by Smoke, Lucy
"Are you okay?" he asked, lowering his voice. I nodded once. "I mean it, Sweetheart. About last night..."
"I'm fine," I said quickly and then with a rush of expelled breath I looked at my feet. "I mean, yeah, I'm embarrassed. I liked it...a lot. I've never...done that before, but things are complicated. I don't think we should have done what we did."
"I don't regret it," he said. "I don't want you to either."
I looked back up at him. "I didn't say I regretted it."
His shoulders sagged, and he backed up, his hand reaching for the car door. "You didn't have to," he said. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
"Bellamy–" I reached out. My hand touched his arm, wrapped around his bicep. "Stop it. I don't regret it," I snapped. "I like you." The words flowed from my mouth, shocking even me. "I like you a lot. I don't regret what we did, but I've never had..." I kept my voice as low as possible, "sex before..."
My hand fell away as Bellamy turned. "You don't have to be scared," he said. "I'd never hurt you. I'll wait." He gulped as he said that last bit and my lips twitched at his obvious discomfort. "I'll wait for you if you need me to."
"Harlow?" Marv called from the back door of the Bed and Breakfast. "Come on, we have to go. Bell, quit teasing her. We have a schedule to keep."
"I have to go," I said, pulling away.
"Can I call you later?" Bellamy asked.
I blanched. "Wait," I said. "Let's just get through this first and then we can...talk." We would all have to talk. He seemed to relax at my words and nodded. He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head before getting back in the car. Marv looked at me strangely, but took my hand anyway, fingers twining with my own. I felt like the worst kind of person – a liar, definitely – as he led me through the Bed and Breakfast's kitchen and lobby and back out on the street.
When we arrived, several minutes behind schedule in front of the La Maison, Delilah was waiting out front. "Oh, thank goodness," she said. "There you are. Mr. Wallace has been asking for you."
"Thanks for covering for her," Marv said with a wink, easily slipping back into character. He pulled me close for a quick hug and pecked me on my lips. It was chaste and barely there, but the kiss still sent sparks tingling through me.
"No problem," Delilah replied with a dreamy sigh. For the first time, I was on the exact same page as her. First Bellamy and then Marv, back to back. I still needed to remember that I had kissed Knix too, or he had kissed me. Did it really matter who had kissed who? All I knew was that I was seriously confused and probably in love with multiple guys. My eyes widened. I did not just think the word love.
Before I could consider it further, Marv waved goodbye and Delilah grabbed my hand, practically dragging me into the restaurant. Mr. Wallace, it seemed, was quite upset that I had been missing for so long. When he saw me taking my seat with Delilah though – since we were permitted to sit with whomever we liked while outside the villa – he visibly relaxed and then continued to check through the rest of the girls before, finally, he sat down for his own meal.
My mind was mush. I couldn't remember anything I said to the twins and Delilah as they gushed about Marv and peppered me with questions about what we did and where we went. I couldn't tell them the truth even if I wanted to and I found myself desperately missing Erika and my mom. As soon as I got home, maybe before I talked with the guys, I wanted to talk to them – at least my mom. Maybe she would know what to do.
Chapter 15
Even standing in the giant shower stall, the heaviness of the steam coming off of the heated water made me want to stick my head out of the frosted doors for some cold, clean air. Condensation collected on the walls and slowly slid down. I sucked in a heavy breath and held it until it burned in my lungs.
What was I doing? I thought. Not just at Ms. Enders' Etiquette Camp, but...with the guys. What was I doing? I hadn't gotten any sleep in the past few days because all I had been able to think about were the guys. They had started texting and calling me more often. Just to check up on me, they had said. Even Knix. But I knew it was something more. This was what guys who had been interested in Erika had done right before they had started dating.
My hands shook as I reached for the crystal handles of the shower and turned it off. Grabbing a towel from a nearby rack, I wiped my face and stepped through onto the plush carpet of my bedroom. I found a robe waiting for me in the closet and as I tied it around my waist my phone went off. I sighed, sinking down into the bed as I grabbed it and swiped across the screen lock face, opening it to the newest message. But it wasn't any of the guys this time. I sat up.
