I guess I could have gone home and started over with the help of my family. Disappointing them was the utmost despicable thing possible. I knew that if I stepped foot in their house I’d feel even worse.
Determined to make the most of the night, I met my new friends and we set out for a night on the town. After eating, we did a few shots, and honestly I felt great. I was out on the dance floor, feeling carefree. My smile was apparent, up until I saw someone in the corner of the bar, making out with a tall blonde.
At first I wasn’t sure who it was. I mean, from a distant it was difficult to tell them apart. One action let me know it was Jax. He pulled away from the girl’s lips to rub his nose over hers. I had to admit that for a split second I felt offended. I thought it was just something he’d done with me. Obviously it was some kind of trademark.
Feeling annoyed, I turned my attention back to my friends, hoping that he’d soon leave with his conquest without even noticing me. A little later the place was crowded with people. I’d done a few more shots, and stopped worrying all about Jax and his friend.
It took one trip to the bathroom to change that. Before I walked toward the restroom, I looked around to make sure I didn’t see him anywhere. When I got inside I leaned over the sink to check out my eyeliner. That’s when I heard commotion coming from inside a stall. Four feet were noticeable as I turned around. The shoes, that I’d bought him for Christmas, allowed me to know exactly who was behind the closed doors. I quickly used the bathroom in the next stall, trying not to listen to them getting all hot and heavy.
Jax being with someone else didn’t bother me like I thought it would. I was glad he’d moved on, because it meant that he wasn’t as miserable as I was. While doing my best to hurry out of there, I heard the door open and saw him coming out first, buckling his pants back up.
Our eyes met, and there was nothing I could say to make it any easier. “Hi Jax.”
“Reese.” I watched his jaw clenching. “How’d you get in here?” His words were slurred, and the lids of his eyes were heavy, like he was struggling to keep them open. I knew he was drunk, and I wanted to get away from him as fast as humanly possible.
While his date was still doing something in the stall, I tried to walk by him, so I could get the hell out of there. “Enjoy your night.”
“I always do,” he said as I exited the room.
I must admit that it was impossible to not feel something being so close to him again, although it wasn’t attraction or even pain. The last time we’d seen each other he’d thrown me into a wall when I tried to break he and his brother up from fighting. Yes, I was the reason for it, but he knew he’d hurt me and he just kept pounding on Jake. Jake wouldn’t have done that. No matter how much that would have hurt him, he would have kept me out of harm’s way.
He was always too rough for me, even in bed. I liked kinky, but his extremes were selfish and sometimes left me sore and confused. Just thinking about it made me want another drink. I headed up the bar to order something stiff when I heard a commotion coming from the back of the establishment. Jax and some guy even bigger than him were up in each other’s faces. The blonde he’d been in the corner and later the bathroom with was standing behind the other guy. Then it dawned on me that she hadn’t been there with Jax.
I don’t know what got into me. I suddenly found myself running toward them. While yanking Jax back by his arms, the bouncers stepped between the guys. They pointed in our direction. “Get him out of here!”
What was I supposed to do? Did I just shove him out the door and carry on with my night? Would he even listen?
Before I was able to make a logical decision, Jax turned around and leaned on me. “He wants me to leave.” The smell of alcohol was so obvious on his breath.
“How did you get here?”
“I drove,” he said with laughter following. “I got in my new car and put the key in the ignition. Then I turned it on and-.”
“I get it, Jax. I don’t need details. I know how to operate a vehicle.” I couldn’t let him drive in this condition. Unlike what he assumed, I wasn’t heartless. I cared if something bad happened to him. “Come on, I’ll get you back to the campus. Give me your keys.”
He put his arm around me. “Are we going to fuck? I just banged this chick in the bathroom, but it wasn’t that good. Her husband was pissed. Did you see the size of his fists?”
We made it outside while he continued talking nonsense to me. I clicked the little button until I found a car blinking, and pulled him along to get him in the passenger seat. “How much did you drink tonight?”
“Is it night time? I didn’t even notice,” His cackles were annoying, and moving him was like pushing around dead-weight. “Are we going to another bar?”
“No, Jax. We’re going home.”
He pointed at me as I buckled his seat belt. His index finger pressed into my cheek. “Are you real? Is this a dream, because if it is we’re totally going to fuck.”
I rolled my eyes and shut the door, wondering if I should hide his keys and leave him there stranded. It sure beat listening to anymore of his nonsense. “Trust me, this isn’t a dream, it’s a nightmare.”
I hadn’t seen or heard from him in three months. For most, that would be enough time to get over someone. Though I didn’t want to be with Jax, I wasn’t feeling as if I was going to break if we were in the same room together. Still, this situation made me very uncomfortable.
Jax and I hadn’t spoken since that night. We never discussed feelings, or even closure. It was just over.
As I drove us back to the college he rambled about a lot of things, but never once mentioned his brother, not until we climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. Jax side was still a mess, while Jake’s was nothing but an empty bed. I froze in place, realizing that he’d not just moved home to recover. He had no intentions of coming back.
