by Rye Brewer
“Enough.” She sounded tired.
More so than I had ever heard her in the decades since we’d first met.
“Just… enough, Micah. I only ask for your sake, and for hers, you give a great deal of thought to what you may or may not have done. And what it may or may not mean farther down the line.”
She cut me off before I had the chance to protest, adding, “I won’t stand in your way. I never have before, have I? You’ve been free to work your plans, pulling the strings as you see fit. But do not expect me to keep quiet when I see such blatant cruelty being perpetrated in front of me. Understood?”
We stared at each other for a long, heavy minute. The only sound in the room was our breathing as we challenged each other.
I’d never thought of Naomi as an opponent before—and, frankly, wasn’t certain whether I should think of her as one now, either.
The only wise action, I decided, would be to give in to her terms. No sense in dragging out a pointless argument which might only serve to reveal more of what I’d worked so hard to conceal.
“All right,” I agreed. “I understand. And I appreciate your honesty.”
Her laugh was rich. “No, you don’t. Of all the lies you’ve ever fed me, Micah, that might be the biggest of all.” She was still laughing when she left, the sound echoing after her.
I felt as though I’d been hit by a speeding bus. What was that about? What was she trying to say? That she knew what I’d done to Gage?
Could it mean she knew what I’d done to Xavier, too?
No. That was so long ago. Fifty years, at least. She couldn’t still be holding on to that old heartache.
Could she?
I’d held on to Georgina for twice as long. I always would, until I drew my final breath.
Chapter 6
Felicity
It pained me to witness Gregor’s pain.
Why did fate have to be so cruel? I had never been much of a believer, having seen too much over time to put my faith in some all-knowing force guiding our lives in spite of our choices. I didn’t like the notion of there not being a path, but the one our feet started down the day we were born.
Even so, it seemed as though there was a plan at work in our lives, and I didn’t like it one bit.
Gregor and Tabitha, for instance.
What was the purpose of their being reunited only to be pulled apart again? Wasn’t it enough he’d nursed an undying love for her up to that point? That he would never forget her, that their love came back just as fresh and new as ever every time he looked at their daughter?
No, it wasn’t. Not for the force which had brought them back together again. He had hoped. He’d become almost a new man, one I’d hardly recognized. A childlike gleam had shone in his eyes. He’d hoped.
He had hoped.
Which made his fresh heartache all the more potent. The half-healed wound was torn open and deeper than ever.
I watched him from my seat on the other side of the hearth.
We’d sat in silence since Anissa and Jonah left, unable to muster the energy for conversation.
What was there to discuss? Certainly, we could talk about the wedding, but it only brought up the question of whether Tabitha would be present for it.
We both knew she wouldn’t be.
Though he did a good job of showing enthusiasm while they were with us. In their absence, he seemed to fold in on himself. A shadow of the man I once knew, someone I’d butted heads with more times than I could count. He didn’t appear to have any of the old bluster in him as he stared into the fire.
“It will be a beautiful wedding,” I ventured, choosing my words carefully. “They’re a beautiful couple.”
“They are. It will.” He leaned back against the cushions behind him and exhaled.
“You’re a good father for wanting to give her a lovely day. She deserves it. She’s strong and brave. Like someone I know.” I flashed him a small, tentative smile, which he returned. A good sign.
“I wonder how brave,” he sighed. “I don’t feel very brave at the moment. I feel useless, weak. As though there was nothing I could’ve done to protect…” He couldn’t say her name. It would’ve made everything too real.
“Perhaps there was nothing you could’ve done at all, no matter what. There were other forces at work in this. I hope we find out one day who or what was behind this. I hate to think of the culprit going unpunished.”
“I would never allow it,” he vowed, his eyes flashing as a bit of the old Gregor came out.
“I know you wouldn’t. But so long as we know nothing about what went on, what’s the chance the responsible party will ever pay for what they did?” I tented my fingers beneath my chin, elbows on the arms of my chair.
We fell into yet another long, stormy silence.
Allonic may have been able to help, if he hadn’t disappeared. The fact he was missing at the same time as his mother didn’t do much to soothe my already frayed nerves. Had something happened to both of them at once? Was the blood we’d found not just Tabitha’s blood? What if he had gone there in search of her and whoever or whatever had killed Tabitha had been waiting…?
I ground my teeth together as I imagined this. I knew I shouldn’t, it would get me nowhere, but there was no stopping once I’d started. The image of their lifeless bodies, lying side by side… It made me sick, sent my pulse racing, and turned my stomach.
My heart ached.
What was there for us? Gregor and me? Sitting together in his chambers for the rest of our lives, waiting for our loves to come back to us? We’d grow old there, decaying as time spun on, keeping a silent vigil for those who would never return.
There was another possibility, too, one which didn’t please me much more than the thought of Allonic dying—the idea he’d never loved me. That I had been nothing more than a pleasant diversion to him. Why else would he stay away for so long?
Gregor’s tired voice broke through the stillness. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as though we’ve exhausted every possibility. There’s no chance of finding someone to explore ShadesRealm for us—not without risking Garan’s ire.”
“Garan,” I muttered. The short meeting with the ruler of ShadesRealm hadn’t instilled much faith. “He didn’t seem to care at all, did he?”
