"Better?" she asked afterward.
"Yes," I whispered and nodded slowly. "Thank you."
A sudden wave of shame hit me then. What must she think of me now that my weakness was out there for her to see? I pulled my hands away from hers, broke our eye contact, and looked down at my lap. "I'm sorry for that," I mumbled quietly as my eyes started to sting. I felt so worthless and weak. Now she probably hated me even more. She'd never think I was good enough for her sister.
"You don't have to be sorry for something you have no control over," she said decisively. I looked up in surprise at her words. I was relieved to see that the animosity in her eyes from earlier was gone. "You're not the first person I've helped with this kind of thing," she said to me with a small smile. Realization suddenly dawned on me.
"You mean, Sydney?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.
"Yeah, she was pretty messed up for a long time after our parents died," Lauren explained, her eyes looking sad and haunted.
"She told me she tried to kill herself."
"She did?" Lauren looked shocked at my knowledge. I nodded.
"She knows about...my problems and she told me, so I would know that she understands...this." I motioned to myself, afraid to go into too much detail and set off another panic attack.
"I know about the nightmares, Jensen. I know you thought you were going to hurt her physically, but when you left her, the emotional toll on her was pretty bad."
"I know I fucked up." I hung my head again. "I panicked when I thought I might hurt her, and I just wanted to protect her from me. I thought she was better off without me."
"Do you still think that's true?" she asked me quietly and I looked up to meet her eyes again. I felt my face go slack. Did I? Had I been looking for an excuse to run because I had thought that all along? I knew I was fucked up inside, and I often wondered what Sydney saw in me. I wanted to deny her question, but I wasn't even sure what the truth was anymore.
"I don't know," I answered in a whisper and stared down at the floor again. "I know I'm better off with her." This last week proved that. That dark empty place I had gone to, wasn't something I wanted to experience again. I had felt lost without her, like a part of my soul had been missing. I needed her so much.
"I know you love her," Lauren said, and I raised my eyes to hers. She looked focused and sincere. "I've never seen any man look at my sister the way that you do."
"I've never felt this way about anyone before."
"Then you need to take better care of her heart," Lauren responded with a hint of anger in her voice and eyes. "You know how much loss she's already had in her life. She tried to hide it, but I know how devastating it was for her when you walked out. I don't want to see her hurting like that again."
"I'm sorry," I wanted to tell her how devastating it had been for me too, but this wasn't about me. "That was never my intention. I don't want to fuck this up again."
"Good," she said with a small smile. "Next time you want to do something stupid like that, you need to listen to Sydney instead. Okay?"
"Okay," I answered with a nod. Lauren returned my nod, rose from her stool, and walked back around the breakfast bar to continue cooking breakfast. I sighed in relief. I had poked the bear and lived to tell about it.
"And by the way," she said with a smirk as she started whisking the eggs. "Next time you wander around naked, make sure it's at your own house."
"Got it," I said sheepishly as my face felt like it was bursting into flame. So much for acting like nothing happened. Her smile widened at my obvious embarrassment. Maybe I should have climbed out the window after all.
CHAPTER FOUR
Sydney
My phone was ringing when I stepped into my room to get dressed after my shower. I ran over to my nightstand, picked up my phone, and practically squealed with delight when I saw the name on the screen.
"David?" I asked excitedly after answering the call.
"Hey, Syd," A deep smooth male voice answered me.
"Oh my God, it's so good to hear your voice," I replied. "I'm really happy you called. The last couple weeks here have been crazy, and I have so much to tell you." We emailed each other often, but it wasn't the same and the last couple of weeks we hadn't communicated at all.
"Then you're going to be even happier." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm coming home."
"Really?" I asked incredulously. "I thought you still had two more months."
"I decided I needed to come home sooner. I want to be here since my sister is pregnant and due in the fall."
"Doctors Without Borders was okay with that?" I asked with concern. David was a nurse for them for the last ten months or so.
"Oh yeah," David answered assuredly. "The year time frame was just an estimate anyway. I fly out from Kiev in a few hours."
"So when will you be home?" I never could remember the time difference between here and the Ukraine.
"I'm about seven hours ahead here and the flight takes almost eleven to twelve hours," he said. "It will probably be early Monday afternoon when I fly in."
"Do you need someone to pick you up?"
"No, I'll be fine. Mom is planning on picking me up. Besides, I don't want you to miss work for that. You started your new job this last week, right?"
"I did," I answered enthusiastically. "And I met someone."
"What happened to Clay?" he asked. Shit, that was a long story I didn't want to get into right now.
"That's over," I answered him. "It's a long story, but I'm in love with the most amazing guy now. I can't wait to tell you all about it."
"Why don't we have dinner tomorrow night?" he asked. "You could bring your new guy with you. I'd love to meet him."
"That sounds wonderful," I replied happily. "I'm happy you're coming home, David. I've missed you so much."
"It's been a long ten months, Syd," he sighed, his voice sounding tired and emotional. "You have no idea how glad I'll be to see you and finally be home again."
"Me too."