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” He shoved past me and plopped down on his mattress. “He’s been gone for months, thanks to you.”
I entered the room and closed the door behind me. Determined to give him his keys and get out of there, I started digging in my purse. While fumbling through a disarray, Jax continued tearing me to pieces.
“How does it feel knowing you took him away from me? Do you feel satisfied?” He got up from the bed and walked over to be in front of me. “You ruined my life.”
I didn’t have the patience to keep looking in the bottom of my bag for his keys. At that point in time I needed him to know that he wasn’t the only one in pain. “How dare you! Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me? I lost you both, but you don’t see me blaming anyone else.”
He was close enough to kiss me if he wanted to. “You’re to blame. You and that ass of yours. Why’d you give in to him? What made you break at that cabin? How’d he get into your little panties?”
I should have said something smart, like I wasn’t wearing any, but I couldn’t be that evil of a person. “Jax, it doesn’t even matter anymore. The damage is done. Just let it go, please.”
He reached up and pulled his own hair out of frustration. “It matters to me.”
He said it with so much compassion that I forgot about him being drunk. My lips quivered, and a rush of warm liquid filled my eyes that looked right at him. “Please,” I begged.
“Just tell me. Admit it to me.” He laughed and lifted my chin up to be even with his stare. I tried to look away, but it was a losing battle. “Why, Reese?”
I closed my eyes and felt the tears falling. “Because I wanted to feel his love”
He let go of me and turned around, hiding his face. “God damn it! Why can’t I get past this?”
I stepped forward and placed my hand on his back. “Jax, I never meant to hurt you. It happened so fast. I couldn’t stop it. I tried so hard to not want him. I swear I did.”
He still wouldn’t turn around. “After you left the cabin, what happened between you when you got home? Did you avoid each other
until the hotel?”
I know he wanted to hear that I was faithful that week, only breaking up with him when I knew I couldn’t stand it anymore, but it wasn’t the truth. “No. I saw him in class.”
He twisted to face me, and even though he wasn’t crying, I could see the conflict in his eyes. “Did you sleep with him here at school?”
“Never in this room.”
“But yours?” he started flipping out again, pacing around and waving up his arms. “Is that it? Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
I shook my head, afraid to even move an inch. “How many times we were together is irrelevant, Jax. After the first time we’d already betrayed you. Jake was broken up about it. He wanted me to stay with you. He begged me to.”
“For what? So you could sit back with him and laugh at what a fool I was?”
“No! To protect you.”
“That’s hysterical. You actually thought that you were protecting me? You were fucking each other, apparently over and over, behind my back? Who does that?”
I sighed. Jax wasn’t going to understand our point of view. “What if he was a stranger? You wouldn’t have wanted to know. When I broke up with you it was because I knew I wanted to be with him. I couldn’t drag you along. It was tearing me apart, Jake too. He told me to stay away from him. I just couldn’t. I’m so sorry, Jax, I know it hurts to hear, but I couldn’t let him go. I was desperate, and it all went terribly out of control.”
Jax seemed confused when he looked at me again. “How long have you loved my brother, Reese? How long has he been the one you wanted?”
The tension in the room was so thick. I opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come out.
“Did you ever love me?”
I rushed over and took his hands into mine. “Of course. I loved you very much. I never lied about it.”
“I don’t understand. You of all people. I never expected this. I tried so hard to make you two get along. It never crossed my mind that you were doing it for my benefit.”
“That was all Jake. I had nothing to do with it. Until the cabin I believed he hated me.”
“That’s when everything changed. All it took was a hot fire and a fur rug.”
The fact that he knew about that crushed me. “What did you say?”
“Jake told me. I know the exact spot in that cabin where he took you from me. I can play it out in my head like I was standing there watching.”
“Please don’t.”
Jax let his hands fall away from mine. He looked to the side as he spoke. “I loved you. For the first time in my life I let myself fall for a girl. I thought we’d be together forever. I would have been good to you.”
I nodded, interrupting. “I know you would have. I don’t doubt that.”
“I only have one more question for you, and you might not want to answer.” He reached up and touched my cheek. I put my hand over his and kept it there.
“I’ll tell you anything.”
“If you had your choice in the beginning, if Jake never hit you with that ball, who would you have picked?”
Any question in the world would have been easy to answer except that one. “Jax…”
“You’d pick him.” He smirked and continued. “I always knew you two had more in common. Sometimes I felt like I was dating my brother. I get it. You’ve always been his type of girl.”
“When we were together I never thought about Jake that way. I was in love with you completely, I swear. Being your girlfriend made me happy. You made me happy, Jax.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t even matter. What’s done can’t be changed. It’s over, and there’s no going back.”
I don’t know what made me do it, but I wrapped my arms around him. “I’m sorry I had a part in all this.”
After a few moments, I felt Jax reaching up and embracing me back. He nestled his head against my shoulder and left it there. “I’m trying not to hate you, Reese. You broke me, but I’ve gotten over that. What I can’t get past is Jake’s deception. I miss my brother, more than you’ll ever know. However, I can’t look at him without being angry. I loved you, but no one means more to me than my brother.” Jax backed way and pointed to the door. “You need to go.”
