"Hey, Sydney," Adam called from the kitchen table where he was reading the paper and drinking coffee in a T-shirt and sweat pants. He looked handsome with his mussed up short dark blond curls and glasses. Lauren walked over to the table, and set a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. He looked up at her and smiled, his eyes full of affection and longing. I looked away as a wave of sadness hit me, and I walked over to the coffee maker in the kitchen to fill a mug for myself.
"How do you want your eggs?" Lauren asked me as she returned to the stove.
"Scrambled, please." I forced a smile onto my face as I turned to meet her eyes.
"Want some toast too?" she asked me. I nodded and walked over to the table, sat down across from Adam, and grabbed a section of the paper for myself.
"How was your first week at your new job?" Adam asked me as he pulled off his glasses, his dark-blue eyes meeting mine. His voice was smooth and even.
"Stressful." I sighed. Starting my first job as a nurse the week of the worst break-up of my life was really horrible timing. I was thrown into a sink or swim situation at the orthopedic office of my new job with a distracted mind and a broken heart. Plus, I had a nasty bruise on my face, from where Clay had punched me, that had still been very visible on Monday. I wondered how many of my new co-workers believed my dumpster story, but I didn't want to go into any details about the actual truth. Hell, most of them probably thought I was a victim of domestic violence. I guess in a way I was since Clay had been my boyfriend until two weeks ago. I was thankful that he was gone from my life, but the fact that he had died made my relief feel perverse.
"I bet." He nodded. "Do you like it though?"
"Yeah." I nodded back. "I really do. I just have to learn the ropes, so I feel like I know what the hell I'm doing."
"Or learn how to fake it well." He smirked at me.
"That too." I laughed.
"Give it time," he said with a nod. "You'll be alright."
Lauren walked over and put my plate in front of me and sat down with a plate of her own. "You're a smart woman, Syd," she added. "You'll pick things up quick."
"Thanks guys," I said with a smile, feeling thankful to have Lauren and Adam in my life. If only Jensen were here, too. Then I'd have everything I wanted. My smile faded abruptly from my face. I felt a surge of loss as I stared down at my plate and started eating my breakfast, hoping Lauren wouldn't notice my sudden sadness. I knew it hadn't worked when Lauren placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed gently. I met her gaze and saw sympathy and love in her blue eyes. It was too much, and a few tears escaped my eyes. I looked back down at my food. She didn't say a word as she released my arm and started eating her breakfast.
Right after Jensen left me, I had called Lauren crying hysterically, and she had rushed home from work to comfort me. I had told her everything, and she had stayed with me all day and all night. She had stayed home with me every night since then, and I hoped she would understand that it was time for me to start dealing with this on my own. Her presence had been the sole comfort of one of the worst days of my life, and I was so grateful for that, but now I needed some time alone.
"Well, ladies," Adam suddenly announced. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get cleaned up."
I glanced up to see Lauren give Adam a grateful look as he stood up from the table. He gave her an easy smile and squeezed her hand before walking away. Adam was one of the most observant people I knew. He must have sensed that Lauren and I needed to talk. Lauren watched him leave the room, then turned her attention back to me.
"Sydney? Are you doing alright?" she asked with concern in her eyes.
"I'm okay," I answered her quietly. I wasn't really, but I didn't want to worry her anymore.
"Are you sure?"
I pursed my lips and decided to tell her the truth. "No, not really, but I will be eventually." She nodded in understanding.
"Would you be interested in going out tonight?" she asked. "I could take you to dinner and a movie. Maybe it could take your mind off things."
"You know what I'd really like?" I asked softly, afraid of hurting her feelings. "I'd like some time to myself." She took in a breath and sighed.
"Do you want me to stay at Adam's tonight?"
"It's not that I don't appreciate how you've been here for me all week," I explained. "It's just..."
"You need a break from Mama Bear," she said with a small smile. "I understand, Sydney. I really do."
I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back at my sister. Lauren leaned toward me and pulled me into a hug that I returned whole heartedly. "I love you, Lauren," I whispered.
