Still Waters

by Jayne Rylon

  Damn, he missed Jake.

  How would he do this on his own?

  Simple. The way he had for years now. By ignoring his wayward desires and keeping to himself so he didn’t get hurt. He thought of his mom and what she’d said. It was better to be lonely than broken. He knew that now. Next time he saw Vaughn he’d make sure they both understood that so no one, especially not Bryant, got hurt.

  Again.

  “Uncle Bryant!” His niece Lomasi snapped him from his morose thoughts as she raced out to greet him. At twelve years old, she reminded him so much of Sterling and the way she’d done the same thing when she’d spotted him outside her shop that he couldn’t help but grin. Then again, her gray eyes and the wisdom in them reminded him of Jake, her paternal grandfather.

  He would see the old man in everything around them.

  For a moment that thought struck him hard.

  Until he hugged Lomasi tight. “Hey there!”

  “You look so sad. Mom said it’s okay to cry about Grandpa, but he’d rather you laugh when you think of him.” She patted his cheek.

  He hoped one day Lomasi and the rest of his nine honorary nieces and nephews—some of whom were technically first cousins once removed, his cousins’ kids, not that anyone bothered to make that distinction—might say the same thing about him. For a moment, he pictured the retaining ponds he planned to build and the border landscaping that would help trap water inside the fields. They could be both functional and beautiful.

  He vowed to do it right. To contribute what he could to this place they’d all built and continued to improve on together. If he lived well, maybe someday he’d be as loved as Jake. Okay, probably not. But close would be good enough.

  “Well, I brought something with me that might cheer you up some.” He pivoted and reached into his backpack, which was sitting on the middle of the truck’s bench seat. From within he drew out a T-shirt with his college’s name and mascot—a bald eagle—printed on it, and handed it to her.

  He’d picked it for her because of her love of wildlife. Viho had taught her a lot of his customs. They seemed to resonate with Lomasi more than with her brother and sister.

  “This is for me? Really?” Lomasi tugged it on over her dress, then spun in a circle. “I love it! Now we match. I always wanted to be like you.”

  “Are you kidding?” Bryant rocked back on his heels. He had no idea Lomasi looked up to him in that way. Her admiration swelled his heart and made him wish he’d brought more gifts for her and her siblings.

  “Of course.” She smiled up at him. “Don’t tell Uncle Austin, James, or Doug, but you’re my favorite.”

  Bryant grinned. “Damn straight, I am.”

  “I won’t even tell that you swore. Take a selfie with me?” she asked.

  He whipped his phone out of his back pocket and crouched down so they fit in the frame together. For the first time, he saw she resembled him a little around her mouth and nose. Funny that he’d seen everyone else in her instead. Bryant knew then and there that he was home for good, other than defending his thesis and graduation.

  Now he just had to figure out how to fit his life into the complex ecosystem of Compass Ranch. It would be harder without Jake’s guidance, but not impossible when there were so many people who cared about him around. He couldn’t wait to see his cousins at the bonfire later.

  Maybe it was time to talk to Austin, Doug, and James about what was really bugging him.

  Lomasi put her hand in his and tugged him toward Sterling and Viho’s house, where he usually bunked when he was on breaks. They had lived in Sterling’s original cottage until they outgrew it and built a full-sized house next door instead. So he often claimed the “guest house”.

  Maybe he’d talk to Viho and Sterling about renting it from them now that he’d need a place to stay indefinitely. At least until he figured out exactly where to go from here.

  4

  Vaughn wondered if he would go to hell for wrangling an invite to the bonfire being held in Jake’s honor with all intentions on seducing Bryant, but he figured the old cowboy would have approved. How many times had he listened to Jake brag about Bryant, talking him up while hinting at things they had in common and all the ways they complemented each other? Vaughn’s rebelliousness and Bryant’s even keel, Vaughn’s promiscuity and Bryant’s loyalty, Vaughn’s creativity and Bryant’s logic. On and on and on.

  Even if it was only for a few hot nights, he’d want them to be happy. Yet with one look, it had been plain to see that Bryant wasn’t.

