Slowly, Lil’s part in the incident became glaringly clear. She recalled that Lil hadn’t wanted her to date David from the beginning. Because she wanted her to date Jake instead. Lil must have warned Jake about David, and that’s why he came to the skating party. Katy’s mind rushed on, working out the scenario. That night at the skating party, Lil had been acting cranky. She’d called someone on her cell phone, too. Then she had hired Jake to remodel the doddy house. Katy widened her eyes in further revelation. And Lil had talked Katy into serving on this committee. And just the other night on the couch, Lil had teased her by asking when her next committee meeting was. What a conniving little matchmaker.
“Katy?” Bill Weaver asked.
She felt Jake’s elbow in her ribs. “Huh?”
“You look like something troubles you. You don’t agree with the size of the storage room?” All gazes turned toward her, eyebrows raised in expectancy.
“No. I mean, yes, I agree,” she fumbled, feeling her cheeks heat. Lil was going to pay.
That night after the meeting, Katy waited up for Lil to come home from work. She rehearsed her angry speech as she emptied the trash, the night air nipping her flushed cheeks. She scrubbed toilets and scoured sinks and wrote furiously in her journal about removing unwanted scents from clothing. And when Lil’s clunker coughed into the yard, Katy was ready for her, standing five feet from the entry, legs planted and fists on her hips.
The door opened and Lil halted. “Whoa.”
“I can’t believe you,” Katy ground out.
“What? You didn’t have to wait up. I’m exhausted. I had to stay and close.”
“You told Jake about the ballet,” Katy accused.
Flinging her purse on the table, Lil shrugged. “You didn’t tell me it was a secret. I only wanted to help.”
Katy followed her to the table. “You think I want the whole church to know that I’m participating in a dancing event?”
Shrugging out of her coat and dropping it over the back of a chair, Lil said dryly, “Where’s Megan when we need her?”
“This isn’t funny. I figured out your matchmaking schemes.”
Lil leaned wearily against a chair. “So that makes me a terrible person?”
“Just the other day when you cut your bangs, you told me that we were adults. So why are you trying to run my life for me? Did you ever stop to think that I might like to be treated like an adult, too?”
Lil shot both hands in the air. “Look. Can we discuss this tomorrow after you’ve cooled down? Like I said, I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed.”
“I’m tired, too. Tired of you interfering with my life. You’re always trying to change me. I’m sick of it, and I don’t think this”—she flung her arms in the air, gesturing at the room—“is going to work out. Us living together.”
Lil froze. Her freckles paled. Then she became angry, too. “You don’t get it. Jake is like a brother to me. He loves you. If you weren’t so stubborn, you’d admit that you love him, too. Because of your pigheadedness, I have to help you guys along.”
“You can’t decide what’s right or wrong for me. Even God gives people free wills.”
Lil’s eyebrow arched. “Don’t go bringing God into this. As if He’s on your side. As if I’m not a Christian. You’re always doing that for me with your goody-goody attitude. But look at you yelling. What happened to your Mennonite upbringing now? Ever hear of nonresistance?”
“And do Conservative girls go around without wearing their coverings?”
Lil’s hand went to her head, then slid back to her side. She raised her chin. “At least I don’t pretend I’m something I’m not.”
“No you don’t,” Katy whispered.
“But you do.” Lil snatched her coat and purse and flung open the door.
“I do not.”
Lil shook her head, then strode out and slammed the door behind her. Shocked, Katy stared at the rattling door. She heard the engine of Lil’s car cough to life and then sputter off the property. Katy flicked the dead bolt with such force it popped back open. She slid it the second time, more deliberately, into the locked position. Good riddance.
She marched to the couch, plopped down, and stared at the floor, virtually panting with outrage. What did Lil mean about pretending? She was serious about living a holy life. Sure she fell short, but she didn’t pretend.
With crossed arms, she went over their argument, even embellishing it with what she should have said but hadn’t. But as much as she tried to justify herself and her anger, Lil’s barbs kept darting back. Especially the idea that Katy wasn’t honest or real.
