I took another sip of the juice; my throat felt so tight. Xander caught my eye and I knew this was taking its toll on him as well, but I had to keep going now.
“Then when I did eventually start to see people that weren’t medical professionals, I’d see the horrified looks on their faces, the discomfort they felt at not knowing what to say or do. I made them feel awkward and uncomfortable and that in turn made me feel exactly that and worse. So it became a self perpetuating thing. I stayed at home and cut myself off. It was easier on everyone. I changed my whole life and picked something to do that wouldn’t have me in the public eye because I was too afraid of what people might think or how they might feel basically.”
Xander turned off the stove, then came around and stood behind me, drawing me back to lean against him. Just his touch seemed to give me the strength I needed to keep going.
“I was a victim of the fire. I survived, but I have bad scarring as you can see. But I didn’t pick myself up and push on, I went and hid. I let people I love enable me to hide. They didn’t want to see me hurting so they allowed me to hide, encouraged it even. That doesn’t make them bad people—the opposite actually. They were killing me slowly with kindness.”
Len watched me intently, but I couldn’t read what he was thinking. “I’d been making some progress. I manage to go to uni each day and basically function, but I wasn’t living.” I paused and pushed my head back to look up into Xander’s eyes. I could see the pride and the emotion there. He dropped a soft kiss to my lips and gave me a slow smile of encouragement.
“I wasn’t living until this guy, kind of came bulldozing into my life in a good way.”
I saw Len’s eyes leave my face for the first time and look at Xander, then they were back on me.
“Xander introduced himself to me on one of the very rare occasions I wasn’t at the house. I was in a café with my sisters. Xander trains them.”
Len looked up at Xander again.
“I’m not sure if you know them Dad—Sophia and Tori. Both knock outs like their big sister.” He squeezed me tight and dropped a kiss to the top of my head.
“Then he kind of railroaded me into carrying some stuff at a grading and the next thing I knew I was hopping into his truck. He used that voice on me he uses with his students and I just did as I was told.”
A grin spread across Len’s face. I had a feeling Len had the same voice tone and Xander was a “chip off the old block” so to speak.
I shrugged and giggled a little. “I’ve worked it out now. Besides, it doesn’t work on me anymore because I’m not his student.”
Xander leaned down and whispered in my ear. “I’ll remind you of that later in bed, Gem!”
I felt myself blushing and Xander kind of covered it with a chuckle. “I had to do something to get her into my truck, Dad. She was determined to run and seemed to want to ignore all my invitations.”
I took a deep breath. “The next bit is kind of the turning point.” I chewed my lip, embarrassed but it was important. “I was supposed to go to Onigashima one night and I chickened out. Then I felt pathetic about the fact that I’d chickened out. So I did something really dumb. Well, I realise it is dumb now; I was probably a bit deluded then.”
Len’s face was ripe with curiosity.
“I headed off from my place on foot, close on dark and I cut through the industrial area down the street from Onigashima. I ran into a bit of trouble...” Xander snorted behind me and I elbowed him in the ribs like he’d taught me.
“Trouble…that’s an understatement.” I obviously didn’t hit him hard enough. He could still talk. I wondered if I should try again.
“Three guys surrounded and grabbed at me—I froze. I truly didn’t think any man would be interested in me.” I saw Len’s eyes narrow and I had no doubt where Xander got a lot of his personality traits from. “Anyway, I was very lucky…Dane happened along and got me out of there and back to his lord and master.” I bumped my head back to indicate Xander.
“Xander kind of set me straight on a lot of things and dished out what I guess you could call some tough love. It didn’t feel good but I needed to hear it. I was so clueless, caught up in my own little world, that I didn’t even realise I was putting myself into danger.”
“She scared the hell out of me that night, Dad,” Xander said gruffly.
“He kind of strongly suggested I start training with him. He also made me see my counsellor before I started. He’s bossy like that!” I was trying to make a tough journey a little more light-hearted.
Len raised his eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t date students, Son?”
“I don’t Dad and Eden has never been a student. I knew from the first day I met her she was going to mean a lot more to me.” Then his grip turned a little ticklish around my ribs. “I just had to get her to come around to my way of thinking.”
I nudged him again with my elbow.
The conversation kind of lulled there for a second and Len looked at us expectantly. Then when neither of us continued, he asked his question. “So how did it go from that to you taking the fight, Son?”
I felt Xander take in a deep breath behind me. “Well Dad, I guess you can say I kept poking and prodding at her, and not like you’re thinking. That came later, although thankfully not that much later—I would have waited.” I watched Len’s mouth twitch in amusement and I felt heat rush over me. I couldn’t believe he was spilling our sex life to his dad! This time I struck my elbow back with a lot more force, but Xander expected it and ducked his hips out of the way.
“I guess I went a little too far one night with my pushing her to face her fears. Eden turned around and gave me a fair dressing down.” This time Len really did look surprised. “You’d have been impressed. Stunned the hell out of me—rattled my cage to the extent the door flew open.”
Xander and I hadn’t really spoken about what happened that night—only the outcome. I was curious to know what he was going to say.
