"David is doing well," I said. "It's been really nice being able to talk to him whenever I like."
"I bet." She rolled with the subject change without a pause. "How did dinner with Jensen and him go on Monday night?"
"It went pretty well," I said. "In fact, Jensen helped David look for a new car yesterday. I'm hoping they can be friends." I didn't mention his disastrous lunch with David. I figured Jensen didn't want anyone else to know. The toaster popped up, and we each took a slice. Lauren shoved the jar of jelly to me across the counter top.
"I hope that works out," she said with a hint of dubiousness as I spread jelly on my toast.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked with irritation as I looked at her.
"Well, David's a very attractive man, and it wouldn't be the first time one of your boyfriends had a problem with your friendship with him," she answered and pursed her lips.
"Jensen's not like that," I answered vehemently.
"He seemed pretty bothered when you first brought up David in front of him."
"Jensen is fine with David," I protested, starting to get angry. Lauren turned to face me, her expression serious.
"How well do you really know this guy?" she asked sternly. "He's already hurt you once, and I don't want to see him do that to you again. For God's sake, he's not even mentally stable right now. Are you sure you can handle a burden like that after what you've been through?"
"So you're saying I should just leave him because he has PTSD. Is that what you wanted to do with me?" I asked angrily. "Was I a burden to you?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Syd," she answered in exasperation.
"Really? Because that's what it sounds like to me." I could feel tears threatening to fall.
"Sydney," she spoke in a patronizing tone.
"Jensen is not a fucking burden!" I seethed as the tears started streaming down my cheeks as I glared at my sister. I let my knife clatter onto the plate. My appetite was suddenly just gone. "I'm going to work." I turned and stalked over to grab my bag off the kitchen table.
"Sydney, stop." She followed me over to the table.
"It was bullshit when you just said you were happy for me, wasn't it?" I asked harshly as I spun around to face her again. "I've finally found the love of my life, and you want me to leave him. How fucked up is that?"
Lauren let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry you thought that was what I meant."
"I'm sorry that's not a real apology," I replied angrily. I stormed over to the door and turned back once more. "Jensen's coming here tonight, by the way. It might be a good idea to stay with Adam. I wouldn't want to burden you with his presence."
She stood in shocked silence as I turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I was so fucking pissed, but by the time I got to my car most of my anger had burned away and turned into sorrow. Did everybody want me to leave him? Even David suggested that I got out. I sat in my car for a while, waiting for my tears to slow down enough for me to drive. Jensen's suggestion that I move in with him was sounding pretty good right about now. The thought of him made me pull my phone out of my purse, intent on sending a short text to Jensen, needing to hear from him and hoping it would improve my shitty mood.
I miss you so much already.
I waited only seconds before he sent his reply.
Me too, baby. I love you so much.
I love you too. Have a good day.
Every day is a good day when I get to wake up with you.
I smiled through my tears, suddenly feeling better. Thank God I found this man and thank God that he was mine. Loving Jensen would never feel like a burden to me. Never. And no one would ever convince me otherwise.
CHAPTER NINE
Jensen
"Hey, kid," Uncle Mathias greeted me as I walked through the door of our mobile office. "What happened to you yesterday? I was kind of worried about you. Are you okay?"
"I am now," I answered him quietly.
"Were you sick?" he asked with concern.
"Something like that," I said vaguely, not really wanting to talk about yesterday.
"Ah," he replied, his eyes knowing and sad. He understood without me having to explain. Sometimes I forgot that he had lost just as much as I had.
"Sorry I didn't call you," I apologized. "I just needed to be alone for a while."
"Don't worry about it, Jensen," he said. "I understand."
"I'm planning on staying late today to make up for it."
"If that makes you feel better, go right ahead," Mathias said with a smile. "But you don't have to."
"I want to," I insisted. "I owe you for disappearing on you and leaving you in the lurch. It's the least I can do."
Thanks, kid." His eyes became sad. "Your father would be proud of you."
"Well, I'd better get to work," I said hastily, changing the subject as my heart rate picked up from the mention of my dad. There was no way in hell that I'd risk an attack at work. I turned back to the door, grabbed my hard hat and got the hell out of there. My phone chirped with an incoming text as I walked toward the office building we were working in. I smiled, hoping it was Sydney again. I pulled my phone out to see that it was from Andy.
Lunch today? Noon?
I sighed. He probably wanted to try to convince me to get help. Maybe telling him I was talking to Sydney would get him to let it go. The little I had confided in her last night had been liberating, as if some of the weight piled on top of me had been lifted away. I felt calmer than I had in weeks.
Sure. Where are you taking me? I texted back with a smirk expecting him to argue about buying lunch.
Wherever you want. I frowned. He wasn't being sarcastic or trying to insult me. He was definitely planning on having a serious talk today.
Meet me here. I'll figure out where by then. I sent back.
See you at noon.
