by Kahlen Aymes
I was grateful for that. I didn’t like hand-holding.
It irked me.
I wasn’t exactly the lovey-dovey type, and I was kind of surprised I’d agreed to go out with Mathias.
The guy was strange, but something about him drew me in.
We reached the pizza place and he opened the door for me, letting me walk in first.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, surprised by his chivalrousness.
“No problem.” He cleared his throat, like he wasn’t quite used to being thanked.
“Take a seat anywhere!” A frazzled waitress called out from the back.
“Looks like we have a our pick of places.” Mathias waved his hand around to encompass the empty restaurant. “Where do you want to sit?” he asked.
“Um...” I pressed my lips together, eyeing the spots. “That one.” I pointed to the booth by the window.”
He nodded and sat down. I slid onto the booth seat across from him. The checkered tablecloth was slightly damp like it had just been wiped down.
“Hi, I’m Meredith. What can I get you to drink?” the harried waitress asked us.
“Uh...I’ll have a Coke,” I answered.
“Coke for me, too,” Mathias echoed.
“I’ll be right back with those. Menus are on the table.” She pointed.
I picked one up, though it was unnecessary. I’d been here many times and practically had the menu memorized.
“What do you want?” Mathias asked, his dark brows drawn together as he inspected the menu. He looked angry, he usually did. It was like his face had naturally settled into that irritated look.
“Cheese pizza.”
He looked up from his menu. “Just cheese? That’s it.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I don’t like peppers, or onions, or meat, or anything else someone thought to put on a pizza. Cheese and sauce—I like it simple.”
His lips quirked again. It wasn’t quite a smile but I was counting it as one.
Three.
Our waitress returned with our drinks and took our order. I, of course, got cheese pizza, while Mathias ordered a supreme.
When she was gone, he crossed his fingers together and laid them across the table.
“Remy.”
I mimicked his pose. “Mathias.”
He shook his head, smiling again.
That’s four.
“Why’d you ask me on a date?”
He sat back in the booth, tilting his head to appraise me. “Because you’re like me.”
I snorted. “What the fuck does that mean?”
He swallowed thickly and seemed to be thinking very deeply. “We’re not like the rest of them...we’re hard.”
“If you’re referring to the state of your dick, that’s just gross.”
He shook his head. “Fuck, Remy. No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just mean...I see it in your eyes, okay?”
“What?” I asked. “What do you see in my eyes?”
“The darkness,” he whispered.
That caused me to pause. “What kind of darkness?”
“One that speaks of hatred, neglect, and pain...so much fucking pain.”
I wet my lips with my tongue and pressed them together. His words had hit a little too close to home.
“How do you know?”
“Because my life is the same. It’s easy to read something in someone else when it’s all you fucking know.”
I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. I’d never had someone say that to me before, and he took me by surprise.
My parents weren’t the worst out there, not by a long shot, I knew that, but they’d always favored my older brother while I’d been cast aside. It’d always been more neglectful than hateful, though my dad did have a temper if I fucked up.
Which was often.
“You don’t have to tell me about it,” he continued, picking up his Coke and taking a sip. “I sure as fuck don’t want to talk about mine, but I just want you to know that I see, and I understand.”
I pressed my lips together. Mathias noticed more than I gave him credit for. He clearly wasn’t the thug I originally made him out to be.
The waitress placed our pizzas on the table and we both dug in.
“So,” I began, “tell me something about you I don’t know.”
He picked a piece of stringy cheese off his pizza and placed it back on the platter. “There are lots of things you don’t know about me yet, Remy.” The way he said yet gave me the impression he thought I’d soon know all those little things about him. “I sing,” he finally answered.
My eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”
He grinned and I added it to my list.
Five.
“So shocked that I could actually have talent?”
I laughed and shrugged. “Sort of,” I admitted. “You kind of come across like you don’t care about anything.”
Darkness flashed in his eyes. “It’s easier to pretend I don’t feel. If I don’t feel, I can’t hurt.”
I frowned, my heart tugging for this dark, mysterious boy. Just this short time with him showed me that he was the kind of person I’d like to know.
“I can understand that,” I admitted.
He nodded, turning his attention to his pizza. “What’s something about you that I don’t know?”
“I’m really not all that interesting,” I mumbled.
He grinned slowly. Six. “I beg to differ.”
I bit my lip, thinking. Why was it that when someone wanted to know about you, suddenly you couldn’t even remember your own name?
“I hate caramel.”
He smirked. “Come on, you can do better than that.”
“What?” I defended. “It’s a legitimate answer.”
“All right, all right.” He sighed.
“Tell me more about singing,” I pleaded, wanting to turn the conversation back to him.
“Well, my brother, Maddox, and I want to start a band with a our friend, Ezra. We need someone else, but so far we haven’t found anyone we click with.”
“Does your band have a name yet?”
He shook his head and grabbed another slice of pizza. “We have a couple we like, but nothing has stuck yet.”
“What’s the top choice?”
“Kinky Kisser.” His lips tipped up into a smirk so I’d know he was joking.
“It has a nice ring to it.”