“Anyway I kind of lost if for a bit. Went downstairs and beat the hell out of bags for I don’t know how long. Carved up my hands pretty bad. Cursed Eden and about everything else I could think of. Then realised, when I hit that exhaustion point, what she said was absolutely right. Eventually I took a shower and came up the stairs fully expecting her to run a mile. Instead it seems to have forged us together even stronger.”
It was a lot for Len to take in. I could see him tossing it around in his head.
Finally he asked the critical question. “Can I ask what Eden said to you that changed your mind? I’ve wondered for years what to say to you. Nothing I ever said moved you an inch.”
“Can I tell him, Gem?”
I nodded. Len had the rest of the story; it seemed silly to stop now.
“What Eden said to me Dad, was something along the lines of this. She said I don’t get to keep poking and prodding her to fight her demons unless I’m prepared to face mine as well. She also reminded me that I still have a career in the cage, but I was just choosing not to fulfil it.”
Xander went on explaining. “It wasn’t so much what she said Dad, but who was delivering the message. Eden understands the pain and terror, something you, Ron and Reed will never quite get. I need to do this, Dad. Otherwise I’m nothing but a fraud. I can’t live with that nor would I expect Eden to either.”
Len looked a little shell shocked, and I couldn’t say I blamed him. I was thinking he’d had a hell of a time during the last twenty-four hours.
Finally, Len looked up at Xander. “Are you absolutely sure? This is not going to be a fight like any other you’ve had. Luke O’Donnell is a lot better fighter than when you last met. They’re not calling him “Lights Out” for nothing. Sure, you kicked his arse good and proper, but he wants to prove he’s the best. He’s cocky and become real familiar with winning. He’s not going to want to lose in front of his home crowd. Everything about this fight is in his favour. Not to mention there’s five mil on the line.”
Suddenly I felt really sick. That was the first time money had been mentioned. It was also the first time Xander’s opponent had been mentioned. Now the fight was totally real. My boyfriend was going to step into a cage and go head-to-head with a man that had his reputation at stake and a grudge against him for blemishing his record.
Fear crept through me. Fear Xander might get hurt or worse. Look what had happened to The Cobra. If it happened once, it could happen again; couldn’t it? How would I cope if I lost him? Then it dawned on me why I was feeling like this. It washed over me in one giant dumping wave…leaving me in a washed up mess.
I was in love with Xander Todd.
What was I going to do with that?
“You don’t think I know all that, Dad?” Xander sounded certain and confident. “I’ve thought of just about nothing else since Reed spoke to me about the fight. I’m not doing this on a whim. For the last three years I’ve been living a full life doing what I love, but it still feels hollow. I thought it was hollow because I never did get that World Championship belt. It was always mine. But then I realised this is about so much more than me winning a title, Dad. This is about me truly being the man you raised me to be. This is about me facing all those demons I’ve got living in me. The doubt, the guilt, the what ifs, the whys. That cuts far deeper than not winning a damned belt, ever has. I’ve got an opportunity to conquer those fears once and for all. I need to take it, Dad. I need to make you and Eden proud.”
“Son, I doubt I could ever be prouder of you than I am now. Don’t do it for that reason,” Len cut in.
“Let me finish, Dad. But more importantly than you or Eden being proud, I need to be proud of myself. Only then can I truly be the man I want to be.”
Len said nothing then slowly nodded. “Fair enough, Son. If you feel that strongly about it, then I’ll support you all the way.”
Far out, I felt exhausted and a bit numb and stunned all at once. I glanced at Len and I could feel Xander behind me just soaking in our connection.
“Right, Son, stop. Stop cuddling your woman and get some food into you. You’ve got training to get to.” Len stood up and moved behind the bench and started to organise the final preparations on the breakfast.
Xander leaned down into me and whispered, “You okay, Gem? That was intense…”
I nodded. “I’m okay and you’re right it was intense but it somehow feels good to get a lot of it out. We’ve got a lot more to talk about, but it can wait for now. Your dad’s right; you need to eat.”
I glanced up and realised Len was smirking a little; he’d probably heard every word I’d said.
“Fuck me! I’m going to have both of you riding my arse now and you wonder why I didn’t tell you?” Xander accused playfully at his dad.
“Don’t swear in front of a lady, Alexander. I taught you better than that. I’m still good enough to take you down and teach you some manners,” Len chastised.
“What?” Xander shot back. “You were the one that made the comment about her arse. You need to forget that memory, old man. That arse is mine.”
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression don’t do as I do, do as I say, Boy? And I was only speaking the truth; it doesn’t count.” Len winked at me and I grinned. Oh, I think I was actually going to enjoy having Len around.
Xander had moved around and was getting eggs on plates and porridge into bowls.
He put a couple of eggs in front of me and a bowl of porridge that was just warm.
“You can’t feed her that, Alexander. It’s almost stone cold!”
“Actually Len, it’s perfect. I kind of have a problem with anything hot. It just about killed me to sit beside you with that hot cup of coffee. I’ve not been near a hot liquid since the fire.”
“I’m the exception to that issue she has with hot of course!”
