“I’m sorry,” she’d said.
That was the end of the conversation. And every day of his life since they’d ended the call had sucked. So he’d avoided the lodge. He’d avoided the diner. He’d more or less been avoiding any place he might run into her until he was sure he could handle seeing her and knowing she wasn’t his anymore. That she maybe never had been.
But Josh was in the preliminary stages of planning a big ATV event for the following year and he needed Ben and Drew to look over the rough map of the event area, possible activities and the projected attendance to get an idea of what they’d need in the way of emergency personnel on-site. And Ben was an adult with a job to do, so he’d put on his game face and made the drive.
He went around the side of the house to the back door because he wasn’t really “company” any more, and wasn’t surprised to find Rosie in the kitchen. She had something that smelled amazing in the slow cooker.
“Well, look who’s here. Come on in.”
He’d been nervous about his reception from Rosie for the entire drive. He’d known her his entire life, but she’d taken a strong liking to Laney and practically made her part of the family. If she knew things had gone bad between them and took sides, he could have found himself having meetings with Josh in the barn.
“Things have been busy,” he said, feeling a need to explain his absence after he’d spent so much time there, but she gave him a look that made it clear she knew exactly why he hadn’t been around. “How is she?”
“If you want to know how Laney is, you can find her out back. She’s probably not doing so well right at the moment because one of our guests in a rented RV didn’t pay attention to the part about dumping tanks and everything’s backed up in their shower. She’s helping them take care of it, so I’d probably give her a few minutes.”
“You know I love her, Rosie. This isn’t what I wanted.”
“I know that. But maybe you were ready to fall a little faster and a little harder and she needed a little extra time to catch up.” She sighed and nodded toward the table. “Sit down and I’ll give you a brownie.”
He knew he should ask if Josh was in his office and head back there, but he sat and took the brownie on a napkin she handed him. “I feel like I gave her time.”
“She married a guy who loved her, but then turned out to maybe not love her that much after all and spent ten years trying to make her into what he wanted. And her parents did their part, too.”
Rosie was doing something at the counter while she talked and when she turned, she had a wooden spoon in her hand.
He pointed at her. “Don’t even think about hitting me with that.”
She looked confused for a few seconds, and then she laughed. “I was going to stir my sauce with it, but now that you mention it, a good whack upside the head probably wouldn’t hurt you any.”
“Nothing can hurt more than I already do.” His voice was raw and he probably wouldn’t have said the words out loud, but Rosie was the kind of woman a person could talk to.
“Son, I can tell you there are more painful things in life than what you’re going through. But I also know this isn’t just any breakup for you. And it’s not for her, either.”
“I’m afraid if I talk to her, I’ll convince myself I can wait longer.”
“And can you, if that’s what she needs?”
“Hey, I thought I heard you pull in.”
Ben turned to see Josh walking into the kitchen, saving him from having to answer Rosie’s questions. He didn’t know what to say, anyway. He loved Laney. He wanted Laney to love him—to be willing to put everything else behind her and share her life with him.
“I’ve got the map here,” Josh said, pulling a folded piece of paper from his back pocket.
“You have a map? I’m shocked.”
“That gets funnier every time I hear it.” The straight face and dry tone made Ben laugh, which he hadn’t done a lot of lately. “You want to sit here or go to my office.”
“Here’s fine if we’re not in Rosie’s way. Where’s Drew?”
“He’s on his way. He has Jackson and there was a diaper incident that required turning around for fresh clothes and the spare car seat. I didn’t ask any more questions.”
“I can look at a map without him for now.”
Anything to keep his mind off the fact the woman he loved was so close his body ached with the need to see her.
* * *
Laney knew Ben was at the Northern Star. She’d caught a glimpse of his SUV through the trees and her breath had caught up in her throat so hard she’d stopped walking for a few seconds.
God, she missed him.
But she forced herself to keep walking to her camper. She cleaned up because some jobs in a campground were a little more unsavory than others. Then she sat at her dinette and asked herself what the hell she was going to do.
Option one was to hide in her camper until she was sure he was gone, sneak into Rosie’s kitchen and steal some cookies, and then crawl into her bed and cry.
Option two was to go find some physical labor to do or maybe take a long walk so her body would be so exhausted her thoughts couldn’t torment her anymore.
Option three was to go find Ben and tell him she loved him.
The third option scared the hell out of her, but she’d spent the last two weeks missing him desperately. She learned that loving Ben didn’t take over her life. It didn’t diminish her. He made her life better, and she was stronger and happier with him.
If she went to him and he rejected what she had to say...it would be crushing. But she’d hurt so badly the last two weeks, she knew it was worth the chance. And if he turned her away, she’d survive. She’d keep doing what she was doing. Working. Walking. She’d get through it, and at least she’d know she’d tried.
Movement caught her eye and she looked at the little dancing pink flamingo sitting on the windowsill at the end of the dinette. It had been sunny for days, and he was flapping his wings like he really believed he could fly, with that goofy smile on his face.
