“We had no choice but to remove the problem before it ended existence as we knew it. With only Michael being able to open a gateway while on Earth, we never expected Lucifer to find a way to open a gateway too. However, we couldn’t have done things differently. I also wouldn’t change what I did today even though it broke our laws. I may have saved you for you to die tomorrow,” he said to me, “or you could live for thousands more years. Even if you are our greatest weapon against Lucifer, I will not intervene again. I cannot continue to rewrite your life in such a way. Fate will designate the rest of your course, not angels.”
I snorted. “I like your optimism, but I doubt I have thousands of years left in me.”
Raphael shrugged. “Perhaps not, but there is no way to know how long an immortal could live.”
“I’m not immortal. In case you forgot, I just died.” I couldn’t stop the shudder running through me at the reminder of Caim’s sword plunging into my heart. My hand went to the hole in my shirt again. The pain, the coldness, the emptiness of dying flooded me once more. Yet there had still been a sense of peace and a knowing that everyone I loved would be okay.
“You entered Hell. We felt the outburst of your power all the way in Heaven when you toppled the seals—”
Raphael stopped speaking when Erin, Vargas, and Shax inhaled sharply and their eyes swung toward me.
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said defensively. “Lucifer didn’t exactly give me a choice on the matter.”
“I will fill you in later,” Kobal said to them, but their eyes still bored into me.
“You are the Chosen of the varcolac,” Raphael continued. “You wield fire and life, have premonitions and are capable of entering other’s dreams. You are more angel than demon, but more than that, you are more immortal than you are mortal.”
I glanced questioningly at Kobal who stared at Raphael like he was trying to figure out if the angel was screwing with him. When his claws lengthened, I knew he would kill Raphael if he was.
“I don’t understand,” Erin said. “We all saw her plunge a sword through her heart, close the gateway, and die. I’ve seen demons regenerate ears and hands, watched more than a few of them get stabbed, burnt, bleed out to the point where nothing could survive it. Yet somehow, they did survive. River was dead. You wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t died.”
“She was dead,” Raphael confirmed, “but she is and will be an immortal.”
He made my head hurt more than Magnus ever had. Releasing Caim’s arm, which I hadn’t realized I’d still been clutching, I lifted my fingers to rub my temples. “I don’t understand,” I muttered.
“I do,” Caim said. “You haven’t frozen into your immortality, yet. You are too young to have stopped aging. You are mortal now, but you won’t be once you come into everything you are.”
I opened my mouth to reply before closing it. I couldn’t form words in my head to get them out.
“We would have sensed that,” Corson said. “Demons know when another is still a youth.”
“Would you have?” Raphael replied. “She is not a demon such as you know them to be.”
My gaze shot to Caim. “Did you sense this?”
“I haven’t spent much time with you, but no I didn’t, and I probably wouldn’t. I am more demon than angel now, or at the very least I am something different than all of you.”
“I should have sensed this,” Kobal grated.
“You are too close to her and all of this, and you are also extremely different than her,” Raphael replied. “She is far more angel than demon.”
“I realized in Hell I felt more angel than anything else,” I murmured as I tried to process everything he’d revealed and what it all meant. After everything that happened today, my brain seemed completely incapable of absorbing this knowledge.
“I can sense her youth in her, but I can also sense she is nearing the end and will freeze soon,” Raphael said. “Keep in mind, soon for an immortal may still be years.”
“So I will stop aging and become an immortal?” I inquired, too afraid to believe what Raphael said.
“If you live to freeze into your immortality, then yes, you will become immortal.”
Unexpected tears burned my eyes as I grabbed Kobal’s arm. My fingers dug into his flesh, but I couldn’t get myself to ease my grip on him. I couldn’t look at him; I was petrified I’d see denial in his eyes if I did.
Eternity with him, if I survived to make it to immortality.
“So that means the other children of the angels will be immortal now too?” Corson inquired.
“Yes,” Raphael replied. “And if there are any surviving children of the demons who once walked Earth, they will also be immortal.”
I’d forgotten about the children of the demons, but then the demons had never bothered to track any offspring that may still be walking the Earth.
Kobal wrapped his hand around my head and cradled me against him. “Forever,” he breathed.
I released my grip on his arm to hug him close. “Forever.”
The others remained silent as we clung to each other.
Finally, Vargas cleared his throat and focused on Caim. “You said the being retreated after laying down the laws for the angels, are you saying there is no God?” Vargas’s hand went to the golden cross hanging from his necklace; he rubbed it as he asked his question.
“Did you hear those words come out of my mouth?” Caim retorted.
“No, but—”
“It is believed the being will return,” Raphael interrupted Vargas. “It’s why the angels have tried to obey the laws. Things will be upheld in Heaven, as much as possible, until the being returns.”
I could almost hear Caim’s eyes rolling.
“Where did the being go?” Erin asked.
Raphael spread his hands out before him. “That we do not know. Perhaps, the being went to other worlds. Perhaps it simply went to rest, but it will return one day.”
“What if you’re wrong and it has retreated forever, or ceased to exist?” I asked.
Raphael stiffened. “I am not wrong.”
