mended my wounds this one time at Band Camp.”
I had to laugh, because crying wasn’t an option. “You never went to Band Camp.”
“I did so. It was sixth grade. I played the drums and Jax played the clarinet.” He cackled. “I’m fucking with ya. He played the sax. He thought he was sexy or some shit.”
I liked talking to him this way. Jake didn’t hold back. He wasn’t secretive like his brother. I didn’t worry about knowing the whole story with him. “Is it wrong to miss you already?”
“It’s music to my ears. Get it? We were talking about music and I said that?”
“I’m glad you got your sense of humor back. It’s been missing for a couple days.”
“Hey, guess what?”
“What?”
“I love you.”
It brought a smile to my face, and made me feel warm inside. I still wasn’t ready to say it back yet, not directly. “So this nurse. Is she really coming to the game?”
“It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”
I started thinking about it. We always shared a room with Jake when the boys traveled. As much as I didn’t want to see him with someone else, I couldn’t bear to lie in a bed next to his while in the arms of his brother. “Bring someone. Not the nurse though. Her boobs are huge and I’ll get pissed. Can you bring someone that’s not pretty. That would be bearable.”
“That’s not fair. My family wouldn’t believe it anyway. I have a certain taste in women. Go look in the mirror. Every inch of you is what I desire.”
“I…”
“I have to go. Jax is back.”
He hung up from the call, leaving me breathless. Though I worried Jax would come in and question who he was talking to, I knew he’d figure out something to say to divert him.
Chapter 19
Jake
“What are you doing back? You said you were staying over.” I had to play dumb even though I knew what happened.
“Let’s just say that women are a pain in my ass sometimes.”
“I thought Reese could do no wrong.”
“Yeah, well sometimes I hate how she’s not open-minded. All I did was bring up a three-way and she got all pissy. I had to get out of there.”
“You’ve already been with two women at once. Why do you need to do it again?”
“I need action. I want to keep things new. What better way than to explore something she’s never done before.”
“It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, Jax. Some girls get offended by it.”
“Yeah, well remind Miss Virgin Mary who she’s with. I get bored easily.”
In all honesty I couldn’t believe how he was acting. Normally he worshipped the ground she walked on. It was odd. “You knew how she was going in. I never understood why you went for her.”
“Don’t go there, not today.”
He plopped down on the bed and turned to face me. “She must have cut you off.”
“Fuck off. It sucks. What good is having a girlfriend that can’t keep up?”
“You’re brutal today. I don’t get it. You’re normally defending her every word. What gives?”
“What do you care?” His question was unexpected. “You hate the girl. You’d be the first to celebrate if we broke up.”
He was right about the high-five, but not because I hated her. “I thought she was your future.”
“She is, bro. She’s just real hard to deal with sometimes.”
“Maybe it’s you that’s hard to deal with. I know most of time I can’t stand your face.”
“Mirror mirror, we share a face, asshole. Unless you can’t stand yourself that makes no sense at all.”
Jax started throwing a football in the air. I could tell something was really bothering him, but didn’t want to talk about Reese anymore than I had to. “I’m thinking of inviting someone to the game. Do you think Reese would mind?”
“No. She’d be thrilled to not have to hang out with mom and dad the whole time.”
I had been kidding about bringing the nurse. She was actually engaged to be married, so it would have been convenient, but I didn’t want her future-husband getting the wrong idea. I needed someone to bring that knew I wasn’t into them. I needed someone to play the part. I couldn’t think of anyone.
For the next several hours I had to listen to my brother begging me to tell him who I was bringing with me. Thankfully I got a phone call that would answer my prayers.
“Christian. What’s up, cuz?”
Jax paused his video game. “What’s up sweet thang!”
I got up and walked out of the room to avoid him interrupting me. “I’m calling to let you know that I’m coming to the game. Do you think we could hang out with y’all if we book a room at the same hotel?”
“Yeah, sure. So you’re bringing Ethan with you?” I was so glad my cousin had that guy in her life. After what she’d been through she deserved to be happy.
“Of course I am. I wouldn’t go anywhere without him.”
“Hey, listen, do you have any friends that would want to tag along?”
“You’re asking if my friends, from Kentucky State mind you, want to come and watch my cousins from North Carolina play football? We don’t really like you,” she teased. “Why do you want me to bring someone? Have you slept with every girl on campus?”
“No. Jax keeps getting on my ass about finding a girlfriend. To be honest I just want to get him off my back. I’m not interested in hooking up, I just need to make it look like I am
.”
“That makes no sense. Why would you want to impress that douche anyway?”
“It’s a long story. Can you find someone?”
“I suppose I can bring my friend Amber if she can get off work. You’re going to love her.”
“Great. Text me and let me know if she agrees. Better yet, give her my number. I need to know a little before we meet.”
“She’s not going to sleep with you, Jake.”
“I don’t want her to, Chris.” I said her name in the same tone she’d addressed me. “I just want Jax off my back. I swear.”
“Okay, weirdo. I’ll call her now. No promises though.”
“I love you, cuz.”
“Yeah, I love you too. I’m excited about hanging out. It’ll be fun.”
After my phone call I went back into the room and pretended to be texting someone. “Her name is Amber.”
“Is she made of plastic? Is that the name of the blowup sheep you keep under your mattress?” It was not my sheep. For the record the name on the present was addressed to Jax.
“No. She’s a real person.”
“Does she have big titties?” Jax never looked at me as he inquired about my mystery girl. He was too consumed with his game.
“I’m not going to answer that, because it doesn’t matter. She won’t be there for you.”
“Dude, I haven’t had sex in days. If this keeps up my dick will fall off and I’ll be a lesbian.”
“There’s an idea.” I stuck my keys in my pocket and looked down to check the time on my phone. “Listen, I’m going home. I’m hungry and I think I left my favorite boots there.”
“You’re such a pussy. Go home and let mommy make you something. Maybe she’ll feed it to you.”
“Shut up. Are you coming with me or staying here?”
“I’m staying. There’s a party that I might actually go to.”
I should have let it be. I should have just let his stupid ass fuck up so he’d lose her on his own. “Don’t go out and do something you’ll regret, bro.”
“Goodbye, dad.”
Even if I tried he wasn’t going to listen. When my brother wanted pussy it was hard to talk him out of it. All he needed was a couple drinks and he’d forget all about Reese for a little while.
Jake Mitchell Page 13
