by Miranda Lee
‘Afraid of what?’
‘Of success. You’ve lived with this fantasy for far too long. It’s time to either let it go, or try to make it real. Which is it to be?’
Sarah thought of lying alone in this bed tonight whilst Nick cavorted with Chloe in his bed. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut for several seconds whilst she made up her mind. Then she opened them and looked into Derek’s patiently waiting face.
‘So what’s the plan of action?’
Derek grinned. ‘Stay right where we are, for starters. What time is lunch served?’
‘Actually it’s not served as such. It’s a buffet. Nick usually tries to get everyone heading for the food at one o’clock.’
Derek glanced at his watch. ‘In that case we’ll make a reappearance downstairs at around five to one.’
Sarah frowned. ‘We’re going to stay up here till then?’
‘Yep.’
‘You do realise what Nick is going to think we’re doing.’
‘Yep.’
‘He’ll think I’m a slut!’
‘If I’m right about him, he’ll have trouble thinking at all. Now open your present. And make sure, when you come downstairs, you tell him what I gave you.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
NICK tried to hide his growing agitation, but where the hell was Sarah and what in God’s name was she doing? It didn’t take that long to open one miserable present. Damn it all, it was getting on for one o’clock.
The obvious answer just killed him: she was up in her bedroom, doing unspeakable things with that lounge lizard she was madly in love with and who had obviously pulled the wool over her eyes.
If ever Nick had seen a fortune-hunter it was darling Derek, with his fake smile, his fake blonde hair and his equally fake suntan!
Unfortunately his muscles didn’t look fake, a fact that irritated the death out of Nick. He’d never thought Sarah was the sort of girl whose head could be turned by such superficial attractions. But clearly she was. She even seemed to like being called babe.
Didn’t she know darling Derek probably called every one of his girlfriends babe? Saved him having to remember their names, since it was obvious he didn’t have enough brains to make his head ache.
‘Nick, Jeremy’s talking to you,’ Chloe said somewhat waspishly.
‘What? Oh, sorry.’ Nick dragged his mind away from his mental vitriol to focus back on the man talking to him.
Jeremy was his production company’s location manager. Quite brilliant at his job, and gayer than gay.
‘What were you saying, Jerry?’
Jeremy gave him a sunny smile over the rim of his martini. ‘Just that I’m super-grateful to you for inviting moi for lunch today. Christmas is the one time of year when gays are severely reminded that lots of people are still homophobic. We try telling ourselves that Sydney is a very sophisticated city these days, but it’s not as sophisticated as it pretends to be.’
‘Really?’ Nick said, his eyes returning to the foyer through which Sarah would have to come. If she ever came back downstairs, that was.
‘You’d think the world had more important things to worry about than what people do in their private lives, wouldn’t you?’ Jeremy rattled on. ‘I mean … what business is it of others who or what you have sex with, as long as you’re not hurting anyone?’
But what if you were? came Nick’s savage thought. What if having sex with someone—right at this moment—was tearing someone else’s insides out?
‘Well said, Jeremy,’ his partner complimented.
Nick’s eyes swung to Kelvin, who was a tall, skinny fellow of indeterminate age.
Nick was about to open his mouth and make some possibly rude remark—he suspected he was on the verge of behaving very badly indeed—when the movement he’d been waiting for caught the corner of his eye.
Nick’s guts crunched down hard as he watched the object of his agitation waltz across the foyer with a smug-looking Derek hot on her heels.
That Sarah’s hair was down—and tousled—did not escape Nick. Neither did her flushed cheeks.
‘If you’ll excuse me,’ he said abruptly, ‘there’s someone I must speak to. Chloe, could you show our guests out to the terrace? The lunch is a buffet, but there are place cards on the table.’
Nick ignored the flash of annoyance that zoomed across Chloe’s face, just before he spun away and marched across the family room to confront Sarah. What he thought he was going to say he had no idea. But he needed to say something; anything to give vent to the storm of emotion building to a head within him.
‘Sarah,’ he bit out when he was close enough to the lovebirds.