It made her smile, and that broke her. Ben knew her. He knew what made her happy and what made her smile. And, tired and stressed after a hard medical call, he’d taken the time to buy a silly dancing flamingo just because he knew it would make her smile.
It was tempting to spend a little more time in her camper. She could put on a little makeup to hide her tired eyes. Or rehearse what she wanted to say. But if she went out there and he was already gone, she might not have the courage to get in her car and go after him.
She was halfway across the lawn, her hands balled into fists so tightly her fingernails were pressing into her palms, when the kitchen door opened and Ben stepped out. Stopping in her tracks, she watched him close the door and then take a deep breath, as if he was steadying himself.
Then he started walking, not toward his SUV, but toward her. And he slowed when he saw her, but kept moving. His eyes never left hers, and she exhaled a slow, shuddering breath. His look was questioning, and she realized he might not know she hadn’t been on her way to the lodge, but was specifically looking for him.
“I came to tell you I’m in love with you,” she said, not wanting there to be any doubt.
The lines in his face softened, and his lips curved into a smile. When he reached her, he took her hand and uncurled her fingers so he could lace his with hers.
“I think I miss holding your hand more than anything else,” he said. “That connection. The reassurance of touching you. It grounds me somehow.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she whispered. “I panicked and it was stupid and—”
“It wasn’t stupid. You weren’t ready.”
“I’m ready now. I want to make my life here, in Whitford, with you. If you still want me.”
He kissed her, his mouth crushing hers as his hand squeezed hers. When she was breathless, he broke it off and smiled at her. “I will always want you. We have what it takes, Laney. You just have to trust in me. Trust in us.”
“I trust you. I don’t know if I’ve ever trusted anybody in my life the way I trust you. But I needed to trust myself. I felt like I had to know that I would do what was best for me, not to make anybody else happy. And I got so hung up on finding myself, whatever that’s supposed to mean, that I almost missed finding myself happiness.”
With his free hand, he tucked her hair behind her ear and then traced the line of her jaw. “Laney Caswell, will you be my girlfriend?”
Laughter bubbled up through the tears and she nodded. “I want to be your girlfriend more than anything.”
“I love you,” he said, his expression growing more serious. “I love everything about you. I love your laugh and your questionable taste in TV shows and that bright pink makes you happy. There’s nothing about you I would change.”
She kissed him this time, slowly and relishing every second of it. “We can paint one of my chairs blue if, you want. His and hers.”
“Not a chance. The pink makes you smile and when you smile, I smile. Forty years from now, we’ll be sitting in those pink chairs, holding hands, and I’ll still feel like the luckiest man alive when you smile at me.”
“You’re talking your way into an invitation to spend the night with me, you know.”
“And Rosie didn’t even have to hit me with a wooden spoon.”
She grinned. “I wonder if they come in pink.”
Epilogue
October
“Keep your eyes closed. No peeking.”
“I’m either going to fall asleep or get carsick if you don’t let me open my eyes soon, Ben,” Laney said. They’d been a few minutes from the lodge when he’d told her to close her eyes, though she couldn’t imagine why. The party at the Northern Star wasn’t a surprise, and it wasn’t for her. They had babies to celebrate.
She felt the Camaro slow and then make a left turn, which confused her. The turn off to the lodge was a right from this direction. Then it came to a stop and the engine went silent.
“Don’t look. I’m coming around to get you.”
She played along because Ben was obviously excited, and kept her eyes closed as he opened her door and took her hand to help her out. His other hand went to her back as he guided her. Autumn leaves crunched under their feet and her pulse quickened as the pieces started falling into place in her mind.
“Open your eyes,” he said.
It wasn’t the cream-colored cape with blue shutters and deep porch that made tears spring to her eyes. They’d looked at the house—with its two-car garage, three bedrooms and white picket fence—several times, and she’d fallen in love with it. But the owners were offering it for rent with an option to buy, and it had access to the ATV and snowmobile trails, so there had been some competition for the property.
But today, sitting in the shade of the porch, were two bright pink Adirondack chairs. Her chairs, which they’d put in Josh’s barn when they winterized her camper and she’d moved into Ben’s apartment.
“We got it?” she asked, almost afraid to believe it. “Really?”
“Welcome home, Laney.” She threw her arms around his neck and he kissed her. Then he laced his fingers through hers and led her across the lawn to the front steps. “They’re still moving out, but they said I could put the chairs here because I couldn’t wait to tell you. And I know how much you wanted this house, so I set up the appointment for us to sign the papers and get the keys for next week.”
“Thank you, Ben.” She would have thrown her arms around him again and sobbed into his shirt, but he nudged her toward one of the chairs and she sat. “This is perfect.”
When he sat in the other chair, which was close enough so he could hold her hand across the distance, Laney breathed in the crisp fall air and looked out over their yard. Yellow and orange leaves danced in the breeze, and she could picture the kids they would have diving into piles Ben raked up.
