His eyes narrowed on her face. "What don't you believe? It's very simple really. What you said in the tent was true. Amy isn't the great love of my life. She never was and never could be, wonderful though she is."
"Wade," she wailed, "I had no right to say anything that night!"
"Why not? I should never have gotten engaged to her in the first place."
They stared hard at each other. "Why did you?" she asked before she could stop herself.
"She didn't like the fact that my work kept us apart so much of the time, and I foolishly believed a ring might make her feel more secure. What happened was that she spent every available moment since the end of May in Afton―with John―waiting around for me."
So that was how John and Amy had become so close. "Is that the only reason you got engaged?" She dreaded the answer.
"No." After a brief pause he said, "I decided to make that much of a commitment to find out if what I felt for her could last a lifetime." His mouth twisted in self-deprecation. "Obviously it couldn't last one day after you came back into my life."
"I'm not in your life, Wade!'
"I don't know what else you'd call it."
She couldn't take much more of this. "You know better than anyone that Alice begged me to come for a visit. Against my better judgment, I accepted her invitation. She's the reason I'm here. The only reason."
As she spoke, his face changed, growing still and pale. "If there's one thing to be salvaged from all this," she went on, "it's that you discovered how you felt about Amy before it was too late. I'd hate to see anyone go through what I―" She suddenly broke off, aware that she was giving away far too much.
"Why stop now?" he goaded. "Are you afraid to admit that marrying Lawson for his money wasn't enough? That you had to turn to another man for ...love?''
Heat flooded her cheeks. "Did Clyde tell you that?"
A strange smile lifted one comer of his mouth. "He didn't need to. Your response said it all. But that was never our problem, was it, Kathryn?"
Horrified that he was so close to the truth, she said, ''It may surprise you to know that I've kissed other men, older men―" she paused "―with even greater pleasure."
It hurt Kathryn deeply to say such cruel things to him, but she forced herself to continue. "Maybe that's your problem Wade. You haven't had enough experience yet. Now that you're not engaged, I suggest you acquire some, so you'll know the real thing when it comes along."
"I intend to," he murmured in a husky voice, ignoring her sarcasm. "And frankly, on the way back from Salt Lake, the only thing I had on my mind was this." In the next instant he pulled her into his arms and found her mouth with his own.
Each time they came together after a separation, his kisses managed to break down her resistance a little more. The rapture he created with his lips, his body; drove her to respond with the same overpowering urgency.
Until she remembered it was wrong. Then she fought him as if her life depended on it.
He backed her against the wall, "I'm free of entanglements and so are you. What's going on, Kathryn?" His chest rose and fell with heightened emotion.
She didn't want to look at him, but his hand easily spanned her throat, checking her movements. "I―I admit I'm attracted to you physically, but if you think I'm going to indulge myself behind the family's back, you don't know me at all!"
Wade's eyes burned into hers. "Then it's time they understood how it is between us. No more games." Before she could protest, he lowered his head and once again she was lost in the consuming fire of his kiss. "It's five years too late for pretence," he murmured against her lips. "I made a rash decision when I got engaged. It was all an effort to fight my feelings for you, but it backfired. Now I want to be open about the two of us and―"
"No, Wade!" she half sobbed. Tears of fright ran down her cheeks.
But he remained unmoved. ''Do you honestly think it's going to come as any great surprise to the family? They've seen us together. There's no doubt they've felt the chemistry between us." He drew her resisting hand to his heart and held it there.
"Feel that!" he whispered fiercely. "Whenever you're around it pounds like a war drum." Before she could protest, his free hand slid over her heart. "Yours is hammering even faster. And the pulse at your throat, it dances against my lips when I kiss you like this."
She moaned in ecstasy as his questing mouth grazed her neck and throat, finding that certain sensitive spot.
"Do you have any idea how rare it is for two people to respond to each other as we do, Kathryn?"