Her eyes jerked round towards him.
‘I need to talk to you. Now. In private.’
‘But we were just going out to the terrace for lunch,’ she returned, oh, so sweetly.
He gritted his teeth as his furious gaze fastened on her mouth, where her red lipstick was an even glossier red than it had been before. Courtesy, no doubt, of having had to be retouched.
But the coup de grâce to his already teetering control was noticing that she’d removed his diamond earrings.
‘I’m sure you won’t mind not eating for a further five minutes,’ he snapped, his stomach turning over at the thought of why she wasn’t still wearing his Christmas gift.
Her shrug seemed carefree, but he detected a smidgeon of worry in her eyes.
‘I won’t be long, darling,’ she said to her lover with a softly apologetic stroke on his arm. ‘The buffet’s all set up on the terrace out there. You go ahead and I’ll join you shortly.’
‘Sure thing, babe. I’ll choose for you. And get you some of that white wine you like.’
‘Would you? That would be wonderful.’
The schmaltzy exchange almost made Nick sick to his stomach. The moment Derek departed he grabbed Sarah by the elbow and steered her back out to the foyer, then along the front hallway towards his study.
When she tried to wrench her arm free, his hand tightened its hold.
‘Is this caveman stuff really necessary?’ she protested.
Nick said nothing, just pushed her into his study, then banged the door shut behind them. When he glowered over her, she did look a little shamefaced.
‘OK, you’re mad at me for not coming downstairs earlier and helping you with your guests,’ she said. ‘That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘Not only was your behaviour rude, Sarah, it was embarrassing.’
‘Embarrassing! I don’t see how. I mean, it’s not as though I know any of the guests this year. Flora told me beforehand that all of them are from your production company.’
‘That’s no excuse for ignoring them,’ he lashed out. ‘They have heard me speak of you. They expected to meet you, but you were nowhere to be seen. On Christmas Day, of all days! It would have been polite of you to be in the family room, offering drinks and making conversation. Instead, you were upstairs in your bedroom, having sex with that obsequious boyfriend of yours. I would have thought you had more pride, and a better sense of decorum.’
Her cheeks went bright red. ‘Derek is not obsequious. And I was not having sex with him.’
Nick’s laugh was both cold and contemptuous. ‘Your appearance rather contradicts that.’
Her mouth fell open, then snapped shut. ‘What Derek and I do in the privacy of my room is none of your business. Just as it’s none of my business what you’ll be doing with Chloe tonight in your bedroom. We’re both adults now, Nick. I’ve been an adult for quite some time, in case you haven’t noticed. In six weeks’ time, I’ll be twenty-five and you’ll no longer have any say in my life whatsoever. I will be able to do whatever I like in this house because you won’t be in it!’
‘And no one will be more pleased than me,’ he threw back at her, his frustration making him reckless. ‘Do you think I’ve enjoyed being your bloody guardian? Do you think it’s been fun, trying to keep you safe from all the sleazebags? Do you have any idea how
hard it’s been for me, keeping my own hands off you?’
There! He’d said it. It was out in the open now. His dark secret, his guilty obsession.
Nick hated the shock in her face. But it was a relief, in a way.
‘You never guessed?’ he said, his soul suddenly weary.
She shook her head. ‘You … you never said anything.’
Nick’s smile was wry. ‘I owed it to Ray to do what he asked me to do.’
‘He asked you to keep away from me?’
‘He asked me to protect you from the scoundrels of this world.’
If anything, this statement shocked her more than his admitting his desire.
‘But you’re not a scoundrel!’
‘Trust me, Sarah. I’m a scoundrel of the first order. Always was. Always will be. Believe me, if you were any other man’s daughter I would have seduced you when I had the chance. Because I did have a chance with you, didn’t I? When you were sixteen.’
‘You mean when I kissed you that time? You actually wanted me back then?’