I shook my head as I continued walking into the building. I should be happy he cared enough to worry about me; I supposed. He was my only friend whom I still kept in contact with since everything changed for me. The first few weeks after the accident I had no interest in being around any of my friends, and eventually they had all stopped calling. I couldn't really blame them. I wasn't exactly pleasant to be around right afterwords anyway. Andy had never been deterred by my anger or my shitty attitude. He'd show up at my place and insist on hanging out even if I refused to talk to him or told him to go away. He would sit with me and watch TV, having entire conversations with himself as I just sat there lost in my grief. I don't know if he even knew how much him being there had meant to me. Maybe someday I'd be able to tell him that.
The next few hours flew by as I threw myself into work, having no time to think about anything else. After yesterday, it was nice to be able to focus on something besides my fucked-up head.
"Hey, Jensen!" One of the guys came and found me mid morning. "There's some hot babe here to see you. She's in the office waiting for you."
"Thanks, man," I told him, thinking Sydney must have gotten away from work to come see me. I hurried out of the building and toward the office with a huge grin on my face. I missed her and couldn't wait to see her again.
I flew up the metal steps two at a time in my haste, pulling off my hard hat and flinging open the door. I stopped short, my face going slack with shock. Delaney Morgan was standing alone in front of my desk, looking at me with a smile on her smug face, wearing a really short black dress and fuck-me heels.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked as sudden rage filled me.
"I came to see where you worked, baby," she said in a saccharine tone as she walked toward me.
"Stop," I growled as she came within a few feet of me. I didn't want her to touch me again. "You need to leave right fucking now."
"But I drove all this way just to see you," she said huskily as she ignored my words and stepped closer to me, reaching out with both hands to touch my chest. I sidestepped around her, avoiding any contact, and moved farther into the room until
my desk sat between us.
"No, you drove here to fuck with me again," I snapped as I slammed my hard hat down on the desk. "Now get the fuck out."
"Why do you talk to me like that, Jensen?" she said in mock offense. "After all that we meant to each other."
"I didn't mean anything to you. Ever," I continued angrily. "Anything I ever felt for you died when I found out you were fucking half the damn campus."
"You're one to talk," she seethed, her sweet facade slipping away. "You were just as much of a whore before you met me."
"Yes, before I met you," I replied through gritted teeth. "I never once cheated on you. I changed for you."
"Maybe this time I could change for you?" Her voice turned sweet again. Her mood changes were giving me whiplash.
"Oh, my God," I blurted out as a sudden insight came to me. "I know what this is now. I'm just another fucking challenge aren't I. You want to see if you can get me back on your goddamn hook." Her face turned wary, and I knew I had struck a nerve. "Your manipulation isn't going to work this time, bitch. I know what real love is now, and this bullshit isn't going to work on me."
"Oh, you mean Sydney?" she asked sarcastically. "Good luck with that."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked with a growl.
"Does she know what a whore you used to be?" she continued angrily. "Does she know how many women you've slept with and used?"
"My past has nothing to do with any of this."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I'm fucking done here," I said with an exasperated sigh, "and I'm fucking done with you." I stepped out from around the table and stalked toward Delaney. I grabbed her upper arm in a firm grip and started dragging her toward the door.
"Let go of me, asshole," she hissed at me as she stumbled along in her stiletto heels next to me. I turned, grabbed her other arm, and pressed her back against the door. Fear flooded her eyes.
"You need to leave me the fuck alone," I warned her in a low deadly tone, my face inches from hers. "I had better never see you again. I can't be responsible for what I do if I see your fucking face again."
"Go on," she sneered. "Hit me. See if that makes you feel better."
I let out a deep breath, trying to control the rage that filled me. Part of me wanted to hit her, but I knew that would end badly and probably with my arrest. I pulled her away from the door just long enough to open it, then pushed her out the door. "Get the fuck out of here," I told her harshly, and shut the door in her fucking face then locked it. I turned to face the room, rubbing a hand down my face in frustration and anger.
Suddenly, there was pounding on the door. "This isn't over you motherfucker!" she screamed. "Not even close."
I fought the urge to rip the door open and push her down the metal steps outside the door. She continued screaming and beating on the door for several more moments. Finally, she yelled "Fuck you!" and I could hear her shoes stomping down the steps as she left. I waited several long minutes listening to silence, until I was sure that she was really gone. So much for my good mood.
I eased the door open and was relieved to see that Delaney was gone. I walked out and headed back to work, wondering what fresh hell that bitch had planned for me next. I couldn't figure out why she had such animosity against me after all this time. Especially since she was the one who screwed me over in the first place. I'd probably never fucking know. I sighed and decided to just let it go for now. Maybe I'd get lucky and never see her again. Yeah, right.
Andy was just pulling up in his yellow monstrosity of a car when I walked out of the office right at noon. I walked over, pulled open the passenger door of his Mitsubishi Evo, and lowered myself into the seat. "Hey, babe," he said with a smirk as he winked at me. "Need a ride?"
"That depends on what kind of ride you mean," I answered as I forced a smile on my face, even though my mood was still pretty shitty from Delaney's visit. Hopefully, being around Andy for a while would help.
"Did you figure out where we're going?" he asked as he backed the car up.
"I've been too busy to give it much thought," I confessed. "Just pick a place, I'll eat whatever you decide on."
