Who I'm Becoming

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Who I'm Becoming Page 7

by S. Q. Williams


  After the bartender slid me my third shot of tequila, Montana laughed and picked up his beer to take a swig. “Slow down, girl. Don’t wanna have to end up carrying you up to your room.”

  I leaned in his direction, feeling a lazy smile take over my face. “You’d like that, huh?” I was teasing. I loved teasing him. The spark he got in his eyes every time gave me some kind of drive. It made me feel mighty… like in a way I controlled him by just being sexy.

  He looked me over slowly, and his tongue skimmed across his lips. “I’d fucking love it… but I don’t think we’d make it up to the room, Princess.”

  I giggled. “I’m okay with that.”

  Placing his beer down, he turned on his stool and stood to his feet. “I’m not usually the one to end the fun, but it seems like you’re pretty out of it. Three shots of tequila and two margaritas?”

  “So what?” I shrugged, brushing him off as he grabbed my shoulder. He was trying to help me, but I didn’t need his help. I wanted to stay. I wanted more to drink. I was still feeling, and feeling wasn’t what I wanted.

  “Seriously, Lauren, come on. If I stick around I’ll probably end up getting sloppy drunk and doing something stupid… and I’m not trying to do anything stupid right now.”

  I glanced at him before downing my shot. A hard breath passed through my lips as I slammed the glass on the counter and turned his way, looking up at him. There was a faint smile on his lips, one I couldn’t quite understand. It seemed he was torn between letting me have more fun and taking me back to the hotel. “You’ll do something stupid? Like what?” I asked after a small burp.

  He took a look around the bar. For a brief moment, his eyes stopped, and he looked up and down. I looked with him, spotting a leggy brunette bending over the pool table with a pool stick in her hands. Her ass was purposely in the air, and as she looked at Montana, she bent further, smirking.

  “Oh… I see,” I said, and suddenly, I felt upset. Although he looked away quicker than he normally would have, it bothered me that other girls could still get his attention. Then, a horrible thought came to mind. My insecurities came into play. What if he was already getting tired of messing around with me? Would he even be able to last a week around me? I knew Montana… I knew he wasn’t a one-woman kind of man, and although I couldn’t control him, I hated sharing while someone was “mine” for the time being. Call me selfish, but it was the truth.

  “You alright?” Montana asked, bringing me back to the now.

  I swallowed hard and picked up my purse, nodding. “Yeah… um…” I tossed my hair over my shoulder, hoping my nerves weren’t showing. “I think you’re right. We should get going.”

  Standing to my feet, I turned for the door, and Montana immediately followed after me, calling my name. I could hear him clearly, but I was pretending I couldn’t… and I didn’t know why. I hurried down the sidewalk in my six-inch heels that were now painful to walk in. The hotel was only a block away. I could make it.

  As I entered the spinning door and marched across the lobby of the hotel, I jammed my thumb into the button of the elevator. I wanted it to open right away, but, of course, that wasn’t the case. That was never the case with bloody elevators. Montana caught up to me, his eyebrows thinned and narrowed. “The hell is going on with you? We didn’t have to leave if you didn’t want to…”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, “…we did. I did.”

  His face was uncertain. He didn’t know what to say. I knew I was overreacting to all of this, but I couldn’t speak on it. Not in this moment. I felt on edge… almost on the verge of tears as memories flooded me. Perhaps the drinks weren’t so great tonight. I pressed the button repeatedly, begging inside for it to just open.

  Montana sighed and grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. Looking me over with soft eyes, he asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No.” I shook my head swiftly. “Not at all. Remember, there are no wrongs here. We’re just having fun.” I forced a smile at him and turned back around.

  He started to speak but was interrupted by the opening doors of the elevator. After a few people walked past we entered the far too small space. I had twelve floors to get to, and my heart pounded a little heavier with each illuminated number. I was sweating, which I wanted, but not in this manner.

