by J. G. Sumner
“As long as I’m able to keep up the lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to, I’d practically do anything for you.”
I appreciate the sentiment behind Jasper’s words, but it almost sounds as though we’re lovers. “Okay, Romeo, I have a fiancé so let’s not get carried away.”
“I’m going to get back to the hospital while you boys are working this out. I’m sure my daughter is a little overwhelmed and we all know Kendall is going to be of little to no help at all.” Elizabeth winks at us before heading to the door. “Don’t go cheap on those bassinets. They don’t sleep in them for very long, but these are the very first beds they’ll have. If they’re comfortable, Kate might actually have a shot at getting some sleep.” She nods before leaving.
“She said Kate might have a chance of getting some sleep. Elizabeth didn’t include me in that scenario.” It hadn’t occurred to me until this very moment that I wouldn’t be living here with Kate and the babies. What am I going to do? How is this going to work?
Jasper pats me on the shoulder. “One day at a time, mate. Everything will work out. For now, you can stay in my guest room.”
The thought of staying with Jasper and listening to him and Kendall whooping it up during the night makes me vomit just a bit in my mouth. Unfortunately, my alternatives are dismal. I need to be close to my babies and Jasper’s apartment is the closest I can get at this moment. I make a mental note to check with the management to see if there are any other residences available on the same floor. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ve really made a mess of things. Next time I need to think things through before making such a huge life-changing decision.
“Let’s get out of here,” I state. Jasper locks up the door behind me and we head to find some bassinets.
Chapter Ten
Kate
I can’t believe I’m finally a mother. Despite the babies growing inside of me for almost nine months, it doesn’t seem real. Now, holding my own kids is quite frankly a miracle. There are so many things that could’ve happened to them especially during the time I was held captive. By some higher power looking over us, they made it into this world alive and for the most part healthy.
I haven’t been able to hold Abigail, just AJ. It makes me a little sad, but at least I get the comfort of one of my children and now Tony. What am I going to do? When he’s around, Tony is so amazing. He takes care of everything and I feel so loved. But, he has this tendency to disappear, and every time he does, he takes a piece of my heart with him. I’m not sure I want to give him anymore of it to destroy. I believe that he’s sorry, but what happens the next time things get rough? Thank God for Kendall, my mom, and Jasper. Without them, I don’t think I would’ve made it here.
Tony has spent the last couple of nights in the room with me allowing Kendall and my mom to get some rest. It’s been comforting having him there, and helping with AJ He’s able to help take care of him so I can get some rest, but I’m still so fatigued and have so many different emotions swirling around through my mind like a windstorm. I just want some normalcy. Unfortunately, when I get out of this place, I have so much to do. I never got the kids’ room ready. Mom promises to help get things together for me, but I may need to hire a nanny to help.
There’s a knock at the door, and Tony’s head pops through. “Is it okay if I come in?”
I wave him in. My heart flutters a bit as I get a whiff of the woodsy cologne he’s wearing. God, I’ve missed that scent. “I see you’ve been by the apartment.”
Tony looks at me perplexed with his brow wrinkled.
“Your clothes. I never took them out of the closet.”
Tony nods and forms a half-smile with a dimple claiming his right cheek. “Jasper let me in. We put the cribs together. I figured you didn’t get a chance to get everything together for the babies. I hope you don’t mind.”
I do mind, but I don’t have the fight in me to argue. I don’t want him to think he can just walk back in our lives like nothing has happened.
“I brought you some hot and sour soup from your favorite Chinese restaurant over in Hell’s Kitchen. I know how you like it when you’re not feeling well. You’re not sick, but it might help you heal faster.” Tony pulls the soup containers out of the bag and places them on my bedside table.
It smells delightful and I’m sure will be a hundred times better than the hospital food I’ve been eating. This is definitely not where a food critic should be eating. “Thank you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any.”