Unknown: I need your help
I bit my lip, and debated answering. I stared at the phone and deep down, I knew who it was. But did I really want to answer him? Did I want to find out what he really wanted? Grayson was nothing but bad news. I groaned as I typed out a message anyway. If he was so bad, why was I answering him? Oh, that’s right – because he wasn’t always terrible. Because, sometimes, I could see the spark of genuine human emotion in those cool eyes of his. Marv liked to think Grayson was all selfishness and conceded arrogance – personally, I thought Grayson just heightened it to piss the guys off.
Maybe it was me. Maybe I was the reason that Grayson kept coming back. Highly likely since the guys wanted nothing to do with him. Dumb idea, I thought, that was obvious. Grayson wasn’t texting or calling Marv up in the middle of the night. Oh no, that privilege was reserved for me. I groaned aloud. Whether or not he was complete trouble, I was, apparently, a glutton for punishment.
Harlow:What do you want?
Unknown:I know you probably don't want to talk to me.
Before he could complete his next message, I typed a quick reply.
Harlow:You're right.
Harlow: I don't.
Unknown:Hear me out?
I groaned.
Harlow:I'm waiting...
Unknown:It would be better if I could call you.
I looked around the room. If I kept my voice down, it didn't have to be an issue. I just needed to make sure to stay away from the walls, doors, and windows. Where I was sitting was the best place anyway. I sighed and clicked the call button and put the phone to my ear. Grayson answered on the first ring.
"I didn't think you'd say yes," was his immediate response.
"What do you want?" I asked. "And what happened to your old phone?"
"It broke and..." He sighed, and the sound was tired. "Josh disappeared from the rehab yesterday," he said.
I gasped. "Does Erika know?" I'd have to call the guys. I'd have to tell Knix. If Erika didn't know, she'd be devastated.
"I already called her," Grayson admitted. "I figured hers would be the first place he'd try to go."
"And?" I waited with bated breath.
"He wasn't there..."
"Crap." More than crap. This was so much more than crap.
"She wasn't there either, Harlow," Grayson said.
"What?" I crossed my legs and pressed the phone closer to my ear, not quite sure what he meant.
"I called her cell and it was in her room at the college she's at," Grayson said slowly.
"Yeah? So, she didn't answer, is that what you mean?" I guessed.
"No," he replied. "I mean, I called. Her roommate answered and when I talked to her she said that Erika hadn't been by in a few days."
"A few days?" I bit my nail, my heart racing. My eyes jerked to the door as I heard girls talking in the hall. I lowered my voice as I spoke next. "What do you think that means?"
Grayson sighed. "I have no idea," he admitted. "I don't know why Josh would – it doesn't make any sense. He was getting out soon."
"I can't...I'm not in Charleston right now," I said quickly. "I can't...there's nothing I can do." Oh, shit. What if Erika needed me right now? I looked around, panicked. Should I call the guys?
"Calm down, Baby," Grayson said with a chuckle. His rough voice grated through the phone, low toned and sent shivers down
my spine.
"Don't tell me to calm down," I snapped. His chuckle reverberated through the speaker.
"I was hoping you had heard from her," Grayson said when he managed to stop laughing at me.
I hesitated, but eventually gave in with a deep breath. "The last time I saw her was the night I ran into you at the club," I admitted. "She was visiting her parents and wanted to take me out."
"Is that the night you were drinking?" Neither the question nor the way he asked it was in any way innocent.
"It's none of your damn business what I do with myself," I hissed.
"I don't like it," he growled. "It's one thing if you're out with one of your boyfriends – they're all idiots, but at least I trust them to look after you. By yourself, you're–"
"They. Are. Not. My. Boyfriends." I spoke each word individually through clenched teeth, enunciating each syllable.
"Really?" Grayson asked. "Then maybe Marvin," he hissed the name, "just threatened me because you're such good friends."