  I swallowed thickly, trying my best to keep myself composed. Montana fidgeted beside me, swiping his nose and running his hand across the edges of his hair. He was still trying to think of something to say. I was sure he felt uncomfortable. He always twisted his facial piercings between his fingers whenever something was bothering him.

  When we finally reached my floor I hurried out of the elevator and down the hallway. Montana ran after me, begging me to wait up. I stopped in front of my door, drew in a heavy breath, and turned his way. “The drinks were a bad idea,” I said breathily.

  “A bad id—why? What the hell went wrong? We were having a great time.” His voice was a higher pitch than normal and kind of needy. I didn’t like the needy.

  “Look, Montana… I’ll just see you tomorrow. Okay? We have all week.” I forced a smile.

  His face hardened, his lips pressing thin. “The hell is going on with you, Lauren? Are you really upset that I wanted to get you back to your room?” He frowned. “I just… I know myself, and I wasn’t trying to fuck this up on the first night, ya know?”

  “No,” I said, in more of a coo. I stepped forward and placed the palm of my hand on his chest. “No, Montana. It’s not you… it’s me. I’m just… I need a little space tonight. This is still brand new to me, you know? And trust me, if anyone’s screwing up here, it’s me.” I was trying to take the heat, make him feel a little better about the situation.

  He nodded, but I could tell by the look on his face that he was still confused. “I guess.”

  This time, I gave a genuine smile, reaching down and squeezing his hand. “Tomorrow… lunch. I’ll call you. I had fun tonight.” I leaned in to kiss his cheek. He stiffened. I was sure he wanted more than a simple kiss on the cheek, but I couldn’t muster the courage. Kissing him on the lips would’ve led to him kissing me way too deeply and then me craving just a tiny bit more, and I couldn’t do it. I had to hold off. We still had an entire week ahead of us, and I refused to allow it to end sooner than that. I had to keep the boundaries in place.

  “Sure thing,” Montana finally said as I stuffed my key card in the slot of the door and pushed my way inside. I smiled over my shoulder but didn’t say anything. I honestly couldn’t. He looked way too defeated. He looked like a child that’d just lost his puppy.

  He finally turned his back to me and made his way down the hallway. I shut the door and hurried for the bathroom. Stripping out of my clothes, I started the shower and jumped in, scrubbing every square inch of my body but making sure I washed my womanhood last. I wanted the feeling of earlier to linger. I wanted it to still feel like he was there… inside me… making me forget everything in that moment.

  But it didn’t work. And it didn’t last for long. I scrubbed there too, and then I hopped out, tossed on my nightie, and hit the sack.

  And it was while I lay on the cool pillow that the tears began to fall. I really couldn’t figure out why I was crying. I mean, I had the most amazing time tonight with him. I ate Japanese food and watched a chef cook right in front of me. I made out in a cab for the first time in my life and then had a great round of mind-blowing sex. I caught drinks with him and laughed up a storm as he told me stories about his band brothers.

  I just couldn’t understand it… I couldn’t understand myself. I should’ve been glad about all of this—glad that he was actually here and willing to spend time with me for my own good—but instead, I was being glum about it. I was panicked and tense. I feared something that hadn’t even happened yet—him ditching me for another woman. Him going out for fun and forgetting about me. I feared feeling like I was worthless again. I feared not being fun enough. But worst of all, I feared going down the same
bumpy and ragged road I’d gone down before. It took me miles and miles to get off that road. I couldn’t dare myself to get another set of beat up wheels and travel on it again. It wasn’t worth it, because traveling on a road like that with weary wheels was dangerous and far too risky for a girl like me.

  MONTANA

  Eight

  She really fucked with me. I thought it was strange how she went from drinking and laughing to getting all depressed and shit, but what was even stranger was sitting across from her at lunch and watching her pig out and talk as if nothing had ever happened the previous night.