Tony thoughtfully prepares everything for me to eat. This is what I mean—when he’s here, everything is like a fairytale. He makes it impossible to say no. I have kids now and I just can’t have him disappearing in and out of their lives as he pleases. No, he’s going to have to earn my trust back.
“Here you go. It’s ready for you.” Tony hands me the soup with a spoon and a napkin. “Has the doctor told you when you’ll be released?”
I savor the taste of the hot liquid in my mouth. It could possibly be the best soup I’ve ever had. Or maybe it’s the lack of decent food over the past ten days that I’ve been cooped up in this prison. I swallow before answering Tony. “He said tomorrow.”
Tony nods. “Is there anything I can do for you before then? Any shopping that needs to be done?”
“No, my mom is helping me,” I answer sharply before taking another bite.
“You know, it’s okay to let me do things for you. I enjoy it.” Tony takes a sip of his own soup and leans back in the chair.
“I can’t count on you. The things that need to be done are far too important to risk you messing them up.”
“Ouch!” Tony mimics a knife going through his heart.
“I’m sorry, but you’ve only been back a few days. You can’t just expect that I’m going to run back into your arms as though everything is forgiven. You screwed up bad.”
Tony looks down at the soup in his lap. “You’re right. No one knows that more than I do. I’m a complete loser. Things have changed. I have a family to take care of now and you need me. I never realized before the impact of me leaving would have on others. I thought you’d be better off without me. Now that I’ve been back, I’ve seen what my absence did to everyone and I feel like crap. My mom used to always tell me to think about what my actions would have on others. I never knew what she meant until recently. It took this to make me grow up and be a man. I’ll never do anything to let you or these kids down again.”
I take another bite of soup, digesting what Tony just said. Is it lip service or does he believe what he’s saying? I don’t know and frankly I’m too tired to care right now. I’ll figure it out as it comes.
“Is it okay if I still stay with you tonight or would you prefer I left?”
I don’t want to be alone so I agree to Tony staying.
“I’ve contacted the manager of our building about getting an apartment. I really don’t want to stay with Jasper and Kendall, and I figured you wouldn’t want me staying with you. He said there’s something coming available in another month.”
I nod, not sure what I’m supposed to say. “Do you love the babies?”
“Of course, I do! They’re such perfect little people. Abby looks just like you.” Tony’s eyes sparkle and come to life.
“How do you know?”
“They’re my flesh and blood. How could I not love them?” Tony puts down the soup and moves his chair closer to my bed.
“You weren’t there for most of the pregnancy, and you’ve only known them a couple of days. How can you love them?”
Tony pauses. “I don’t know. I guess it’s an innate thing. I’m their father. I naturally have this instinct to love and protect them.”
“But you didn’t when you left us.”
Tony rubs his face. “I think in a way I was trying to protect you and them from me. I don’t know. Why are you asking this?”
I look away. “I don’t know. There are a lot of things going on in my head right now. I
’m just trying to sort through it and make sense of things.”
There are several moments of silence between us before I finally put my soup down, pull my blankets up, and roll over to go to sleep. I’m way too tired to worry about all this right now. I need to get my rest before I go home tomorrow and prepare to not sleep for the next several months.
Chapter Eleven
Tony
The babies are now three days old. Their bedroom is complete with everything they’ll need, and Kate is being released today. Since Jasper and I got the apartment ready for their arrival, I’ve stayed with Kate every night. I’ve been helping her tend to AJ and Abigail, or Abby, as we call her. She was just released from the NICU yesterday and brought into Kate’s room. It’s been difficult juggling two babies. Trying to figure out when to let them eat and changing their diapers while allowing Kate to get time to rest. The nurses have helped quite a bit, so we’re not too fatigued. Once everyone gets home, it’ll be an entirely different story.
I ordered a limousine to take us back to the apartment. It may be excessive, but I wanted to make sure there was plenty of room for all of us. When we arrive at the building, I take AJ and help Kate out of the car with Abby. The driver tends to all of our belongings.