‘That’s putting it mildly. Don’t imagine for a single moment that I was worried about your age. Such things have never mattered to me. I just couldn’t bear the thought that the one man in the world whom I liked and respected might look at me with disgust. Ray’s words of praise and acceptance meant more to me than my intense but inconvenient desire for you.’
‘I … I see …’
Nick doubted it. How could someone as basically sweet and naïve as Sarah understand the dark and damaged undercurrents of his character?
‘Go on. Go back to your Derek,’ he commanded.
‘He … he’s not my Derek.’
‘What? What do you mean by that?’
‘Derek’s not my lover. He’s just a friend. He’s also gay.’
‘Gay!’ Nick repeated, his mind whirling as he tried to make sense of Sarah’s confession.
‘You’ve just been brutally honest with me, so I’m going to be brutally honest with you. I brought Derek to today’s lunch so that I wouldn’t be alone. And hopefully, to make you jealous.’
Nick stared at her.
Sarah looked as if she was about to cry. ‘I’ve had a crush on you for as long as I can remember,’ she blurted out.
Nick grimaced. He hated that word, crush. It sound so schoolgirlish. Of course, Sarah was still very young, compared to him. He’d been old from the time he was thirteen.
‘You still have a chance with me, Nick,’ she went on, her green eyes glistening. ‘If you want it …’
If he wanted it. Dear God, if she only knew.
But what he wanted bore no resemblance to what she wanted.
‘I’m no good for you, Sarah,’ he bit out, surprising himself that he could find the will-power to resist what she was foolishly offering him.
‘Why not?’ she demanded to know.
‘You know why not. I hid nothing from you when you were a youngster. I told you more than once: I can’t fall in love.’
‘I’m not asking you to.’
He glowered at her. ‘Don’t you dare lower yourself in that fashion. Don’t you dare! I know you, Sarah. You want love and marriage and children. You do not want some decadent affair with a man of little conscience and even less moral fibre.’
‘So you’re knocking me back again. Is that the bottom line?’
‘I already have a girlfriend,’ he said coldly. ‘I don’t need you.’
The hurt in her eyes showed Nick that he’d done the right thing. Sarah’s crush would have deepened into love if he slept with her. It had happened to him before, which was why he always stuck to partners like Chloe these days.
But that didn’t mean he felt good about rejecting Sarah. His body was already regretting it.
‘You’ll find Mr Right one day,’ he said stiffly.
‘Oh, don’t be so bloody pompous,’ she snapped at him. ‘If I wanted Mr Right, do you think I’d have just propositioned you? But that’s all right, there are plenty of other good-looking studs around. Once I inherit all Daddy’s lovely money, I don’t think I’ll be wanting for lovers, do you? Now I’m going to go eat my Christmas lunch. You can please yourself with what you do!’
CHAPTER NINE
‘DOES that face mean good news or bad news?’ Derek asked after Sarah had dragged the chair out next to him, and plonked herself down.
‘Don’t talk to me just yet. I’m so mad I could spit.’
‘Oooh. I wish I’d been a fly on the wall. Here, have some wine. It’s a very good Chardonnay from the Hunter Valley.’
‘I don’t give a damn what it is as long as it’s alcohol.’
Sarah lifted the glass to her lips and swallowed deep and hard.
‘I hope you like seafood,’ Derek said, indicating the plateful he’d collected for her.
‘At this point in time, I like anything which is edible. And drinkable!’
Sarah could still hardly believe what had just happened. Her fantasy man had confessed that he fancied her. Had claimed he’d fancied her way back when she’d been fifteen!
She’d been within a hair’s breadth of having her most longed-for dream come true and what had he done? Rejected her, in favour of the brown-haired witch sitting two chairs down from her.
‘Sarah!’ the witch suddenly snapped. ‘Where on earth is Nick? I got his meal for him and now he’s not here to eat it.’
Sarah gained some pleasure from seeing that Chloe was not pleased with her lover’s absence. Not pleased at all!
‘I have absolutely no idea where he is,’ came her seemingly nonchalant reply, which was followed up by another large gulp of wine.
‘But weren’t you just talking to him?’
‘Yes,’ she replied airily.