  I wasn’t the kind of guy that made people feel uncomfortable, so of course, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but it did get under my skin. I wanted to know what her deal was. I felt like I’d done something wrong. What could I have done wrong, though? I was on my best behavior for her last night, and that was rare. Well, other than constantly putting my hands on her and fucking her senseless, I was being good. I rolled my eyes at the thought, scratching at my piercing.

  “Okay… spill,” Lauren said, dropping her fork and locking eyes with me.

  I forced a small laugh. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’ve been scratching at that piercing ever since we got here… you only do it when there’s something you wanna say. So say it.”

  I stopped scratching at my piercing, dropping my hand in my lap as I sat back in my chair. “I’m good.”

  “Lies.”

  “I’m serious.”

  She pressed her lips, sassing me with silence.

  I sighed. I really didn’t wanna sound like a bitch-made guy. Asking her about her feelings and shit? Asking about her little meltdown last night? It really didn’t seem like it was worth mentioning considering this was just “fun” and all. But my gut churned the more I thought about it, and I finally let it out. “You just weirded me out a little bit last night,” I said. Her eyes expanded a notch, but she didn’t speak, so I kept going. “I mean… I thought I was doing everything right. You wanted to go out for some dinner, so I gave you dinner. You wanted to go catch drinks after fucking, so we caught drinks. You seemed to have one too many, and I wanted to take you back to the hotel.” I paused and lifted my hands. “Wait… did I fuck up by caring too much about getting you back to the hotel?”

  “No,” she said abruptly. And then she released a dry laugh. “Hell no. I was just…” She sealed her lips and swallowed hard. She wasn’t going to speak. I had to ease the answer out of her. Sliding my chair to her side of the table, I grabbed her hand and entwined our fingers. A faint smile appeared on her lips as she studied the contrast of our skin. She was pale, and I was tan, but it worked. Our fingers together looked… nice.

  “You think I’ll judge you?” I whispered to her.

  She lowered her head, her cheeks burning bashfully. “You’re Montana Delray… it seems the last thing you’d care about is how some girl you’re banging feels.”

  I fought my frown, squeezing her hand tighter. “Why does everyone think think I’m some heartless dick? Is that what you think of me?”

  I was serious at first, but when she realized how serious I was, her face softened and she burst out laughing. “I’m sorry,” she apologized.

  “The hell is so funny?” I asked, fighting a smile.

  “Just how defensive you get… it’s adorable. And it proves you aren’t heartless.”

  “I’m not heartless, Princess. I have a lot of heart actually.”

  “Right. You’ve just never been bold enough to share it with anyone.” She looked me over with her big eyes. I don’t know why, but that statement caught me completely off guard. So off guard I couldn’t speak. I could only stare at her. “Anyway,” she said after clearing her throat, causing me to break my stare. “Last night I had a mini episode… I was worried.”

  “About what?”

  She released her fingers from mine, running a smooth hand across my cheek. “About… this…” she whispered.

  “This? What about this are you worried about?”

  She shrugged, yanking her hand away. “I don’t know… that maybe you’ll want to leave sooner than the end of the week… or that you might venture off and find some other chick to entertain you.”

  Ohh… okay.

  She was worried about my actions—worried I was going to ditch her. Fuck that. I couldn’t let her keep thinking that way. I mean, yes I loved to bag bitches, and yes I loved to entertain myself by seeing how many I could pull, but this with her… I wanted this for the time being, and I refused to fuck it up. I refused to lose out on good pussy. There were always plenty of chicks to pick up, but there was only one Lauren Harkin, and I’d been waiting almost a year for something like this to happen between us. Why fuck that up?

  Leaning forward, I placed my lips on the shell of her ear, and her breath halted as I ran my hand up her bare thigh. She was wearing another short dress. She was going to learn not to wear those skimpy clothes around me. I fucking loved them, and whenever I saw skin, I was going for it. I neared her damp heat, and she sighed, breathing my name. My cock pulsed, but I continued my way up until I met her entrance. My finger slid inside her with ease, and she moaned quietly so only I could hear.