Summoning all her strength, she squeezed past him and positioned herself behind one of the living-room chairs. "However true that may be, I refuse to do anything about it. And if you say one word to Clyde and Alice, you'll hurt them―you'll destroy this family―for no good reason. Because I'm leaving for Colorado as soon as they return and I won't be coming back.''
"Don't you mean California?" he asked violently. "What happened? Did he call you and tell you he's divorcing his wife, after all?"
"No," she stated with a finality that formed grim brackets around his mouth. "I told you in the tent. That period of my life is over and I have no intention of seeing him or fantasising about him again. Right now, my only priority is to get on with my career and find a permanent place to live."
"What do you call this apartment?" he demanded, "You can teach here in Afton."
"But that isn't what I want."
His features hardened. "So what are you saying? That despite the desire you feel for me, you'd rather be someplace else?"
She avoided his gaze, haunted by the undertone of pain she could hear in his voice. "That's right. Do you think I make a practice of going to bed with any man I find myself attracted to because I can't have the man I love?"
"I don't know the answer to that, do I? You went as far as to marry Philip without really loving him. What was that all about?''
She backed farther away. "It-it's time for you to go."
Too late she saw the rage that swept through him, and before she could think, he clutched her upper arms and dragged her against him. His kiss could have been a brand, the way its blue-hot fire burned through to her soul. When he finally put her away from him, she staggered backward.
"If you really believe you're going to find answers in Colorado, then you're not the woman I thought you were. Dear Lord, how could I have been so wrong?'' He pivoted and strode out.
The apartment door banged shut, enclosing her in deadly silence. Scalding tears poured down her cheeks. She wanted to call him back, beg him to stay. She'd hurt his pride, just as she had five years ago, but this time there was one major difference. He was a man now, and in her heart she knew he'd never come back.
That knowledge cut like a knife, deepening an old wound that would never heal. She sat on the couch for the rest of the night, trying to imagine Clyde and Alice's reaction if they knew how strongly she and Wade were attracted to each other.
Clyde was an extremely moral, principled man who adored his children. And Kathryn suspected that his feelings for Wade had a depth, an intensity that exceeded even his loving relationships with John and Laurel. For several years after his first wife's death, he and Wade had clung to each other, and soul-deep bonds were forged between them―bonds that made Clyde exceptionally protective of his oldest son.
When Alice met Clyde, she'd loved him and Wade immediately, but throughout the years, Kathryn noticed how very careful her sister had been not to overstep her bounds where their father-son relationship was concerned. As a result, Kathryn had an idea Alice put Wade on a pedestal without even being aware of it.
What would happen to the harmony in this family if it was suddenly discovered that Wade and Kathryn had succumbed to their mutual attraction? And what would be the point of Alice and Clyde's knowing, anyway, since all Wade seemed to want was an affair? How long could it possibly last? Kathryn didn't want that type of relationship-and certainly not with him.
She had no do
ubt Clyde would be shocked and bitterly disappointed. Just telling him the truth would raise questions in his mind about everything that had gone on in the past. He would lose his trust in Kathryn, and in his own son. The situation would become sordid and ugly. She couldn't bear that, couldn't bear the thought of a breach developing between him and Wade.
As for Alice, Kathryn knew her sister's first loyalty was to her husband, where it belonged. After driving a wedge into the family, Kathryn would no longer be welcome in their home, and relationships would be shattered forever.
The situation had reached an impasse. From now on, Kathryn would be counting the hours till Clyde and Alice came back from their trip. As soon as they arrived she would take the bus from Afton to Boulder. After buying a new car, she'd find herself a condo in the nice residential area where she had lived before and seek a temporary teaching job until a position at the university opened up. Her sole commitment would be to her career.
Though she dreaded contact with the family, Kathryn planned to keep her date with Laurel, and when her niece arrived the next morning she was ready. Laurel would know about Wade's broken engagement and she'd naturally want to talk about it. That was what Kathryn dreaded most as she walked out the front door of the store to greet her.
