“Well you know, cushions, throw blankets, pictures, photos, nick nacks that make you happy—that sort of thing. Surely your mum has that sort of stuff around in her house.”
I saw him stiffen and I knew immediately I’d said something wrong. I knew exactly that feeling he was experiencing in his gut right now—the one that burns and tightens but feels like dread all at the same time.
“I don’t have a mum. She died when I was born.” He said the words coldly and unemotionally and I figured he’d had his whole life to practise getting them to sound so flat and lifeless. The tone and delivery were in such stark contrast to the way he normally spoke, which felt more like a rich caress to me.
“Umm… I’m really sorry…I didn’t mean to bring up something painful,” I stammered out.
“It’s hard to feel pain for something you’ve never known or experienced. Envy, wishing and cheated would probably better describe how I feel.”
This choice of words was telling me so much about him and I immediately wondered if this was part of that demon thing he was talking about before. The conversation we’d never finished.
“Does this have something to do with those oni you were talking about before?”
He moved over to the kitchen and around behind the big bench. “Come, take a seat over here and I’ll tell you about the oni as I make dinner. Would you like a glass of wine? I picked up a nice Sav Blanc this morning.”
“I don’t normally drink much, but a glass sounds good.” I watched him take two glasses from an overhead cabinet on the wall. Judging by the little stickers on the base, I figured they’d been purchased specially for tonight, but I said nothing. This was all so new to me, so I was hardly in a position to pass judgement and it was sweet that he’d gone to the effort.
He poured the wine and passed a glass across to me. “I would have thought you’d be more of a beer guy for some reason.”
Xander chuckled at that. “I’m not much of an anything sort of guy when it comes to alcohol. I rarely drink. Always training,” he offered as a way of explanation. “If I have any more than one I’ll struggle to take you home later.”
I didn’t glance behind me but that big bed on the other side of the room was making its presence felt in my thoughts. It felt as if it was staring at me, taunting me with promises, but also fears.
He turned back to the fridge and started to get some food out. “So I figured we’d have chicken and a rice and veggie dish I can make reasonably well. That suit you?”
“Sounds good to me. I eat pretty much everything, particularly stuff I don’t have to cook…” I was fine on this side of the bench, but I was definitely close enough to the heat of the kitchen. I didn’t need to be any closer. It hadn’t escaped my notice that his stove top was gas. Naked flame. A shiver ran down my spine at the thoughts.
“Cold?” Shit he must have seen me.
“No, umm just another little phobia, I guess.” Admitting another hang up I had didn’t seem that difficult anymore. Xander had seen the scars from the fire that had created the phobias. This was just another scar, albeit a mental one.
I watched him turn the oven on and then take a large chef’s knife from the block beside the stove and a chopping board from a cupboard.
“Tell me about it.” He didn’t look at me, rather he took an onion and started peeling and chopping it.
“Um, I have an aversion to hot things. If I do anything in the kitchen, it’s cold food only. I can assemble, prepare that sort of thing, but I can’t dare to touch anything hot. I don’t like hot drinks either.”
Then he looked up from the slicing, and he had what I was assuming to be a satisfied look, on his face. “That’s why you all had milkshakes or something that day. I thought it strange three women would go for cold drinks. Now I know why.”
“Yep. It’s not easy being around me.” I said unable to keep the guilt out of my voice. And it was true, my family had to make many sacrifices to make me comfortable with my little phobias.
‘So do you like coffee and teas?” I could see he was thinking about things, scheming!
“Well I used to before the fire, so I’m guessing I do. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to try them since. Just the heat from the cup when I bring my hand towards it freaks me out.”
“I’m not a huge tea or coffee drinker, but I do enjoy both fairly regularly. So that’s something we’ll have to work on. What else sends shivers like before, down your spine?”
Now would be the time to say something really flirty and sexy like “You!” but that seemed like a really advanced dating move and I was firmly in the toddlers’ enclosure with training wheels on. Besides, I had no idea if this would ever be anything more than two friends having dinner. Xander had a right to know what he was getting himself into initially if he was so intent on being my friend, let alone anything more.
“I’m mostly okay with the hairdryer, but every now and then I’ll have a bit of panic attack. It triggers my recollections of the intense heat. Sometimes I need to take a break then go back to it. It’s worse on my right side of course.”
He’d finished the onions but the strong vapours had wafted across and were making my eyes water. Well, at least that was what I was putting it down to.
I used the back of my T-Shirt sleeve to dab at my eye, trying to avoid smudging my mascara.
“Anything else?” he pushed gently.
Then something occurred to me. “I thought we were talking about oni or whatever?”
He looked up and smiled at me with a grin that was so much softer than what I was used to seeing on his face. Gone was the fierce warrior façade and in its place was a guy casually cooking dinner and chatting. Even his voice sounded softer, less domineering. “We are.” I must have looked at him a little strange. He rolled the wrist holding the knife. “Oni are demons. Onigahsima is a play on the whole demon thing. We pride ourselves on fighting like demons in the ring but we also recognise that we all have demons inside us we have to overcome to succeed in whatever we want to do—whether that be fighting or something else. So we go to Onigashima to fight the demons and to become better fighters. How big those oni are varies from person to person. At the moment we’re talking about yours.” I wanted to take in all that he’d said and think about it. It was simple when he put it like that, but I could also appreciate the thought that was behind the name and the purpose of something that had supposedly been decided by two friends clowning around. I wasn’t sure Xander ever clowned around just yet.