"I have to go," he announced his voice returning to normal. "I'll call you when I'm in town to figure out our plans. Okay?"
"Alright. I can't wait." We exchanged good-byes and ended the call. I stood there smiling like an idiot. My best friend in the world was coming home, and I couldn't wait for Jensen to meet him. I hurriedly got dressed, anxious to tell Jensen and my sister the good news. I hadn't seen David in months. It had been Christmas the last time I had seen him, and he hadn't stayed long before he had to fly back to the Ukraine again.
I walked out into the kitchen to find Jensen eating at the breakfast bar and Lauren standing at the stove, still cooking. There was no blood, and Jensen was breathing. I guess that was a good sign. Jensen turned and watched me walk across the room toward him. His green eyes lit up in a heart-stopping smile that took my breath away. He looked me up and down as his eyes darkened with desire. I didn't know I could feel so sexy in a T-shirt and denim capri pants. I returned his smile as I slid onto the stool next to him. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to my temple then continued eating. Lauren turned toward us and set a plate of French toast in front of me.
"Try to guess who just called me?" I asked Lauren with a huge grin as I picked up my fork.
"Well, judging by that smile, I'd say it was David," Lauren answered with a smile of her own.
"Yeah," I confirmed enthusiastically. "He's coming home tomorrow." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jensen freeze with his fork half way to his mouth.
"It's been a year already?" Lauren asked me with a puzzled look on her face.
"Ten months," I answered. "His sister is pregnant, so he's coming home early."
"Who's David?" Jensen asked me. His voice sounded flat. I glanced at him and saw that he was scowling at me.
"He's my best friend," I told him with a reassuring smile. "David's a nurse and he's been in the Ukraine working for Doctors Without Borders for the last ten months."
"Oh," he replied with
no inflection, his scowl changing to concern.
"We're just friends, baby," I reassured him as I put my hand on his forearm gently. "He wants to have dinner with us tomorrow, and I really want you to meet him." That seemed to mollify him a little. I didn't want jealousy to be a problem with David. He was like a brother to me, and I didn't want Jensen to feel threatened by our friendship.
"I can do that," he said with a nod, the concern on his face slipping away.
"Where are you going to go?" Lauren asked with an amused expression after witnessing our interaction.
"I'm not sure," I said, my lips pursing in thought. "I want it to be someplace nice, since he's been gone so long."
"I bet Lydia could get us a table at The Glass House," Jensen suggested. Lauren looked at him questioningly. "She's my best friend's girlfriend and the sous chef there."
"Would she do that for me?" I asked hopefully.
"I think after last night, the better question would be what wouldn't she do for you?" Jensen asked me with a smirk.
"True," I said with a grin. Lauren looked at me questioningly, and I told her how Andy and Lydia had ambushed Jensen with me last night.
"They sound like good friends," she said to Jensen with an easy smile.
"They are," he agreed as he looked at me fondly, grabbing my hand and lifting it up to kiss the back of it.
We finished our breakfast, and Lauren had insisted on cleaning up by herself. I didn't argue with her. I led Jensen back to my room to get his shoes and to steal a few moments alone with him. He stopped to glance around the room for a moment and suddenly looked sad and pensive. When he sat down on the bed to put his shoes on, I took them from his hands and dropped them back on the floor. I stepped between his knees, and he met my eyes with a pained expression on his face. I slid my hands up into his hair, leaned down, and pressed my lips to his. Our kiss was slow and sensual as our lips and tongues glided across each other. He tasted and felt so good that I moaned into his mouth. Jensen's hands slid up the backs of my thighs until he was gripping my ass. A low growl erupted from deep inside his chest. I broke the kiss and stared down into his now lust filled eyes.
"I love you, Jensen," I said breathlessly, my need for him overwhelming me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face between my breasts with a groan. I put my arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to me, laying my cheek on the top of his head.
"I love you, Sydney," he whispered against my chest. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you in this room."
"Shh," I responded, "no more apologies. Okay?"
"But..."
"I already forgave you, so knock it off," I interrupted him. "You said you'd make it up to me, and you will."
"Okay," he said as he burrowed his face into me, his hands sliding up to the middle of my back.
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
"I'd like that," he whispered as he looked back up at me again, his bright green eyes shining with love and desire.
"Will you take me for a ride in the Camaro today?"
"I thought I could give you a different kind of ride today," he growled, his lips twisting salaciously at me.
"Oh yeah?" I played along with a smile. "What kind of ride did you have in mind?"
"How about a mustache ride?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"You don't have a mustache, honey," I said with a laugh and leaned down to rub the tip of my nose on his.
"I could grow one," he suggested helpfully.
"No thanks. I like you just the way you are." I kissed him another time, grateful he was feeling playful again. My God, the man was intent on punishing himself. I was going to have to work hard to distract him from doing that to himself. I pulled away from him. "Let me pack some stuff, and we can go home."
"You just called my place home," he said as his face cocked to one side, and his eyes lit up.
"Huh," I said in surprise. "I guess I did. It feels like home when I'm there with you."