But her fears took a different tum when she noticed Laurel was dressed for work rather than biking. "Before you say anything, I have something important to tell you!” the girl exclaimed excitedly. "What is it?" Kathryn tried to sound properly interested without giving herself away.
"Last night Wade showed up at the house and told me and John that he's no longer engaged to Amy. Apparently they talked things over and decided it would be best to call it off. Permanently!" A brilliant smile lit up Laurel's face. "I knew he didn't love her. I knew it!"
"And what about Amy?" Kathryn inserted quietly.
"Wade said she was as relieved as he was. He said that for the past month, he'd been aware Amy's feelings had changed. When he confronted her, she admitted she was confused and thought maybe she'd better give the ring back. And we know why, don't we?'' Laurel looked delighted.
Kathryn's lips curved in a half smile. "Do we?"
"Of course we do!It's because she loves John and John loves her. You should have seen John's face when Wade told us the news. John tried not to react but, Aunt Kathryn, I watched him and it was like seeing somebody dead come back to life!"
Kathryn could understand that. "And Wade? How do you think he's taking it?"
She eyed Kathryn steadily, then shrugged. "Like Wade takes everything. In his stride. I don't feel sorry for him, because he was never in love with her in the first place. He proved it when he said he purposely didn't invite Amy on our camping trip. He admitted that he preferred being alone with the family. He said that's when he knew he couldn't go on the way things were."
At Laurel's words, the pounding of Kathryn's heart became almost painful.
"Wade's a deep one," Laurel observed, staring at Kathryn intently. "But someday, when he finds the right woman, we'll all know about it and there'll be no doubts. I can't wait till Mom and Dad get home to tell them the news!''
Kathryn cleared her throat. ''And how do you think they'll feel?"
"Overjoyed. They love Amy. We all do. She and John are perfect together. And that's what I have to talk to you about. John's going to drive down to Salt Lake and see her today. He might be gone for a couple of days, so we'll have to run the store without his help. Is that okay with you?"
Kathryn's head swam to think the situation could tum around so dramatically in just a few hours. "Of course. We can go for a ride after work if you want."
"Great. I'll go put my bike in the back room."
"Have you had breakfast yet?"
"No, but I was hoping you'd ask."
"Then come up to the apartment and I'll fix some toast and juice."
"We're going to need it, especially with the Saturday herd."
Actually Kathryn was glad they were in for a heavy day. She didn't want time to think about anything such as driving over to the ranch and hurling herself into Wade's arms. Right now her resistance to him was so low that if he walked through the front door and called her name, she'd follow him anywhere. And she'd stay with him, for as long as he wanted her.
CHAPTER TEN
ON SATURDAY NIGHT, after they'd locked up the store, Laurel begged Kathryn to go home with her to spend the night. They were both too tired to go cycling, so making pizza and watching a horror movie together seemed an ideal alternative. Though Kathryn wanted to be alone, she didn't dare disappoint her niece, not when everyone else was away, including Cindy.
The evening was uneventful, and Kathryn, who could hardly keep her eyes open, went to bed in Wade's old room. Laurel stayed up to watch the late show and answer Steve Newton's latest letter. If Kathryn hadn't been afraid that Wade might walk in on them, she would have had a cup of coffee and kept Laurel company. But she couldn't risk another confrontation, not when she was feeling so vulnerable.
On Sunday morning they slept in, had a late breakfast and went to church. Afterward Laurel suggested they go for their postponed bike ride. Even though it was hot, Kathryn agreed; it meant being away from the house―and from any chance encounters with Wade. After an hour, however, they both found the heat too oppressive and headed back for a cool shower.
"Mom and Dad are home!"
Kathryn looked in the direction of the house. Sure enough, Clyde's Dodge was parked in the driveway. Relief swept over her. Now that they'd returned from their trip, she could make arrangements to leave Afton.