“Go on. Get them all out,” he urged with his hand.
This one was a bit hard to admit and well it was kind of personal and embarrassing. “Shower, I still can’t cope with the water being any more than lukewarm.”
“Okay. Well, good thing the weather’s warming up and we’ll have about seven or eight months to work on that before it’s going to be a problem.”
I felt my jaw drop and my eyes go wide. What had he just said? He was standing there without a care in the world happily chopping carrots. My stomach on the other hand was sitting somewhere down around my ankles and my mouth had suddenly gone so dry I needed a sip of that wine, desperately.
The cool crisp liquid burst on my tongue and gave me the hint of courage I needed to ask my next question.
“What did you just say?” My voice was hardly more than a whisper but I needed clarification. I needed to understand what he meant.
This time when he looked up he winked at me. “I don’t do cold showers.” I watched him place the large roasting pan of marinated chicken in the now hot oven. I must have looked like I needed further clarification because he went on. “That gives me seven or eight months to get you comfortable with hot ones.”
I dropped my eyes and studied my knees which seemed to have just clamped together even tighter. The denim of my jeans was suddenly so fascinating. Holy shit. My blood was racing through my veins and my palms suddenly seemed to be sweating. This time I couldn’t stop it. My brain went there. Xand
er, me, naked, shower. Could I ever feel that relaxed about my body? Would we ever get to that stage?
“Xander, we talked about no pressure…”
“That wasn’t pressure, Gem. That was me planting visuals and scenarios. If we talk about stuff, then it becomes less terrifying.” Then he shocked me a little and leaned over the bench and placed a light kiss on my forehead. “I have no expectations, only hopes.”
“Okay.” I believed him and maybe I was starting to have hopes too.
Chapter 10
Xander
I was surprised at how quickly Eden was starting to relax around me. Sure there had been a few awkward moments tonight. The hesitation at the bottom of the stairs, then when I’d got a bit playful with the shower comment, and finally when I’d suggested we move over to the sofa to watch a movie just now. I wanted to push her, but not have her afraid or freaking out. I wanted Eden to see that. Sure, I was the guy in charge at the dojo, but I could also be a lot more relaxed away from it.
The microwave dinged and I grabbed the bag of popcorn and poured it into a large bowl. She was sitting over on the sofa watching the previews of a couple of shows before the movie, we’d decided to watch, was going to start.
“Hey, Gem, do you want another glass of wine or something before we watch that movie?”
She turned and looked at me. “Ah, water, please.”
I got our drinks and the popcorn and deposited it all on the tea chest I used for a coffee table. Eden was right, the place really could use some sprucing up. I wasn’t completely ignorant to what nicely decorated places looked like, but I just had no clue where to start. Decorating was not my thing. It didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate it, though.
For instance, I’d bought this sofa about three years ago because it was really comfortable to sit on and great to take a nap on. It would also be excellent to snuggle with Eden on right now. But the rest of the place was devoid of anything else. I guess I’d never realised it until Eden pointed it out tonight.
Before I sat down I moved over and flicked off the lights. I strategically just left the light on over the stove. I preferred to watch movies in the dark and I was interested to see whether the dark made Eden braver or more uncomfortable. I sat down on Eden’s right side and stretched my legs out on the chaise section. This was my favourite spot.
Eden was sitting beside me but there was far too much sofa between us. “Come over here¸ Gem. I won’t bite; I promise.” I held my left arm up indicating she should move over.
She moved over closer but left about a foot between our bodies. Close, but not close enough. “I meant here.” And tilted my head towards my shoulder.
I could see the hesitation in her eyes, but she moved across the distance. “Try it. If you’re uncomfortable after a few minutes, then you can move okay.”
This seemed to satisfy her that I was still holding up my bargain not to pressure her. She moved over and sat right beside me a little rigidly. There was pressure and there was progress. I was working on progress. I curled my arm around her shoulders and pulled her even closer.
“Put your feet up and your head on my shoulder if you want.” I gave her a little squeeze and she did. It was hard to believe I was actually asking a woman to snuggle with me. A few seconds later, she seemed to settle and a lot of the tension released from her body.
“That’s it; relax, Gem,” I whispered into her silky hair.
“Why do you call me Gem?”
“I don’t really know. It slipped out and I’ve decided it suits you, besides I like it much better than babe. Babe sounds far too common for you. A gem is precious.”
That seemed to satisfy her and I reached forward for the popcorn and put it on my lap. We watched the movie for a bit; it was a recent release action/thriller type of thing. The fight scenes were totally unrealistic and had been helped a lot with computer enhancements, but still I was happy to sit here with Eden draped down my side.