  And if Vaughn was being honest with himself, neither was he.

  Content, sure. Thriving…eh, not really.

  He’d gotten comfortable. Lazy. His shop was doing well, and stringless hookups were easy to come by. It had been a while since he’d been hungry. And he wasn’t talking about that peach pie Mrs. Trapp had added to the pile on the other side of the fire a few minutes ago. He’d bet a night with Bryant would be sweeter than any of the million home-baked goods about to crush that poor folding table covered with a red-and-white checked tablecloth.

  Random guys who were mostly interested in sucking his cock in exchange for new ink…well, they had been fun at first. It had gotten old a while ago. He was looking for someone genuine. Someone who was attracted to him for more than what he could do for them—whether that was something artistic or living up to his reputation by giving them a raw, wild fuck.

  He was hunting for an actual relationship.

  With someone exactly like Bryant Compton.

  What had once scared him away—the guy’s inexperience and innocence—now drew him like a shaker full of oats in front of one of Seth Compton’s prizewinning stallions. A man like Bryant wouldn’t sleep with someone for the hell of it. He’d tried that and they both knew it hadn’t worked out.

  No, he’d only do it if they had a connection. Suddenly, Vaughn found himself wanting to find out if he was good enough. If the spark of attraction that had always existed between them could be fanned very deliberately into something more. And he could only do that if they spent some time together.

  So he glanced around, scanning the gathering for golden hair, a quick smile, and the tall, fit body of his prey.

  Speak of the stud…

  Vaughn leaned up against the cooler and fished a beer from within it. He opened it with his teeth then took a deep drink, trying not to smirk when he noticed Bryant staring at his throat. It flexed while his lips wrapped around the opening of the bottle. He needed the long pull to cool himself off. It was crazy how being near Bryant made him feel like one of the logs on the bonfire, about to combust at any moment.

  He’d gladly blow Bryant’s mind…and cock…if given half a chance.

  Though they might have stayed put, sizing each other up without speaking the rest of the night if left to their own devices, James Compton—completely oblivious to the history, present, and hopefully the future, between him and Bryant—called, “Hey, Vaughn!”

  He tried to remain pleasant as he chatted with Austin about the new ink he wanted, except all he could see was Bryant. Which was why he noticed the nearly imperceptible tightening of the guy’s lips and the tension around his eyes when Hayden mentioned that it was almost time for him to graduate. The grooves there deepened as he explained what he was doing back home and that he planned to stay for at least a while.

  Part of Vaughn cheered at the thought of having Bryant so close, for longer than a day or two. Maybe forever, if he stayed after finally finishing school.

  The other part was worried for the guy. His gut told him there was more causing Bryant to wring his hands than Jake’s passing. He was stressed the fuck out. Vaughn would be glad to provide a little relief. For them both. “Maybe your problem is that you work too much, Bryant. I remember lots of times in the past few years that Jake told me he’d had to lecture you again about cutting loose and having some fun. In his memory, I’d be willing to help you out with that.”

  His impure intentions
must have been obscenely obvious.

  Bryant’s cousin Doug grinned, while James and even Austin nodded in agreement.

  At least the three of them were on his side. The girls they’d brought home, too, if Hayden and Ivy’s approving smirks were any indication. Unfortunately, they weren’t the person he was trying to persuade. Hell no, he had to go and pick the most stubborn one of the bunch.

  “You know I don’t date cowboys.” Bryant crossed his arms, only making the muscles in them and his chest more prominent. That was definitely not deterrent for Vaughn. Neither was Bryant’s glower.

  “I always thought that was a stupid rule,” Vaughn replied. Inside he appended, Besides…I’m not a cowboy anymore. I’m an artist. I was only doing what I had to in order to survive at that point in my life.

  He’d be sure to show Bryant the difference sometime.

  Vaughn got pulled deeper into his side conversation with Austin about doing a major addition to his back, potentially including a memorial portrait of Jake. While they hashed it out, Bryant flushed and turned to Doug and James, acting for all the world like whatever they were talking about was fascinating.