I was speechless. My mouth gaped as I held the phone in front of me, staring at the screen. I shouldn't have been shocked. I knew Marv didn't like Grayson. I knew putting them together was volatile. But when had he had time to do that? Grayson was quiet on the other end for several moments as well and then with a small curse, he began talking again.
"Shit, I'm sorry," he said. "It doesn't matter. I – fuck – I'm sorry, Harlow. I'm just going out of my fucking mind. Josh is off the radar. I've tried looking through all his old contacts. I can’t… Marv isn’t—"
I cleared my throat and tried to stop my racing heartbeat. "Why does Marv hate you so much?”
He was quiet on the other end of the line, but I knew he hadn’t hung up. I could hear his soft breathing, and then, “That’s probably something you need to ask him.” His voice was gruff, tense.
“It has to do with both of you,” I said, “and Iris.”
He sighed. “Yeah, it does.”
“So, why can’t you tell me?” I pressed. I wanted to know why Marv was so volatile when it came to Grayson.
“It’s not that easy. Marv has his reasons.”
“Then why do I feel like you purposefully antagonize him?” I snapped. “He isn’t just threatening you for no reason.”
“He doesn’t trust me.” Well, that much was obvious. Before I could say anything more, he continued. “And he shouldn’t. Harlow, what happened between Marv and me – well, I don’t completely blame him for his hate now.”
“If you really feel that way, why don’t you just apologize?”
“Not everything can be fixed with an I’m sorry, Harlow,” he snapped. “Sometimes things are more complicated than that.”
“So. Uncomplicate. It,” I said through gritted teeth. God, it felt like I was constantly saying that. “You – and the guys, because they do it too – all make it sound like it would be so difficult to set aside your differences and just get over the past. The past is the past, why can’t we leave it there?”
“You don’t even know what that past is,” he argued. “For all you know, I could have killed someone.”
I paused but, no, he was just goading me. “Did you?”
“Did I what?” I could hear him practically panting on the other end.
“Did you kill anyone?” I didn’t think he had. He wouldn’t have been in Iris if they thought he was capable of that. And I just knew he had been part of Iris. It was the only thing that made sense. Grayson had already admitted as much anyway, though he hadn’t said the actual words.
“No!” He huffed out a frustrated breath. I would bet anything he was tugging a hand through his hair right then. “Jesus, I’m just trying to make a point.”
I closed my eyes and thumped my head back on the headboard. Why did things have to be so damn – “If you just let me help,” I said, “if you just told me what it was between the two of you, maybe… maybe I could—”
“Maybe you could what?” Of all things, Grayson sounded tired. “Try and get Marv and I to kiss and make up?” He paused. “Don’t get your hopes up, Baby. Marv’s right about me, now. I have to look out for myself. No one else is gonna do it.”
“Is that all you do?” I countered. “Look out for yourself? Because from where I’m sitting, you seem to do a lot of taking care of your brother.”
The silence stretched so thick and so long between us, I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure he hadn’t hung up.
“I take care of the people who need me to take care of them,” Grayson finally said.
“Do you take care of me?”
He laughed, the sound low. It was filled with amusement, yes, but also something else. Something darker. Something lonelier. “Yes, Baby,” he answered, “when you let me.”
I decided to let him off the hook – for now. “So, now we’re taking care of your brother,” I said. “Do you think he was already gone that night at the club?"
Grayson sighed. "Yeah. I think he might have been.”
Erika had said something. What had she said? I tried to think. "If he was, I don't think Erika knew," I said. "Or if she did know, she didn't tell me. She acted like everything was going well with them. But she was… flirting more. It wasn't like her. She isn't the type to flirt when she's in a relationship and she was drinking. She's the one who wanted to go there to drink. I mean it doesn't excuse what I did, but..."
"No, I get it," Grayson replied. He was quiet for several moments. "I honestly hate to say it, but I think I need to get Iris involved in this," he said finally. "I think I need to talk to your guys.” I stiffened, but at least he hadn't said boyfriends. Something else was on my mind.