Now that she was relaxed, I couldn’t help but run my fingers lightly over the gap between her low riser jeans and where her long sleeved T-shirt had ridden up. The silky flesh rippled away then returned as my fingers trailed along, but she didn’t pull away or seem distressed in anyway. I did it again, and this time rather than tense her side, she let me stroke the skin. I did it a third time, only this time on the way back down, I opened my palm and slid it downwards over her belly. The skin was silky smooth. I’d purposely sat this way so that her burn scars would mostly be covered where our bodies touched and hopefully lessen any self-consciousness.
I held my hand where it was and tried to focus on the movie. My dick was rock hard under the zipper of my jeans and this bowl was doing an awesome job of hiding the evidence. It was like being back in high school and building up to a make out session with a girl. The slow, almost excruciating, build was something that we seemed to overlook as adults with experience. And that got me thinking about how much experience Eden may have had before the fire. Was she still a virgin? That was a question that needed some finesse. It wasn’t one you could just drop on someone.
Then Eden was trying to sit up, pulling away. “Excuse me for a second, but I need to use the bathroom. That’s it over there?” She indicated the room off to the side.
“Yes.” I followed her up and headed to the kitchen. I put the popcorn bowl in the dishwasher and willed my very uncomfortable dick to subside but I knew that was a wasted effort.
Then on a whim I grabbed a largish bowl and filled it with a couple of different flavours of ice-cream and then I reached for spoons. But instead of two I only grabbed one. I sat back down and waited for Eden to join me. This time I had the ice-cream bowl in my lap. Right about now I could see the merit in the cushions Eden was talking about earlier.
She came out and this time didn’t need to be prompted, but curled into my side like a kitten looking to curl up.
“Hope you like ice-cream.”
“Everyone loves ice-cream.”
“Want to share it with me?”
“Well, it would be rude for you to eat it all by yourself and not offer me any.” I chuckled at that. Ooo, there she was!
“You’re absolutely right. What was I thinking?” I played along with her. “So what do you want to try first? We have butterscotch, vanilla and of course, the all-time favourite, chocolate.”
“I’ll go the butterscotch.”
I loaded up a spoon and raised it to her lips, and she looked at me in question. “I thought we’d try the full sharing experience.”
Eden opened her mouth and closed her lips around the spoon I offered and I wondered if I was crazy putting myself through this torture. Just watching her lips close around the spoon was a sensual overload. “Mmm, this is really good.” It came out more as a moan than words. Well, at least that was the way my brain registered it.
“It’s one of my favourites.” And to prove the claim I loaded a spoon and this time put it to my lips. She was right. The butterscotch was awesome.
“What would you like now?”
“How about some chocolate?”
This time it was chocolate I spooned into her mouth and every time I repeated the process it seemed to get even more sensual and enticing than the last. The movie was playing in the background and I didn’t bother to adjust the volume up, neither of us were watching it. We were far more engrossed in sharing ice-cream. It was one of the most erotically innocent things I’d ever done with a woman. Was erotic and innocent even possible at the same time? Because I was sure I’d just experienced it.
When the bowl was gone, I leaned forward and placed it on the tea chest. There was no hiding the evidence of my arousal but, I didn’t really want to either. Eden wasn’t a child; she knew what happened when men got aroused.
I adjusted our bodies so she was pulled in tighter to me and my arm was around her again. A heavy curtain had fallen across her face, hiding more of her face from me than I liked in the shadowy light. I pushed it back behind her ear and my eyes connect
ed with hers. There was a longing there that I shared and felt, but I’d promised her I’d go slowly—no pressure.
“I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay with you?”
* * *
Eden
“Yes,” I whispered, and the word seemed to hang between us before he slowly moved his body around so he could align his lips to mine. The feeling was foreign and surreal, but oh so good.
Xander had the most beautiful mouth, a perfectly bow shaped upper lip and a full bottom lip and when those lips made contact with mine, all the sensations and female needs I’d locked away for the last five years seemed to flood my body all at once. My skin felt as if it was suddenly supersensitised. There was a whooshing in my ears and an aching need at my core that I hadn’t ever felt as intensely as this—for what might well have been forever.
His lips brushed over mine a few more times, teasing and coaxing before they puckered against mine one last time, before he pulled away slightly.
“You okay?” The room was shadowy and I couldn’t really see his eyes. They were almost as dark as night, but I could feel them. It was as if they were searching my soul, seeking to strip me bare.
“Yes.” And I knew he was debating what to do next. So I brought my arms up and looped them around his neck and buried my face into his neck. I could feel the warm skin of his neck under my lips and pressed them to him. A shiver racked through his body and a low groan of what sounded like pleasure tickled my ear.
“Are you trying to torture me, Gem? Because if so, your lips on my neck is a really good way to do it.” I couldn’t help but giggle a little at that and did it some more.
He shivered a little more against me and his breathing was becoming a little ragged.
Then he pulled his head back far enough to move away from my lips but not break the hold I had around his neck.
“Okay, sweets. That’s about all of that I can take at the moment. Let’s see how you do.”
Brave Page 16
