Katy felt Lil tense and hoped she wouldn’t blurt out an objection. Lil hated any hint of female suppression or submission; in fact they often joked about the S word even if it was a major part of their beliefs. Women were supposed to respect their husbands and allow them to be heads of the household. Many times, that wasn’t practiced, but the principle had been ingrained into Katy growing up in the Mennonite culture. Now she increased her pressure on Lil’s hand, hoping her friend would exert some of that self-control that allowed her to fast for a day at the onset of every new diet and to adhere to a regimented exercise program.
“I needed to get some saw blades sharpened today anyways, so I’ll stop by and have that chat with Ivan Miller on my way home. See if we can seal this deal. Now let’s cut that cake. You know it’s one of my favorites.”
Early the next week, Katy slid into the ripped seat of Lil’s Chevy Blazer, unconsciously poking the stuffing back into place so that it didn’t stick to her dark, freshly pressed skirt. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”
“I know. What do you think I should save up for first? A new car or one of those commercial stoves like they had at school?”
“I wish we could’ve bought one of those, but—”
Lil reached over and patted her hand. “Oh stop. I’m just dreaming out loud. But someday I will have both of those. You wait and see.”
Katy wondered if Lil would ever realize her dreams, for they weren’t normal dreams for girls who were born and raised in the Conservative Church. Must have been some other blood in her family line somewhere, too, she mused, thinking of her own Spanish ancestor. Beside her, Lil rambled on while Katy painted her own fantasy of whipping the house into order, clean and inviting, making it a place where she would be proud to—
Her thoughts jarred to a stop. Pride was the sin of the devil. But Mennonites did take pride in the work of their hands. The irony of the plain people had never occurred to her before. Everyone knew the Mennonites were hard workers and honest. They bragged about it among themselves. She tickled the inside of her mouth with her tongue, looking for a different word that would describe her feelings, one that would be acceptable. Responsible? A good steward? That worked.
When they pulled into the Millers’ farm, Lil drove to the back of the property and parked in front of the doddy house. For the first time, Katy realized there wasn’t any garage or barn to park the car inside. That would be cold in the mornings. Why, she’d have to scrape frost off her windshield. She supposed there were worse things. Next she noticed a truck that resembled Jake’s. Lil started to open her door, but Katy reached over. “Wait.”
“What?” Lil seemed impatient to go inside.
But the truck reminded Katy that Lil had been avoiding the subject of Jake’s sudden appearance. “That looks like Jake’s truck.”
Lil rolled her gaze heavenward. “You want to sit here and talk about Jake? Or do you want to go inside and see our dream coming true?”
“It’s just … you’ve never answered my question about Jake. I saw you talking to him at the skating party. I just want to know why he was there. Did you invite him?”
Lil closed her door again and fiddled with her gearshift. “Okay, here’s what I know. He’s moved back home. He’s coming back to the church. But the important thing is he’s changed. He doesn’t drink anymore or chase girls. He’s over all that wild stuff.” She shrugged. “He’s changed, and actually he’s an improved model from the old one. You’ll see.”
Kate absorbed Lil’s flippant explanation with shock. She released a moan. “No way. He’s not back to stay?”
“Yep.”
“But I can’t face him week after week.”
“He told me he’s really sorry for hurting you.”
“That’s so humiliating. I hope you never told him how I moped over him.”
“If it’s humiliating, he’s the one who’s ashamed. He regrets his wild fling. He’s the one who feels foolish. Just keep your chin up. Take it one step at a time. Now, let’s go inside. I’ve got my list. We need to double-check everything and then go shopping.” Lil let out a squeal and bumped her shoulder against Katy’s. “Shopping for our own place. Can you believe it?”
Giving in to Lil’s coaxing, Katy couldn’t help but grin back. “Alright. Let’s do it.”
She slid out and slammed the door, her boots squishing through the slush caused by several days of higher temperatures. She cast another sideways glance at the truck. If Mennonites swore, she’d swear that was Jake’s truck. According to Lil, she was mistaken. Still, the truck brought out a melancholy longing in her, one that gnawed at the pit of her stomach so that her excitement over shopping receded again.