"Alright," he said with a smile as he pulled out onto the street. "I could go for a sub. Is that okay?"
"That's fine," I said. Andy turned up the stereo, and he drove while singing along to the music. It was just nice to ride in the car and not think for a while. Andy always had a knack for knowing when I needed some space and could give it to me while still being there. I was grateful for it today.
We ended up at the sub shop a few doors down from Sydney's old job at the coffee shop. I wondered if Andy had picked it on purpose as thoughts of running into Sydney there, the morning after we had met, made me smile. He was just devious enough to do something like this for me. I caught him glancing at me as we passed the coffee shop with a smile, and realized I was right. His grin turned into a knowing smirk as I smiled back at him. He parked the car, and we headed into the restaurant. A few minutes later, we were sitting outside at a table and unwrapping our sandwiches. Andy didn't waste any time getting to the point.
"How did your lunch with David go yesterday?" he asked curiously, trying to sound nonchalant about it. I let out a breath and considered my options. If I told him what really happened, I'd have to talk about it. Fuck, maybe telling him would help. Talking to Sydney certainly had helped. If I lied I'd feel terrible. He was like a brother to me, and I didn't want to do that to him.
"Well, David told me that he's a psychiatric nurse who treats PTSD, and I had a panic attack in the restaurant bathroom," I blurted before I could chicken out. I'd never seen Andy's eyebrows fly up so high in my life. "Then I freaked out and disappeared in my Camaro for the rest of the afternoon after David talked me down. So I'd say it didn't go well at all," I continued before Andy could respond. Andy sat staring at me from across the table in shocked silence. If I had known brutal honesty would strike Andy speechless, I would have tried it years ago. If we weren't talking about something so serious, I would have laughed.
"I...I literally don't know what to say," he stammered out. "I...I'm sorry I didn't go with you, dude."
"I doubt that would have made much difference, but I appreciate the thought," I told him with a shrug.
"It sounds like it was fucking awful."
"You have no fucking idea," I said as I stared past his shoulder with a sigh. The panic attack had probably been one of the worst I ever had, and it had fucked me up so much that my memory of driving around yesterday afternoon was vague at best. I'm glad I didn't wreck my damn car. We lapsed into silence for a while as we ate and Andy absorbed what I had told him. It was the most that I had confided him in a very long time, and it felt good. I figured I might as well keep going.
"Delaney has been fucking with me all week."
Andy practically did a spit take with his drink. "Say what?" he finally got out after a coughing fit. I proceeded to tell him all the shit she'd been doing to me. His face turned angrier and angrier as I talked. "What the fuck is her problem?" he asked as he curled up his lip in disgust.
"I'm pretty sure she wants to see if she can get her hooks into me and then fuck me over again," I said as I shook my head.
"What does Sydney think of all that?" Andy asked.
"I...um...haven't told her about it," I admitted sheepishly.
"Oh my God," Andy said in exasperation. "My best friend is an idiot."
"I don't see why Sydney needs to know about that bitch," I retorted. "I don't want to upset her or have her worrying about it."
"Dude, if she finds out about it without you telling her, you're going to be in for a real shit show," he said with a look of disbelief on his face.
"Sydney's not going to find out," I insisted. "Hell, I just want to forget I ever met that bitch in the first place."
"Alright," Andy said in resignation. "Just don't come crying to me when it blows up in your face." I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever, it's yo
ur funeral," he said with a shrug.
"You're such a drama queen," I said with annoyance.
"The more you keep from Sydney, the more you'll damage your relationship," he said seriously. "You need to share more with her. You keep too much to yourself, and it's eating you up inside."
I pursed my lips and looked away from him. He was right. I know he was, but I still wasn't going to tell Sydney about Delaney. I didn't want to sully what we had with anything to do with Delaney. I didn't even want to mention her name to Sydney.
"I've been talking to her about...my problems," I told him, hoping it would mollify him.
"Good." He nodded at me and thankfully dropped the subject. We ate in silence again for a few minutes. "Hey," he suddenly said with a smile. "David came back this morning and bought that A6."
"It's a nice car," I replied. "I kind of wanted it for myself."
"Oh my God." Andy looked around with a scandalized expression. "Does Chevrolet know about this? Are you going to get kicked out of your cult? God knows what you'll have to do to get back in."
"That only applies if I buy a Ford," I said with a smile as I played along.
"It's funny you should mention Ford." He smirked. "We just got this really nice used Expedition on the lot. You should come take a look at it."
"Ha, ha," I said with a glare.
We finished lunch not long after that and Andy was driving me back to work when my phone started ringing. I pulled my phone out and grinned when I saw it was Sydney calling. "Hey, baby," I answered, still smiling.
"Hi," she said, her voice sounding strained. "Are you busy?"
"No. Andy's driving me back to work from lunch," I explained. "Is everything okay?"
"Not really," she said with a sigh. "I had a fight with Lauren this morning and work sucks today. I just really needed to hear your voice."
"What happened with your sister?" I asked with concern.
"It's not important. It was just a stupid fight, but I've been in a shitty mood ever since."
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