"I love you, too," she answered before pulling away from me. "I'm really proud of you, do you know that? This week has been awful for you, but you've been coping with it so well."
"Thanks," I told her, but I wasn't sure I agreed with her. She didn't know I was still crying myself to sleep every night and waking up to cry again each morning. I felt like there was a deep dark hole inside me, and I wondered if it would ever go away.
"How about Adam and I take off after we're both cleaned up, and give you the whole day to yourself?"
"You wouldn't mind?" I asked her.
"Not at all," she reassured me with a smile. "Besides, Adam would probably like me to himself for a while anyway." She winked at me, and her smile got wider.
"Whoa, we're getting into T.M.I territory here," I said as I raised my palms toward her.
"If that's the case, then I shouldn't tell you what I'm going to do when I join Adam in the shower," she added as she stood up from the table with a huge grin on her face.
"La, la, la, la!" I started singing with my hands covering my ears. "I can't hear you. I can't hear you!"
Lauren walked out of the room laughing all the way down the hallway.
It only took a few hours after Lauren and Adam had left for me to realize I was bored. I had already watched a movie and then cleaned my room. Now I was sitting on the couch reading a book on my tablet and starting to feel restless. I laid the tablet down and pursed my lips in thought. Maybe I could go out and do a little shopping. Now that I was done with school and had a good-paying job, I could afford a little retail therapy. I stood to go get cleaned up when the buzzer for the intercom went off by the front door. Someone was down in the lobby wanting to come up to my apartment. My breath quickened as I rushed toward the intercom console next to the door. What if it was Jensen?
"Hello?" I asked after pressing the talk button.
"Sydney?" a male voice that wasn't Jensen asked. He sounded familiar to me.
"Yes?" I asked, curious to find out who this was.
"It's Andy, Jensen's friend. I...I was wondering if I could come up and talk to you." He sounded unsure of his welcome. I stood there for a moment in stunned silence, not sure what to say. Why would Andy be here? Was Jensen so much of a coward that he had to send Andy to talk to me instead of coming to see me himself? "Sydney? Are you still there?" he asked after several long moments of silence.
"Um, yeah," I stammered out. "Sure, come on up."
"I'll be right there," Andy answered, and I hit the button to let him in the building. I stood still in confusion for a second and then looked down at myself. Shit, I was in my robe, and my hair was probably a mess. I ran to my room and pulled on some black yoga pants and an over-sized red hoodie. I was just finishing putting my hair up in a ponytail when there was a knock on the door. I hurried out of my room and made my way to the door. I looked through the peephole, and I could see Andy waiting outside the door, looking nervous. I took a deep breath and let it out in a rush, feeling unsure about letting him in, but too curious not to. I unlocked the door and swung it open.
"Hi," Andy said, smiling sheepishly as I met his blue eyes. He was dressed casually in a gray T-shirt, jeans, and an old beat up pair of black Chuck Taylors.
"Did Jensen send you here?" I asked, my voice sounding annoyed.
"Jensen has no idea that I'm here," Andy said sincerely, mee
ting my eyes. I stared at him for a moment, pursing my lips. Finally, I sighed and stepped back from the open doorway.
"Come on in," I waved him in as he walked into my apartment.
"Nice place," he said as he surveyed the room.
"Thanks," I said as he followed me into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" I offered to fill in the awkwardness.
"Sure."
I opened the refrigerator and looked inside. "Is a Coke alright?"
"That's great," he answered. I grabbed a can and handed it to him across the breakfast bar. He took a seat on one of the bar stools and opened the can. He set it down and met my curious stare. "I guess you're wondering why I'm here?"
"That's an understatement," I replied with a hint of sarcasm as I raised my eyebrows. I leaned back against the counter behind me and crossed my arms. Andy's presence reminded me of Jensen and how much resentment I was feeling about our break up.
"I wanted to find out exactly what happened between you two, since he's being vague and unwilling to share much about it. You know how he can be; I'm sure." He gave me a small half smile with that last statement.