Clyde must have heard Laurel's excited cry, because he opened the back door and rushed out to kiss them both when they'd dismounted their bikes. For the next few minutes there was the usual commotion, with everyone hugging and trying to talk at once. Alice, unable to get over the fact that Kathryn had canned all her peaches and pears while they'd been away, thanked her profusely.
They finally moved into the house so Kathryn and Laurel could quench their thirst. Kathryn didn't miss the private message Alice flashed Clyde when Laurel told her parents to sit down, saying she had an important announcement.
They did, and Laurel proceeded to explain. It appeared she'd been right when she said her parents would be pleased by the news. In fact, Clyde was beaming as he asked Laurel to take a drive to the service station and keep her "old dad company."
After they'd gone, Alice sat there staring at Kathryn; for once, Kathryn had no idea what her sister was thinking. To hide her nervousness she went over to the sink for another glass of water.
"Clyde and I decided to drop by the ranch and see Wade on our way to Afton, but he wasn't home. When we went into his study, where he always leaves his messages, we discovered one waiting for us.'' Kathryn's head jerked up. "It said he'd broken his engagement to Amy and would give us the details after he got back from California."
"California?" Kathryn said in bewilderment.
Alice went on, "He also said that if we couldn't wait for an explanation until he came back, we were to ask you what happened the other night, when the two of you were together at the apartment."
Kathryn wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She stood there in silence, the hand holding the glass of water visibly trembling.
"Actually, I don't think I can wait," Alice asserted, "so why don't you tell me what's going on?" An uncomfortable heat enveloped Kathryn, and she found herself at a total loss for words.
"You know the real reason for his breakup with Amy, don't you?"
Kathryn's heart thudded too fast. "I have some idea, yes.''
"You look a little ill. Sit down, honey.'' Kathryn sank into the nearest chair and drained her glass of water. For a few minutes neither of them said anything as Alice studied her younger sister. Kathryn recognised that look and shuddered. "Why don't we start at the beginning,” Alice suggested quietly.
"Beginning?" Her voice came out as a squeak. Right this minute she couldn't think. Not when she was a
fraid Wade had taken it into his head to have a talk with Philip. Why else would he go there? How dared he?
"Ever since you arrived from San Diego, Wade has become an entirely different person. Obviously something significant is going on. Won't you tell me what it is?"
If Alice had been angry or demanding, Kathryn might have excused herself and left the house without saying a word. But her sister's gentle voice, her compassionate demeanour, made it impossible for Kathryn to ignore her entreaty.
"What exactly did Wade's note say?" she asked. "Just that you'd tell us why he broke his engagement."
"That's all?"
Alice nodded slowly.
Kathryn buried her face in her hands, barely able to believe Wade had done this to her. Angry at her rejection, he had placed her in an untenable position with the family, compelling her to reveal the very things she had intended to keep secret for the rest of her life.
If he had any idea what he'd done, he obviously didn't care. She would never forgive him for this treachery.
"I know we've had a conversation about this before," Alice said, "but I'm going to ask you again. What happened between the two of you the summer Clyde and I took the kids to Banff? When we came home, you were gone, and Wade had changed beyond recognition. He's never been the same since. For that matter, neither have you. Did he do something to hurt you and you're protecting him? I swear it won't go any further than these walls. You're my little sister. I love you. And though I love Wade, if his behaviour has kept you away from us all this time, I have to know the truth. This simply can't go on any longer.''
"He's never hurt me," she whispered. Except now, her heart cried out.
Alice blinked. "Has he pressured you, then? I've always known he preferred your company to anyone else's and worried that he was demanding too much of your time. In fact, we planned that trip to Canada five years ago to coincide with Wade's trip to Yosemite, so you could have the house to yourself for a few days. Clyde and I received one of the biggest shocks of our lives when we learned that at the last minute he'd cancelled with his friends and stayed home with you. I have no doubt he did it on purpose. John and Laurel know he did."
Meant for Each Other Page 12
