by Smoke, Lucy
"I think you're tired, Princess," Texas admitted once he was done laughing.
I sank further into the couch. "Maybe...but..." I bit my lip, wondering if I should admit my thoughts aloud.
"But what?" he asked.
I chewed on what I wanted to say and then sighed, giving up. "I don't want to hang up," I said. "I want to keep talking to you."
Texas was so quiet on the other end, I thought I had upset him. I sat up quickly, worrying about what I should say or if I should apologize. When he didn't say anything for several moments, I pulled the phone away and looked down, but his name was still displayed there, so he hadn't hung up.
"Texas?" I said his name hesitantly.
There was a rush of breath on the other end. "Sorry, Princess, I wanted to go to my room real quick so that I could get comfortable while we talk."
I breathed out a sigh of relief. "So, it's okay?" I asked after a beat.
"What's okay?"
"That I want to talk to you more?"
"Harlow...is this about...what we talked about before? About all of us liking you?"
"I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings," I admitted uneasily. I could hear Texas shifting around on what sounded like a bed and he grunted softly before sighing. "Princess," he started, "you're not going to hurt anyone's feelings."
"You don't know that," I protested. "I mean, think about it, me...four guys." Grayson... maybe...no, probably not. I mean, I wasn't as close to Grayson as I was with the guys, but there was something there too. I didn't want to say as much because Marv would certainly be pissed, and even though Knix and Bellamy could tolerate him much better, they likely wouldn't be comfortable with that either.
"Harlow?"
"Huh?" I realized that I had drifted, and Texas had been talking to me. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I was just asking if you're worried about jealousy."
"Well, yeah...of course I am," I said. "You guys are really close and I only just came around a couple of months ago. It's not exactly...normal for someone to go around kissing their friends."
"Who cares about normal?" Texas asked. "What do you want?"
"I want you guys to not fight?" I said it like it was meant to be a question and bit my lip when the last higher syllable left my mouth.
"Don't worry about us. We'll figure us out. What does Harlow want?" he demanded, sounding almost frustrated with me.
I huffed. "I want to talk to you without feeling guilty," I said. "I want to hold your hand and kiss you."
"I want that too," he said, sounding happier than he had a moment ago. It was too bad I had to ruin it with my next words.
"But I want that with the others, too." I closed my eyes against the quiet, empty dorm lounge and let my words go. "I want to kiss Knix and Bellamy and Marv," and Grayson, I thought to myself, "and I want to hold their hands and go on dates and get flowers and...I've never been on a date." I opened my eyes with that realization.
"You can go on a date, Harlow. You know any one of us would take you," Texas said.
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I'd be too worried about the others." I thumped my head back on the couch and groaned. "All I'd be thinking about is how you guys might tally everything. If I kiss one of you, do I have to kiss all of you? Are you going to want it to be even? Will you hate me if I take too long to choose? What if..." I paused, unsure if I should reveal this much...this last, deep, dark, worry of mine. My stomach cramped with the anxiety ramping up. My heart hammering loudly in my ears. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.
Texas pressed me on. "What if what, Princess?" he asked quietly.
I opened my eyes and bit my lip hesitantly before I spoke again. "What if..." I started again, "I can't choose?"
“We didn’t say you had to choose,” he pointed out.
I frowned and shook my head. Biting my lip, heat flushed my cheeks as I looked away. “You’ll expect it, Texas. Or if not you, then one or more of the others will.”
“I can’t speak for them.”
My eyelashes fluttered as I stared at a distant point. I couldn’t quite see what I was staring at. My eyes had misted over. “I know,” I reply. My chest rose and fell and, yet, it felt like an incredible weight had been lifted and dropped onto me all at once. "But if I didn’t choose, would you hate me then?"
Texas didn't speak, and tears stung my eyes as my head drooped. I didn't even bother looking at the phone as I went to press the end call button. Just before my finger hit the red circle, I heard Texas' voice clearly, "I could never hate you, Harlow."