When they entered the house, she heard loud ripping and pounding noises. She stepped onto the plastic flooring protection and started toward the kitchen. “Let’s go see what’s going on.”
Lil stopped and bent to reposition some tape and a portion of the plastic. “I think he’s tearing out the plaster and replacing it with drywall. Go on, I’ll be there in a minute.”
With a shrug, Katy stepped into the country-style kitchen onto more plastic flooring, and saw the backside of a man whose physique made her heart trip before her mind understood the reason. The air between them crackled. The worker must have felt it, too, for he froze, then turned.
His mouth curled into a lopsided grin. “Hey, Katy. You’ve got a great little place here.”
Confused, horrified, and standing in disbelief, she opened her mouth and closed it again. But she could not deny the truth for more than a few seconds. With it came a sudden fury, and she marched forward to throw him out on his ear, or at least demand to know why he was invading her privacy.
“What—” She stopped. He was the contractor Lil had hired. She fought for control, not wanting to humiliate herself any further. She wouldn’t show him she still cared about him. “I think so.” She took a deep breath and coughed, and in the process, accidentally sucked plaster and drywall dust into her throat. She fought the tickle, then got saliva down the wrong track and choked uncontrollably.
Jake moved quickly. He cradled his arm around her and led her to the water pump. Her coughing caused her eyes to water so that she could hardly see, but she soon caught on that the water was frozen. Blindly, she fanned her face and struggled to breathe, coughing and gasping. He left her but quickly returned with a cup of water from his personal water jug. She took a sip, and he lightly rapped her back. When at last she could breathe again, she wheezed, “Stop, please.”
“I should have warned you about the dust. Lethal stuff.”
“Yeah, lethal,” she croaked. Then grudgingly added, “Thanks.”
He nodded, and her vision returned enough for her to catch a rare moment when Jake looked uncertain, even vulnerable. But that wouldn’t stop her from demanding that Lil fire him. His lips moved as if to speak. Fearing what he might say, certain it would be something personal, she blurted out, “I wish you hadn’t come back.”
He quickly recovered from her insult. “I wish I’d never left.”
Katy rolled her gaze heavenward.
“I couldn’t forget you,” he added.
She felt uncomfortable in his presence and wanted nothing more than to run. But before she did, she needed to fix something that had plagued her ever since the incident. This time she didn’t want to have those nagging regrets. She took another deep breath, careful not to inhale drywall dust. “You remember the night I told you to stay away?”
His eyes softened regrettably. “Yes, I remember. Even though I was drunk. And I want to apologize for that night.”
The memories of the incident flooded over Katy, hardening her heart. But she forced herself to continue. “I’ve felt guilty, thinking my words kept you away from the church.”
“I understood it was personal.” He grinned, sheepishly. “I didn’t think you had the authority of the elders behind you.”
She felt her face heat, glad the elders hadn�
��t witnessed that incident, even though she wasn’t the one at fault. “As long as you understand that I don’t want you to go to hell, I just … don’t want you.”
His brows lowered, creating a dark hood over his eyes as though to shield himself from her cruel remark. A heavy silence loomed between them. Then his mouth quirked to the side, and he grinned. Before, his smile had always charmed her whenever he needed forgiveness. But then his misdeeds were only playful. Still, she had to fight to resist it. Her own lip trembled, and she pulled her gaze back to his eyes. They pierced, searched her blushing face.
“Hi, guys,” Lil entered the room, acting as though nothing was irregular, as if this reunion were an everyday occurrence. She wasn’t apologetic over Jake’s presence. Her behavior disregarded the significance of the awful trick. “Wow, look what you’ve got done.” Lil gazed at the wall, which had jagged plaster and exposed wood.
