by Kahlen Aymes
Copyright © 2017 by SBR Media, LLC
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by SBR Media, LLC
www.sbrmedia.com
ISBN# 9780998752419
This is a work of fiction. Amy resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.
Manufactured in the United States of America
Published April 24, 2017
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the Author.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
A Love For Romance
Trading Yesterday
The Break
Always Too Late
Until Stars Forget To Shine
The Only Chance
Awakened
Do You Mind?
Cock-Block
What Happens On Spring Break
Always There
Falling For Lindy
Burning The Midnight Oil
Babysitting For The Biker
Chasing Love
Spellbound
Acknowledgements
Trading Yesterday
by Kahlen Aymes
Between Yesterday and Tomorrow
Six years since I left her. Six fucking years.
It seemed like I had no choice at the time; like it was the start of a dream, not the beginning of a nightmare.
The offer from the English Arsenal Football Club was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I couldn’t pass it up, no matter how much it ripped me apart to leave Teagan behind, but our plan was for her to finish college then come over there, too. It never happened.
It got all fucked up somehow. Royally fucked up. I spent years trying to figure out why it happened and I was determined to forget about her. I threw myself into the game, booze and numerous women; nothing helped but a lot of time. If I were honest, the pain never really went away and I felt the loss every goddamned day. What made it worse was that I knew I never should have left. It was Teagan, and not soccer, who was my once-in-a-lifetime everything, but I thought we were madly in love and I completely trusted that... I completely trusted her. We knew it would be a difficult couple of years, but I had no reason to doubt that things wouldn’t go as planned. I thought we were invincible, yet, not six months after I left she married my best friend behind my back.
Some best friend. Anger cut through me like a red-hot knife and settled in to sear my gut and tighten my chest. There was no one I hated more.
My heart ached whenever I allowed myself to think about it. She tried to explain, but I didn’t want to hear the words. I felt betrayed; too devastated to find the will to function, let alone listen. Looking at her would have sliced me open to bleed out right in front of her, and after a betrayal like that, I’d be damned if I’d let her see me suffer.
Jensen tried to talk to me, too, but I was afraid if I saw him, one of us would die. What did it fucking matter anyway? No reason could make it better, more believable, or easier to accept. I’d closed down, focused on the team, and stopped corresponding with either of them. It was the only way to breathe. My eyes burned and my throat tightened. After all this time, it was still killing me...so often, I ached to call her, my soul crying out for hers, my mind railing that it was all a dream and if I could only hear that sweet voice, my reality would be righted. Over time, I realized keeping as busy as possible was the only thing to keep the memories from eating me alive.
The Arsenal and its world class program wasn’t worth it. A huge career and being one of the top ten soccer players in the world meant nothing. Nothing was worth losing Teagan, but I’d made a life for myself, despite her. Somehow, I moved on. I breathed in and out. I waited, prayed for, and crawled toward the day when it wouldn’t hurt. I was still crawling on the inside, but I’d learned how to camouflage it so no one could see it anymore, but part of me was dead.
My parents and siblings knew not to mention her after the first few attempts. The rage and drinking binges that resulted had finally kept them quiet. Even Kevin stopped badgering me.
“Just leave it alone, Kev! I can’t fucking stand thinking about what she’s doing with Jensen. Nothing will justify it! If Jensen was bleeding out in the street, the reason still wouldn’t be good enough for her to be with him. It makes me sick!”
I’d flung my mother’s Ming vase at my brother and it barely missed his head; shattering in a million pieces against the wall behind him. He stood there stunned for a split second as my chest heaved and his image blurred behind a haze of fury and tears. Then, he rushed at me, tackling me to the ground. He beat the shit out of me, leaving me broken and crying her name, asking God why she wasn’t mine, begging for relief that never came, wishing I could die right there because I couldn’t see any other way to end the horrible pain. I didn’t know if I was hitting Kevin or at Teagan’s memory, but afterward, he dropped to his knees and held on to me as I fell apart. The whole family looked on in stunned shock, all of them powerless to help me. It was Christmas break my freshman year and I’d gotten drunk off my ass to try to forget. Everyone left me alone ever since.
As time moved on the ache eased little by little. I came home to the States less because being there surrounded me with her essence, her memory. Not knowing where she was or anything about her made it easier and possible to survive.
Now, I was in a plane on my way to Atlanta fucking Georgia, because of a few well-scripted words that came across my phone via text message.
Chase, Kat gave me your number. Don’t be mad. I need you.
It’s an emergency. Please come, ASAP.
Teagan
I ran my hand through my hair. Kat. My mind screamed. My sister, Kathryn was tight lipped, telling me nothing beyond where I could find her. Apparently she’d kept in touch with Teagan all these years. Goddamn traitor.
“Hmmph!” I huffed. So much for blood being thicker than water.
When I called Kathryn to confront her, all she would say was that Teagan and Jensen had moved to Atlanta three years earlier when Jensen got a job with ESPN, and I’d have to wait for Teagan to explain the rest. He must not be very high on the ESPN food chain or I’d have known about his job there.
