Katy brought her fist to her quivering mouth. Oh God. Forgive me. She’d been so wrong. So foolish. Crossing her arms on the table, she hid her face in their cradle and sobbed over her sins.
She saw her own ugliness, and as she prayed and asked for forgiveness and renewal, she felt God’s flames of love burning through her, cleansing her. She prayed and pleaded and thanked the One who was in control. She realized that only God deserved to be in control. She’d been wrong to usurp that privilege, trying to move other people like checkers on a game board. Grievous as she felt, when she lifted her head, she felt spring bubbling up inside her.
Never could she have drummed up that much hope for the future on her own. But it now fell over her like a fresh rain. God cared. The Lord was with her. And finally, she wanted to trust Him with her life.
She wasn’t sure how to do that, but God would teach her. Rising from the table with a smile, a song bubbled up inside her. She took a fresh tissue and blotted her eyes, then broke into song, not caring if she was hopelessly off-key.
She remembered how Brother Troyer’s sermon had seared her heart. Then her hand stilled, and she had another epiphany. This was how Jake felt after his falling away. This was what he’d been trying to explain to her all along about the feeling of a new beginning. With that, she also realized that she didn’t hate him any longer. God had removed that burden. It was like she could see him in her mind’s eye like God might see him. With compassion. Not all-knowing, but with a patient love.
As she moved around the room, cleaning the table, she spoke out loud to God as if He was a friend present with her in the room. I give Jake to You, whatever Your will is for us. I might actually be able to be his friend now. With Your help. And forgive me for my poor attitude toward Erin and even Jessie. I know You love them, too. Then she paused when she caught movement from her side vision. Outside, David was walking to his car. She saw him glance at the doddy house, and she felt a surge of God’s love toward him and a powerful urge to make things right between them. Quickly dabbing her eyes again, she ran to the door, acting before she lost her courage.
Swinging it open, she called out. “Hey, David.”
He froze. Stared at her.
“Can you come over a minute?”
CHAPTER 35
Katy waited in the open doorway, her heart racing at her impetuousness yet unable to deny the prompting she had felt in her spirit.
David reached the front stoop and halted.
Katy smiled, her eyes pleading for his forgiveness.
His narrowed. His jaw hardened.
She ran her tongue over her dry lips. “I have chocolate mint ice cream. I thought maybe you’d like some.”
He glanced back at his car, his expression telling her that he remembered their last conversation as clearly as she did. She knew she was opening herself to another curt rebuff.
He rolled back his shoulders. “Not really.”
Lord, help me here. “Please?”
He shifted his stance. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I miss our friendship.” When he still seemed skittish, she flashed him another tentative smile that came out a bit more tremulous than she’d intended.
“I heard about Lil. I guess you’re real hard up for company.”
“That’s true,” she grinned. “I have some mocha ice cream, too.”
“Oh, in that case.” He strode past her into the doddy house.
Wondering if she should apologize again, she got the ice cream out of the freezer and placed the containers and some bowls on the table. “Here we are.”
In silence, he dipped a scooper into the round container of mocha. His hand paused. “So you miss our friendship. And?”
“Yes.” Their gazes met as she tried to convey that reconciliation—not dating—was her intention.
He handed her the ice-cream scoop. “I heard you broke up with Jake.”
So that was it. He thought she was on the rebound. She felt her face heat as she scooped ice cream into her bowl. “Yes, we did. I couldn’t forgive him … until now … after it was too late.”
“Slow down. You forgave him. After you broke up?”
She took the ice-cream containers back to the freezer and joined him at the table with a sarcastic chuckle. “Right. I need to work on my personal problems. I’m a mess. But with God’s help, I plan to change. Anyway, I hate the way it was left between us. You and me.”
He displayed his dimple. “Such a pretty mess.”
Her face heated again. “So is there any way that you and I could, um”—she took a spoonful of ice cream, feeling self-conscious, and once it had melted in her mouth, she finished—“be friends again?”