Katy took her eyes off Jake and stared at the demolition. Yes, he was good at tearing down. And Lil’s nonchalance—her play-acting—infuriated her. Sucking in her lower lip, Katy grabbed Lil’s arm and pinched hard, pulling her toward the hallway. “Let’s go over that list now.”
Once they were out of the kitchen, Lil shrugged her off. “Ouch.”
“You deserve that and more. Traitor,” Katy hissed.
Rubbing her arm, Lil said, “Lower your voice. Jake’s going to hear us.”
But Katy didn’t comply. “You’re ruining this for me, you know.” She threw up her arms. “Some dream! This is a nightmare! Do you even get it? You’re going to fire him. Today. Now. I don’t want him here. I don’t want him.” She crossed her arms. “Go on. Do it. Tell your cousin to pack up his tools.”
Lil’s arms waved emphatically. “Get a grip. Obviously, you’re not thinking straight. He’s the reason we’re able to remodel cheaply. Nobody else would give us a bid that fit our budget. Don’t you see? His guilty conscience is paying off.”
Katy narrowed her eyes. “That’s despicable.”
“Let’s go in the bedroom.”
Katy stomped after Lil then slammed the door behind them. “This is the most underhanded thing you’ve ever done to me. You knew that was his truck outside, but you claimed it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“You didn’t warn me.”
“Because you wouldn’t have stepped inside.”
“You got that right!”
“Look, I know Jake’s hurt you, but he’s really changed. He wants to make amends at church and with you. You don’t have to date him or marry him. Just let him make his peace. Accept him as another human being living in the same universe. That’s all.”
The wind whipped through a cracked windowpane, blowing pieces of sandpaper and bits of wood splinters across Katy’s shoes. She stared at the floor. It hurt so bad to see Jake face-to-face again. And she felt betrayed that Lil had allowed it to happen. That her best friend had arranged it, opened the door, and invited her enemy in. She raised her face. “This place was our dream. I looked forward to fixing it up. Now I won’t even want to come over here.”
Lil pulled her coat tighter. “I’ll tell him to leave you alone. How’s that? But we need him to get the work done at the price we can afford. Think of the prize at the end of the race, okay? It is our dream.”
With a groan, Katy used her foot to grind debris into the floor. “Does he even know what he’s doing?”
“Yep.” Lil looked like a proud mama. “He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in construction systems management. Most of his classes were on campus at the Agricultural Engineering Building. Anyway, he needs some jobs for his résumé so that he can get his license and start up his own construction company. So this will help everyone in the long run, even though it’s a bit awkward now. And you can deal with him here in private, not at the meetinghouse with everyone watching you guys.”
The image of her wiping out on the ice with David flashed in Katy’s mind. She probably would have made a fool of herself at the meetinghouse if she hadn’t been forewarned of his appearance. And she hated pity. “I guess I’ll deal with it. Get over it.” She’d never get over it—him. She could still feel his arms sheltering her, as they had in the kitchen. If she didn’t hate him so much, she’d be running right back into his embrace.
“Guess what? Jake said he’d throw in the beds for free.”
“What?”
“He can make furniture.”
Katy shoved her finger in Lil’s face. “He is not making my bed!”
Ducking away, Lil backed down. “Fine.”
“You don’t get it, Lil.” Katy lowered her voice then. “Just having him here is going to cause me pain. Just remembering him standing in the kitchen or looking at a piece of furniture he’s made. I’m going to have to work through forgetting him all over again. Especially if he’s here at the doddy house. At church.” Her voice trailed off. “Everywhere I go.” I see his face.
“That’s just it. He’s back to stay. So why not deal with him on your terms? You can heal faster that way. I’m doing this for your own good.”
Face-to-face. Those dark mournful eyes, that crooked grin. A mouth she’d once kissed, cherished, owned for her own. No, she wasn’t falling for it. “It feels like you’re treating me like a child. Giving the contract to my dad before you let me see it, and now this. Why the big surprises? Why couldn’t you just be straightforward?”