Slowly, she came to realize that Lil hadn’t been referring to her actions, but her feelings. And specifically her feelings toward Jake. As much as she tried to cover her pining for him, Lil had easily read her. As Katy sat with clenched hands, she allowed the enormity of what had just transpired to flood over her.
Had she really shouted that living together wasn’t going to work? Where had that come from? Some hidden fear? She hadn’t planned to say any such thing. She thought about all the hateful things that had spewed from her mouth like an uncontrollable and unrecognizable force. She couldn’t erase the image of Lil’s shocked, pale face.
She sat for a very long time in her desperation. The timbers of the old house began to creak. She felt alone. And just as that angry force had come unbidden earlier, so did another intruder. Fear. She’d known this enemy all her life, the fear of darkness.
Katy heard another bump, and jerked her glance over her shoulder. Though it was the wee hours of the morning, she would never be able to sleep if she went to bed. Miserable, she rose and put a kettle of water on the stove. Lil’s stove. She waited for the whistle, blinking back her tears. When the tea was ready, she flicked off the kitchen lights and hurried through the dark hall to the bedroom. The thought shot through her mind that something invisible followed her, but she didn’t look back. Heart racing, she shut her bedroom door. The house became a silent, lurking monster that she tried to ignore.
She flicked on her bedside lamp and set her tea on the nightstand. She pulled the drapes and tamped back her panic. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she removed the pins from her covering and placed them on her nightstand. Lil’s messy bedcovers flagged her attention, and she couldn’t look away.
Calmly she padded across the floor and made Lil’s bed. When the last wrinkle was smoothed away, she sat on her own bed again and sipped her tea. What would happen to the doddy-house dream now? She hadn’t considered Megan’s feelings at all.
Eerie shadows danced in the closet. Strange house noises emphasized her loneliness. Would she have to slink home and admit to her dad she wasn’t ready to live on her own?
CHAPTER 16
The next morning upon awakening, Katy groaned and pulled the twisted bedcovers over her tangled locks and bleary eyes, trying to dispel her fragmented dreams and the reality of the mess she’d created. During the night, she’d not only dreamed but woken to fits of unreasonable panic over every creak and moan of the doddy’s ancient timbers. Though daylight brought relief in that respect, the promise of future terrifying nights stole from the welcome respite.
Lonely and somewhat isolated, the doddy house was located down a long lane on a rural road, yet received a fair amount of morning work traffic with men gunning their trucks to punch in their time card at Ranco Incorporated or yellow school buses screeching their brakes and picking up students. Most of this noise passed unnoticed by Katy, but one clunker didn’t, causing her to throw off her covers at its faintest din before it even rumbled into the Millers’ drive.
Thank You, God! She hit the bare floorboards running and fumbled with the dead bolt. She swiped a matted clump of hair from her face, the entire black bramble bush tumbling over her shoulders and tickling her waist. She peered through the frosty window, quickly rubbing a visible circle with her palm. Sure enough, there was Lil stepping out of her Blazer. She had her head bowed and her coat p
ulled tight. Lil walked toward the doddy house!
Every nerve at alert, Katy turned to face the entryway, waiting for Lil just as she had the previous evening, only her emotions came from a different place now. The door cracked open, and Lil stepped inside with the widening eyes of a burglar caught in the act of breaking and entering. Eerie quiet filled the room with only the memory of bitter words crackling between them.
“Lil,” Katy finally managed, unable to form redemptive words with healing power but stupidly muttering the obvious. If she couldn’t think how to patch matters up, then she feared to say anything. Had Lil returned to pack her bags or to win another of a long string of arguments that had transpired over the course of their friendship? Katy hoped her friend stood there because the doddy house was their home.
“You’re back?” Katy finally asked.
Nodding, Lil blurted out, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Overcome with relief, Katy cried, “I didn’t mean to push you away. I’ve been miserable. I had a terrible night.”