I nodded, understanding that I didn’t belong. “Are you going to be okay?”
He closed his eyes and moved his head from side to side. “I don’t know.”
“I hope you find someone that takes your breath away, Jax. I hope she treats you the way you deserve. I’ll never forget everything we shared. Good and bad it’s still a memory.”
When I walked out of his room I sank down to the hallway floor and cried. I could hear him inside tossing things around and yelling. Then I remembered I still had his keys. Reluctantly I knocked and waited for him to answer. When he opened it I could tell he was more distraught. “Are you here to rip out my heart? I’ve got bad news, I gave it to the last girl I was with.”
When he took a second to finally look at me he saw that I’d been crying. I lifted the keys up and placed them in his hands. “I forgot to give you these.” I knew he was watching as I turned to walk away, because his door never closed. He said nothing, and I refused to look back.
If I never saw Jax again I’d be alright. We now had grounds for closure; as much as could be expected. My only regret was Jake. Nothing could change the way I felt about that man. He could reappear in twenty years and I’d still get weak in the knees. Every bone in my body knew he was the one that got away. That was what would haunt me forever; knowing we’d never have the opportunity to explore the beautiful life we could make together.
I just hoped that he was able to move on and love again. I hoped they both could.
Epilogue Part One
1 week later
Reese
Waking up to an empty bed was something I’d gotten used to. The ill feeling after my confrontation with Jax, well I couldn’t shake how that left me feeling. After getting up and dressing, I headed over to his room, determined to give him a piece of my mind. He couldn’t hold a grudge against his brother forever. I was out of the equation. It wasn’t like the constant reminder of our relationship was being thrown in his face. They had to get back what was lost, if not for me than for themselves.
I knocked on the door four times before he finally answered.
He turned back around and left it open once he saw it was me. For days after I left his room I’d sat up thinking about how I was going to move forward.
“What do you want, Reese? I thought we said everything last week. Did you come here to give me back my balls?”
I rolled my eyes and sat down on Jake’s bed. Right away my mind thought of him. “We can’t keep living like this. It’s not fair to any of us.”
Jax put his hands behind his head and looked over at me. He was laying flat on his bed, with no shirt. I couldn’t help peeking at his washboard abs and remembering what it was like to be held by his strong arms. His attitude cleared my train of thought. “My life ain’t your fucking problem. You’re the one who ended things, remember?”
“And why did I do that, Jax? Was it to be completely miserable for the rest of my life, because that’s where I’m headed.”
“So you’re here to make yourself feel better? Take a damn number. I’m not seeing clients at the moment.”
I picked up a dirty sock and threw it at him. “I’m being serious. For once act like an adult.”
He moved into a sitting position and cupped his hands together. “Fine. If it gets you out of my face I’ll do anything.”
“What will it take for you to be friends with your brother again?”
“It’s always about Jake and his magic cock, isn’t it?” There he was again, ignoring the question.
“Jax.”
“Fine.” He wiped his face. “I don’t know. The wound is still fresh.”
“It’s been months.”
“I don’t care how long it’s been. Time doesn’t heal shit!” H
e grumbled something under his breath and looked disgusted. “Your pussy must be dried up by now. Did you honestly think he’d still want to be with you? You knew better than anyone that Jake doesn’t do relationships. He tells women what they want to hear to get into their pants. Had I’d known you’d fall for it I would have told you sooner. My bad,” he said as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “You got played.”
“You’re an asshole. I know you’re lying. Jake loved me.”
He laughed. “You think? I mean, all it took was one night alone in a cabin. He was probably bored as shit without power. All you were was a piece of ass to warm his dick.”
I jumped off the bed and flew at him, not even rationally thinking that there was no way I could physically harm him. He grabbed my arms and prevented me from moving as I fought to free myself. “You’re lying! He wouldn’t do that to me.”
Jax waited until I stopped fighting, but he didn’t let me go. He held my wrists tight. “Why hasn’t he tried to contact you then? Either you’re lying about still seeing him, or you weren’t that important after all.”
I gritted my teeth. “If you ever loved me you’ll stop this.” I couldn’t fight my emotions. Desperately, I fought to break him down, because I knew it was the only way to get through the wall he’d built. “Please Jax.” I looked him right in the eyes, forcing him to watch me fall apart. “I’d rather be dead than know I did this to you.”
When my body became limp he stood up and pulled me into his arms. I cried harder. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten back into this situation after dealing with it before. “Don’t say that.”
I continued sobbing against his chest. “I hate myself, Jax. I screwed up.”
His head leaned over mine and I felt him softly kiss it. As I inched my gaze to look at him, I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen. “I did love you, Reese. I know I shouldn’t, but I still do. I can’t make it stop. You being here, it just makes it worse. It’s like you have a spell on me and there’s no remedy. Then I’ve got to come back from class every day to this empty room and be reminded of what the two of you did.”
Jake Mitchell Page 23