He twirled his spoon, making her squirm. “Let me make sure I’m getting this right. You only want to be friends? Or do you want to start up where we left off?”
She couldn’t help but smile at his frankness. “No. I just want to be … buddies. Play games, chat. I want you to flash your dimple at me like you are now, instead of your nasty scowl. I didn’t like that much.”
He shrugged. “I overreacted. It’s no big deal anymore.” Then as if it was settled, he took a spoonful of ice cream.
She settled back, relieved. After a comfortable pause, she asked, “How’s Elizabeth doing?”
“Good. Better than this ice cream. How long’s it been in the freezer anyway?”
She laughed and made a face. “It’s awful, isn’t it?” She pushed her bowl away. “We don’t have to finish it.”
“Too late. I sacrificed myself for friendship.” He leaned back in his chair and studied her intently.
She squirmed. “Do I have chocolate on my chin or what?”
“I don’t get it. You wanted me to forgive you. But you can’t forgive Jake.”
“I forgave him after it was too late,” Katy corrected. She didn’t explain that she’d just forgiven him an hour earlier, that she’d just had a renewal experience right before she’d invited him inside. But now that they’d made their peace, she questioned the wisdom of entertaining him inside while she was living alone in the house. She worried her lip. If he lingered, she would call Megan and ask her to join them. They could play Rook.
“So why don’t you tell Jake now? That you forgive him?”
She stared at him, having lost track of their conversation. “What?”
He repeated the question.
She reasoned aloud. “Because he hates me. Anyway, he was with Jessie on Sunday.”
“Who’s that?”
She felt a twinge of pain. “A girl from school. I think they may be getting back together.”
“That girl with Erin? Standing in the foyer?”
Katy nodded.
“I didn’t get a good look at her. I was too busy looking at Erin. But Jake would never go back to her.”
Looking at Erin? She raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”
“Because he came back to the church, and unless she changes a lot, that’s not going to work out.”
“Maybe he’ll leave again.”
“Not if he’s changed.”
“Maybe she’ll change.”
“I doubt it.”
She wanted to ask him if he thought Jessie was pretty, but he’d claimed he hadn’t looked at her very much. Instead she argued, “But she’s friends with Erin.”
“That is strange.” He wore an unreadable look, one that made her wonder if he had a crush on Erin. Then he shook his head. “Forget about Jessie. You should tell Jake you’re sorry.”
Katy planted her elbow on the table and cradled her head in her hand. “It’s over.”
He shrugged. “Maybe you haven’t really had a change of heart.”
“Don’t say that. I have so.”
“Prove it.”
She narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “Why are you so anxious to see us get back together? You don’t even like him.” She didn’t want to bring up the fistfight.
“I have my reasons.”
&n
bsp; She stared at him, saw a vulnerability in his expression. Maybe he didn’t want Katy to be available because he didn’t want to get hurt again. Or maybe David wanted to square things with Jake so he could date Erin. Whatever the reason, he had the right to his opinion. She swallowed.
“Call him,” he urged.
Loud, uplifting refrains filled the cab, and Jake tapped his palms on his steering wheel keeping time to the beat. He willed the inspirational message into his wounded spirit as he mouthed the words. Meanwhile his truck sped across miles, putting distance between him and the object of his heartbreak.
When he stopped for gas, he checked his phone, surprised to see he had messages. His heart wrenched. Three calls from Katy in the past two hours. He could only hope he wouldn’t have answered her calls anyway. Two missed calls and one voice mail.
He hesitated, wondering if he should listen to the voice mail. It would be like her to leave some message saying she was sorry. If he listened, he might be tempted to take her back. He wouldn’t do that again. He wouldn’t weaken. He needed to move on with his life. Clenching his jaw, he erased the message. Grimly, he set the phone to vibrate and jammed it in his pocket.