Chapter 3
I never expected that on my first day of college classes I would be so bone-deep tired. I was sure I had dark circles under my eyes as I struggled to make my way to my 9:30 am class, Gothic Literature. Sure, I liked to read, but I was a little skeptical about this one.
The classroom I walked into was nothing like the high school classrooms I was used to. It was, for one, much larger—though the class size was about the same. Several rows led upward into an auditorium set up. I paused at the front of the room before spotting an empty seat at the very top, far away from the podium. I rushed up and snagged it just before another group of students came in. Like the bus—the back seats in a classroom always filled up the fastest.
I sat down and opened my bag as the professor—a short, slender woman in a knee-length, plaid skirt and white blouse—breezed in. I blinked at her. If anyone was pixie-like, it was this woman—not Lizzie. Her hair was cut short and styled with little spikes and her makeup was natural everywhere except for her eyes—where drama was added in a red that matched her skirt. I watched as she unloaded a peculiar looking bag on the desk at the very front of the room before pulling out something small and walking over to the computer at the side of the room. She didn't even take one look at the podium.
As other students began to file in and take their seats, the lights were turned off and a projector was turned on. I straightened my pens and notebook and waited.
"Good morning, students," the professor said brightly as the last student came in and the door closed behind them. "My name is Dr. Casey Coathe. I go by Dr. C and I'm happy to have you all in my class." She strode around to the front of the computer as an image of a monstrous creature filled the screen above. All eyes zeroed in on that one image as Dr. C continued talking.
"Before we begin, we're going to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Say your name, where you are from, and one thing you dislike about yourself."
I jerked my eyes back to the professor in shock. Was she serious? That didn't seem like the type of ice-breaker anyone would want to do. But it looked like she was serious because even as I was assuring myself that she was merely teasing, Dr. C turned to the first student in the first row and nodded for them to start. The student didn't stand, so thankfully, I didn't think I would have to.
"Hi," the boy said a little shaky. "M-my name is Gerald. I'm from M-Mauldin, South Carolina, and I don't think I'm a very good public speaker."
Dr. C nodded in appreciation. "Thank you, Gerald," she said before turning to the next student.
As each student stood up and offered their introductions, my gaze kept drifting to the monster on the screen. It was massive, terrifying. With big sunken black eyes and a pale, stretched, face, it looked like death...only...meaner, somehow. Finally, it was my turn. I blinked, realizing all eyes were on me.
"Um..." I started. "Hi, my name is Harlow and I'm from Summerville, South Carolina and..." one thing I disliked about myself…one thing I disliked about myself...my gaze went back to the image. It was as if it was taunting me—telling me to take the superficial route. The easy answer.
No one liked the way they looked. I could have certainly used a haircut. My face was a little longer than I would have preferred, my lips a little thinner than some of the celebrities that everyone thought were so pretty. But I couldn't choose that. My face and appearance weren't really things I could change—well, not with
out plastic surgery or something like that. Then I thought, why would this professor ask something like that? What were some of the answers others had given?
Eyes were on me, waiting for a response. I chewed nervously at my lip, sliding my thumb over the hem of my shirt. Gerald disliked that he wasn't good at public speaking. Some girl named Veronica didn't like that she was usually tardy or running late to places. What didn't I like about myself? Or really, the question was—since there were plenty of things that I didn't like about myself—what was I going to answer with?
"...and," I looked out over the classroom and met Dr. C’s stare, "I don't always try for what I want, and I don't like that," I finished. Dr. C nodded and then the rest of the class faced forward again, allowing me the chance to breathe once more, as the professor moved towards the computer.
"The reason I had you all tell me something you didn't like about yourselves is because, in life, there is always going to be something you want to fix or change. There's always going to be something you don't like." Dr. C stopped behind the computer and faced the class. "Most of you, as you may have noticed, didn't give us dislikes that couldn't be changed—therefore, you have ingrained in you all something precious—the understanding that change can happen."