“Close your eyes again,” he said. “There’s more.”
“Seriously? More than our house?”
He grinned and nodded. “The house we chose together. But I have a surprise, too. Now close your eyes.”
Once she had, she could tell by the tug on her hand that he’d stood up. And it was only a few seconds before he told her to open her eyes again.
He was on one knee in front of her, her hand still in his. In the other was a small velvet box, open to show a beautiful diamond solitaire. When their eyes met, he exhaled shakily and she realized he was nervous.
“I love you, Laney. I love this life we’re making for ourselves and I want you to be my wife.” He paused for a second, swallowing hard. “Maybe I should have waited so it wouldn’t seem like marrying me goes with the house, because it doesn’t.”
“Yes.” She pushed forward in the chair, wanting to be closer to him. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
He’d barely gotten the ring on her finger before she threw her arms around him. He was off-balance and ended up on his back on the wooden floor, with her straddling him. Once she’d kissed him until his fingers curled in her hair and he moaned against her mouth, she broke it off and smiled down at him.
“If we already had keys to our house, I’d take you inside and show you just how much I love you.”
“I see how much you love me every time you smile at me like that,” he said. “And we have a party to get to.”
She’d forgotten they were supposed to be on their way to the lodge. “I hope they don’t mind me sharing our big news at their baby party because there’s no way I can keep it a secret.”
“Trust me, when it comes to family, the more they have to celebrate, the happier they are.”
As she stood and then helped Ben to his feet, she thought about what he’d said. Family. She was already a part of the Northern Star family, even though she’d only been there for a summer. And the connection would only get stronger, since Josh had asked her to stay year-round. They couldn’t pay her a lot, but she didn’t need a lot and it was enough. She’d learned you couldn’t put a price on the kind of happiness that made you fall asleep with a smile every night.
As they walked back to the car, she looked over her shoulder. “I can’t believe it’s really ours.”
“Those chairs weigh a ton. They’re staying.” He lifted her hand to kiss the ring on her finger. “And next week, we’ll spend our first night together in it.”
She was still smiling when they pulled up to the lodge. Because of the babies, the party was inside, but the doors and windows were open and they could hear the chatter of happy voices as they walked up to the porch.
“Laney!” Rosie saw her as soon as they stepped through the door and wrapped her in a hug before doing the same to Ben. “I was wondering where you two were.”
“We were sitting on the porch of our new house.”
Rosie clapped her hands to her chest, her eyes wide. “So we don’t have to keep it a secret?”
Ben laughed. “No, we stopped over there first because I knew Josh would tell you and I didn’t want you to have to suffer.”
“You’re a good boy. Keeping secrets is hard on me, you know.”
Laney held up her left hand. “I won’t ask you to keep this one, then.”
Rosie squealed and then Laney and Ben were swallowed up by hugs and congratulations. But after a few minutes, she was able to extract herself and head to the couch, where there were two little bundles of joy she was there to meet.
Paige and Katie each had an end of the couch. Sarah was curled up against her mom, looking ready for a nap, but she perked up when she realized she had a fresh audience.
“I
have a baby sister,” she told Laney and Ben, pulling at the pink blanket.
“Easy, honey.” Paige lifted the baby’s head, so they could see her little face.
“Her name’s Charlotte,” Sarah told them. “She’s going to play dolls with me. But not ’til she’s bigger because she was only borned three weeks ago and she can’t hold them yet.”
“She’s beautiful,” Laney said. “Just like her big sister.”
“Look at Nate, too! He’s my cousin and he was just borned, so he can’t play dolls, either.”
Katie looked exhausted, but she laughed as she folded back the blue blanket, which had obviously been knit by Rosie. The newborn was asleep, and Laney kept herself from touching him so she wouldn’t risk waking him.
“He’s such a handsome boy,” she said in a quiet voice. “Congratulations.”
Katie smiled. “He looks like his daddy. And congratulations back at you. Your ring is gorgeous!”
Laney felt a rush of happiness and wondered if, at some point, the thought of marrying Ben would stop making her feel like that. She hoped not. “Thank you. I don’t want to take any attention away from these babies, though.”
Katie laughed. “More reasons to celebrate are never a bad thing. And Mom’s probably baking you a cake right now.”
“I am not,” Rosie said, and Laney jumped. She hadn’t realized she was standing so close. “Because there was room to write in Ben and Laney’s names on the big sheet cake.”
“Did you tell her the rest of the good news?” Paige asked.
“Not yet.” Rosie was already beaming, but her face seemed to light up even more. “Emma’s expecting. And she didn’t say, but I think she and Sean conceived that baby while they were here. They’ve been trying for so long, and that just makes it even more special.”
She didn’t even hesitate to wrap her arms around Rosie and give her a big squeeze. “I’m so happy for them. And for you.”
“So many babies. And a wedding.” She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes. “I didn’t think one woman could be this happy.”
What It Takes: A Kowalski Reunion Novel Page 23