“I guess that’s a touchy subject,” Corson said.
“The being will return,” Raphael insisted. “We weren’t told when.”
“Now would be a good time,” Hawk shrugged when Raphael shot him a fierce look. “Just saying, you know with Hell literally becoming a part of Earth, we could use some help.”
“The being will not interfere with the course we have all walked,” Raphael replied.
“So what do we do now?” Erin asked.
“We return to the wall,” Kobal replied. “We regroup, and we hunt Lucifer. He has to be destroyed. If he didn’t come out the gateway on this side…?” His voice trailed questioningly off as he looked to Shax.
“He didn’t,” Shax confirmed.
“Then he most likely escaped on the other side, but I would guarantee he escaped before the gateway closed,” Kobal said. “When Lucifer is dead, the rest of his followers will scatter. Once scattered, it will be easier to pick them off. It will take time, and many will die, but with Lucifer dead, the rest will fall eventually too.”
Kobal focused on Raphael and Caim. “What do the two of you plan to do?”
“I will stay with the offspring,” Raphael replied.
My eyes narrowed on him. “The offspring has a name, and it’s River.”
“I am sorry. It is what you are known as in Heaven. With the many we watch die every day, detachment is easier.”
“Lovely,” I muttered.
“Don’t worry, child, the angels are like that with everyone,” Caim said. “I will also be coming with you.”
“You turned on the angels and then Lucifer, and you think I’m going to let you stay with her?” Kobal inquired of him.
“I never turned on the angels. I sought the answers to Lucifer’s questions and I paid for it. I warred with the angels because it was either fight or die. I turned on Lucifer to save us all. I
t was not an easy choice to make, and I would not have made it if Lucifer hadn’t forced my hand,” Caim replied. “I chose her, and I will stand by that choice no matter what happens from here on out.”
“I believe him,” I said. “He’s coming with us.”
“River—” Kobal started.
“He saved my life. He made the choice to do that in front of Lucifer, and Lucifer will kill him for it. He’s coming with us.”
Caim smiled at me as he ruffled his feathers. “You have chosen a wise queen, Kobal.” Before anyone could respond, he shifted into raven form and soared into the trees.
Erin and Vargas staggered away from where he’d stood. “What was that?” Erin breathed.
“Caim is the raven of Heaven,” Raphael replied. “I am surprised to see he can still shift into that form. It is a special gift bestowed on him by the being, but his connection to the raven seems to have left him with more of a conscience than the rest of the fallen.”
“Or maybe it’s because what he says is true, and he never wanted to break from all of you, as I’m sure some of the fallen wanted to do after being tossed aside in such a way,” I said. “Maybe because of the raven, he was able to keep more of a connection to his angelic side after he lost his connection to life.”
Raphael gazed at me for a long minute. “Perhaps,” he murmured.
I had a feeling he’d never considered such a thing before.
In the distance, a thunderous boom shook the night. “It’s time to leave,” Kobal said.
CHAPTER 38
River
Hawk decided to walk with the others to give Kobal and me some time together, but neither of us had spoken since we’d climbed into the pickup truck. Kobal sat awkwardly behind the wheel, his large body barely fitting into the small space as he kept his gaze focused on the dark road as only the moonlight guided us onward. Kobal didn’t want to risk stopping, and neither did I, but we couldn’t keep the headlights on either. It would only attract something to us.
In the woods, the darker outline of people, demons, and the hounds walking through the small trees lining the roadway could be seen. The further we got from the closed gateway, the healthier and larger the trees became.
We’d lost many of the humans and some of the demons who originally drove to the gateway with us, but we’d gained skelleins, hellhounds, and some of the palitons who had fled Hell. Every hour, those riding in the bed of the truck would switch out with some of the walkers and new riders would climb aboard. I hoped they were getting some sleep, but I doubted it.
My mind spun as I tried to process everything that had happened in such a short time. I kept opening my mouth to speak and then closing it again. I had no idea where to start or if I could put into words the chaos running through my mind.
“I should walk with the others,” I murmured.
“You are my queen; you will stay with me.”
“Kobal—”
“The humans must accept that things are different now.” His head turned toward me and his eyes flickered amber. “You must accept it too.”
“I have, in many ways. My views of the world are far different than what they were before we traveled to the gateway and into Hell. The angels are not all that is good, and Lucifer is not all that is evil. He is evil though, in his own way. The things he did…”
Kobal squeezed my hand when my voice trailed off.
“I was so cold, with those wraiths,” I said. “I’ve never felt anything like what he did to me with them. Never felt anything like the influx of power that came from him and you touching me at the same time. I thought it would kill me, or that I would kill everyone near me.”
Turning away from him, I rested my forehead against the passenger-side window as I tried to suppress the memory. Squeezing my eyes shut, I winced as an unearthly screech pierced the air.
“Listen to the night,” I whispered. “This isn’t Earth, not anymore. These things are free because my abilities set them free. My choice or not, they are here because of me.”
“This is not your fault, do not blame yourself,” he said.