I didn’t understand why, but I was pissed at my sister. Why would Teagan leave her family...and mine, to live in a strange city with a man who was probably gone more than he was home? It made no sense. But then, none of her decisions made sense since I left. Not since she chose to marry someone else.
The burning ache I’d thought I’d buried flared anew twenty-four hours earlier when her name appeared at the end of her message. I’d felt like a sledgehammer had just flew at high velocity into my gut, and the air left my lungs. I could hear that voice saying the words on the screen, as if she were standing right next to me. My heart exploded and blood rushed to my face like liquid fire.
I’d thought nothing would separate us; not distance...not anyone or anything. Ever. I was so in love I must have been blind. And yet, years later, all she had to do was crook her little finger and I was dragging my sorry ass halfway across the world without knowing why.
“Welcome to Atlanta, Georgia. We thank you for flying with us today. We know you have many choices for...” The mad rus
hing of blood in my ears muffled the flight attendant’s words. My skin vibrated as anticipation throbbed through me, and I mentally shook myself. I needed to get my shit together. I couldn’t allow Teagan to see how much this still mattered. I had to be cool, calm... blasé’. She couldn’t know how she’d destroyed me. I’d worked hard to build an aloof persona off the field, and a superstar one on the field. The sports world shortened my name from Chase to Ace, and I embraced it.
As I gathered my carry on, I braced myself for what I would see in a few short minutes. Would Jensen be with her? Could I take that? I wasn’t sure. I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck in agitation and then held it out in front of me. I was visibly shaking, so I curled my fingers into a fist in an attempt to steady myself. As I started to walk out of the plane, I willed myself to calm down. I settled a cold mask in place, praying to God it would remain, unmoved, when I saw her.
The seconds pounded in my head as my footsteps closed the distance to the main terminal, heavy and suffocating. I struggled to fill my lungs with air, sure I’d lose my breath forever the minute I laid eyes on her. Would she be different? I wanted her to be unrecognizable... resistible... no longer my Teagan. Please God... let me not give a shit. After everything I’d suffered, would that be so much to ask?
Somehow over the years, the bitterness and anger lessened and most of what I remembered was the love and longing. She haunted my dreams more times than I could count, and every time I woke up in a cold sweat, missing her, wanting her, I wanted to scream.
I dug down deep for the anger I’d need to make it through the next couple of days. Two days was all I would subject myself to. Then I was gone and I’d put her in the past...where she belonged. I had a game in Brasília on Saturday that I couldn’t miss and I was thankful for my contract.
What the hell am I doing here, anyway? I argued with myself. I should have used the game to skip it all together, but what if she was in trouble? My lips pressed together in anger. What the fuck did it matter to me? It shouldn’t matter at all. I sighed heavily.
Against my will, I searched the countless faces, looking for those soft brown eyes that used to own my soul. I stopped in the middle of the terminal, as my phone buzzed in my pocket.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, lovie. I got your message,” Bronwyn said casually.
“I sent it twelve hours ago. Thanks for the prompt response.” Sarcasm dripped from my voice. She didn’t notice.
“So you’re in the US? Ace, I mean... why?”
I was distracted as I kept searching for Teagan. “I thought you said you got my message. I told you that a friend needs me.”
“For what?” She sounded pissed, but then, “pissed” and “I don’t give a shit” were her two most prominent gears.
“I don’t know, Bronwyn. I’ll call you when I know more.”
“I’m going to bed, so don’t call until morning.” Her voice was bored and unconcerned, her whiny voice in her English accent suddenly annoying as hell.
“The time difference is six hours, so hopefully, I’ll be sleeping when you wake up. Remember, my body is on London time.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, then just call when you can. Good night, lovie.”
“Bye.” It annoyed the hell out of me when she called me that, and she knew it. I shoved the phone in my back pocket of my dark jeans, my mind immediately dismissing the woman on the phone.
Where was Teagan? I scratched my stomach through the fine linen of my dark blue button down. I’d left it untucked, only taking time to change my pants and shove three changes of clothes into a small bag before rushing straight to the airport. I left the club immediately after speaking to Kat.
I was tired and impatient as I put my hands on my hips and turned, stopping dead when I saw her moving slowly in my direction, weaving through the crowds. She looked thinner, more fragile, her skin seemed more translucent against the darkness of her flowing hair, still as long and luxurious as I remembered. My breath caught in my throat at the sight, my heart thudding sickeningly in my chest. I wanted it to stop. I didn’t care if it killed me or if I had to rip it from my chest; I just wanted it to fucking stop.
Her brown eyes were huge as she looked up into my face, still owning me as much as she ever had, as she closed the last few yards between us. The sadness surrounding her was so heavy I could almost taste it.
“Hello, Chase.” Her voice rocked through me.