Climbing back in the cab, he worked the interior lights and checked his road map. After breaking up with Katy, he’d jumped at the opportunity to get away. He needed time to heal, time to forget about her, and mostly time to resolve that he wouldn’t go back to her again.
He pulled back onto the highway, sparse with traffic now, intending to go at least a hundred miles before he stopped for the night.
After another thirty miles, his radio started to break up so he turned it off. It was peaceful at that time of night with nothing but twinkling stars overhead and the occasional headlight. Up there somewhere was God. He drove on. Peace stole over him because he knew God answered prayer.
The afternoon he and Katy broke up, he’d driven straight to OSU. Erin had listened to the entire story, helping him work through it. But the most amazing thing was that God had used Jake’s pain for His glory. For when Erin saw how his falling away had destroyed his relationship with Katy, the only girl he’d ever loved, and when she saw how this had devastated him, she determined that she wouldn’t allow the same thing to happen to her.
They’d talked until late that night, and he had witnessed the miracle of seeing his sister repent of her rebellion. That’s why she’d come to church on Sunday. And after the services, the impossible had happened. Jessie had actually stepped inside the meetinghouse, too. She hadn’t come for the services, but she had come, nevertheless.
He grinned inwardly. Erin and Jessie made an odd couple, about as odd as he and Jessie had once made. But they’d met through him, and Jessie had helped convert Erin to the world. He wondered if Erin would now be God’s instrument to draw Jessie. Would that be the ultimate good that came out of his repentance?
Nah. Jessie would never become Mennonite. He remembered their talks, and Jessie’s arguments against the Conservative way. But she might become a Christian. He wouldn’t give up praying until it happened.
Erin’s repentance had given him a joy that softened the pain of his broken relationship with Katy. For the first time in his life, he didn’t center his future around her, and the joy of answered prayer was quietly upholding him. He knew that God was behind the Texas job opportunity he had received. Everything had fallen into place so quickly and perfectly, with Erin moving back home to help his mother. He’d felt compelled to jump in his truck and follow his dream.
CHAPTER 36
Katy paused on the Bylers’ front porch. A robin’s chirp drew her attention to the large ash tree on the side of the house. The empty swing reminded her of her escapade with Jake’s grandma. The robin swooped down to the ground, then flew into the weeping willow, the same tree where she’d gotten her first kiss from Jake.
She felt like an intruder, embarrassed to be chasing a man who’d undeclared himself. She couldn’t bring herself to step up to the door. “He’s not home. His truck is gone.”
“Maybe it’s in the barn,” David replied, undeterred.
Katy glanced in the direction of the barn. “If he won’t answer his phone or return my calls, then he doesn’t want to see me,” she argued. “He made it clear to me that we were through.”
“We’ve already discussed that. I’m a guy. Trust me. He needs to know you’ve forgiven him.”
“I didn’t know guys could be such nags.” She scowled at David and stepped up to the doorbell.
When the door opened, Katy’s mind reeled from shock, her hand involuntarily covering her pitching stomach as she stared across the threshold at the woman responsible for much of her grief. Jessie was the last person she had expected to see in Ann’s kitchen.
On the other hand, Jessie seemed nonplussed with her. She merely tilted her blond head, quietly studying them, until her smoky rimmed eyes widened. “You’re Katy.” When she sensed Katy’s confusion, she added, “I saw you in church.”
Jessie didn’t seem resentful or jealous. Rather she acted like she was genuinely glad to meet Katy. Her personality came across much softer than Katy had imagined it. There was something beneath all the makeup that was refreshing. But that didn’t keep Katy from feeling like she’d walked into a daytime nightmare. Praying for Jessie and actually speaking to her were two entirely different things. She bit her lip and looked up at David.
He quickly introduced himself and asked, “Is Jake here?”
“No. But come in. I’ll go get Erin.”
Katy’s feet seemed nailed to the porch flooring, but Jessie motioned them in as if she were hostess, and when David pushed her elbow, Katy found herself begrudgingly inside Ann’s kitchen.