No one was writing. No one was taking notes, but we were all listening rather intently.
"That is one of the reasons why you're all here," she continued, "because you believe that change can happen and that it can get rid of the things you dislike."
"In this class, you will learn that change can also be a creation and creation can be a monster." She pauses and nods towards the screen. "That is why our first book is going to be Frankenstein."
Dr. C looked at the image on the screen as though it were something beautiful, fascinating. I tried looking at it and seeing it differently. It just looked like a monster.
"I say that change and creation can make a monster, not to scare you," Dr. C admitted, "though I'm sure it will for some of you. I say it because, despite popular belief, monsters are normal. In my class, you will learn that and so much more."
She stopped and looked at the class. Everyone is quiet. Some looking at her in awe, some looking at her in confusion and indifference. But not me. I kept staring at the monster's image waiting for it to change at any moment, showing me exactly what she meant. It's no surprise that, when class ended, I found myself staring at it even as I passed by to the hallway, on the way to my next class.
First day, and I was already enthralled by college.
* * *
"Harlow!" A familiar voice called out to me as I stared across the vast sea of students dressed in their best for the first day of classes as they mingled in front of a long strip of classroom buildings. Turning on my heel, I smiled when I spotted the top of Texas' dark head bobbing up and down. The reason I knew it was him was because, just behind him, Marv's slightly taller frame took up space.
"How was your first day of classes?" Texas asked when they finally reached me. I had the distinct urge to look away from him when my throat tightened, and my shoulders drew up ever so slightly. Embarrassment crawled up my spine. It was primarily due to what we had discussed the night before and the fact that I had hung up on him. I wondered if he had mentioned it to Marv. I eyed him out of the corner of my eye. Other than his new sullen and petulant-child look—courtesy of having to live with Grayson now—he looked normal. Texas acted as though none of it had happened. He had no qualms about slinging an arm around my shoulders in a half hug. He was acting so casual, that it helped relax the tension in my shoulders.
"It’s certainly been interesting," I admitted, trying for a cool, normal tone. "I've got about an hour or so before my next class. I was gonna go to the cafeteria."
"By yourself?" Marv asked.
I nodded. "I forgot to get Lizzie's number and I figured you guys might be busy or I wasn't sure if I'd get the chance to see you."
"Well, we're here now," Texas said brightly, sliding his arm from my shoulders and taking my hand. "Let's go get some food." My skin tingled where Texas’ thumb smoothed over my knuckles. I glanced at Marv briefly, taking in his reaction—or lack thereof when I realized he wasn’t paying attention.
"Where's Grayson?" I asked, returning my gaze to Texas, as he began tugging me towards the Thompson cafeteria building.
"Class," Marv grunted.
I stared at him for a moment over my shoulder before huffing and turning away. We would have to talk about his attitude problem, I decided, sooner, hopefully, rather than later. He and Grayson needed to get along and get over whatever their past indiscretions were or, so help me, I'd lock the two of them in a room together until they did. Maybe I could handcuff them together…I looked over to Texas. He’d totally help me, I just knew it.
As we headed for the cafeteria, with Texas' hand in mine, I turned my attention to something less devious, making a list in my head for all of the school stuff I’d need to get done. It was easy to get caught up in the idea that I was in college. That we were normal and all I could do was take classes and meet new friends and maybe even kinda date...the guys. Even if having multiple boyfriends was socially not normal. But I couldn't let myself be swept away. We were here for a reason: to find Erika and, hopefully, Grayson's brother, too.
"So, what's it like so far?" Texas asked as Marv dashed in front and held open the door for us.
"Classes?" I guessed. "Well, I've only had one so far. It was okay. The teacher seemed...interesting." I honestly didn't know how else to put it. Even as I recalled the different things people said about what they disliked about themselves. When I answered... I don't always try for what I want... I was thinking about the guys, but I was also thinking about other decisions I had made in my life. Quitting gymnastics. Giving up on college before I met the guys. I had resigned myself to giving up a lot of future opportunities just because of my mom. Now, it was almost a shock to see that I didn't have to.