"Yeah," I agreed, "I know." It was a small consolation that Jensen was just as unwilling to share things with his best friend as he was with me.
"He's miserable without you, and he has this crazy fucked-up idea that you're better off without him." Andy's words only reaffirmed my suspicions that were the case. It made my heart ache for Jensen and made me worry about him too. "You don't look surprised," Andy said as he leaned his elbows on the counter in front of him.
I uncrossed my arms as my defensiveness just bled away. It was obvious Andy was here because he cared about his friend. "Do you know how messed up in the head he is right now?" I asked Andy, thinking he was pretty observant.
"I do now, but I've been suspicious for a long time that he's not been coping well these last few months," he answered with a concerned expression on his face. "I went to check on him last night, and found him drunk and pissed off. I'm pretty sure he's been drinking himself to sleep every night because of his nightmares."
"He told you about the nightmares?" I asked incredulously. Jensen had never admitted it to me. If I hadn't witnessed them, I still wouldn't know about them.
"No." Andy shook his head. "He passed out at my place last night and woke up screaming in the middle of the night. When I tried to wake him up, he took a swing at me. He was babbling all kinds of crazy shit about his brother and father. He said he didn't deserve to live at one point, and it scared the shit out of me."
I closed my eyes and sighed. "He blames himself for their deaths, Andy. I've seen several of his nightmares, and he mentions them every single time."
Andy looked down with a sigh and then up at me again. "He told me that he tried to hurt you in his sleep. Is that true?" His eyes were filled with concern and worry.
"I tried to wake him up from a really bad one. He rolled on top of me and put his hands around my neck. He barely squeezed at all, and he didn't really hurt me, but when he realized what he had done he freaked out and ended things between us without giving me a chance to tell him that."
"That's what I thought. The swing he took at me was pretty lame and easy to avoid." Andy looked thoughtful for a moment as he stared off into space. "Do you still love him?" Andy asked when he met my eyes again, his face intense and focused.
"Yes," I whispered immediately, feeling my eyes start to well up with tears.
"I know he loves you," he said quietly, his face softening with sympathy.
A sob forced its way out of me at his words. I thought Jensen still loved me, but the cruel things he had said to push me away had cut into me deeply, and I had started to doubt whether he loved me or not. It was a relief to hear the words coming from Andy. "I miss him everyday, Andy, every single day."
"Have you talked to him at all since he broke up with you?" Andy asked.
I shook my head. "He won't answer my calls or texts, and I was afraid to go to his place, in case he told me to go away. I'm so angry at him for not giving us a chance," I forced out between more sobs.
"Jensen, you're an idiot," Andy mumbled under his breath as he hopped down off the bar stool and came over to me. "Come here," he said and opened his arms. I let him wrap them around me as I sobbed onto his T-shirt. He held me while I cried for several minutes before I got myself back under control and stepped away from him.
"I don't know what to do, Andy. I want to talk to him, but I don't know if he'll let me," I said between sniffles. "I think he believes he doesn't deserve to be loved."
"If I had a way for you to see him, would you be willing to try to talk some sense into him? He really needs you, but he's so fucking stubborn, and he won't listen to me."
"I need him too," I whispered as a few more tears slid down my face. "Do you think there's a chance that he'll even listen to me?"
"Yes, and I'll beat it into him if he doesn't," Andy said adamantly and met my eyes.
I bit my lip and nodded. "I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes." For the first time since Jensen left, I felt a glimmer of hope. No matter how angry I was with him, I still loved him and I still wanted him in my life.
"Good," Andy said with a nod. "He's coming to my house for dinner tonight around six. I thought you could show up around five?"
"You want to ambush him with me at your house?" I asked incredulously. He smiled deviously and nodded. "You know he'll be furious with you."
"It won't be the first time," he said evenly. "I can handle it."
"What if he just walks back out when he sees me?"
"I don't think that will happen, but I won't let him if he tries," Andy assured me.