As soon as Jessie left the room, Katy hissed at David. “Let’s get out of here. This is a mistake.”
“Not so fast. Let’s find out what’s going on first.”
“No. It’s obvious. I’m out. She’s in. I need to leave before Jake comes back and finds me here.”
“You know they’re going to tell him anyway. She must be visiting Erin. Otherwise she’d be with Jake.”
“Not necessarily. I think—”
Erin burst into the room, ending the argument, her expression bearing delight. Oddly, so did Jessie’s. Katy was curious. Maybe David was right. Still …
“Have a seat.” Erin motioned at the table. “Can I get you guys a soda?”
“No!” Katy quickly replied, her pride pushing aside her curiosity.
“Yes, please.” David gave Katy an obstinate look.
She tightened her lips and placed her hands on her lap to keep from yanking his perfect hair from his stubborn head.
“Great.” Erin talked while she moved with ease about her mother’s kitchen. Her gaze flitted from David to Katy. “What are you guys up to?”
David elbowed Katy. “We were looking for Jake.”
“Oh?” A flicker of wariness crossed Erin’s expression.
Katy felt both girls studying her with inquisitive gazes but couldn’t think of anything to say that would satisfy their curiosity without giving herself away.
“He’s not returning her calls, and she needs to tell him something important,” David clarified.
Katy’s jaw dropped open with disbelief, and her face heated from humiliation. Now she wanted to pull his hair out by its perfect roots.
Erin joined the others at the table, her eyes so like Jake’s now filled with concern. “Then I’m very sorry you missed him. He’s hurting bad.”
It seemed the only one with the brains to skirt the issue was Katy. Her face still burning, she glanced at Jessie, but even she wore a sympathetic expression. David squeezed her arm. The encouragement was her undoing. Her pretense fell away. “Me, too,” she admitted, easing gently from his touch.
“I know it wouldn’t be the same, but I could relay a message for you,” Erin offered hopefully. “It isn’t any of my business, but if it would help you guys get back together?” Her gaze held a
definite yearning, then it dropped to the table, and she continued more softly, “But if I’m reading this wrong, then I don’t want to—”
She looked up again. “I love you, Katy, but I just don’t want him to get hurt again.”
“I don’t blame you.” Katy wanted to tell her that she’d changed and how she’d forgiven Jake, but it felt awkward with Jessie present. She studied the petite woman who had her chin propped by a silver-cuffed hand. Katy sucked her lip in then released it. “Are you and Jake back together?”
Jessie pointed at herself and the bracelet jangled. She tossed her short blond mop and laughed. “No. Absolutely not. We’re just good friends.” Her smoky gaze shifted to Jake’s sister. “I’m just hanging with Erin over spring break. Taking a country vacation.”
“Lame, I know.” Erin shrugged.
Katy could tell that they spoke the truth. Otherwise, Jessie wouldn’t have been acting so nice. It appeared that Jessie wasn’t as stuck on Jake as Katy had expected her to be. There was no evidence that Jessie was experiencing any kind of pain. This new piece of knowledge lightened Katy’s heart and planted new hope.
Nodding, Katy explained, “I’ve been a fool. God showed me some things about myself, some ugly things. After that, I was finally able to forgive Jake for … the past. I know it’s too late. But David keeps nagging me, telling me I owe it to Jake to let him know I forgive him.”
Erin’s eyes filled with respect for David, and she cast him a smile. “He’s right. Even if you don’t get back together, it’ll make Jake happy to know you’ve found peace. When you guys broke up, he came to see me. He blamed himself for causing you to change. I’m sure that was hard for you to admit. Thanks for sharing it.”
Katy sighed. “But he won’t answer my calls. He hates me.”
“He’s hurting,” Erin repeated. “He’s protecting himself. Now that I know the importance of what you want to tell him, I believe it would be much better hearing it from you. I’ll tell him you dropped by and ask him to call you.”
Plain City Bridesmaids Page 29
