“That explains her behavior.”
Her bare feet fell into sway with Micah’s tennis shoes, and the story flowed forth in hypnotically bitter waves. “We’re not sure why my great-aunt wants to meet us. But I found out that my mom’s family is not Mennonite. They aren’t even Christians. Funny, Dad just told me a couple weeks ago that Dirk Willems is in our blood line.” She laughed bitterly. “I was so proud of it. And I didn’t even know who I really was.”
Micah gave a short whistle. “Dirk Willems is a hero. I heard the story in college. It stirred me, too. It’s easy to believe that a man like him would be in your bloodline.”
She pulled a sarcastic face. “Hardly.”
“Regardless of your mom’s people, he’s still one of your ancestors.”
Megan lowered her gaze, and her hair fell into a silky curtain that veiled her shame. “No. I’m lucky if I got any of those genes. Don’t you see? I’ve been living a lie. I’m so angry at Mom for not telling me sooner. I feel so deceived. Confused.”
Micah removed her cup from her hands and set it on the ground. Then he folded her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. “Despite what you’re feeling, this doesn’t change who you are. God holds each of us accountable for ourselves, according to our talents and our own faith. That hasn’t changed.”
She tightened her grip. “Hasn’t it? For nearly two months, I’ve fought off an attraction for Chance.” Her throat constricted painfully. “Just because he’s not a Mennonite. But he’s a Christian. If he knew about this, he would despise me for my hypocrisy.”
Micah caressed her hand with his thumb. “How could he, when you just found out? But you’re still a Mennonite. You haven’t changed just because you found out some things about your relatives.”
She pulled away from his touch and thrust her hand up in anger. “I can’t just slough this off. If something like this came out about your family, do you think you’d still feel confident about your job at the church?”
“First of all, I’m not confident about it. Secondly, maybe your aunt is coming to help you work through it.”
Megan shook her head. “Mom says she’s coming to stir up the past.”
“Anita’s a typical parent, trying to protect you. She’s probably afraid that if you visit these people, you’ll see something you like and be tempted to leave the church.”
“What if she’s right?”
Micah saw that Megan’s faith was being sorely tested. Doubts and emotions were blurring the truth that had been the foundation of her faith. The timing of this news couldn’t be worse. Anita couldn’t have known about Megan’s infatuation with Chance. It was up to him to place Megan’s hand back on her anchor.
“Being Mennonite is a way of life that reflects certain beliefs. It’s not something genetic. Now more than ever, you need to pull strength from your beliefs. Let them ground you.”
“I’ve been thinking about this all night. It’s like a ripple that widens into eternity. I can’t comprehend how it’s going to affect my life. But I know one thing. It was wrong for Mom to keep this information from me. People at church knew about this and didn’t tell me, either. Don’t you understand how betrayed I feel?”
“I’m sure nobody wanted to intentionally hurt you. They probably saw your mom’s adoption as a blessing. The church family was an extension of her adoptive family. Then when she married a man of the church, her grafting in was even stronger. All that was set in place before you were even born. Your family is a strong unit, providing leadership in the church.”
“Whenever I asked Mom about her real family, she always made some comment that made me believe she didn’t know anything about them. How could she cut off ties with her real family and assume that I wouldn’t want to meet them?”
A night owl hooted. Another owl gave answering calls. Micah’s heart melded with the mournful music and Megan’s pain, seeking to ease the latter. “She’d already weighed everything and made those choices before you were born.”
“My grandparents are dead. She made the choice of shunning them. And because of that, I never knew them.”
His own grief identified with Megan’s pain. “That’s hard. I loved my grandma.” He still missed her cheery hugs and gentle guidance. She’d been good-natured like Anita. He hoped this disclosure hadn’t caused a breach in Megan’s relationship with her mom. He asked tenderly, “Did you have an argument with your mom tonight?”
“No. She was upset. I wanted to think through everything before I said something to upset her even more.”
“That was a smart thing to do.”
Megan tossed her hair over her shoulder. The simple gesture aroused a physical reaction that he tried to tamp down. Everything about her affected him, but lately it was becoming a natural habit to gravitate toward her need as much as her desirability.
“Chance thinks I can find a job in Ecuador.”
Her bitter remark splashed cold water on his foolish hopes and drove a knife into his reckless heart, but he understood what drove her. The sifting and weighing of her faith had shattered her self-control and caused her to lash out at the restrictions of her upbringing. His frantic heart leaped, willing her to realize that her life didn’t have to drastically change.
She hardened her gaze, ineffectively warding off his unspoken intervention.
Her world had tilted, giving Chance a small window of opportunity to step into this new realm of Megan’s life and prey on her vulnerability. When Micah saw his words were powerless against her instability, he slipped his arm around her, anything to anchor her to the Conservative world, his world. “Don’t run from your family, from the people who love you.”
Megan wiggled out of his embrace and pushed to her bare feet. She narrowed her eyes into thin glacial slits. “We shouldn’t be out here.”
He gave a sad sigh. “I suppose. It’s just that I want to protect you.”