“I think so, too.” He grinned and my heart soared. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Yesterday, I couldn’t stand the guy, but after today...I thought I might have a little crush. Mathias was enigmatic and enticing—a complicated puzzle I was desperate to put together so I could see the whole picture.
From that day on, I found myself spending every minute I could with Mathias.
My parents, of course, didn’t approve of him, but that didn’t stop us.
When you’re young, and falling in love, you’ll do anything to be with each other and the rest be damned.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I smiled from bed and jumped up, throwing back the covers.
I crept over to the window, and as quietly as I could, slid it up, peering down into the dark yard at Mathias. When he saw me his whole face lit up. I was learning that I was one of the few things that made him smile.
He climbed the trellis up the roof outside my window. With an agility that shouldn’t be possible for a guy as large as he was, he managed to slip into my room.
He rubbed his hands together as I shut the window, locking it closed.
“It’s freezing out there,” he complained, shucking off his jacket and shirt. His pants came off next and he was left only in his boxers. I stared at his chest for a little too long. He was muscular, but not overly so, his body still leaning more towards boy than man.
He’d been sneaking in my bedroom window and sleeping with me for months now. Just sleeping. While our high school class would like to believe I was a slut, I was actually the complete opposite. Yeah, I
talked good game, but I was actually kind of shy. Mathias and I hadn’t had sex yet, but we had fooled around. We were young, so we couldn’t help it. The temptation is too much to bear sometimes.
“Nice shorts.” He smirked, pointing at my super short-shorts with cherries on them. I wouldn’t lie; I picked them out solely because of how amazing they made my legs look.
“Thanks.” I tucked a piece of light blonde hair behind my ear. My heart raced in my chest. Tonight. Tonight, everything changed. I felt it in my gut, whether Mathias knew it or not. He must’ve sensed it because he stepped closer, placing a hand on my waist, just above my butt, and pulling me into his body. He was hard where I was soft, my curves melting into him.
“Remy,” he breathed my name on a whisper, running his thumb over my bottom lip.
I moaned, kissing the pad of his thumb. I ran my hands up his chest, twining them around his neck.
“I’m ready,” I confessed.
His eyes flashed with desire, but a saw a little worry there too. “We don’t have to—” He started and I shook my head, silencing him.
“I want this. I’m ready,” I assured him.
He brushed his nose against mine. “I don’t want you to regret this. To regret me.” His sad eyes met mine, and I understood what he was saying. His own mom didn’t love him, and he was scared to lose me.
“That’s not happening,” I vowed.
I never thought I’d love someone the way I loved Mathias. The two of us...we were one in the same. He was my perfect other half. I didn’t know if we’d be together forever, at our age, forever seemed so long, but right now I knew I didn’t want anything but him.
He cupped my cheeks in his hands, angling my head back. He kissed me long and slow, taking his time. His chest was warm pressed against mine. My heart beat a mile a minute in my chest, and I wondered if he could feel it. It felt like it was going to fall out of my chest and roll away.
He backed me up slowly, until the back of my legs hit my bed.
I fell onto it softly, his body rolling on top of mine. He caught his weight on his hands so he didn’t crush me.
I felt so small beneath him.
Swallowed whole.
His lips were soft against mine, but firm.
His hands skimmed under my shirt, pushing at the fabric, and goosebumps broke out across my skin, making me shiver.
He noticed and pulled back. “Remy?” he probed, his eyes questioning.
“I’m okay,” I rushed to assure him.
He stared at me a moment longer, assessing the situation and my sincerity before continuing.
He pushed my shirt up farther and I sat up to help him take it off.
His eyes lingered on my bare chest and I bit my lip.
“You’re so perfect,” he breathed, his eyes flashing.
He was on me again in an instant and we sank into the pillows.
Everything blurred as we removed our clothes and joined. I expected it to be clumsy and awkward, and maybe one day I’d look back and think that, but for now it was perfect.
“You guys are gross,” Maddox groaned, dropping down into a cafeteria seat across the table from us.
Mathias removed his tongue from my mouth and flipped his brother off. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have a girlfriend.”
Maddox picked at his cold school pepperoni pizza, making a face. “How do they expect us to eat this?”
Ezra, their friend, overheard him as he joined us. “It’s the government. They’re trying to kill us.” He plopped down beside Maddox, across from me. He pushed his floppy black hair off his forehead.
“The government?” an upperclassman muttered, passing us. He circled back and collapsed into the seat beside Maddox. “They totally are. Did you know they allow rodent hair in peanut butter?”
I looked down at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I packed from home and gagged. “That’s disgusting.”
“Who the fuck are you?” Mathias asked the newcomer.
The guy held out his hand. “Joshua Hayes. I go by Hayes.” He had blond hair and a goofy smile.
Mathias didn’t take his hand, so Maddox did instead. “I’m Maddox. That’s my twin, Mathias, Ezra, and Remy.”
“Nice to meet you.” Hayes waved. “I’m sorry to just drop into your conversation, but I heard you mention the government so I couldn’t help myself. They’re all a bunch of crooked shits.” He stood, pushing to his feet. “I have to get to band class.”