"Grayson?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
“You know I’m going to keep pushing until either you or Marv tell me the truth, right?”
Silence on the other end. I chewed the life out of my lower lip as I waited. Then he grunted. "Sometimes, I’m not sure if you’re the most irritating woman I’ve ever met, or the most attractive."
I rolled my eyes. "If I get a choice, can I choose the latter?”
I could practically hear him smile through the phone. I knew because when he spoke, it sounded like he was talking and trying not to laugh at the same time. "You're one of a kind, Baby,” he said. "I hope you know that." Then he sobered. “I have to go, though, I’ve been idling in my car since you called.”
“Where are you?”
“Nowhere you need to be concerned with.”
I sighed. "I'll ask them," I told him. "I'll ask them to help. If they won't, then I will. Erika's my best friend. I don't want her hurt, but I’ll also do it to help your brother."
"Okay," he said. The strangeness of emotion in his tone – the exhaustion, the sighs and huffs, the quiet, slowness of his words – kept throwing me off again and again. It was not at all like the normal Grayson and I wasn’t sure I liked it.
"It'll be okay," I assured him.
"I hope you're right, Harlow. Be safe, Baby." With that, he hung up and I was left holding the phone as well as a multitude of emotions that I still had no freaking clue what to do with.
* * *
"Are you ready?" Delilah asked as she stood outside my gaping bedroom door. The cotillion was starting. Ms. Enders was beside herself as was Mr. Wallace. Though the latter didn't show it, Delilah assured me it was true. "We have to meet the guys in ten minutes."
"Almost," I called back as I adjusted the front of my dress. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I had ever worn; a light lavender that fell perfectly over my stomach and hips and modestly covered my breasts. I turned, and the material flowed with my movements. It would be a dream to dance in – that is, if I could dance. Mr. Giovanni had all but begged me not to dance tonight. I had readily agreed. It was one thing to stand and sway and it was a completely different thing to actually waltz. There would be no waltzing, that was for sure.
"Your cousin sure is a dream," Delilah said with a sigh. "He's so tal
l."
"Yup." I licked my lips and the matte lipstick stayed perfectly where it was supposed to. I looked like an actual princess. The only thing missing were the glass slippers and tiara.
"Wow." Delilah stopped right outside of my open bathroom door. "You look great."
I turned to her. "You do too," I said. It was true. Her dress was a skin-tight, Hollywood style golden ensemble made for the runway. It looked perfect on her form. She glanced down at the low-cut top and then twirled. The dress didn't so much as move. I was surprised she could walk in that thing, much less twirl.
"Are you ready to go, now?" she asked. I nodded. "Great," she said, snagging my hand and dragging me out of the bedroom into the upper hallway where all of the other girls were gathered with Ms. Enders and Mr. Wallace. Both were dressed professionally, but a bit more spiffed up in a tux and glittering knee length cocktail dress.
Delilah and I caught sight of the twins in matching dresses but opposing colors. Natalia wore a light yellow that went well with her darker skin and Isador wore a dark red that matched the same color painted on her lips. They waved at us as Ms. Enders called everyone's attention.
"Alright, ladies," she said. She couldn't hide the excitement in her voice and I couldn't believe that I had considered for even a moment that she was the real villain behind the girls' suicides and the blackmail. "This is the night. Each of the escorts has arrived and they are waiting downstairs." We will all be arriving together at the venue. You will stand to the side of your escort and make your way down the staircase in a line. We will practice a few times here before we go. Your friends and family are arriving at the venue as we speak. So, no dilly dallying, are we understood?"
"Yes, ma'am," everyone replied dutifully.
With that, she allowed the group of us to ascend the stairs and meet the escorts. I stepped up to the staircase as the girls began to descend and at the very bottom the group of escorts waited. Twin eyes – one pair a thunderous gray and the other an effervescent blue – met mine and my breath caught in my chest. Shivers coursed over my shoulders and down my spine.