  But Vaughn had no intentions of letting him off that easy. Though he drifted off after he’d finished making plans for an official consultation with Austin, he stood nearby, shooting the shit with a lot of the guys he knew from his days working the ranch or from their patronage of his shop. He had no shortage of friends in Compton Pass.

  One less than he’d had the day before.

  Shit. Jake’s really gone.

  It hit him hard right then—that this wasn’t somebody’s birthday bash and he would never see Jake again. Just like his father, Jake had died before Vaughn had said everything he should have. A mistake he would be sure never to make again. If there was someone he cared about, they’d know it.

  He stumbled away to lean against a tree on the fringes of the amber light cast by the roaring flames. Ragged breaths made his chest saw in and out painfully.

  “Hey. Are you okay?” Bryant’s fingers squeezed Vaughn’s shoulder. When was the last time a guy had given a fuck about how he felt? Never, that’s when.

  He shrugged, loving the comforting weight of Bryant’s fingers there when he did. With any other guy, he’d struggle to admit that, even to himself. But with Bryant, it felt okay. He was harmless. He was kind. He was sincere. This wasn’t some ploy to get to him, so it made it easier to be honest in return. “You know. It seems normal for a while, and then…”

  “You remember he’s dead. Yeah, I do know.” Bryant hung his head. “I’m sorry I was such a douche before. I know you’re hurting, too. Everyone here is.”

  “That’s true, but just because we share one wound doesn’t mean anyone else understands your other scars. I didn’t mean to trample on those, although I think I might have somehow.” It was a first for him. Actually caring about how a man felt other than making sure he was satisfied in bed. Vaughn wasn’t sure how to do this, so he just tried his best and hoped it was enough.

  “Well, yeah. That and I guess I’ve been holding a grudge all this time. That’s not right either. I’ll do my best to get over that ancient shit. It’s just that coming back home… It’s tough. For a lot of reasons.”

  “I’m sorry, too.” Vaughn took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the scent of leather and fresh air that he associated with Bryant. “Before we put it behind us for good, I need to say something. I should have protected you that day. It’s partly my fault…what happened to you, I mean. It’s bothered me ever since that I left you alone with that asshole.”

  “What?” Bryant looked as if he might haul off and sucker punch Vaughn. “How could you say that? I didn’t need you to protect me, you son of a bitch. I needed you to want me.”

  Vaughn jerked back as if Bryant had actually hit him. He couldn’t have been more surprised. “What the hell makes you think I didn’t?”

  “The fact that you turned me down flat.” Bryant sneered, letting Vaughn see what was probably only a fraction of his turmoil. “I get it. Honestly, I do. You wanted someone who was worth messing with. And I wasn’t. Not at the risk of your job. I probably wouldn’t be very good in the sack. I mean, wouldn’t have been and you knew it. That’s why you told me I wasn’t ready. Taunting me made me think maybe…if I fooled around with someone else…”

  Vaughn narrowed his eyes. Both at Bryant’s slip of the tongue and the absolute ludicrousness of what he was saying then.

  “You’ve got it all fucked up. I was trying to do the right thing. End of story. You were a minor, for Christ’s sake, and the stuff I wanted to do to you was definitely illegal.” He leaned in closer, wishing he could give Bryant a demonstration of how hard he’d been for hours straight—since he’d seen Bryant in town again and lots of nights in between—as he imagined how differently things might have gone if they’d run into each other a few months later than they had.

  Bryant laughed. It wasn’t a fun sound, though. It was strained and tattered. “So you did it for my own good, is that it? Whatever you need to tell yourself, Vaughn. You don’t need to let me down easy anymore. At least I’m being honest here.”

  Vaughn glanced around, finding everyone else engaged either in conversation or stuffing their faces. He gripped Bryant by the collar and dragged him into what most Comptons referred to as Vivi’s Garden. The verdant foliage stretched out beside the main house. It had grown over the years into a veritable jungle of vegetables and flowers. Every year the bounty from Vivi’s Garden took first place in the county fair. In fact, they’d even named the competition after Bryant’s grandmother and the entry fees were donated to Alzheimer’s research organizations in her name.