“Band?” Ezra asked. “What do you play?”
“Electric guitar.” Hayes mimed that he was playing. “I’m a little too rock ‘n’ roll for them but we make it work.”
Ezra smacked Maddox’s arm and motioned to Mathias, silently communicating.
Mathias shook his head and mouthed, “No.”
Ezra argued right back. “Hey, Hayes?” he called when the guy started to walk away.
Hayes jogged back, his steps light and bouncy. He grinned crookedly. “Yeah?”
“We have our own band, and we need a guitar player. You interested?” Ezra asked.
“Hell yeah.” Hayes fist bumped him. “I’m so in.”
Mathias rolled his eyes and I poked his side. “Be nice,” I hissed under my breath.
Hayes exchanged numbers with Ezra and clasped hands with Maddox.
“Welcome to Willow Creek,” Maddox told him.
I glanced up at Mathias. “You guys finally decided on a name?”
He nodded. “Yep.”
“Willow Creek,” I repeated. “I love it.”
“Where are you taking me, Mathias Wade?” I groaned, trooping behind him through the thick brush.
He stopped, turning around to offer me his hand. “Be patient.”
I took his hand and he helped me over a thick root. “If you’re taking me out here to push me off a cliff, just know, I’ll push you first.”
He chuckled, pushing his way through thick trees.
They finally opened up and I gasped, taking his hand so I could stand beside him.
“You can see the whole town from here,” I gasped, bringing my eyes to his.
We gazed down at the whole city, the river, and the mountains.
“It’s beautiful.” I felt a little bad for bitching at him now—but only a little.
His eyes lingered on my face, moving down my neck. “I wanted you to experience what I feel when I look at you.”
My lips parted at his words. “Mathias,” I sighed, dreamily. He wasn’t usually the most romantic, but when he did things like this, he totally rocked it.
I laid my head on his shoulder and he kissed my hair. “I love you, Remy.”
“I love you.”
If you’d told me a year ago that I’d fall head over heels in love with Mathias Wade, I’d have told you that you were crazy.
Life is weird like that.
I stare at the two little lines on the pregnancy test, my heart stopping.
No.
I slap a hand over my mouth, running for the toilet. I empty the contents of my stomach.
I lay against the cold tile, sweat covering my body.
I roll my shirt up, pressing a hand to my flat stomach. There’s a baby in there.
Mathias’ baby.
What was I going to do? We were too young to have a baby. We couldn’t do this, but...but I knew I couldn’t get rid of it. That was still a baby, our baby.
I began to cry, unable to keep the tears at bay.
I was scared, terrified, really. We’d been careful, but apparently not careful enough. This was one mistake I couldn’t erase, and I knew it was yet another thing my father would hold over my head.
I could never do anything right.
I was a fuck up and that’s all I’d ever be.
“Rem? What’s wrong?” Mathias probed, staring at me.
We sat outside during our lunch hour, and the summer sun was hot. School would be over in a matter of weeks and I still hadn’t told him about the baby. Every time I t
ried, the words would get stuck in my throat. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him; I was just scared. A baby is a big deal, and while Mathias said he loved me, he was a guy; he could easily run.
“Rem?” he said again. “You’re not eating.”
I shrugged, poking at my turkey sandwich. My stomach rolled, threatening to revolt. “I’m not hungry.”
“I’m starving. I’ll eat it.” Maddox’s hand whipped out lightning fast and he stole my sandwich, eating half in one bite.
“That’s her sandwich,” Mathias defended, reaching out for my sandwich.
Maddox pushed him away. “She didn’t want it.”
Mathias shook his head. “Do you want me to get you something else?”
“No.” My stomach rolled again at the thought of food. “I’m good.”
“I need to smoke,” he muttered, sneaking one from the pack. “You want one?” he asked me.
I shook my head, turning him down like I had ever since I found out I was pregnant.
His brows knitted together and he gave me a funny look.
“Are you sick?” he asked.
“No,” I replied, looking toward Ezra. He was busy chomping away at the...actually, I didn’t know what that was. Cafeteria mystery meat for the win.
“You’re acting funny,” he observed.
“I just don’t want to smoke,” I snapped, more bite to my tone than usual.
He shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
He stood and snuck off to our usual spot to smoke. It was a little alcove outside that hid you from the sight of the teachers on duty.
It also came in handy for hot make out sessions and heavy groping.
Maddox finished my sandwich and frowned at the empty spot in front of him. “I’m still hungry.” I stared at him in horror—I’d just witnessed him eat two slices of pizza and my sandwich. He stood, grabbing his empty tray. “I’m going to see if they have anything left. You guys want anything?”
Ezra and I both shook our heads.
Maddox headed inside to get more food. I had no idea where he put it all. He wasn’t a big guy; in fact he was leaner than Mathias.
Mathias returned, the heavy scent of cigarette smoke clinging to his shirt.
“I’m gonna be sick,” I cried, jumping up from the table and running to the nearby bush.
I threw up everything in my stomach, which wasn’t much.