“I have a surprise for you.” I glance over at Kate, who looks more radiant than ever.
“What’s that?”
“You’ll have to wait until we get inside.” I smile and wink at her.
We had the discussion about the apartment not being ready. Kate was very worried about bringing the kids home, but I reassured her I would take care of everything.
When I open the door to the apartment, she steps in. Candles are lit, creating a relaxing and welcoming environment. “Let’s put the babies down and then I’ll show you their room.” I lead Kate into her room—our old bedroom.
“You got bassinets for them. And look! There’s pink sheets and blue sheets. Oh my gosh, that’s so sweet.” Kate’s tired face beams from ear to ear.
“There’s more. Come with me.” I lead Kate into the kids’ bedroom.
As soon as she crosses the threshold, her eyes light up and her face explodes with happiness. She puts a hand over her mouth and looks around in awe. “It’s beautiful. Who did this?”
“I had the idea and Kendall gave me the name of a painter. She was able to pull my concepts together pretty well.” I look around and admire her work as well before showing Kate the rest of the room. “Take a look in the drawers and the closet. Everything they need.”
Kate opens one of the drawers to the dresser. “Wow! Their clothes are so tiny.”
“Yes, they’re washed and ready to wear.”
Kate continues to rifle through everything before turning and staring at me with tears in her eyes. “You did all this?”
I shrug my shoulders. “It was really a group effort. I had your mom come over and give some advice. Jasper helped out quite a bit, too.”
Kate leans in and hugs me. It’s the first real contact we’ve had since I’ve returned. It feels nice to have her warm body pressed against mine and to inhale the flowery scent I almost forgot about.
“Do you like it?” I wait like a dog hoping to get a bone thrown to him by his master.
“I love it. It’s more than I could’ve ever hoped for. I was so worried about what I was going to do once we got home. I didn’t have anything ready. My mom kept reassuring me everything would be okay. I guess now I know why.”
Kate moves to the closet and sifts through the items. “You’ve unpacked everything. There was so much work that needed to be done and you managed to do it in just a couple of days. I would’ve never known. This is such a fantastic surprise. Thank you.”
It warms my heart knowing I provided even a little bit of happiness to Kate. “Can I get you something to drink? Some hot tea or water?”
Kate’s eyes are heavy. “How about some chamomile?”
I kiss the top of her head out of habit. I don’t realize what I’ve done until after the fact, but Kate doesn’t seem to mind. It’s amazing how easy it is to fall back into our old routine. I move into the kitchen to heat some water.
“Will you stay here tonight?” Kate quietly pleads from the other room.
Needless to say, I’m surprised by this request. We haven’t actually been alone since I’ve been back nor have we really had a chance to talk and work things out. We’re kind of taking this parenting thing by the seat of our pants. “Of course, but are you sure?”
“Yeah, I don’t know if I’m ready to be by myself with the little ones. It’s kind of scary to think all of a sudden I’m supposed to instinctively know what to do. There’s no owner’s manual and I’m worried about messing up.”
I walk back into the living room and get on my knees next to Kate and hold her face in my hands. “Listen to me. You’re going to be the most amazing and loving mother. I couldn’t imagine anyone else raising my kids. You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you how to do this. You’re a natural and have been taking care of them since the day you found out about the pregnancy. Don’t second-guess yourself even for a minute. I’ll stay and be here for you, but know you’d be just fine without me.”
A rogue tear escapes out of Kate’s crystal-blue eyes. I take my thumb and wipe it away and kiss the trail left behind. “We’ll get through this. I promise I won’t leave you again.”
Kate swallows hard. “How can I be sure?”
“I haven’t given you any reason to believe me. However, I’ve made peace with my demons and I promise to work my tail off every day to reassure and put your mind to rest.” I pull her in to me and kiss the top of her head.
“I’ll stay tonight and sleep on the couch. You feed the babies when they wake up and I’ll put them to sleep. We’re a team, and we’ll give our kids the best lives possible. They won’t ever need for anything.”