  “People can see us,” she whispered breathily.

  “Don’t give a shit,” I mumbled in her ear. And I really didn’t. Fuck those people. “I have your attention now, right?”

  I felt her nod, her thighs tightening around my hand.

  “Good. So you can really hear me when I tell you that there’s nothing I want more than you right now. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for a long fucking time, and I’d be damned if I messed it up. A week… that shit ain’t enough, but if that’s what it takes to get you to believe me, then so be it. I’ll make this one hell of a week. And by the end of it, I’ll prove to you that I want you and only you. I’ll prove to you that I’m a man of my word. I made myself yours and you made yourself mine for the time being, and it’ll stay that way until it’s over. Fuck all the other bitches… they ain’t shit compared to you, Princess.”

  She gasped as I plunged my finger deeper, her fingernails digging into my skin. Yeah it kind of hurt, but with pain there was pleasure, and she was getting pleased. Her body tightened, and her grasp turned into a death grip on my arm. “Montana… please,” she begged.

  “Do you understand me?” I murmured in her ear.

  “Yes,” she panted. “Yes. I do. But don’t make me come here. Not here. It’d be so embarrassing.” Her cheeks burned a fierce red. I smirked, and gradually released my finger from her throbbing heat. Her body relaxed just a little as she sighed, staring down at her empty plate. “You are insane,” she breathed.

  “You like it.” I winked.

  She smiled lazily, then did the complete unexpected by leaning forward and trapping my bottom lip between her teeth. She kissed me fiercely, causing my cock to instantly harden. Pulling away with wet lips, she murmured, “I heard you loud and clear. And I believe you. Now take me back to the hotel and show me some of that proof.”

  My heart stuttered. Damn, this chick was wild. Damaged, yeah, but fucking wild. I couldn’t keep myself composed in that damn restaurant any longer. I hopped to my feet and placed some cash down.

  Grabbing her hand and bringing her to a stand, I smiled in her direction and then started for the door. The hotel was a few blocks away, but our walk was quick. Everyone, whether on the streets or in the lobby of the hotel, needed to get the fuck out of my way. As always, I was about to explode. I needed to release. I felt like a raging bull.

  Damn… this was insane. I was insane. Obsessing over her pussy. I never felt a need so insatiable. I never needed to fuck somebody so bad off of a few tempting words. Whatever connection we were building—whatever I was feeling—was fucking dangerous, but in that moment, I didn’t give one shit.

  I knew sooner or later I was going to be over it and her, and it would be a thing of the past, just as she wanted… j
ust as I wanted. But for now, while the need and desire was so powerful, I was going to take all I could get, and I was going to make it worthwhile.

  LAUREN

  Nine

  Montana and I spent the following afternoon on the beach.

  The sun was high and bright, seagulls cawed, and the breeze delivered perfect drifts of comfort.

  The sun was finally starting to set. We’d spent all morning lying in bed completely nude, and I figured it was best to get out a little and enjoy the day. Of course, that couldn’t happen until we’d had enough of each other for the time being.

  I stretched out on my towel, and Montana looked my way. He had on really dark sunglasses, his face mellow. “Beach is starting to clear out,” he noted.

  I sat up on my elbows and took a look around. “Good. That means we can have it all to ourselves.”

  He revealed a toothy smile. I returned it, and he came my way. “Slide over.”

  I slid, but not without putting up a fight. “You have your own towel for a reason,” I teased.

  “I know, but I wanna be on yours. It’s cute and pink. Who doesn’t love pink?” he joked, plucking at a loose string.

  I lowered my head, inhaling softly. I watched as the waves crashed and sizzled at the shore. It looked calm and relaxing. I couldn’t get this back in my homeland. I had to go out and experience it again. “Come to the water with me,” I said, sitting up.

  He looked from me to the ocean. “Again?” he asked. “This has to be the sixth time.”

  “Please?” I begged.

  “Okay. Okay. Anything for you.”

 

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