They flew into each other’s embrace and awkwardly swiped at burning eyes. When they drew apart, Lil sniffed the air. “What? No coffee?”
Katy sucked in her bottom lip; her attire, a cotton nightgown that hung to her ankles, vouched for her when she protested, “I just got up. I was in bed with the covers over my head.”
Lil gave her a gloating smile. “I forgot you did that.”
“I didn’t think I did anymore.”
“I just got up, too.” Lil flung off her coat, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and started toward the coffeepot.
“We need hooks or something for our coats,” Katy mumbled, taking cups from the cupboard. Then she remembered Jake was bringing them a coatrack.
“I got up early ’cause I didn’t want to have to explain to my mom why I spent the night. She doesn’t need something else to worry about. Anyway, I felt childish afterward.”
Katy waited until they stared repentantly at each other over steaming mugs before she ventured upon the delicate subject. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night. I’ve been stuffing my feelings.” Remembering Lil’s accusations, she owned up to her actions with as much honesty as possible. “I just couldn’t handle another disappointment. I felt betrayed. But I don’t know where all that came from. The terrible things I said.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could confide in me. I called Jake last night.”
Conflicting emotions gnawed Katy’s insides, fearing to talk about him because a part of her still didn’t trust the cousins’ intimacy, yet knowing that the problem wouldn’t get settled until everything was exposed. At work, she’d never dream of sweeping dirt under a rug, yet lately she’d done that with her emotions. It had resulted in an angry explosion. She didn’t want that to happen again.
“I told him I was wrong to get involved. That I didn’t want it to ruin my friendship with you. That I loved you both, but I wouldn’t be doing any more matchmaking. That he’s on his own.” Lil held Katy’s gaze. “I mean it. I won’t interfere again. I want you to know I only did it because I love you both. But I see now I was wrong to stick my nose in where it didn’t belong. Like you said, you’re an adult.”
With a warm smile, Katy acknowledged what this must have cost her take-charge friend. “Thanks.”
Lil nodded and quietly drank coffee.
With her anger completely dissolved, Katy thought about Lil’s use of the word matchmaking and couldn’t help but wonder who had initiated that idea, Lil or Jake? Katy’s rebellious heart hoped it had been him, but she couldn’t be sure because the cousins had similar personalities. It shouldn’t matter because the point she was trying to make was that she wasn’t going to take him back, regardless. That she was mad about the matchmaking. Yet the question niggled her curiosity.
“What?” Lil asked, peering over her cup and then setting it down.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter. But whose idea was it to begin with?”
A sudden glint lit Lil’s eyes. “The ballet tickets?”
Katy thumbed small circles on her mug. “I know that came from you. But you know”—her neck heated—“the matchmaking part?”
“Jake came to me. He asked how to win you back. I knew how much you’d grieved over your broken relationship. I just wanted you both to have a happily-ever-after.”
Fighting back unwelcome tears, Katy softly asked, “What if I can’t be happy with damaged goods?”
Lil didn’t blink at the embarrassing question that had haunted Katy ever since she had heard about Jake’s fling with an outsider. “You don’t know that happened.”
Katy raised her chin. “Do you know if it did?”
“No.” Lil spit the word out as if it tasted bitter in her mouth. “Guys don’t talk about that kind of stuff to girls.”
“Exactly.” Feeling a mounting resolve that she had every right to brood over the question, she asked, “Don’t you think I’d always wonder about him and that other girl?”
“Jessie.”
Katy’s jaw dropped.
Lil shrugged. “Her name is Jessie, and she’s probably not as awful as you picture her.”
“If they’d only dated, it would be one thing, but Jake and Jessie went to drunken parties, and I’m thinking”—Katy’s lip began to quiver, but she couldn’t quit until she’d exposed her imaginations—“she probably went to bed with him.” Afterward, she stared at her cup, unable to look Lil in the eyes.
But Lil’s voice was soft and sympathetic. “Maybe that’s something you should ask Jake. It might change things if you learned the truth.”