My hand moved to my chest, seeking to ease the tightness that prevented me from speaking. I swallowed hard as I took in her smallness in jeans and summer top that left her shoulders and arms completely bare, except for the thin straps. The yellows and oranges in the floral print made her hair appear darker and emphasized the faint flush on her cheeks.
My arms ached to reach for her and pull her close. The pull was tangible and I could see the same battle flash across her beautiful features. She was still so goddamned beautiful.
“Teagan...” Her name fell from my lips unwillingly as emotions I’d tried to ignore, surfaced.
We stood there, staring at each other until finally my left hand reached for her right one. Our fingers entwined as easily as if we’d never been apart, and her eyes filled with glistening tears and then two fat drops rolled down her cheeks. The years fell away as, unable to help myself, I pulled her to me and, gathering her close I turned my face into her hair. She still wore the same perfume... still felt perfect. My breath left my lungs. Her arms flew around my neck as I lifted her into my embrace as a sob broke from her chest.
“Chase. Oh, God. Thank you. I honestly didn’t think you would come.”
My hand cupped the back of her head and protectiveness filled every cell in my body. No matter what happened, I couldn’t stand to see her in pain. “What is this about? Why now?”
“Not here. I’ll explain, but can we go?” she asked brokenly.
I released her reluctantly, nodding as she wiped her fingers under both of her eyes at the same time and offered a weak smile.
I nodded. “Okay.”
Somehow we ended up at an SUV I didn’t recognize. I didn’t know what I expected... that she’d have her old beat-up car from college? My heart fell to my stomach when I opened the back door to stow my bag and I came face to face with a booster seat.
She has a child. I felt like I’d just been slammed into a brick wall at high speed.
My knuckles turned white as my fingers tightened around the edge of the door until I thought they would break. I wasn’t prepared for the possibility that she’d ever have a child that wasn’t mine. The years of ignorance had been more of a blessing than I could have possibly imagined.
My chin jutted out in painful defiance, trying to steady the shaking that had overcome my hands. I slammed the passenger door as Teagan slid behind the wheel, her head snapping toward me at the sound.
I was pissed, hurt, dying. Just... fucking dying. Again. I was right back in the hell that had taken me years to crawl out of. I couldn’t believe I’d subjected myself to this bullshit again. I was insane to drop everything, leave my girlfriend behind, and for what?
“Chase, I—”she began.
My head snapped in her direction, and I knew my expression was harsh and hateful but I couldn’t do anything to mask it. “Teagan. I’m here, okay. I don’t know what the fuck possessed me, but I’m here. What is it you want from me? Why now?” My voice was hard, a sharp contrast to how I’d been inside the airport, but I chalked it up to shock and longing for something that no longer existed between us.
“Wow. I guess I deserve this.”
“Probably, yeah.” I swallowed and turned forward to stare out the windshield at the concrete wall of the parking garage.
She sucked in her breath and left the keys in the ignition and motor running, turning in her seat toward me as cool air began to pour out of the air conditioning vents. I leaned my elbow on the window, my forehead on my hand and I willed myself to keep my eyes straight ahead. I wouldn’t be able to think if I
looked at her and I needed to hold it together. The backs of my eyes burned and it disgusted me that I still cared this much about a woman who broke my heart without a word.
“I’m sorry, Chase. I didn’t know what to do. I was young and stupid...”
I couldn’t argue with her so I didn’t speak.
“I wanted you to go to England and not worry about me.”
As if that were even possible, my mind screamed. I didn’t want to talk about the past. “It’s moot now, isn’t it? Ancient history.”
“No, I need you to understand...”
Something inside me broke and all my good intentions to keep calm were lost. “I needed to understand six years ago and you didn’t fucking care! In fact, you married my best friend in just a few months. Thanks for that, by the way. It really was the cherry on top of losing you. It kept my focus razor sharp.” Sarcasm and pain dripped off every word I spat out.
Her forehead dropped to her hands on the top of the wheel, shoulders shaking gently as she wept quietly. “Jensen took care of me when I needed someone.”
“You never gave me the opportunity to take care of you, Teagan.”
“That’s not fair. Yes, I wanted you to have your dream, but you are the one who left. It was your choice to go.”
“We talked about it for weeks after I got the offer, Teagan! I thought it was our choice! You knew...it was for us. For our future!”
She snuffled and put the back of her hand to her mouth as her face crumpled and her eyes closed. Her chin began to tremble and tears started to flow. I could no longer keep my eyes off of her. She nodded through her crying. “You’re right. But... thu-things happened and I cuh-couldn’t tell you. You would have...”
“Couldn’t tell me what? That you were screwing Jensen behind my back? That you couldn’t even wait until I left? Was it going on before I even left the country?”
She cried harder, shaking her head in a silent plea. “No! Chase, please! Jus-just listen...”
“Teagan... no. The time to talk was six years ago. Now, I just want to know why I’m here right now. I have a life, a job, a woman. Tell me what’s going on, right goddamn, now.”