Kate nods into my chest. “Let me get the tea and then I want you to lie down and get some sleep. Everyone keeps saying to sleep when the babies do. I’m going to help you heed that advice.”
I go to make the tea and turn the monitor on so I can keep an ear out for Abby and AJ stirring. I bring the steaming hot liquid to Kate, lift her legs onto the couch, and cover her with a blanket. I sit down and rub her perfect petite feet. Within a few minutes, she’s asleep and I’m not too far behind.
I’m not sure how long I was asleep, but I’m woken up by coughing and realize it’s one of the kids. I dart off the couch and run into the other room. My hands are shaking, pulse racing. Kids cough all the time, but this didn’t sound quite right. It was more of a gurgling noise.
AJ’s bed is closest, so I check on him first. He’s quietly sleeping. I rush over to Abby’s side next and can tell even in the dark that she’s turning blue. Her breathing is shallow, and the gurgling wasn’t just my imagination. I don’t know what to do, but my first instinct is to pick her up and start patting her back. It helps a little bit, but she’s still having trouble. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and dial 9-1-1.
The operator finally answers after four rings. The entire time I’m dancing from foot to foot, trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do and beg that someone picks up the line.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
Thank God. “My baby. She’s not breathing well. She’s turning blue,” I screech into the phone.
“Try to stay calm, sir. Can you see her chest rise and fall?”
“Yes, but not very much. She’s barely moving.”
“Sir, the medics are on their way. Can you see anything in her mouth?”
I pull Abby’s lips apart and don’t see anything. “No, there’s nothing in there.”
“How old is your daughter?”
My patience is dwindling and I want to reach into the phone and make this woman help. My daughter is dying right before my eyes and there’s nothing I can do about it. “Only three days.”
“All right, sir. I want you to cover h
er nose and mouth with your mouth and give a small puff of air. Don’t give too much because her lungs are very small. Watch for the rise and fall of her chest.”
I do as I’m told, desperately hoping it works. “Okay, I did it.”
“I need you to continue to do that every few seconds until she either starts breathing well on her own or the medics get there. I’ll stay on the line with you.”
As I’m giving another breath, Kate walks into the room. Her eyes grow wide. “What are you doing?” she screams.
I finish giving Abby the breath. “She’s not breathing well. I have nine-one-one on the line, and the medics are on their way.” I hand the phone to Kate. “Here, talk to the operator. Listen to what she says to do. I need to keep breathing for Abby.”
Kate talks to the operator and updates her on what’s going on. Within a few minutes, there’s a knock on the door. Kate rushes to the other room to let them in, and I follow behind. I hand Abby to them hoping they can fix her. I’m unsure as to what I’m doing or if it’s right.
One of the medics tends to her while the other asks us questions about her birth and any illnesses she may have. I watch the medic stick something in Abby’s leg. It has tubing like an IV but doesn’t look like one. He pushes something through the tubing and then asks his partner for help. Within seconds, they have a tube down Abby’s throat and are pushing air into her lungs.
I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s as though someone ripped my heart out. Those medics took a piece of me with them as they loaded my baby onto that gurney. I wanted to reach out and hold her one last time, but they rushed her and Kate down to the ambulance. My world is moving in slow motion. I’m hyperaware that this could be the last time I ever see my daughter, and I’m not willing to accept that.
I’m tired of other people having an influence over how my life turns out. I want to be in charge of it. I sweep up AJ from the bassinet, grab my wallet, and head down to the lobby where I hail a cab to the hospital. There’s no way we’re going to wait idly behind to find out what cards we’ve been dealt. No, I’m taking the bull by the horns and I’m going to be the one who determines what my hand is. The only option that’s feasible is my daughter coming home alive and safe. AJ is not going to lose his sister, and Kate and I are sure as hell not going to lose our daughter. Enough is fucking enough.