  Lost in the center of the lush vegetation, they were invisible to anyone else. Though the voices and the crackle of the fire carried through the plants, no one could spy on them. Which was good because Vaughn was about to teach his book-smart obsession a lesson in dangerous attractions.

  He whipped around and trapped Bryant against a trellis, monitoring him carefully. The only sign of shock was the dilation of his pupils. He didn’t tense or spook. “Are you calling me a liar?”

  “I’m saying you’re being generous, and looking at the past through rose-colored glasses.” Bryant didn’t flinch when Vaughn inched closer. Soon their chests would be plastered together and Bryant would have no doubt that Vaughn wanted him. His hard cock would communicate his desire plain enough.

  He watched in case any lingering demons reared their heads. The last thing he’d ever want to do was trigger Bryant, reminding him of the dark parts of their shared past instead of what could be a very bright spot in their near futures.

  He had to be transparent if Bryant was going to believe him and change what seemed to be some deep-seated misconceptions. “Look, I admit I wasn’t thrilled when I realized how inexperienced you were. But that’s only because I didn’t want to be the one to corrupt you. Not because I thought you were lacking in any way whatsoever. The mere sight of you turns me on. Always has. It wasn’t easy doing my job with a stiff cock all the time. I was afraid Jake would notice and fire my ass. I needed that fucking job.”

  When Bryant made some indistinct sound of disbelief from deep in his chest, Vaughn only knew one way to convince him. He took Bryant’s hand and pressed it to his crotch, where even now, their proximity was creating a situation his tight jeans weren’t well equipped to handle.

  “This is for me?” Bryant whispered.

  “Yeah,” he growled when Bryant’s fingers began to explore, measuring him with the brush of his thumb along Vaughn’s length. The last thing he intended to do was squash Bryant’s curiosity. “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty to show you a good time, if you’ll let me. I want to make up for what happened back when we were too young to do it right. I know a fuck-ton more now. Trust me. You’re getting the better end of the deal. It will have been worth our wait.”

  Vaughn wasn’t sure what he said, but Bryant froze. He went
stiff where he’d been pliant, and not in a good way either. “Well, I’m not sure I’ve done as much maturing as you have.”

  With his palms flat on Vaughn’s chest, Bryant shoved him backwards.

  He hadn’t been trying to hold the guy against his will. No, he wanted Brainy Compton to come willingly to his bed, which was where he knew they were going to end up sooner or later.

  It would be impossible to have this much attraction arcing between them and ignore it unless they were separated by several states, as they had been for years. It was strong enough to make Vaughn regret, for the first time in his life, that he hadn’t been cut out for higher education.

  Still, Bryant’s denial shocked him. He couldn’t remember the last time a man had turned him down when he’d shown interest in them. Bryant would never do what Vaughn expected. He needed to remember that. Making that mistake had cost them both dearly once. He wouldn’t allow it to happen again.

  “I’m not sure how I screwed up just now. But when you’re willing to tell me, and help me give you what you want, I hope you’ll come find me.” Vaughn tipped his hat and prepared to leave.

  But he couldn’t stop himself from stealing a single kiss.

  The kiss he hadn’t dared to take back when they were still kids.

  Even more, he wanted to give one to Bryant in the hopes that it could make up for what he’d withheld in the past. That simple gesture might have been enough to prevent tragedy, though Vaughn was fairly certain he hadn’t had enough self-control to stop with a kiss back then.

  He prayed he did now.

  “Just so you don’t doubt what I told you when you walk away tonight…” He reached out and speared his hands into Bryant’s longish blond locks, then swooped in. He wasn’t rough or rushed. Definitely not forceful or cruel. Instead, he sipped from Bryant’s lips, savoring the taste of something chocolate the man had indulged in from the dessert pile.

  It tasted a thousand times better mixed with the flavor of geek.