Gregor shrugged. “It’s not easy, ruling as we do. On the one hand, I understand. He has many concerns which need his time and attention. Let’s not forget he lost his father, too. There was a lot on his mind during our visit. The condition of a single person—not even a shade, on top of everything else—was rather low on his list of priorities.”
“Right, which means it’s up to us to do something about this.”
“Felicity.” He turned a tired eye to me, shaking his head. “What else is there to do? There are certain lines a leader cannot cross without taking the consequences not only on his shoulders, but upon the shoulders of those he protects. If I were to incur Garan’s ire, the result would not only be mine to shoulder. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“Fine,” I said, leaning forward. My blood stirred, my mind spun. “If you don’t want to do it, I will.”
“I don’t agree with this.”
“I understand. You don’t have anything to do with my decision. And should the worst happen, should I be discovered, you can claim to know nothing about my presence in ShadesRealm.”
“He’ll never believe that.”
“He’ll have to, once you deny knowledge of my movements.”
He winced as though this was unthinkable. “You want me to deny you? I don’t know if I could do that, Felicity. It would feel as though I was denying part of my family.”
He’d never spoken of me that way, and my heart warmed at his words. It didn’t matter, though, not when there was something larger at stake.
“You’ll simply have to try,” I decided, standing. “I’m going to go. We shouldn’t speak of it again. You can answer with some degree of ho
nesty that you don’t know when I went or what my plans were.”
He stood, too, coming to me with his hands extended. “I could forbid this, you know.”
“You don’t truly want to, do you?” I asked, barely holding back a smile.
He wanted me to go, even against his better judgment. He wanted to know what happened to Tabitha as much as I did.
What he didn’t know was how determined I was to find Allonic while I was there. It would sound too selfish if I were to announce my full intentions, so I kept them to myself. Dishonest, perhaps, but he would only worry more if he knew.
The fact he hadn’t deduced this on his own betrayed the true depth of his grief. He never would’ve let me get away with a half-truth before. He was too sharp, his mind too probing. He would’ve raked me over the coals until I’d admitted the truth of my plans.
Now, after losing his love for the second time, he was a shadow of the sharp, infuriating man.
“I’ll get my things together and leave shortly,” I announced.
His jaw worked as he decided the most diplomatic choice of words. I’d seen that expression many times over the years.
Finally, all he said was, “Please. Be careful.”
“I won’t let Avellane down.”
“I’m not referring only to Avellane,” he informed me in his gruff voice, blustering his way through the warmth of his emotions as always. “I’m concerned about you. Be careful for your own sake, more than anything else. I can take care of Avellane.”
“Of course you can.” We left it at that, with me hurrying from his chambers moments later.
My pulse raced. There were too many thoughts racing through my head all at once for me to focus on one at a time. I was going to ShadesRealm. Was taking a bigger chance than I’d ever taken in my entire life. Never had I ever put myself or anyone else at such risk.
Was I up to the challenge?
I locked myself in my chambers and immediately went to the chest where I kept my tonics and healing tinctures. It had been a long time since I’d needed to use any of them, and there was no guarantee I’d need any of them on my journey. I hoped not. I would rather not run into trouble, and I certainly didn’t want to treat my own injuries.
Still, it was best to be prepared.
My skin tingled in anticipation, every muscle tensed and ready. What would I find there? Where should I start? At the tower, I supposed. There had to be some clue there as to who had visited the tower while Tabitha was there.
As unlikely as I knew it to be, I couldn’t shake the hope Allonic would be waiting there. He might be in hiding, with information as to who killed Tabitha. It could’ve been one of the shades, perhaps one of Garan’s own men.
Was there a correlation between Garan’s father Ressenden’s death and Tabitha’s? Had Garan only been allowing her to live in ShadesRealm while his father was in power?
If that was the case, it meant if Allonic was alive, he might be in danger as well. Garan might have plans for him. It would’ve made sense for him to stay hidden.
Hope bloomed in my chest. Dangerous hope. I wondered if I should allow it—hadn’t Gregor held hope, after finding Tabitha again? Hadn’t he planned out an entire life for the two of them? I knew he had, even if he hadn’t admitted it. He didn’t need to admit it.
The voice of reason in my head chided me. You’re kidding yourself. Stop grasping at straws.
I sat back on my heels, on the floor in front of my chest. Was I? Was I behaving as irrationally as Gregor had? Allowing myself to believe pretty fantasies so long as it meant not having to believe Allonic had never cared about me?
Was it really better to imagine Allonic being in danger than to imagine him never caring for me?
Darkness settled over my thoughts. If he was in hiding, why would he stay in ShadesRealm? Would he flee somewhere safer? The human world, where his sister would likely be?
My heart sank. Yes. That was a greater probability.
Which led me to the two possibilities I’d wrestled with for endless hours in Gregor’s chambers.
Either something terrible had happened to Allonic, or he’d never cared for me and had no intention of returning from ShadesRealm.
Regardless of which was true, I wondered if I would ever get over the pain. Would I face the rest of my days the way Gregor would, always wondering what might have been?
I closed the chest then sighed as I rose, sliding my arms into the cloak which held vials and bottles in the pockets sewn inside. I was as ready as I’d ever be.
I hoped.
I hope you enjoyed Salvation! I can’t wait to bring you the next book in this series!
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Copyright © 2017 by Rye Brewer
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