“Because you wouldn’t have been able to see clearly in this situation, to see what’s best for you.” Lil pulled out her list and made a poor attempt at diversion. “We can talk about this later. We’re wasting shopping time. Let’s go over this and hit the stores. It’s going to be fun.”
“I’ll tell you what. You go over the list. I’ll wait for you in the car, having the time of my life.” She heard Lil sigh as she stomped down the hall without even looking in the direction of the kitchen.
Jake swung the sledgehammer, and a chunk of plaster caved in, some of it crashing to the floor and filling the air with white powder. After Katy’s rebuff the night of the skating party, he hadn’t expected her to give him an open-armed welcome as her surprise contractor, but her rejection still hurt. He’d overheard much of her ranting and raving, wanting Lil to fire him. Mennonites might be antiwar and noncombatant when it came to flesh wounds, but his fellow brethren could wield weapons that slashed through flesh to the soul. What was the term he’d learned in college? Passive-aggressive. Yeah, that described his Katy. He’d rather she’d just come at him swinging. That he could handle. But when she employed her smoldering eyes and pouty lip, he’d rather scoop her up and kiss her to her senses. Only he’d tried that. It hadn’t been successful at all.
Still, her reaction to him today, treating him like he was some lowlife, was a twisted blade to his heart, reiterating the very words she spat at him the night of the incident: Stay away. Those words had hardened him then, but now that he’d let God back in, they just plain hurt. And she’d added even more meaning to them today. I don’t want you to go to hell. I just don’t want you.
He knew a few things about Katy. She took life seriously, categorizing everything in labeled cubbies. Six out of ten of these cubbies she labeled off-limits: lying, missing curfew, stealing crackers from the church cupboard marked COMMUNION, watching movies through his neighbor’s window when he was mowing, driving over the speed limit, and kissing in the church parking lot.
But being stuffed into a cubby didn’t suit his style, and he had no intentions of staying there. The thing was, he knew the real Katy, the little girl he’d teased who loved a good adventure and thrilled at life. She’d always pretended she didn’t, but he knew the truth about her. And he intended to bring that inner woman to the surface—the wonderful, vivacious one—then claim her as his own. He wanted to nurture that part of her, not stifle it.
His cell phone jangled in his pocket, and he propped the sledgehammer and yanked down his dust mask. “Hello.”
“Hey, it’s Lil.”
“So she still mad at me?”
“Yep. But we knew she’d be ticked. That only goes to show how much she still cares about you.”
“That love-hate thing?”
“Right.”
He sat on the rung of a ladder and stared down at the feminine footprints remaining in the drywall and plaster dust. Tracks that led away from him. “Look, you know how important she is to me. I don’t want to drive her away. And I don’t think she appreciated the setup. She’s not stupid. About our next plan, she’s not going to trust us.”
“She already doesn’t trust you. Just don’t go chicken on me. We’ve got a great plan. You have to show her a little at a time that you’ve changed. You can’t do that if you don’t see each other, and she’s going to avoid you, so we have to set up some planned meetings like this. And once we move into the doddy house, I’ll be able to put in lots of good words for you. She’ll come around. I’m sure of it. She loves you, Cuz. Even if you are a chump.”
“She tell you that?”
“Yep.”
“Lately?”
“No but—”
“You just saw it in her wild eyes? Or maybe you caught that from her sweet talk?”
Lil chuckled. “She’s intense, all right.”
After their call ended, Jake stuffed his phone in his pocket, stood up, and pulled up his mask. Lil was right. He had to allow Katy the right to voice her anger. He’d just cling to the hope that her anger was evidence that she wasn’t dead to him, that their love could be revived. Picking up the sledgehammer, he looked at the demolition he’d accomplished, feeling satisfaction that he was making good time.
He lifted the hammer, and another chunk of plaster met its demise.
CHAPTER 8
Saturday morning, Katy submerged chapped hands in soapy dishwater and looked through a frost-webbed window. Between snowballs and horseplay, her little brothers hand-shoveled the sidewalk, while nearby her dad steered the snowplow through fresh snow.
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