"It didn't feel like home to me at all without you," he said quietly, his eyes looking haunted suddenly. "I missed you so much, baby."
"I missed you," I said as I caressed his cheek and jaw softly. "Let's go make your place feel like home for you again." He nodded and a smile spread across his face. At that moment, I realized all the anger and resentment that I had toward him was gone now, but I wondered when he would forgive himself for what he did to me, or if he ever would at all.
As I walked into Jensen's living room, I took in a deep breath, taking in the scents that reminded me of him. I felt him come up from behind and put his arms around me, holding me tight against the front of his body.
"Now it feels like home again," he whispered into my neck, and I sighed as I relaxed into his embrace. I turned to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I laid my head on his chest and breathed in his scent.
"Can we go for a ride in the Camaro now?" I asked him softly.
"Are you sure you don't want that other ride instead?" he suggested. I looked up to see a smirk on his lips and hope in his eyes.
"Later," I answered and saw his face fall. "Don't worry, it will be worth the wait." I stepped out of his arms and grabbed his hand. I led him out of the room and down the hall. He grabbed the Camaro keys from the hook by the door as we passed and let me lead him down to the garage. As I walked over to the passenger door, I ran my fingers up the front fender with an appreciative sigh. "Did she miss me?" I asked as I admired the bright green paint. When he didn't answer immediately I turned to look at him.
"I didn't drive her at all last week," he said quietly, his face blank of any expression. "She reminds me of you now, and I couldn't bring myself to drive her without you."
"Well, good thing I'm here now." I smiled at him, anxious to keep him from dwelling on the darkness of last week. "What are you doing just standing there? We're wasting daylight here."
"Sorry," he said with a snorted laugh and walked over to the driver's side. We both climbed into the car, and he opened the garage door. "Where to, baby?" he asked with an easy smile.
"I don't care as long as there's ice cream somewhere along the way."
"As you wish, baby," he answered with a single nod and turned the key in the ignition. The engine came to life, and the sound gave me the shivers. I had forgotten how much I loved riding in this car. He backed out of the garage and off we went.
An hour or so later Jensen pulled the Camaro to a stop in front a tiny ice cream shop I'd never heard of before. We were in a little town that had one stop sign, and the ice cream shop looked like its only point of interest.
"I never even knew this was here," I announced as Jensen killed the engine.
"I know all the ice cream hot spots, baby," he said with a wink. "It's one of the perks of spending my free time driving around aimlessly in a muscle car."
We got out and after waiting in line for several minutes we ended up sitting across from each other on an old picnic table with hot fudge sundaes in our hands. They were delicious, and I found myself moaning with every bite while Jensen watched with amusement.
"I think I might be jealous of your ice cream," he said with a smile.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"I'm not sure I've ever made you moan quite like that," he said wryly.
"Don't feel bad, ice cream and I have been together a lot longer than you and I."
"Now I know for sure I'm jealous," he growled and glared at my dish.
"Don't worry," I assured him with a salacious waggle of my eyebrows. "Ice cream doesn't need to know what we're going to do behind his back later." He grinned knowingly at me and continued eating. We sat like that for a few minutes. He seemed to enjoy watching me eat my sundae.
"How long have you been friends with David?" he suddenly asked, and the subject didn't surprise me. In fact, I was surprised that he had waited this long to ask me about it. It wouldn't be the first time a guy I was dating felt threatened by my close friendship with another man.
I had noticed Jensen's initial shocked reaction when I had mentioned David's name.
"I guess it's been about five years now," I answered him, deciding complete transparency was necessary here. "I met him while I was in the hospital after my suicide attempt. He was a student nurse at the time."
"Oh," he said uncomfortably. I don't think he liked thinking about my suicide attempt, let alone talking about it.
"I was so scared and confused when I was in the hospital. David helped me a lot when I was there. He made a scary situation tolerable. After I was released, we stayed in contact with each other, and we've been friends ever since." I noticed him pursing his lips, and I knew what he wanted to ask next. "David and I have never been anything but friends, Jensen." He looked dubious, and I couldn't really blame him. "It's never been anything more than that," I reassured him.
"Good," he replied, his relief evident in his eyes.
"I think you'll like him. He's very down to earth and easy to talk to."
"Well, he obviously has good taste, since he's friends with you," Jensen said with a smile and reached across the table to squeeze my hand briefly. "I can't wait to meet him."
I nodded with relief. It was important to me that Jensen and David got along. I couldn't imagine my life without both being in it. I'd be devastated if they didn't like each other.
"That reminds me," Jensen suddenly announced as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I need to see if Lydia can get us a table tomorrow night." I watched his fingers moving around the screen as he typed out a text. He set the phone next to his empty ice cream dish and looked up to meet my eyes. He glanced down at my mouth as I licked the last taste of hot fudge off my lips, his eyes darkening with desire as he watched.
"Can we go home now?" he asked with desperation in his voice. "I'm going to lose my damn mind if I can't taste you soon," he said as his voice turned into a low growl.
Let Me Save You Page 6