“I’m not blaming myself; I’m stating a fact. If I’d been given the choice, this wouldn’t have happened. This is not my fault, I was forced to do something I didn’t know I could do, but I’m still the catalyst behind it. I have to live with that knowledge.”
His thumb stroking the back of my hand sent shivers down my spine. It felt like it had been forever since I’d been able to lose myself in his embrace. Sparks danced across the tips of my fingers when I turned my hand over to clasp his. The light spread to encompass both our wrists.
“When you hit Lucifer with that blast of energy while I was fighting him in the cavern, it went through him and into me,” he said as he gazed at the life swirling around us.
“Really?” I gasped. “I didn’t know that could happen.”
“Neither did I, but it was like a jolt of electricity that ran through him and into me. You are becoming stronger, and Lucifer knows that.”
“He’ll come for me again,” I whispered.
“Yes.”
“But he’ll be coming for me to get you too.”
His eyes revealed no emotion when they met mine again. “And he will die because of it.”
“Yes,” I agreed, but unease churned in my belly.
“We will get through all of this together.”
“Yes, we will,” I vowed. My gaze was drawn to the passenger window when a blue glow shone over the trees. “It’s one of the dragons.”
“It’s a drakón,” Kobal replied.
“Drakón,” I murmured. “I saw them both exit the gateway. One of them flew by me while…”
“While what?” he inquired when a lump lodged in my throat.
“While I was dying.” I focused on him again when his hand clenched around mine. “I died.”
“I know,” he grated from between his teeth. “I watched it happen, until the gate closed over me.”
“I knew you would be able to get out. Otherwise, I would have waited until you were free before…” I swallowed the lump. I had been the one to drive the blade through my heart; I had to be able to say it out loud. “Before I stabbed myself.”
A vein throbbed to life in Kobal’s forehead as he released my hand to grip the wheel. “I realize that.”
“But?” I asked when I sensed more behind his words.
“But you killed yourself, River. You took a sword and plunged it through your heart.”
“There was no other way.”
Fire skimmed the tips of his fingers, the rubbery scent of the wheel melting filled the cab before he doused the flames. He lifted his hands from the perfect imprints he’d left behind and repositioned them on the wheel.
“It wasn’t an easy choice,” I whispered. “I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to leave you behind, or Gage and Bailey. I promised Bailey I would see him again, and I knew my actions would break that promise. But I couldn’t stand back and let everyone die when there was something I could do to stop what was happening. I tried to be brave, but when I felt it all slipping away, when I knew it was the end…”
I gazed out the window as I recalled those last moments.
“What?” Kobal inquired.
“I’ve never been more terrified, but even still, I somehow knew it would be okay and I felt peace.”
Releasing the wheel, he lifted my hand and drew it to his lips to place a kiss against the back of it.
“And then there was nothing,” I murmured. “Until I opened my eyes to see Raphael. How long was I dead?”
“Minutes only, but it felt like years.”
My heart twisted at his words and the anguish I knew I’d inflicted on him.
“How long did it feel to you?” he asked.
“Like one second to the next. I was gone, and then I was back. There was no white light to lead me on, no gateway, just a space of time that I can’t recall, but I know it passed.”
“It’s
best that way,” he said. “I understand your reasons for what you did. I would have done the same. If I could, I would have taken your place.”
I scooted closer to him. “I know you would, but when Lucifer told me how he entered Hell, I knew I was the only one who could close the gateway.”
“Lucifer told you what to do?” he bit out.
“Yes.” I repeated to him what Lucifer had told me. “The whole reason he never tried to stop us from closing the gateway was because he knew you would never allow me to die.”
“He could have been lying to you about all of that.”
“He could have been, but when Angela arrived, I realized he wasn’t. I just didn’t know if my abilities would be strong enough to close the gateway, or if my sacrifice would be enough.”
Kobal released my hand to grip the wheel with both hands again. His claws lengthened and the veins in his arms stood starkly out. “Fuck, River!”
“Kobal…” When I reached for him, he captured my hand and held it in the air between us.
“When you were gone, when you were dead, there was this emptiness—” His hoarse words broke off.
I’d seen many emotions from Kobal, but never had I expected to see vulnerability. It shimmered in his eyes when they held mine. It radiated through the tremor in his hand before he steadied himself. That vulnerability, and the knowledge I’d been the one to inflict it on him, tore through my heart more effectively than Caim’s sword.
“I wish I hadn’t hurt you in such a way,” I whispered.
“It was necessary, but the chance you took without knowing if it would work…. You scared the shit out of me!” He focused on the pitted road again when we hit a bump that made it sound like the tires would fly off.
“I’m still here.”
“Only because of Raphael. If he hadn’t intervened, you wouldn’t be here.”
“Careful, you might say something nice about an angel,” I teased, hoping to coax a smile to his lips, but he remained solemn.
“Don’t ever kill yourself again,” he commanded.
“I have no intentions of making it a habit.” Still no smile from him. “Hopefully no one will create anymore unnatural gateways into Hell. If they do, it seems I’m going to be immortal one day and I’ll be able to shut gateways without dying for good, so there is that.”
Into Hell (The Road to Hell Series, Book 4) Page 22