Len slapped Xander up the side of the head, in fun. Then he turned to me and raised his eyebrows. “Facing your fears.” And nodded as if in approval.
“She’s a brave one, Boy!”
“Bravest girl I know.” Xander winked at me this time and my heart melted a little more if that was possible.
“I’m really not sure about that…” I protested. I had such a long way to go.
Len cut me off. “She can’t do a backward elbow strike for shit though, Son. What have you been teaching her?”
“I’m not even going to answer that, Dad,” Xander said throwing his hands up in exasperation.
Len turned to me. “While he’s off training this morning. I’ll show you how to deliver a backward elbow that’ll bring down any man.”
Xander looked stunned. “You don’t train anyone remember? You’re too bloody grumpy and bad tempered.”
“Well, I’m making an exception. Seems this girl is the one you want, so I’m going to make sure she knows how to look after herself. You, me or Dane might not be there next time.”
It was without a doubt the weirdest, most emotionally draining and enlightening morning of my life all rolled into one. I was in love with Xander Todd. How the hell did that happen?
Chapter 22
Xander
After that crazy arse morning when Dad walked in, things seemed to settle down. I was getting in my morning run, and then we’d be heading back to Onigashima to start the serious training. I liked the opportunity running gave me to be moving, but still having my head clear to think. I seemed to have a lot on my mind these days.
We were half way through the fight prep and it really had become a team effort. Eden and I felt closer, tighter. Even my relationship with dad seemed better. What happened that morning still stunned me a bit. I really wasn’t expecting Eden to just offer up all that stuff about her life to a complete stranger. I don’t know what she saw in my father, but something must have tripped a switch and they seemed to be getting along famously.
I hadn’t intended to include dad in this fight prep, because we just hadn’t been “clicking’’ for the last three years—ever since that damned fight. But something happened that morning and changed it all. Maybe it was because he’d been frustrated because he couldn’t reach me and I’d been hell bent on not talking. I just didn’t know how to talk about it. I hadn’t wanted to rip off that Band-Aid for him to see just how bad the hurt was. He’d raised me to be a man and somehow showing him the hurt went against that grain.
Eden was different. She just knew, because she felt it, too. I didn’t need to describe it for her. She knew exactly how it felt. It was just one of the levels we connected on.
It had only taken him a couple of days before Dad had sort of lodged himself back in this fight prep. He wasn’t directly involved with my training. That had never been his thing. Reed was my trainer. Dad was the guy in the background making sure it all came together so I could focus on what I needed to do.
For some stupid pigheaded reason at the start, I’d thought I didn’t need him to do that this time. I thought I could go it alone, but I had far more responsibilities than last time with Onigashima now. Dad had just sort of stepped in without saying a word and started the organising and day-to-day running. As I jogged along thinking things through, I was genuinely relieved.
Thank God he was retired now and had the time. He’d been a logistics specialist in the army before he retired. Organising was his thing. When I’d come along and mum hadn’t made it, he’d switched careers in the Army from Commando to logistics so he could be stationed in one place. It had worked well. Well, at least, that’s what he said. Ron had been an old army Commando buddy and when he’d gotten out and started his school, dad had sent me there. He said something about it was better to be taught by Ron than by him.
They were as thick as thieves and that was good. Dad didn’t have many people he was close to, but Eden seemed to have really resonated with him. When she wasn’t at uni, she’d taken to hanging out at Onigashima. It seemed like she spent just as much time with Dad as she did with me.
Hell, dad was even picking her up from uni and droppi
ng her off. That was another thing. We really needed to get around to teaching her to drive once this fight was done. She’d seemed to have missed out on all that.
Many times I’d look up from training out on the floor and see them in my office going through stuff—organising. I’d hear her soft giggles and his more gruff chuckles. I’d never seen dad so, well “soft”. It was times like this I felt a pang of jealousy. A part of me wanted to keep her all to myself, but I knew that wasn’t possible. But I also wished he’d be as relaxed and amicable around me. In the end I realised, I was just pleased she was close by me. Eden was also pedantic about making sure I stayed focused on the fight to the point of obsession; that appealed to my dad.
During the week, she’d go home every night, but she would spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights with me. Those nights made up for the other four; we both got a hell of a workout those nights. Dad had also learned to knock and so far we’d avoided any further embarrassing situations.
Every time we were together she seemed to get more confident, and a little wilder. It was hot and crazy and I loved every moment of being with her, inside her. But I’d also realised I loved having her around just as much. Who was I kidding? I was in love with her. And now I needed to have a serious chat with her and my dad. We had a lot to work out around this fight.
Reed and I had done a web meeting with the PR people from the fight yesterday. They’d laid out the marketing plan and it was heavy on hype and big on getting every media channel talking about us. That made me uncomfortable.
I explained I had a girlfriend and mentioned she was the shy type and why. I wanted her left out of it. I wasn’t foolish or naïve enough to believe they’d respect my wishes, but I wanted my position made clear early. I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings. If they overstepped the boundaries I’d set, there would be problems. Eden was not to be in the public eye.
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