Swiping a hand across her eyes, Katy protested. “I can’t.”
“Do you want me to ask him?”
“No!”
“Even if your future depends upon it?”
Katy stared at her, wondering if it would be better to know. If he had kept himself pure, it would make a difference. She opened her mouth to ask Lil if she would do that for her when Lil suddenly waved her hand through the air, as if to erase the offer.
“Sorry. I’m overstepping my bounds again. I promised not to interfere. Let’s forget about Jake for a moment. I did a lot of thinking last night. What you said about him being damaged goods, sometimes it feels like you lump me in the same dough as Jake, thinking I’m wild and don’t have any scruples. Like I’m not a Christian.” Her voice broke. “Like … I’m no good.”
Hot shame rushed over Katy’s face. Lil had never allowed such vulnerability to surface before. “Oh Lil. That’s not true,” she denied. “I love you.”
Lil raised her hand again. “Let me finish. I pride myself on being an open book. What you see is what you get. But here’s the thing. I hate being different from everybody else.”
Leaning forward, Katy softly probed, “You mean the outsiders?”
“Yeah, everybody.” Lil’s gaze pleaded for understanding. “I don’t like being plain or weird, having people whisper about me when I walk into a room. I don’t like being told how to act or how to look by sour-faced men, either.” Katy had to swallow her gasp when Lil alluded to the elders, including her own dad, with such disdain. “For once, I’d like to be noticed in a good way. The church discourages dressing in the latest fashions and frowns on focusing on outward beauty. That’s why I’ve just got to be a good chef. I can make food beautiful. There’s no sin in that, is there? Jesus made wine out of water. I just want people to respect me. Can you understand that?”
She met Lil’s earnest gaze and felt her pain. “Yes. I don’t like being different, either. Mostly, I just want to be invisible. Like when I took Addison to her dance class and stepped into a room of glamorous women in jeans with glittery belts. I wanted to disappear through the floorboards. Not to stand out like some oddball. But I swallowed my pride and told myself that following Christ is not an easy thing.”
“But we’re not supposed to be invisible. We’re supposed to let our lights shine.”
“Well, the light of God,
” Katy corrected. At Lil’s crestfallen expression, Katy wished she’d refrained.
They both grew contemplative, and the ticking of the wall clock that Lil’s mom donated to the doddy house reminded Katy that soon she would need to get ready for work. “I think we both try to express our true selves through our work. I’m thankful we have that.”
“Yeah, I obsess about food, and you go around picking up after everybody. What’s that say about us?”
Katy shrugged. “That we’re weird?”
Lil giggled. “Too bad Megan’s not here to get in on this deep stuff. It’s right down her alley.”
“She’s probably smarter than us. But we’ve got to learn to get along together without her.”
“Exactly. More coffee?” Lil got up and brought the pot over.
Katy glanced at the clock again but decided one more cup wouldn’t make her late. “Another thing I want to bring up. You’re right about us being adults. I’m going to quit preaching at you and just let the real Lil shine.”
Lil glowed as if she’d been handed the world. “And I’m not going to try to change you, either. Except it wouldn’t hurt if you combed your hair. It looks pretty bad.” She lifted her coffee cup. “This calls for a toast.”
Rolling her gaze heavenward, Katy relented, “Fine.” She mimicked Lil and raised her cup, biting off the urge to ask Lil where in the world she’d learned to toast.
“To adulthood, womanhood, and sisterhood.”
Katy felt awed. “And friend-hood.”
“Clink your cup against mine, silly.”
Clink and clink sealed the deal between them.
“Now what are we going to do with our coats?” Katy asked. “We can’t just keep hanging them over the chairs. And if we hang them in our bedroom closet, they smell up our clothes.”
“I’ll ask Jake about that coatrack again. Otherwise, he could make one or put up some hooks for us behind the door. I’ll set it up for some day while you’re at work.”
Plain City Bridesmaids Page 15