"Pasta or pizza?" Marv asked, drawing me out of my thoughts.
"Um...pasta?"
He nodded. "Okay. Texas and I will grab the food. Why don't you find us a table?"
"Sure..." I started, but Marv was already walking away. I looked at Texas.
"Don't mind him." Texas turned to me and leaned down, brushing a whisper-soft kiss on my cheek. I blinked, surprised as I inhaled sharply, and butterflies erupted in my stomach. "He's just pissy because he has to spend so much time around Grayson lately."
I frowned as Texas let go of my hand. "He's gonna have to get over it sooner or later."
Texas nodded. "I know that, and he knows that—Knix had a talk with him. But it’s easier said than done." Texas turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, feeling a little bad for being so frustrated with Marv's feelings towards Grayson.
When I had first met Grayson, I hadn't liked him all that much either. He had seemed pompous and arrogant—too much so. I needed to remember that Marv and Grayson—and, I supposed, Iris in general—had a history. More history than I did with either of them.
Turning, I headed for the other side of the cafeteria where several rows of tables were filled with students. As I roamed up and down the aisles looking for a clean, empty table, I spotted one in the far corner near a girl in a lime green t-shirt and jean shorts, sitting alone, eating a salad with her phone on the table in front of her. I scooted past her and sat down at the empty table just as a couple of girls in athletic-wear made a beeline for it. The tallest scowled at me as I planted my butt like I was planning to grow roots, but merely turned away and stalked towards the other side of the cafeteria while her friends trailed after her.
“Found her!” I jerked as Texas’ voice floated over to me. He and Marv walked up with three steaming plates of pasta just as I was sliding my bag under the table. Surprisingly, they had also managed to carry over a few glasses of water. Texas carried three glasses in one palm, all with their bottoms balanced precariously. He moved with such grace, though, I wasn’t worried. I
had only seen more experienced servers pull that maneuver.
Texas paused at the end of the table and set the plate down first before he handed me one glass and set the other two down. Marv moved up next to me and, when he hovered, I realized he wanted to sit next to me, so I scooted over. Once we were all sitting, Marv pulled out silverware wrapped in napkins and handed them out. We all worked like one, big, well-oiled machine. It made me smile…and miss the others.
“I wonder what Knix and Bellamy are doing while we’re away,” I contemplated aloud as I speared a bowtie noodle with my fork.
“I’m sure they’re keeping busy,” Texas said as he shoveled a forkful into his mouth.
Marv tilted his head back and looked at me. Tornado gray eyes met mine. “You can call them later if you want. Are you coming back to the house with us?”
“The house?” I blinked as I realized what he meant. He was talking about the house that he was sharing with Grayson and Texas while we were here. “Oh, yeah, sure, I can do that. I have class again after lunch, though.”
Marv nodded. “We do, too, though Texas will apparently be going on a little field trip. So, I’ll just come pick you up from your classroom.”
A part of me wanted to comment on Texas’ little field trip—it obviously had something to do with the mission. A possible lead was just what we needed. I paused with my fork poised at my lips and slowly lowered it back to my plate as I leaned forward.
“Where are you going?” I asked curiously, eyeing him.
Texas paused, mid-chew, before swallowing. “It’s just a hunch,” he said as though he wasn’t really comfortable saying anything just yet. I wondered if he was just afraid to get my hopes up. “We’re not really sure of anything, but Grayson and I are going to be heading to the upstate rehab facility that Josh was in before he disappeared.”
I nodded with exaggerated slowness even as I scanned him for any more hints and clues before turning to look at Marv. It didn’t surprise me that he wouldn’t be attending that field trip. “Okay, then, I guess I’m with you this afternoon.” I smiled before reaching for the bag that I had stowed away. “Hold on, I think I have the classroom building and number in here.”