The witch’s eyes narrowed. ‘So what were you two talking about? Or weren’t you talking at all?’
Sarah blinked, her wine glass stilling in mid-air. ‘What?’
‘You don’t fool me,’ Chloe spat. ‘I know what’s going on here with you and Nick. I knew it the moment I clapped eyes on you.’
‘Knew what, Chloe?’
Both Sarah and Chloe jumped at Nick’s reappearance, Sarah quite stunned by the ice in his voice. And his eyes.
Chloe’s own eyes stayed hard. ‘Don’t take me for a fool, Nick. I know jealousy when I see it. And I know you. No way could you have lived all these years with a girl of Sarah’s—shall we say?—attractions—without sampling them for yourself.’
Sarah’s mouth gaped open whilst Nick’s hands tightened over the back of his chair, his knuckles going white. ‘Are you accusing me of sleeping with my ward?’
‘For want of a better word—yes.’
Sarah suddenly became aware that a silence had fallen over the long, trestle-style table. In the distance she could hear the sound of a speedboat on the harbour. Up close, all she could hear was her own heart beating loudly in her chest.
‘If that’s what you think,’ Nick said, ‘then I suggest you leave.’
Chloe looked rattled for a moment, but only for a moment. Her face became a sour mask as she scraped her chair back and stood up. ‘I couldn’t agree more. I’m not a girl who tolerates being cheated on.’
‘I never cheated on you,’ Nick stated curtly.
‘If that’s so, then it’s only because Sarah decided she temporarily preferred Derek to you. I am well aware she hasn’t been home lately. But be warned, Derek,’ she flung in Derek’s direction, ‘she belonged to Nick first. Isn’t that right, Sarah?’
Sarah could have lied. But she wanted this creature gone from Nick’s life.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ she said, and there was a immediate buzz around the table. Chloe’s face showed a savage satisfaction, whilst Nick’s expression carried alarm.
‘But not the way you’re implying,’ Sarah went on, determined not to let this witch-woman ruin Nick’s reputation in the eyes of his business colleagues. ‘Nick has always had my love, and he always will. He has not, however,
ever acted in any way with me but as my protector, and my friend. So yes, I agree with Nick. If you believe he’s behaved in such a dishonourable fashion, then you should leave. There is no place in my home for anyone who doesn’t hold Nick in the same high regard in which my father did, and in which I do. So please,’ she said, and stood up also, ‘let me show you to the door.’
‘No,’ Nick said, and pressed a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder. ‘Let me.’
Sarah threw him a grateful glance before sinking back down into her chair, only then realising her knees were very wobbly indeed.
‘Good luck,’ Chloe grated out with one last vicious look at Sarah. ‘You’re going to need it.’
As Nick shepherded Chloe from the terrace, Derek began a slow clap, joined by several of the guests.
‘Very impressive, sweetie,’ Derek said softly. ‘But also rather telling.’
Sarah’s head jerked around towards him. ‘In what way?’
‘Blind Freddie can see you’re in love with the man.’
Sarah sighed. ‘Was I that obvious?’
‘Afraid so.’
‘Oh, dear.’
‘No matter. Now, tell me what happened a little while back that made you so mad. Was Nick as jealous as Chloe said he was?’
‘Yes.’
‘I knew it! He fancies you, doesn’t he?’
Sarah shook her head. ‘I couldn’t believe it when he told me he did. And not just lately. Since I was sixteen.’
‘Wow. Did you tell him you fancied him right back?’
‘Yes.’
Derek looked confused. ‘Then I don’t get it. What’s the problem? Not me, I hope. You did tell him I wasn’t your real boyfriend, didn’t you?’
‘Oh, yes. I was totally honest with him. I even told him you were gay.’
‘And?’
‘He still rejected me. Said he was no good for me.’
‘What?’
‘He told me my father asked him to protect me from the scoundrels of this world, of which he rates himself the gold-medal winner.’
‘For crying out loud, can’t the man see that his not sleeping with you all these years makes him one of the good guys?’