“Thanks. But I need to figure this out myself. And I need to tell Chance the truth.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” She swept her chilly gaze over him as if he was from an enemy camp. “All I meant was you shouldn’t do anything rash. Give yourself more time to think things through.”
“Chance invited me to his place to watch a movie about the Aucas. It will help me work through my new identity. Spending time with him and learning more about Ecuador will help me make some decisions so that I don’t do anything rash.”
“I understand that. But proceed slowly while you’re still emotional.”
“We don’t have much time until he leaves the States again.”
“Surely you can take a few days?”
“Fine. I won’t talk to him about it until the weekend, when we watch the movie.”
Balling fists of frustrated energy, he pressed, “You shouldn’t go to his apartment while you’re feeling confused.”
“Micah, how is it any different than being alone with you, like we are now? Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s different because you’re not attracted to me.” Rays of moonlight revealed her embarrassment.
“What if the timing of Mom’s news was meant to make me more open-minded toward Chance’s offer?”
“And what is his offer? Has he offered you marriage?”
Megan eyes glittered. “My blood grandmother wasn’t married when she had my mother.”
Her unanticipated slash drew blood, but it only made him more obstinate to play the hero and shield her from her own foolishness. He parried, “Or maybe God sent me to Plain City to keep you from ruining your life.”
She placed one hand on her hip, looking regal in her white night robe. “Now you’re just being manipulative.”
“I’m being your friend. If our friendship means anything, then at least consider my advice.”
Tears glistened, softening her eyes. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Meg,” he breathed. He drew her close. She melded into his embrace, clutching the back of his shirt. She sobbed a
gainst his chest. If he had manipulated her, it was for her own good. But his conscience licked wildly at his ears. And he wrestled with his scruples, as he comforted the object of his desires. A broken barefoot woman wearing a robe with her hair immodestly streaming down her back. He struggled with the impulse to whisper that she didn’t need to go any farther than her own porch to find a man who would love her and help her find her identity. Instead he whispered, “Your identity is in Christ. Be sure to pray about it.” And then he released her.
Megan nodded. “Of course. Thanks for listening. For everything.” She bent and picked up her tea then gave him a wobbly smile. “Don’t lose any more sleep over it, Micah.”
He smiled and watched her disappear into the house. Sleep was the last thing Micah had on his mind.
“You look terrible.” Paige tilted her face, studying Megan. “Like you cried all night.”
“Personal problems,” Megan muttered.
“Wanna talk about it?” Paige lowered her voice and leaned over Megan’s desk. “Is it about Chance?”
Megan shook her head. “No. And I don’t want to talk about it. But if I fall asleep at my desk, bring coffee.”
“Sure thing, honey. Hope you work things out.”
Megan had gotten to work a few minutes late, and the door to Chance’s office had already been closed. Until she talked to him about the movie, she wouldn’t be able to calm the restless river that flowed through her veins, making it difficult to concentrate on her work.
As soon as Paige left, Megan scooped up a stack of paperwork and knocked on his door.
“Come in.” She pushed the door open and allowed it to close behind her. Chance looked up with pleasant surprise. “Hi.”
“Can we talk?”
He nodded toward a side chair. “Sit down.”
Megan slipped into the welcome support of a masculine leather side chair. “I’m sorry I was late this morning.”
“No problem. Usually you’re early. Everything all right?”
Now Micah’s warnings were sharks circling her mind and confusing her, but she couldn’t break free from the promise she’d made him. She clutched the files and drifted into unchartered waters.
“Something wrong?” he repeated.
She wet her lips with her tongue. “Some personal stuff that I don’t want to talk about right now. But I wondered if the offer still stands about viewing your movie The End of the Spear?”
Chance’s face lit with undisguised pleasure. “Of course, Meg. Do you want to do dinner first?”
She drew a line in the sand. “Oh. Just the movie, if you don’t mind. And could we do it during the day?”
Chance acknowledged her wishes. “Sure, no pressure. We can just watch the movie.” Then he tried to gain control again. “You want me to pick you up on Saturday? Two? Three o’clock?”
“If you give me the address, I’ll drop by around two.”
He quickly scribbled the address on a yellow sticky note, and she exchanged the address for her files. “Thanks. These need signatures.”
Accepting the paperwork, he replied, “Let me know if I can help. With the other.”
“I think you already have. I’ll explain it on Saturday.” Relieved to have maneuvered the situation to her satisfaction, Megan stepped out of his office. But her brief buoyancy fled when she saw Paige waiting near her desk. The other woman’s gaze narrowed as if she saw right through Megan’s intentions. “I don’t advise crying on his shoulder.”
“That’s not what I was doing.” Megan resented the way everybody interfered, treating her as if she wasn’t an adult capable of making her own choices. If her mom hadn’t been protecting her for all these years, she wouldn’t be feeling so rotten now. “Why does everybody want to run my life? Do I need to wear a No Trespassing sign on my back?”
“I guess you never heard the story about Little Red Riding Hood?”
Slipping into her chair, Megan rolled her gaze toward the ceiling. “Yes. A lot of wolf stories are circulating, but thinking about them doesn’t get my work done.”
Paige gave a sulky toss of her head and departed.