"Okay," I said quietly, terrified that I was getting my hopes up for nothing, but unwilling to let this opportunity pass.
"Excellent," he said as a huge grin spread across his face. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket. "Give me your number and I'll text you my address." I rattled off the number while he typed it into his phone. "When you get there, park a few blocks south. I don't want him seeing your car and taking off before he even gets to the house."
"Has anyone ever told you how devious you are?" I asked him with a smirk.
"Everyday of my life," he answered with a mischievous smile as he looked up from his phone. I shook my head and laughed. "So I'll see you at five?" he clarified.
"Yeah." I nodded. "I'll be there."
"Good," he nodded back. "I've got to get going. I'll see you in a few hours."
I walked Andy to the door and paused as I grabbed the door knob to look back at him.
"Thank you, Andy," I said quietly, my voice shaking with sudden emotion as I met his gaze.
"You're welcome," Andy said, his face softening as he put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a brief hug. He left without saying another word, and I leaned back against the door after closing it behind him, feeling equal parts hopeful and terrified about tonight. The thought of seeing Jensen again made me smile though, and I pushed away from the door and headed for my room. Now I just had to figure out what to wear to get my man back.
I parked my car several blocks away from Andy's house like he had suggested and sat there trying to work up the courage to get out of the vehicle. I took in a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, then pulled down the visor to check how I looked in the mirror. I had decided that if Andy was being devious, so could I. I was dressed in the same outfit I had been wearing the night Jensen and I had met, my black low cut halter top with skinny jeans and heels. My hair was curled into a cascade of loose waves around my face, and I had decided to go for a more subtle look with my makeup then when I had been at the bar that night. I looked good, and I hoped reminding him of that night would help me get through to him and show him what he was missing.
A glance at the clock finally got me moving. It was a few minutes before five, and I still had to walk in heels to get there. I nodded to myself in the mirror and then flipped the visor back u
p. I grabbed my purse, climbed out of my car, and headed toward Andy's house with a fearful yet hopeful heart. If everything worked out, maybe I could be in Jensen's arms again tonight. The thought gave me the shivers, and I hastened my steps as I walked down the sidewalk.
Andy's house was in an old part of town that was filled with quaint bungalows and craftsman style homes. It was an area I wouldn't have minded living in myself if I could afford it. Although now that I had a nursing job, maybe someday I could. I pulled out my phone to double-check the house number and looked up to find I was standing in front of the right address. Andy's house was a cute little gray craftsman with brick steps and pillars on the covered porch. There was a large pot of flowers on a hook hanging on one end of the porch and a swing hanging on the other end. More flowers were sitting on top of the pillars on each side of the steps leading up to the porch. It was adorable, and I suspected that Andy didn't live here by himself since he didn't strike me as a flower kind of guy.
I walked up the sidewalk and climbed the steps onto the porch. I stopped in front of the door and rang the doorbell as my heart rate started to rise. I took in deep breath and let it out slowly. I really needed to chill out. Jensen wasn't even here yet, and I was starting to freak out. Andy opened the door and greeted me with a huge smile.
"Hi, Sydney. Come on in." He was wearing a gray plaid short sleeved button up shirt instead of the T-shirt he had on earlier today. He stepped back and ushered me into his home. "I'm really glad you came. I was a little worried you wouldn't," he said as he led me through his living room. The space was casual contemporary with white walls and a matching gray sofa and love seat, There were just enough feminine accents to keep it from seeming too masculine, and the dark hardwood floor was absolutely gorgeous.
"I'll be honest; I considered canceling a couple of times," I confessed as I followed him into the similarly decorated dining room and into the kitchen. This room was just as nice as the rest, with dark counter tops and lots of stainless steel. There was a woman standing at the counter facing away from us with long curly dark-red hair as we walked in. She turned as we entered and graced me with a huge grin. She was beautiful with the most striking aqua blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing an apron over jeans and a dark-green button up silky blouse.
Let Me Save You Page 3