CHAPTER 24
Megan stood at her bedroom window and looked down over the peaceful country landscape, but it did little to ease her internal restlessness. She’d spent the remainder of the workweek consumed in private thoughts, feeding the idea that she needed to explore the part of the world that she knew so little about. Fifty percent of her genetic background came from the outsiders’ world. She couldn’t just ignore it like her mom had done.
She had to find out if those genes were responsible for the unexplainable stirrings she sometimes felt. She needed to identify the source of her restlessness so that she could determine if they were God-given or sinful urges. She had no intention of shucking her Christian faith, but she needed answers. Now that her eyes had been opened, she was rethinking her personal destiny. Was she still to follow the Conservative road or did another road beckon? The mission field? More specifically, was God calling her to join Chance in Ecuador?
Just as she released the gauzy curtain to move away from the window, she heard the sound that could be none other than Lil’s old rattle clap. A quick look verified it. Only Lil never dropped by these days, not since her marriage. They always met at Volo Italiano or the doddy house. She hurried downstairs and moved with haste to answer the door.
“Hi. You busy?”
Easily sensing that something had occurred to upset Lil, Megan drew her friend inside. With a warning finger to her lips, they snuck past the hall, almost losing Lil to the aroma of freshly baking cinnamon rolls.
Upstairs in Megan’s room, Lil sank on the bed with a sigh.
“What on earth’s wrong?”
“Fletch cancelled our picnic. He has to work again. I thought my dad had the market on pigheadedness, but I was wrong. My husband thinks he’s always right about everything. I always have to give in.”
“Fletch had an emergency?”
“Vic had an emergency, and Fletch feels like he has to cover for him at the clinic.”
“Why don’t you just take the picnic to him?”
“I didn’t think of that.” Lil shook her head. “The picnic’s off now. He’s mad because I second-guessed his decision. And according to him, I’m never supposed to question his decisions. I’m not in the mood for a picnic.”
Although Megan hated to see Lil angry and upset, she had a strong inkling that it wasn’t a coincidence that Lil had stopped by. “I don’t know about never. But this time, I think he made the right choice.”
“What?”
“I think I’m the reason Fletch has to work today.”
Lil looked at Megan as if she’d lost her marbles or wasn’t following the conversation at all.
“Because I need you to go with me this afternoon. I thought about asking you anyway. First I thought about asking Micah, but that wouldn’t have worked.” Micah would have gone with her to watch the movie. But after telling Chance that Conservative men were nonresistant, putting those two men together would have been setting a foolish trap for Micah. After nixing that idea, Megan had thought of Lil. And here she was, delivered right to her doorstep.
“Slow down. Go with you where?”
“I’m going to Chance’s apartment to watch a movie with him.”
Lil jumped off the bed and grabbed Megan by the shoulders. “What? You aren’t even allowed to watch movies. And going to his apartment is asking for trouble. Have you lost your mind?”
“Not my mind. Just my identity. Sit down. It’s a long story.”
Lil drew her brows together in concern. She eased onto the edge of the bed. “Okay, spill it.”
The story unfolded more easily the second time around, and Megan only strayed from it long enough to answer a few of Lil’s well-placed questions. “And this is your aunt?”
“My great-aunt Louise. My instincts tell me that her visit is going to reveal some things that could change my life. There has to be
a reason why she’s coming to visit us now, after all these years. Although Mom’s skeptical, I want to hear everything my aunt has to say.”
“But what does this have to do with going to Chance’s house?”
“I want to weigh all my options with an open mind.”
“Your mind may be open, but your emotions are all over the board.”
“You sound just like Micah.”
Lil arched a brow but didn’t press. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you accountable.”
“Then you’ll go?”
“Of course I will.”
“I’m probably not the friend to advise you about husbands and marriage. Katy would have more experience in that department. Sometimes I even feel sorry for myself, that you are both married. I’m sorry I’ve been so engrossed in my own life that I haven’t noticed your struggles.”
“You drop in at the restaurant all the time. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, I would have told you. I came today, didn’t I? And I don’t want you thinking we have marriage problems. I’ll admit we both have self-control issues. But if God led me here today, then I owe Fletch an apology. I haven’t been a very understanding wife.” Lil leaned close. “Fletch really is pigheaded. But then, so am I.”
Megan smiled.
Lil grinned back. “Movies aren’t forbidden at the church Fletch and I attend. It’ll be fun.” Lil suddenly giggled. “I can’t wait to see Chance’s face when I walk into his apartment with you.”
Megan laughed. “Poor Chance. It will be a surprise.”
Chance shook his head and burst out laughing. “Of course you brought a friend.” In a sense, he was relieved. He didn’t want to do anything to chase Megan away, and she’d come up with the perfect solution. One that made her feel safe to set foot into his bachelor apartment. He didn’t know why he hadn’t suggested it himself. “Come in, both of you.”
As Lil passed by him, she whispered. “Just remember I’m watching you.”
His smile deepened, and he whispered back, “I think I can take you.” Then he flinched, for he’d almost referred to his air force experience. Revealing that information before he’d won Megan’s complete trust would have shot their relationship out of the sky, sending them in a downward spiral with no recovery.
Plain City Bridesmaids Page 82
